Something To Live For : Sin
Jayfeather stood deep in the dense undergrowth on the edges of Thunderclan territory. His unseeing eyes blinked at the wind that rolled down from the hills he imagined were just beyond the river he stood before. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing here, lost in his emotions and thoughts. Had it been minutes? Hours? Days even? No. he hadn't felt the heat of the sun, which meant that he hadn't been out too long. The moon would still be high in the sky at this time of night.
However, that also meant that his absence had been noticed by now. Not necessarily in camp, they'd gotten used to his late night walks. But it would be noticed there. And that meant that it wouldn't be long before that someone showed up, which was what he'd been dreading.
He wondered for a moment exactly how long he'd been meeting that someone in the secretive land of dreams. It seemed like forever, and yet never long enough. He'd been an apprentice back then, though his present warrior name was new to his being. "Warrior name". he laughed dryly, reflecting on how he wasn't any sort of warrior at all. In fact, though five of his six senses were abnormally sharp, lacking the ability to see made fighting rather difficult. He could take on most cats one on one, sure, but in a full blown battle . . .
He sighed. At least as long as Lionblaze was around, he'd be decently protected. His brother had always been more than overly protective of him. Though it annoyed Jayfeather to no end, he knew he needed it. His precious brother . .
Brothers. That's why Jayfeather was not walking in the world of dreams this night. He'd learned something dark. Some dangerous, dark secret. One he wished he'd never learned. Maybe he could have gone on blissfully unaware for the rest of his life. But now, here it was. A hellish thing ready to tear apart everything he knew. And it would only be a moment now before everything fell apart and crashed down around him.
He could hear soft pawsteps fast approaching his location. No doubt by now that that someone had picked up his scent long ago. And though Jayfeather had been trying to prepare himself for this for the last hour or so, his heart still shuddered to a grinding halt as Breezepelt's scent washed over him.
Jayfeather could feel the taller cat's breath on his face as he leaned over him. "Jay? What's going on? Why are you out here so late? I thought we were supposed to meet . . ." His voice fell silent as he saw the haunted look in Jayfeather's beautiful blue eyes. "Jay? What's going on?" he reached out a paw to the other tom. Surprise cut through him as the gray medicine cat backed away from his touch.
"J-Jay?"
"I'm . . . I'm sorry Breezepelt . . ." Jayfeather whispered. Painful emotions flickered through him as he thought of never letting Breezepelt touch him again. "Do . . . Do you remember when I told you a few months ago about how Brambleclaw and Squirreflight weren't my real parents?" Jayfeather mewed, hiding his pain as best he could.
"Yes," Breezepelt said.
"I found out who my real parents are. Mine, Lion's, and Holly's . . ."
Breezepelt smiled slightly, "Jay, no matter who they were, rouges, murderers, whatever, I'll love you all the same." He leaned forward to press his nose to Jayfeather's cheek, only to see the other flinch away as if burned.
"No you wouldn't," Jayfeather whispered. "Breezepelt, my mother is Leafpool . . ."
"Ironic."
Jayfeather tried not to pause in his words, this was hard enough. And if he stopped now, he'd never say them. " . . . And my father . . . My father is Crowfeather . . ."
He felt the shock flare out form Breezepelt, and tried not to imagine the look on the other's face. There'd been a reason to not doing this in the dream world. He didn't want to see . . .
"No . . ." Breezepelt's voice was barely audible, "that can't . . ."
"I'm your half-brother, Breezepelt . . ." the gray tom whispered. "So you see . . . We can't . . ."
It had been forever . . . But never long enough . . ."
He choked on the tears leaking out form the corners of his eyes as one of Breezepelt's paws wrapped around his neck. "It doesn't matter . . ." the Windclan cat mewed.
"It does!" Jayfeather sobbed, struggling in the tight grip the other had on him, "It's wrong!"
"Maybe it is . . ." Breezepelt murmured, not loosening his hold in the slightest. "But wasn't it wrong before?" He nuzzled the side of the smaller tom's face, "we agreed on this love, no matter how many wrongs it contained."
The young warrior moved his body in a way that forced Jayfeather to face him. " My love for you was already sinful. But, Jay, since the day I met you, you've become my reason for living, especially after you saved me on the border of Starclan. I live for you, Jay . . . And even if we were full blood brothers, it wouldn't change
Anything . . ." He leaned towards the gray tom, "you're the only one who ever made me look at the world differently."
"It's . . . wrong . . ." Jayfeather whispered feebly.
Breezepelt leaned so close to the other that their faces were only a hairs breadth apart. "Even if these eyes can't see me . . . I know this heart still feels me . . ." he smiled, "and it's their own damn fault for not telling us you know."
A small laugh escaped the medicine cat, "yeah . . ."
"And it's not like we could have kits anyway - oww!" Breezepelt rubbed his ear where Jayfeather had hit him. "Hey . . ."
RANDOM AUTHOR RAMBLE
Yay . . . So, back by multiple requests and popular demand, it's a new chapter! Since I wrote the first part almost a year ago (a few days after outcast came out) and wrote this way later, I skipped foreword in time a lot. Sorry. I never meant to do this as a multi chapter thing at all. But I got a few ideas suggested to me and went with it. And with all this lovely snow killing my plans for the weekend, I wrote it. Also, I feel like the tone of the whole thing went from lighthearted fluff to seriousness and angst. ( chapters 3 and 4 will show this more). This is probably due to my past week of reading all of Maladoror's GaaLee fics. Those being a tad bit more morbid and angsty. (okay, maybe a lot more . . .) and hearing rumors of Sunrise more than six days before it's release does me no good either. Some stupid kid who preordered it online is trying to hint at things since the little turd already has it. Uck. But only two more days now! So I wrote this in the time I was fretting over that. By the time it's up however, Sunrise will be out and I'll be taking my lovely ACT's. btw, this chapter, I listened to the songs, "High on Life" and "Here With Me" (by michelle branch) a lot. So they largely inspired it. More chapters on the way!
