Chapter One : Alpha/Omega
A child, barely four, stumbled down the streets, dressed in slightly tattered clothes, and clearly oversized for him. His foot caught on the hem of the pants and he tripped, crashing into a man. "Get off me demon!" The man snarled, kicking his foot up, along with the kid.
The wall held, but the kid's spine couldn't. Grunting in pain, Uzumaki Naruto tensed as he felt something go out of his body and started fixing his spine. The open flesh started to knit itself together, and with a slight burn on the floor the flesh returned to normal. Giving a slight grunt, he picked himself off the floor, and rolled up his pants for the umpteenth time.
He snorted to himself as he saw a parent pick up her wailing dark haired child, who was wearing a dark blue open necked shirt, with a fan logo displayed prominently. Uchiha. Naruto thought darkly. The fuckers that tried to kill me.
For a boy his age, he already possessed the vocabulary of an adult and could converse fluently and coherently, but had soon learnt that acting dumb and like a tramp would grant himself a higher rate of survival. He didn't need to give the villagers another reason to kill the "Demon."
And thus he took on the mask of idiocy, which he only discarded in front of those he regarded as friends, like the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Juzou, and the pervert nin duo, as Naruto used to tease Hatake Kakashi and Tousakusha Jiraiya. It was easy to tease Kakashi for his habit of reading Icha Icha, and Jiraiya due to his last name and comedic self proclamations and poses that always ended with the klutz of a Sannin on the floor after losing his balance.
Those three were the only ones he trusted, besides that ramen vendor Ichiraku and his daughter. There were a bunch of trust worthy weapons and clothes dealers Sarutobi had introduced, but they were merely customer-storekeeper relationships, not as friends.
Quickly moving out of range in case any villager got into the "Beat/Punch/Smack/Kick/Bruise/Attack/Slice Naruto" mood and make a move on him, the Uzumaki hid himself in the shadows on an alley. Watching the man who kicked him huff and puff on the spot, before cleaning his pants and moving off rather angrily, Naruto was almost compelled to report the man to Sarutobi, but disregarded the notion.
Moving quickly for one his age, he made his way back to the apartment he had requested from Sarutobi. Unlocking the door, he pumped some of his chakra into the doorknob prior to turning it. The knob flashed dimly once and the outlines of a seal could faintly be seen. Gotta thank Ero-sennin for this. Naruto chucked. Ero no Sharigan too.
Wringing the knob, he entered his sparsely furnished room, with a pile of books in a corner and several old clothes lying around. It's not laundry day yet right... Damn, it is. Better hurry.
Quickly throwing the clothes he was wearing into the pile, he donned a pair of shorts and with the pile, made his way to the bathroom, hopefully able to finish washing his clothes before the Sannin popped over to do a light Katon Jutsu for him to dry his clothes. And hopefully that aforementioned super pervert will stop trying to make his place resemble an Icha Icha fan's. He'll have about a month's worth of fire wood, though.
Maybe he should accept. But then who knows when that Hatake might choose to come and make a mountain out of the molehill, alerting the entire village that the Demon Brat had the entire up-to-date set of Icha Icha, then he'll have to listen to Sarutobi's rather bland, dry, boring, and grating speech, and then confiscate the books before secretly adding them to his own collection. Ah, mustn't forget all that dry smoke too. He should refuse, yeah.
The sound of someone falling down brought him out of his thoughts, and along with it, the last of the laundry. "God damn it!" He heard the voice of the toad Sannin swear. "Why can I never finish a pose successfully?!"
"It's because you suck." Another voice deadpanned. The Ero-Ero brothers? Naruto thought. What is this, the gathering of the mega perverts (excluding me, of course.), in my apartment?
"Ah." Naruto muttered. "Done. Now will you two Ero-Ero brothers stop fooling around and trashing up my apartment."
"And there's the adult in a child's body." Kakashi whispered to Jiraiya. "How do you think we should introduce him to the wondrous world of Icha Icha?"
"Excuse me Hatake-san." Naruto muttered, a tick forming. "But I can hear you from here, and I don't want to be on the receiving end of Sarutobi-jiisan's lectures again."
"It's nothing on the path to greatness." Jiraiya grinned. "Enjoy the short shinobi life while you can, Naruto-kun. Unless I should address you as Naruto-chan, of course."
"Is this some sort of blackmail." Naruto muttered, with his left eye twitching. "I've got half a mind to tell Sarutobi-jiisan that you've been attempting to corrupt me."
"That's a place you should never go." Jiraiya wiggled his fingers for emphasis. "That's just low, gaki."
"Oh stuff it." Naruto groaned. "Now help me with my laundry."
"Do you want it rare, half done or well done?" Jiraiya joked. "Or you want a barbeque?"
"I'll give you over to the nice ladies in the baths." Naruto grinned. "Would you like an encore stay in the hospital?"
"Tch." Jiraiya groaned. "You're no fun to make fun off."
When the matter of laundry was settled, the unlikely trio sat down on Naruto's bed to chat. "So what have you been doing again, Ero-Sannin?" Naruto teased.
"Peeping of course!" Jiraiya puffed out his chest in mock pride. "I damn near caught sight of..."
The image the Third Hokage saw when he entered the apartment wasn't really what he expected. "And what are you trying to do again Jiraiya-kun..."
"Err, nothing?" Jiraiya gave a sheepish grin. "Well, it's about time for the next group to go into the baths, so I..."
Getting kicked out by a furious Third Hokage, whose pipe was vibrating up and down so fast that the tobacco stayed in place by inertia, wasn't all the hype it was, as Jiraiya soon found out. "Keep those stuff away from Naruto-kun, you dolt! Have you any idea just how young he is?!"
"20." Jiraiya answered from his sprawled out position on the floor. "A man in a child's body."
"And if you give me one more word on that crap again Jiraiya-kun," The Hokage threatened. "I'll retract your free travel pass."
"Alright alright." Jiraiya sighed. "Just my luck today. Well then, I'm off."
"Well then, on official business Naruto-kun." The Hokage muttered, eyebrows still twitching. "As you know, all children have the chance to enrol in the shinobi academy at five, and you will go through 8 years of training to emerge as fresh Genins."
"So you're here to enrol me in, huh, Saru-jiisan." Naruto interrupted.
"Ah, how did you guess?" Sarutobi smirked.
"If not why would you bother having those forms in your hands." Naruto deadpanned. "And that rather devious look on your face isn't helping either."
"Alright then, I'll just leave this forms here and be sure to drop it into the box in front of the academy by tomorrow." Sarutobi smiled. "I'll be off to fight some more paperwork."
"And you know, Saru-jiisan," Naruto called after the man. "How am I supposed to get there."
"There's a map at the back!" Sarutobi yelled back, before disappearing in a plume of smoke.
"Anyway, there's a mission I'm should be on... three hours ago. See you in a week." Kakashi gave his infamous eye smile before jumping from the window.
"So he's going to use me as the excuse..." Naruto twitched. "Well, I best be filling up these forms."
-Hours Later-
"God damn it!" Naruto swore, just about to toss the damned long form out of the window and out of sight. "Why the fuck is that sonova so long!?"
"It's part and parcel of life, Naruto-kun." A badly bruised and limping Jiraiya stumbled into the apartment.
"Ah, so you got caught again." Naruto muttered.
"There was a Hyuuga there, you know."Jiraiya spat bitterly. "That's cheating. And unfair, too."
"You know, if you did a Kirigakure no Jutsu there it's probably hard for them to see you." Naruto suggested.
"Think before you speak, Naruto-kun." Jiraiya muttered. "They'll be even more aware that someone is there if they see a large area of smoke."
"Ah." Naruto acknowledged. "But you could just do a Henge and get in there."
"A Henge's a Genjutsu gaki." Jiraiya deadpanned. "I'll be dead before I can even see enough."
"Is it?" Naruto blinked in surprise. "Well, when Ero no Sharigan taught me that, it felt rather solid, you know."
"Do it for me once." Jiraiya ordered. "I'm interested by the sound of that."
"Alright. Henge!" There was a poof of smoke, and in the place where Naruto once was, there was the Shodaime Hokage.
"Rather decent, but you screwed up on his armour." Jiraiya muttered.
Twitching, the Shodaime punched the white haired Sannin in the stomach violently.
"Oof!" Jiraiya gasped. "You managed to align your fists with the pose of the Shodaime with the skill of a Jounin. Interesting!"
"I AM the Shodaime. Rather, I AM 'possessing' his body." Naruto grinned. "Try touching me."
Bending over, Jiraiya started prodding the armour, before going up to the hair, the equipment pouches. "It seems solid, but why can't I open these pouches?"
"Cause I don't have the pouches on me. You know, if you took out something it's probably something I have on myself." With a plume of smoke, Naruto was standing there again. "So?"
"It seems that you have developed a new technique..." Jiraiya mumbled. "Or is it because of something else?"
"Has it got to do with the fur ball inside of me?" Naruto asked.
"How did you know?" Jiraiya asked, mildly surprised.
"If you listen to the chatty ones in the village you'll get a clue." Naruto deadpanned. "Not to mention that I've used to been being assaulted the most on the date of Kyuubi's supposed death."
"It may be due to the Kyuubi..." Jiraiya muttered. "Try forcing some chakra into your hand."
Touching Naruto's palm, Jiraiya quickly withdrew his hand, as though he had been scalded. "It really is due to Fur Ball. Touch my palm, then your palm."
"Your palm is warm, but why is my palm so scorching hot?" Naruto questioned, blowing on his digits.
"I guess it has got to do with the potency of your chakra." Jiraiya muttered. "I guess some explanations are in order, then."
"You see, if you take normal chakra to have a potency of level one, youki, which the Bijuu uses, have a potency of around 50. Because you have the most potent Bijuu inside of you, the Kyuubi, your chakra is more potent than normal. Because of the seal, some amount of youki is constantly leaked into your body. As a result, your chakra's more potent than normal people." Jiraiya explained. "And as you can see from the great difference in energy, your chakra's potency right now is about 30."
"Shouldn't it be 50?" Naruto asked.
"No." Jiraiya replied. "Unless there's a whole lot of Youki flowing through you, it'll never reach 50. It's taking the average, you know."
"So..." Naruto's eyebrows rose. "I've got the perfect Henge right here."
"And you could use it to sneak into the springs..." Jiraiya muttered. "Lucky you."
"No!" Naruto yelled, blushing slightly. "I'll be able to move without people noticing me!"
"Bah, every technique unable to be used for peeking is a useless technique!" Jiraiya proclaimed. "Now if only I had the Byakugan..."
"You know that the boards covering the baths are sealed against outside Byakugans, don't you?" Naruto deadpanned. "If they didn't, all those Hyuuga's will probably faint from blood loss."
"Ahh, but normal clothes aren't." Jiraiya spoke. "But you'll only be able to see the chakra pathways because the clothes are too close to the body..."
"You know, if you put that talent in finding ways to peep in your shinobi arts you might be better than Sarutobi-jiisan." Naruto muttered. "You might have even more ladies after you if you spent more time grooming yourself too."
"Really?" Jiraiya gasped. "I must get a personal grooming kit..."
"Just joking." Naruto chuckled. "Cause I'll be the one with ladies after him. Not poor ole toady."
"How dare you!" And with that, the unlikely two spent the rest of the day chasing each other around town, with Jiraiya panting, having spent far too long sitting in a tree peeking instead of training.
"I'll... get... you... for... this!" Jiraiya cursed.
"In a million years Jiraiya-jiisan!" Naruto teased. "Shouldn't you retire? You're too old to continue!"
"I'm only nearly 50 for kami's sake!" Jiraiya cursed.
"You're nearly ten times older than me, you know." Naruto jeered. "Old man."
"Shut up!" Jiraiya protested.
"BE SILENT!" An annoyed villager roared. "I want to read my book in peace!"
"Unless it's Icha Icha, I don't care!" Jiraiya roared. "Icha Icha is the only good book in the universe!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PERVERTED FREAK!" A woman yelled, and started chasing after the grey haired Sannin, who promptly starting running again.
"Jiraiya-sama." A mildly amused off-duty Jounin smiled. "Chasing after the hero with a woman after him."
"Isn't that what he wanted?" His wife asked, walking alongside him. "A woman?"
"Not a woman after his blood, dear." They both shared a laugh at the expense of the Super Pervert. "Not a Haruno, especially."
The Hokage stared out of his window, after receiving a report about some ruckus in the marketplace with a white haired man chasing a yellow haired child and a pink haired woman after him. He sighed, cradling his head in his palms. Can't they just leave me alone instead of adding another stack of paperwork to my load?!
"Get Inu." The Hokage sighed.
"Hokage-sama, Inu-san's on a mission with his team right now." The ANBU reported.
"Uhh, Tenzou?" The Hokage asked.
"Tenzou-san's off duty." The ANBU reported.
"Fine, I'll go myself." The Hokage answered, disappearing in a burst of smoke.
"What about me..." The ANBU sighed, and walked out of the office with a gloomy aura.
"It's alright ANBU-san." The secretary tried to comfort the unfortunate ANBU, but the ANBU disappeared in a plume of smoke.
"STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Sarutobi yelled. "JIRAIYA, AS A SANNIN YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!"
"But he..." Jiraiya protested, pointing towards where Naruto was standing... WAS indeed, for there was no hyperactive adult-kid hybrid there. "Damn him!"
"Don't you dare sneak away Jiraiya." The Hokage warned. "And you'll pay for all these damaged merchandise due to the little ruckus you were making."
"Yes, Sarutobi-sensei." Jiraiya sighed.
"It's not like you don't have the money." Sarutobi muttered. "I wonder how many zeroes you have in your bank book."
"It's about twenty Saru-sensei!" Jiraiya grinned, patting his teacher on the shoulder like old buddies. "How about it, want in? Loan me your gazing ball and..."
The Toad Sannin was silenced by a quick jab to the neck. "Come out Naruto-kun, and help me bring this gaki away." Reaching out inside the Sannin's cloak, Sarutobi took out Jiraiya's bankbook. "Come out right now Naruto-kun."
"Alright Saru-jiisan." Naruto leapt down from the top of a stall, picking up the white haired Sannin. At least, he tried to, before he collapsed. "You forgot the lightening seal jiisan!"
"Ah, yes." Sarutobi muttered, quickly placing a slip of paper on top of Jiraiya and channelling chakra through the seal, which was transferred onto the Sannin. "It'll wear off in one hour, so be quick."
"Okay, so I'll dunk him in the river! That's settled!" Naruto burst off in a run.
"Take off his scroll before you do that." Sarutobi advised. "It's rather important and not waterproof."
"Of course Saru-jiisan." Naruto replied, shouting backwards. "I'll tell him where to get his bankbook back later!"
"And remember about the form!"
"Hai hai." Naruto dismissed, already off into the distance, where Sarutobi could hear a big splash, a sound of a giggle and then an enraged roar, before he realised that the chase was starting again. "..."
Sarutobi sighed. This was going to be a long day.
End of Chapter One.
