A/N: I saw that this guy had sent me a prompt, so I thought to myself, why not. It seems interesting enough, and I have time to kill. So, why the hell not? Keep in mind, I write as a stress reliever, and for my own entertainment. I might make this a full story, but I'm not really a fan of Familiar of Zero, so it'll be hard coming up with quality material. I can try though. Rolling standard disclaimer now.

Yo. Rein Hellfire here. This is... A new story. Or, let me be more specific. These are little snippets of what could POTENTIALLY be new stories. Basically, this is a little box of insanity where I post story snippits, one-shots that may become full-fledged, etcetera. Whether these ideas become actual fics or not is up to you, the reader, to decide.

Basically, I'm writing these things just for fun...

Enjoy, and remember. Sanity is overrated.

WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:

Crack.

Emo-ness.

Bad humor.

Oc-ness.

Alternate universes.

Bashing.

Character death.

General stupidity.

Swearing, and crass language in general.

Ranting.

Illogical fights.

Idiot-balls.

Extremely long A/Ns.

And general insanity overall.

Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.

And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.

Fail Two: Lancer of Zero

Familiar of Zero and Fate/Zero crossover.

Summary: In which a pink-haired brat summons a suave, handsome young fellow of Irish descent that wields two magical spears, that just so happens to be a famed warrior. Wait, what? Prompted by NIX'S WARDEN.

Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière knew for a fact that she was, as the plebeians say, screwed (How vulgar!). In fact, it was a certainty, an almost guaranteed outcome, that her failure was imminent.

She was Louise the Zero after all. The failure mage who could not conjure up the simplest of spells, the failure that could not perform any magic at all, period. The only thing she really excelled at was blowing things up.

The pink haired girl watched her fellow classmates summon their familiars, their bonded comrades. She watched Guiche de Gramont (The ignorant fop), in an over the top display, summon a mole. A mole. Well, it was something, at least.

She watched that busty, red-haired bronze-skinned Germanic woman (harlot), Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst, summon a fucking SALAMANDER of all things. The minute her fellow student (Red-haired harlot) looked over in her direction, and winked condescendingly, Louise could feel her hand clench in a fist, knuckles tightening and turning white under the strain.

And then, the quiet Tabitha summoned a dragon, and Louise could feel her mood instantly taking a greater turn for the worse. If it was at rock bottom in the beginning, it had actually tunneled deep into the crust of misery and began working its way to the core of her negative feelings.

She was angry, scared, nervous. And she had every right to be, really. She was Louise the Zero, after all. A worthless mage. Would she even summon anything, if she could summon something?

With each consecutive summoning, Louise felt her heart grow heavier, and heavier and heavier. The smug look that Kirche was directing at her did not help matters. It didn't, not at all.

"Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière!"

Hmm, was that her name that Professor Colbert had called out? It couldn't ha-

"Miss Vallière. We're waiting."

Well, fuck.

The pink-haired girl blushed furiously at the sniggers of her classmates, and struggled to maintain her composure.

"Ye-yes! Right away!" She managed to squeak out in a decidedly higher pitched voice than she would have liked.

She stepped forward, ignoring the milling crowd of her 'class-mates' (Jerks, the lot of them), and began to trace out the summoning circle that she would use to summon her familiar (Hopefully). It was a delicate process. One mis-traced line, one smudged circle, and a variety of things could happen. Nothing could happen, no familiar would be summoned (Bad, really bad scenario). On the other hand, the entire circle could also explode (Even worse).

All the while, the chatter continued.

"Isn't that the Vallière girl? Louise?" One girl 'whispered' in 'hushed' tones. (The bitch.)

"Er, no duh it's her. The Zero, huh." (Guiche, you are a fool.)

"She'll probably blow us all sky-high! Watch out!" (I'll get you back, Kirche.)

Eventually though, she finished, and sighed, putting away the piece of chalk she used to draw out the circle. This was it then. She was doing it, attempting to prove that she deserved her nobility. Louise had really only scraped by due to academic smarts. She was completely inept as a mage. Doesn't that sound like a certain pink-haired ninja we know?

In the village of Konohagakure no Sato, one Sakura Haruno sneezed, before bashing an orange wearing blond-haired boy over the head for 'Getting dust in her nose', and then trying to get a duck-haired brooder to fawn over her, with almost no success. Actually, no success.

Louise had to prove herself. She had to, she had to summon a familiar. Any idiot could the question was, would she be able to? She had book smarts in spades, but unfortunately zero magical talent. No, she had to summon a familiar. This was her last chance at redemption, a last chance to prove she was more than a mere nothing.

Of course, if she failed, she was 'screwed', as the plebeians put it (Still vulgar). Her mother would probably excommunicate her from the family, stripping her of her title, wealth, house... Everything. She was a strict mother.

The pink-haired girl took a deep breath. There was no room for failure. She had to succeed, she had to succeed. And with a newfound determination, the 'Zero', Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière, began her incantation.

"My servant that existed somewhere in this vast universe, my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call. I wish from to very bottom of my heart to add to my guidance and appear!"

Absolute silence. Then, the raucous laughter.

"AHAHAHAH! Nothing! She is a failure!"

"Wow, Louise! That's your familiar? A speck of dust? AHAHAHHA!

"What a loser, miss Zero."

Throughout the taunts, the laughter, the mocking, Louise kept a calm expression, though inside she was trembling in anger, and horror.

"Pr... Professor Colbert? Can I please try again?"

The bespectacled, balding professor sighed and shook his head, smiling a sad smile at the little girl.

"I'm sorry Louise. I cannot bend the rules that were set down oh so long ago."

That was it then. She had just had her most monumental and colossal failure. She really was a zero.

Then, the circle began to glow once more.

"Wha... What is this?"

"Run! It's gonna blow!"

"She's going to kill us all!"

"Pickles!"

Lightning hit the circle, lightning flashing out of the blue sky and into the courtyard, striking the magical circle. A massive cloud of dust was thrown up, a gust of wind blew, forcing many to cover their eyes lest they be blinded.

Louise hissed in pain as something burned its way into her right arm, some fiery brand scorching onto her skin, but she was a little more preoccupied with what she had just done.

Then, the dust settled, revealing a figure. A man. And what a man he was.

He was tall, very tall, with a lean figure, feline and graceful, yet chiseled and defined. He was wearing a teal jumpsuit that only served to accentuate his features, two spears that were wrapped in cloth, and a disarming smile. He possessed black hair, a mole under his eyes...

Louise swallowed as she noted that this man was undeniably handsome. Essentially, living eye-candy, almost as if there was a compulsion placed on his face to attract those of the opposite sex.

The handsome man bowed, surprisingly enough.

"Servant Lancer. I ask of you, are you my master?"

Lancer then noticed the position that he was in. He was NOT on Earth. He was NOT taking part in a war for the Holy Grail. And he was surrounded by many pubescent hormonal girls.

He did something completely out of character then, seeing as he was in a sticky place now, literally between a rock and a hard place.

"... Ah shit."

Immediately, everything went to hell shortly after those words were uttered.

A/N: Aaand we're done.

So, that was how I interpreted the prompt given. Once again, thanks to NIX'S WARDEN for sending it in.

Once again, I may or may not continue this idea. It really depends on whether or not I'm in the mood.

So, send me your challenges, prompts, ideas, etc. Who knows, they may become an actual story! And if you want to write a continuation of one of the things that I have written in these ramblings, feel free. Just make sure to give credit to the person that supplied the idea (NIX'S WARDEN) and write to your heart's content. Have at thee with them challenges!

And once again, criticism is appreciated. Until then, stay frosty.

Rein Hellfire out.