Title: Warm This Frozen Heart
Author: SilverRoseKeeper
i do not own any of the bleach characters unfortuatly. aww, damn. DX
Notes: Imoptant points i need to make up here are that 1) I will continue to use both the english and japanese words for captain and lieutenant, so mesa sorry if anyone gets confuzzled. 2) There are some things about the soul society and dying that i don't get completely (like memories and how old/young spirits are and what happens if you die in soul society!!), so imma doing the best i can, if it's not exactly according to the series, well, gomen! 3) Hitsugaya Toshiro's age, okay, seeing as how i'm paring him with someone it's gonna be much easier if he's of high schooler age in the present time, as of right now in the story i'm pegging him as a 7th grader (idk if that's right or wrong, just stating!)
Font Guide (just in case it gets kind confusing):
in normal narration - "normal speech" , normal thinking
in flashback narration - "flashback speech" , flashback thinking
Moon Phase 2
Very unlike the nights that pass within the Seireitei, days were always filled with fighting and rushing shinigamis.
There were two types of characters that a shinigami could be placed under, the free spirited and the on task. And of course the group with the most membership would be the free spirited slackers who did things on their own time, held battles over sake, fought for fun, and/or left mountains of paperwork untouched so that they could take a "much needed" break to go shopping. And because of the negligence of those lazy bums the few, quiet skinigami that actually did their work must be the ones to balance things out. An example would be Kuchiki Byakuya, the silent, unemotional, dull captain, was always in the back making up for his load-mouthed, obnoxious, red-headed lieutenant.
And unfortunately for the young, white haired, captain Hitsugaya, he was the only one eligible for that responsible role.
He had been in his office of the tenth squads' quarters signing off papers and writing reports for himself and his lieutenant ever since the sun had officially risen. It's not that he minded working at such an early time, he actually liked the late night to the very beginning of morning; that's when it was the quietest and most peaceful. But the thing that did piss him off was the fact that even though he had been working from dawn to noon, and even though his so called fukutaicho (4) , Matsumoto Ranjiku, had fled to go take a nap and he was stuck with her papers as well, he had barely put a dent in the tower of papers that had been piled on his desk this morning topped with a god awful sticky note.
The eye-sore of a yellow paper read:
Shiro-chan!
I'm out, please take care of these!
-Ranjiku
P.S. I'm doing something important. Really!
And the note was finished off with a girly smiley face, Like that makes things more cheery Toshiro had thought sarcastically to himself as he rolled his eyes when he had read it.
After halving the mountain of paperwork so that it now resembled more of a hill, he decided it was time for a break. Well it was more of a "sigh in disgust and let head fall to desk" kind of action.
He kept his throbbing head against the cool surface of his desk as his sore hands tried to soothe the raging muscles of each other. Realizing that the twinge wouldn't stop for a while and that it was pointless to bring the feeling back if he was just going to attack them again with yet another flood of papers, he gave up and brought his arms up to cradle his head on the desk.
He sighed loudly, which led to him closing his eyes. Because of this lack of sight his other sense sharpened out of habit.
He could feel the suns' warmth beaming through the window to his left which began to warm the back of his head. He could hear the birds singing here and there, calling out and receiving answers. Underneath his feet he felt soft vibrations of nothing in particular, but he liked to think that it was proof that the world was turning and that all of life was continuing per the norm.
He sighed again and pressed his eyelids closed with as much force as he could which in turn wrinkled his forehead and gave a grimace to his expression. Even though he'd been trying to occupy his mind with so many things; counting stars, enhancing his senses, going on autopilot when writing his work, even trying to talk sociably with the few squad members around, he could not push thoughts of the night before out of his mind. Ever since he found her face in his mind, she had yet to leave his thoughts.
He felt angered and guilty, which was not a mixture that could be easily understood. One second his mouth contorted in a scowl, the next his entire face softened and his eyes began to sting. He had no idea which state he was supposed to be in, was there even a right emotion? Maybe he was just angry at himself. It was all his fault.
For how could he forget her?
How could he leave behind all memory of Tsukiyo, the only person, the only happiness, he had in his entire life as a human?
--Flashback--
School had ended and young Toshiro was heading home from a full day of middle school. But he had been running kind of late, seeing as how he had fallen asleep in math again and the teacher demanded he stay behind and clean the entire classroom himself.
He scowled and clenched his fist as he remembered the snickers and whispers being sounded throughout the classroom coming from his peers as his punishment was issued to him. They hadn't even tried to hide their stinging words as they passed by his desk. But seeing as how it was over and that he really didn't care about his classmates in the slightest, he shrugged it off and let out a breath as a way of letting go of his anger.
If all they wanted to do was exclude and make fun of him for looking odd (his white hair and aqua green eyes were the most usual targets), then he'll just deny their existence from his mind completely. Though it did no one any good, it still left Toshiro in a quiet, peaceful, and very lonely place. Which was fine for him, he had grown accustomed to being alone and then learned to like being alone. It was just a fact of his life.
And another fact of his life was the bullying he's had to put up with from day one of school.
He could hear the loud, clomping steps of boys approaching up to him from behind. They were familiar, but this time they were running to him.
Heh, looks like they can't wait to get their punch in. I guess they got antsy because I had to stay after, he thought to himself with a sad but hardened grin on his face, for he knew the drill and he had accepted it.
And because he had faced his reality he sighed to himself and stopped his walking. That was when he heard the chuckling of the boys still rushing his way, so Toshiro spun on his heels to face his fate. His head was down but his fists clenched tighter into the straps of his backpack, for he knew the first hit always hurt the worst and he should be ready for it.
There were only two bullies that were coming up to him, each of them were continuing to laugh under their evil little smirks. Toshiro stayed braced as the boys reached within two feet of him, but they continued running, and then ran right past him, one from each of his sides. Even though his head was still down, he knew that they had past him because the wind they brought behind them swept past him as well, and because after the three seconds on wide-eyed shock he spun again with his mouth falling agape.
The two delinquents must have predicted the white haired boys reaction for the looked back to him and yelled, "Not today Shiro-chan, you took too long! We got someone else to get to know!" After informing him they laughed out loud and continued forward, leaving Toshiro behind in their dust and completely untouched.
Toshiro could not grasp for words, let alone he had no idea what to think in the minutes it took for the bullies he continued to watch run farther away from him until they disappeared around the corner of a building.
But he eventually shook off the surprised expression he had held and inwardly smiled to himself.
"I'm free", he said out loud.
One days' absence of beatings shouldn't mean much, but Toshiro believed it was actually quite the contrary. For humans are known for their nature, and once something changes, it tends to have the ripple effect on everything else, meaning that it's reasonably possible for them to leave him alone tomorrow as well.
He felt a bubble explode in his stomach that began to send tingling sparks throughout him. His mouth turned into a kind of half smile as he looked at his hand for even his fingers were tingling.
I guess this is a happy feeling, Toshiro concluded in his thoughts, for he had never truly felt this feeling before, but that's how it's always described in books. Although, there was something off about it, kind of like there was something more or that it was actually something else; that it wasn't joy at all But he didn't know what.
"Ahh," he exclaimed in frustration as he rubbed his temples. After sighing once again, he hoisted his pack up higher on his back and walked away.
Maybe I'll go to that ice cream shop close by. I do have some extra time before I need to be home, he planned in his head. And so he started off towards his favorite ice cream parlor. He had ordered his favorite ice cream too, chocolate chip cookie dough, for what kind of kid turned down cookie dough?
From there he began just walking around randomly, not knowing where he was going, but his feet must've known for he ended up in the middle of a bridge looking over the rail at the sunsets rays reflecting off of the river. He continued to lick at his dairy treat and bite off the mounds of cookie dough as he leaned against the metal railing.
The noises of whizzing cars going back and forth behind him dulled as his entire being watched the suns glory. Deep within his consciousness he found it ironic at how a person whose features that scream of winter (the fluffy, gravity defying hair and his ice blue eyes) could be so intrigued by the very image of summer, the sun itself. The burning ball of flames time was ending for the day though, Toshiro watched as it fell off the horizon in a way that made it seem like it was being consumed by the river itself.
But he had been taken aback by the colors that filled the sky right above the sun; there was no gold or pink, but instead a deep, horrific red. This sent a shiver down his spine as well as making his eyebrows furrow together in a look of worry.
But, what am I worried about? he questioned himself, Maybe I'm just prying for answers that aren't really there. Not everything has a deeper meaning, he continued to explain in his thoughts.
"There is beauty in this world that is not always necessary nor is it important. Why can't there be tragedies and evil on this earth as well that hold no real reason?" he asked out loud as he explained his idea.
"Nothing says that there can't be." And with that he popped the rest of the ice cream cone into his mouth and then pushed off of the rail of the bridge, beginning his return home and completely dismissing the terrible feelings that had passed through him because of the sky's crimson color.
The next morning went as according to routine: wake up, shower, breakfast, out the door and sit in classroom. And he was of course early, just like any other day for that was just a part of his characteristics. But today Toshiro was anxious, he wanted to know if yesterday was just a fluke or if things had really changed; would he be targeted again?
6:58, he thought to himself as his aqua eyes glanced down at his wrist watch, only two more minutes and I'll know for sure.
But it only took half that time for the most popular kid, and the cruelest of all of the vermin, to walk through the front door. He was a jock, or as everyone else deemed him "the soccer god", he was the ring leader of everything shady. He was always surrounded by a ring of kids that adored him. Those mindless followers would do anything for him, and they did anything he did. Browsing through the idiots that stuck by his side he recognized the two boys that had passed him yesterday that had ignited a spark of hope, one that sang of freedom. The crowd rang with laughter because of something that Toshiro was unaware of for he had been too lost within his own mind. The orchestrator of it all started towards his desk and so followed his posse. Each and every one of them passed his desk to get to their own; one of the girls even bumped into him accidentally and had actually excused herself as she passed by.
That was it! The test, it was successful! All of them, all of his nightmare-causing bullies had walked by him and left him alone, and the girl even acted civilized towards him. The realization washed over Toshiro and warmed him instantaneously, so quick in fact that he hadn't yet realized that he was outwardly smiling.
The rest of the day went by in a flash, he had of course taken control of the smile that had been plastered on his face; he still had a thing about showing emotions and being in control of what he shares with others. But inside he was happy, he knew it really wasn't that big of a deal but it just felt so good. Like he had been pressed down by this heavy weight for so long and now it had been lifted, he felt like he could fly.
And as he got up and left his class for the final bell had rung, he decided to not go home just yet. He wanted to go exploring somewhere, maybe even meet some people and hopefully make friends. This was a turning point for him.
From here on, I'm living a new life. Everything has changed, he silently decided as a corner of his mouth turned up.
He walked past the gate to his school and kept going forward, towards the river. That was when a group of four riled up boys, his ex-bullies he gathered as he studied their backs, past him in a quick blur. Toshiro was curious about where they were going in such a hurry, but decided to shrug it off because it wasn't his problem anymore. So he wandered back on his path to the river.
Wait, weren't they headed in this direction too? Oh, who cares? I'll just sneak by them, he resolved in his thoughts.
He quickly ran across the street for he had bypassed the crosswalk, and then started down the steep ledge of earth after walking off the sidewalk. The water was in sight and he could hear soft, peaceful sounds emitting from the ever-moving river. The dull echoes of splashing were too soon interrupted by a roar of laughter coming from his right in the shadows of a bridge, the same place those four boys were headed towards
He couldn't see what was happening for it was veiled in darkness, but he knew that cackle. It was the same one that had haunted him in his sleep for so long, he recognized that group as the same group that had taken great entertainment from his beatings.
He knew he shouldn't have gotten involved, he should have just turned a blind eye, a deaf ear, and a locked heart, but he couldn't.
He crept closer even though he could be easily spotted at anytime. Once he was but ten feet from the howling posse he heard another noise, something much quieter and desperate. He heard crying and strangled gasps coming from the girl in the center of them all. She was on her knees but that didn't prove to be problem for the one pounding her stomach in, for two of the boys had linked their arms with hers and were keeping her from falling down. Both of her arms dangled limp from her elbows down, her head faced the ground and her long, dark hair covered her face as it hung outstretched to the earth. Toshiro stood frozen in shock.
Wh-what?! I thought-wait, what? he questioned loudly in his thoughts.
No. No, that's right. he told himself trying to calm his tense body.
I just automatically thought they would stop, but that's not possible. They even told me they found someone new, because of me. Oh my god! Toshiro's eyes bulged in realization.
It's because of me that they targeted someone else! It's because of me this girl is in dire pain now, she's being beaten right in front of me because I thought I had it bad! This isn't right, this isn't fair! I was fine the way I was, I could've handled it. But this girl, she looks like she's about to pass out! he started to panic as he studied her condition.
Then the unknown girl gasped loudly and started a coughing fit that had been brought on by the last blow which had even caused her to hurl up blood. She began to fall forward as if collapsing to the earth but the two boys holding her up jerked her back and grabbed her by her hair so her face was exposed to their leader for yet another round of punches.
Toshiro's face widened in panic and fear, then clenched together in anger and rage as he closed his fists tightly.
Letting his pack drop to the worn dirt he silently ran straight into the group that had been circled around the girl, he bypassed all of the spectators and went directly to the leader, swinging his fist as hard as he could at the amused bully's face. It connected right on and it more than shook him for he had been preoccupied and hadn't noticed the approaching white headed, fuming boy.
Everyone had silenced and all eyes but the beaten girls' were on him. He was panting in anger, his teeth were clenched. His own eyes, even though they had always resembled ice and snow, right now the frozen leader saw pure wrath; he saw a raging fire just waiting to hit him.
But after the few seconds it took to shake off the momentarily fright he had felt, he smirked and looked down at the shorter Toshiro as he placed a hand on his shoulder and simply asked, "Aww, poor Shiro-chan. Didja miss us that much?" Him and his followers all howled with laughter, some even curling in on themselves for it was that funny to them.
Too bad for the jock, because he had contorted his face with laughter so greatly he never saw the next swing Toshiro threw at him, in fact no one saw it coming. The blow had launched the previously cheery leader to the ground and right on his ass, which instantaneously brought a serious, pissed off expression to his face.
But Toshiro was too quick, he had already spun around and kicked one of the boys holding the girls' arm up in the leg, making it bend the wrong way. The boy screamed in pain and grabbed for his knee as he fell to the ground on his side and away from his captive. Toshiro wasted no time; he was by the other boy in a flash and had given a fierce kick to his stomach as he had been gaping at his fallen friend to his right which sounded yet another shriek to pierce the air. That boy also fell to the ground which had released the unconscious girl to the effects of gravity as she descended upon the dirt.
By now all the other girls that had been watching were screaming in a high-pitched paniced yells, a couple of them were even crying in fear. The other boys that been but bystanders the entire time stayed immobile and stunned as they continued to watch the scene unfold in front of their eyes, not one of them even thinking to help their friends or their ring leader. Toshiro had no incentive to deal with any of them and went immediately to the fallen girl.
She was not moving and was bleeding from her head, so he lifted her by her arms and brought her up to sit on his back as he held her legs so she wouldn't fall.
He hadn't expected the leader to have recovered yet and didn't notice the fist headed straight for his face, it connected head on. Toshiro lost his balance and was falling.
No, I can't let her take another fall, he convinced himself and moved swiftly during his descent so that he landed on one knee a couple feet from where he had taken the hit, the girl utterly unfazed by the blow.
He stayed in that position low to the ground as he gripped the girl on his back tighter, he looked up to the leader in disdain as his eyebrows furrowed deeper on his face and his teeth gritted even more into an enraged glower. The leader felt a twinge of panic run through him; it was so powerful that he had unknowingly backed up a step.
And a step back was just enough to give Toshiro the escape route he desperately needed. In a blink of an eye he was up and sprinting through the gap between the unmoving leader and his gang. He continued running a straight path, not even knowing where he was going just as long as it was far away and safe for this girl. He needed to get her help.
At one point he had gazed back to the group of terrified kids to notice that no one was following them, but that didn't stop Toshiro; he continued to run, farther and farther away.
More, more distance. Safe, she needs to be safe! he demanded of himself, so he kept putting one foot in front of the other.
Even though he was short, he had long strides and was lighting fast, after ten minutes of running he had taken the girl at least a mile away from where they had been. He had reached the end of the river so he climbed up the grassy slope to the sidewalk, that's when he slowed to a walk.
He soon found a bench and decided to lower the still unknown girl onto it so that he could take a breath and she could relax. Once she was sat down her body began to slump far to the side and he jumped to her so that she didn't fall, then tried to straighten her up a bit. But seeing as that didn't work he sat beside her and leaned her head against his shoulder with the arm he had wrapped around her back.
He sighed and began to run his fingers through her black as night hair without knowing so. His other hand came up to wipe the sweat from his brow but then hissed in pain as he struck the spot where he had taken the leaders hit.
Sighing again he settled for laying his hand over his eyes as his other arm tightened bringing the girl closer to him, and unknowing to him woke her up.
Her eyes began to blink open, her mind not yet comprehending what was going on and where she was. She made a struggled kind of moan in her throat as she began to fully wake. Her head dug deeper into the warmth that seemed to be holding her close, then her eyes snapped open and her ever-slight movements all-together halted.
She backed but an inch and looked up to find the covered face of a white haired boy who had been hugging her tightly for only god knows how long. But she didn't panic, her intuition, her heart, told her not to.
She didn't move or try to make the boy notice that she was awake, she just watched him with her mysterious, silver eyes.
TBC...
ending notes:
4) Japanese Translations:
fukutaicho lieutenant/co-captain
taicho captain
shinigami death god
Tsukiyo moonlit night
Shiro-chan Whitey
gomen/gomenasai sorry
OMFG!!! DX I am so sorry it took me a while to finish this! I was actually planning to get it up much sooner, but over the weekend was my bday and i had no time! Also it was a lot longer than i thought it would be. dang.
But, it's up now and i really want to know what y'all think! So comment or make suggestions, idc! I just want some feedback and to know if people are actually reading this! Wellz, i'm off! -vanishes into thin air-
BTW, another thing that came up was how Toshiro was actually born in the soul society. yeah, i know i know! gomen! as of right now, i'm going to ignore that fact, so i'm sorry if that makes ya upset! but i had to shake loose of my boundaries! XD -laughs- but thanks for bringing that up michelley75!
now i vanish! "
