Thank you for all your reviews. I have decided that at the start of each chapter I will put the list and cross out any that have been done.
**Please note that this fanfiction has mostly been made for humour which is why it can be weird.
I have added more annoying things to my list. Yesterday, my song really irritated everyone and after I mourned the chicken, I threw dirt at Paul. He was not happy. On the bright side, Rachel thought it was funny. I have no idea why that is a bright side but still. I mean, ever since they got together he doesn't seem to freak out as much. This is exciting, I can start crossing off the things I've done! Which... It's one thing but still.
Operation Annoy The Pack (OATP)
1] Tell Paul that he has anger issues, is possibly mentally unstable and that he needs to take anger management classes.
2] Tell Rachel that she needs to sign Paul up for these anger management classes.
3] Ask Jared why he and Kim moan when they sleep and act all innocent about it. (This one has to be asked in front of the whole pack.)
4] Steal their food.
5] Lick their food before they eat it.
6] Ask Jared if his boobs have fully developed yet.
7] Make Embry drive me to the McDonalds drive-thru, specify to McDonalds that I would like my meal 'to go' and not give any to Embry.
8] Ask Jacob whether he's managed to get into Bella's virgin pants yet.
9] Bad mouth about Bella in front of Jacob.
10] Tell Jacob that Edward Cullen is sexy. (Haha, but, he's not.)
11] Follow a few paces behind Quil, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.
12] Lick the fillings out of the Oreos, place the cookie parts back in the tray then offer them to my dear werewolf friends.
13] At any available time at one of these campfires, insist on having a sing-song. E.g. F.U.N, Campfire Song Song, Goofy Goober. Yes, all Spongebob.
14] Ask Paul how he felt when Bella bitch slapped him.
15] Steal even more of their food.
16] Insist on dressing Leah up as a princess and making her look more like a girl rather than an attractive male with boobs. (I don't know why I feel like tormenting Leah, she isn't that bad.)
17] Talk about dinosaurs.
18] Force them into going up to the mountain, which I shall refer to as Candy Mountain, to look for a pet dinosaur.
19] Ask Brady if I can put him on a leash and call him my 'puppy'.
20] Meow occasionally.
21] Make a gold star chart and give each pack member a gold star when they have done something good.
22] Ask them to prove everything they say.
23] Sing the Barney Theme song.
24] Make them dress up as vampires.
25] Tell them that vampires are way cooler than testosterone turning into a dog.
I think I'm going to start from the first one, then go down because then I won't get as confused. However, Candy Mountain may have to come sooner or later because it seems like fun.
"Paul?" That bastard just ate my muffin... Emily's making more but still. Whatever happens next is his entire fault.
"What do you want, squirt?" Is he calling me small?
"You've been Jared's friend for a very long time now. I'm your friend. A very close friend. In fact, I'm very much like a sister to you. This brings me to the conclusion that being the caring person I am, I need to look out for you. Paul, this is an intervention." I said that in a really serious voice. Again, everyone was looking at me weirdly. "You have anger issues. Like, and I mean it. You can be a right asshole when you get angry which, can I just say, is pretty much all the time. I have reasons to believe that you're mentally unstable and have given Rachel the number for Doctor Carlisle Cullen who apparently does anger management classes. Thank you for listening, Paul. I know this may seem sudden but you need to calm down otherwise you're never having kids." At that point, I smiled and ran out the door singing (sort of humming, I don't know) the Mission: Impossible theme tune and done a roly-poly on the porch.
I went straight back in when Emily announced that the muffins were ready. I saw Paul eying the last one; my gaze met his. I quickly leapt forward, grabbed the muffin... And licked it.
"Madison, I was going to eat that!"
"You at my last one and last night you ate all of the chicken!"
"I can't eat it now; it has your germs on!"
"ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES FOR YOU, MISTER."
"You're so annoying, shut up about that."
"Dude, at least I aint' no hybrid."
"I'm... I'm not a hybrid."
"Yes, you are. An idiot and a moron."
"How long did it take you to come up with that one?"
"Rude. No gold stars for you, mister!"
"Will you two kindly shut up?"
Stupid Sam.
Interrupting us.
Making me sit outside next to this plonker.
"Twat." I muttered under my breath, coughing at the same time.
"Bitch."
"Jared! Jared!" I started shouting and ran back into Emily's to complain. "Paul called me a bitch! Swearing lacks vocabulary; can someone tell him to not use violent words around me?" Everyone rolled their eyes at me.
"Madison, I mean this in the kindest way, are you on crack?"
I giggled at the word crack, even though Sam looked serious. "I self-inserted the word butt... Butt crack... Does no one find that funny? It is a bit funny..."
"It's not... It's really not." I frowned at Jared. He's just an asshole.
"Oh phooey."
"Can I come inside now?"
SHUT UP, PAUL.
"No, dogs stay outside," I kindly answered then looked at the other wolves. "Dogs outside please. Come on, out! Out, out, out!" I managed to push Embry, Quil, Brady and Colin out. The others didn't seem to shift so I found a stick and threw it outside. "FETCH! Go on, go and play with the stick..." At that point, no one was leaving so I started throwing food outside. They all ran out to, and I quote, 'rescue' it.
"Honestly, girl. Sometimes, you make me want to bash my head against a brick wall."
"You and Jared make me want to slam my tongue in a car door, Kimmie."
"Do Paul and I make you want to slam your tongue in a car door?"
"No, Rachel, as a couple you do not. Paul in general does. Seriously, though. I think you should sign him up for anger management. One time, he tried to smash a vase over my head."
