Ponyboy led me up the knackered steps and gave me a reassuring smile as he opened the creaky screen door. "Guys?" Ponyboy spoke softly at a room full of people I couldn't see through the door. "Brace yourselves." He walked in pulling me behind him; I looked at the floor, tears blurring the worn patterned carpet.
"Charlie?" I heard a quivering voice I knew to be my brother Sodapop's; I looked up as he slowly got up from the sofa. I panned the room and saw other faces I thought I'd never see again; Steve, Two-Bit and Johnny sat gawping at me.
"Charlie!" Soda's yelp shook me from my daze and then I was in his arms. I could smell him as I listened to him sobbing, "Oh Charlotte! We didn't know where you were! Where were you, we looked for months and months. We looked everywhere, where were...?" He trailed of, unable to speak any more as he was crying too hard.
I mumbled sorry over and over into his shoulder until he held me at arms length, "Baby you've grown up, look at you, you're a woman. You're all grown up!"
I hadn't expected such a warm reception and it had taken me off guard. I dropped my bag and walked over to the couch, picking up a pack of cigarettes off the table. I lit one and sat, inhaling deeply.
"Still scrounging cancersticks of us!" Two-bit chuckled as he perched on the arm of the couch resting a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey Two-bit, missed me?" I smiled.
"We all have" a quiet voice said. I looked right to see Johnny sitting in an armchair; I did a double-take – it wasn't an armchair, it was a wheelchair!
"Johnnycake! What happened?" I rushed over and crouched by his side.
"The majority of people in this room know what happened to Johnny, what the majority don't know is where you've been for four years." Soda stayed calm through the whole speech but his eyes were stormy; soppy reunions with the rest of the gang would have to wait - Soda wanted answers, he deserved them.
He sat where I had previously been sitting and after a fleeting smile of Johnny I sat at the other end of the couch, focusing intently on my cigarette. There was a long silence and all eyes were on me.
"I had to leave Soda," I couldn't look at him, "it was all too hard; I couldn't cope." Nobody said anything. "I just had to get away, I always meant to come back, but everyday it got harder!"
"Where've you been?" Ponyboy stopped the monologue.
"Worked my way east, spent the last three years living in New York."
"New York! No wonder we couldn't find you. We looked all around, no where in particular cos there were no leads." I could feel Soda's eyes on me though I was too scared to meet them. "Some of us thought you were dead: we'd lost mum and dad, it wasn't too hard to believe we could lose you too".
I was silent - too guilty to talk. I knew I'd put them through hell and it was callous of me to just walk back in, I wanted Sodapop to say this piece.
"And the funeral," Soda was crying now and Ponyboy sat to the left of him, a hand on his shoulder, "You ruined the funeral! We all waited for you, we were sure you'd come! Darry went back to the house to look for you and found your note. He didn't tell any of us about it until after. When he was supposed to be saying goodbye to our parents he was worrying about you!" I hadn't heard Sodapop so angry before, but it was less than I deserved.
"I'm sorry, but the funeral was too final for me, as was having to live in the house without them! I was too in denial to think of anything but escaping reality. I was too selfish to think of you and Darry and you'll never believe how sorry I am! It makes me sick to my stomach!" I had never meant to hurt them all. "Where is Darry?"
"At work", Pony said sadly.
"He's always at work" Soda groaned. I had expected it to be like that, Darry gallantly taking on the strain of the family. "He never went to college – couldn't afford to. I suppose thinking about it, it was better you not being here, financially at least" I could sense the anger in my brother's voice. He paused and then raised his voice, "So why are you back now? Why now when we've just gotten over everything? Is it convenient for you? Never mind how we feel! Do you want something, is that it? Money? A…."
"Soda!" Ponyboy stopped our brother's yells, "She won't stay if you carry on like this!"
"Yes I will, Ponyboy. I deserve worse than this and I think I'd like to hear it, if anything to make me feel less guilty and you feel less angry, and give us a chance to get things fixed. I'm back because as hard as it was for me to come back after I got over all my problems, it was unbearable not to be with you – my family".
We talked for hours; I was shocked to hear the trouble the socs had caused our gang – the softest of us all was now a murderer. A lot had gone on and Johnny was disabled but slowly regaining the use of his legs and it was hoped one day he'd walk again. He lived with my brothers now. I wasn't surprised to find that Two-bit, an utter lady's man had fathered a child, though it saddened me he showed little interest in his two year old daughter, Bianca. Steve was engaged to his long time girlfriend, Evie, and Ponyboy was two months into university and working very hard.
At 8 o'clock Ponyboy realised dinner needed to be made so I helped him, well I stood and watched him, I was too distracted to do anything. It seemed odd to stand so idly in the kitchen; the worst seemed to be over and it had been so simple. I looked through to the lounge; the boys were playing poker. It seemed exactly the same as it had always been except they looked older: Pony was 18, Johnny 20 and Steve and Soda were 21. Two-bit was 22.
"Glad to be back?" Ponyboy nudged me with a smile.
"Glory like you wouldn't believe!"
"Oh I can believe it alright – I'm just as thrilled!" he smiled and kissed me hand, "My big sister's back!"
"She should never have gone away!" Steve called from the other room.
I smiled wishing that were true, but going away had helped me and I couldn't have survived if I stayed in Tulsa, because Tulsa hadn't changed but so many other things had. Returning had been a lot easier than I had feared, but then there were two people I hadn't been reunited with yet, and these reunions were going to be the hardest of them all. I wondered when I would see my brother Darry, and Dallas Winston.
