Disclaimer: i dont own harry potter know matter how much i love it that right belongs to the one and only j.k rowling. i also dont own the songs, or quotes used.

AN: this is a slash of the male kind, so dont like dont read. for those of you who do like please leave a comment even to say i suck at least then i know what to work on

now on with the story...


Harry's PoV

A journey through my mind
Beyond the wheel of time
To the darkness 'hind my eyes
All those years in vain I fled
My fate I tried to escape
Lost my cause from the start
Falling freely
On wings of will
My fate was sealed from the start

-Chosen One

I'm lying in my bed imagining what it would be like to actually sleep as the numbers on the clock change over to show that it is now 4:30am, I know I've got bags under my eyes if not from my cousins frequent remarks about why I'm starting to resemble a panda bear – I was more surprised by the fact that he knew what a panda was than by him even noticing that was something wrong - then by the times that I do see my reflection through a window or reflected on the TV. I've started avoiding mirrors why put myself through more needless torture of seeing that I have in fact become a lifeless creature of the night, figuratively of course how would that look to the rest of the wizarding world if their saviour joined the ranks of the living dead? I doubt they'd it would worry them much, as long as I kill Voldemort then who cares what I am. Who am I? God how I wish I knew the answer to that then I could tell the whole world to just fuck off and leave me alone. Instead here I am stuck in a house where I'm considered worse than the plague, in fact sometimes the look in my uncles eyes just screams 'drop dead and do us all a favour,' at those times I can feel my blood boil to a point where I have to leave the room, the consequences of what I'd do if I stayed are to horrifying to even fathom. Sometimes I can visualize what I'd do to them; I'd make them bleed, have them begging for mercy while slowly the life flows out of them one by one till all that's left is their empty bodies unable to move or speak, mine to do with what ever I want. I can never see beyond that point though it's like my mind wont allow my to witness how awful it could get, how awful I could get. I've given up trying to understand this particular disgusting fantasy, it's not as if I'd ever go through with it, I'm not evil or vengeful. In fact killing has no appeal to me what so ever, which just makes it that more odd that I am in fact the Chosen One destined to kill the most feared wizard whose notorious plans to live for ever involves killing thousands of innocent people and leaving behind a wake of hopelessness and revulsion. I can't do anything about it either my life was signed away before I could talk and utter my protests at being used by fate, better know as Albus Dumbledore, as a pawn in some sick twisted game where either I get blown up or blow up this manifestation of evil.

I can hear the rest of the world waking up outside, which is my cue to get up and prepare a breakfast that I don't get to eat before going out to work in a garden that's already pruned and cleaned out. My life reminds me of the fairy-tale Cinderella, except I doubt that at the end of my story there'll be a happy ending with me marrying my Prince Charming and living in a castle faraway from everyone else. Because this is real life and as the saying goes 'life's a bitch.' Throwing off the blankets and putting on my glasses I take a look around my "bedroom" - the place is a mess with things lying on every available surface – before throwing on the nearest t-shirt and jeans. Running a quick hand through my hair making it stick out even more, I head downstairs to the pit of hell as I like to think of it.

Draco's PoV


I'm in a daze, staring off into space.
Too much lurks in my mind.
The tears build up,
But I hold them in.

In fear that someone will sense my unhappiness,

And they will disapprove.
Sympathy, I can live without.
I live my life in the future.
My peace of mind comes when I sleep.
-My Artificial Happiness

School was less than a week away yet it felt like years, leaving the Manor could not come soon enough I was sick of being here in this draughty house with only house elves for company, and they were so scared of me that conversations were one sided and ran out quickly. Where were my parents you might ask, well father as luck would have it was still locked up, meaning I was safe from him for awhile, mother has never been home and now with father gone she can spend more time away doing what ever the hell she does, To her I'm an accessory needed on special occasions, when not needed I'm flung to the side to fend for myself. Families are illusions if you look closely enough the reality seeps through tainting that beautiful image you created that's why as purebloods we never let anyone close enough to see this. In the days before Hogwarts before 5th year I would have said this system was flawless, you hid behind a mask of icy cold indifference and sneered down at anyone who dared to breach this by showing emotion, now I know better. I've never know love never know compassion or true friendship they were things that held you back made you human, and god help me if I should ever be more human. The only benefit I can think of is that I can never get hurt, at least not emotionally but emotions are for the weak minded and soft hearted not a Malfoy.

"Draco, come down here now!" That voice low and cruel it couldn't be him.

"Draco, I'm not asking again get down here NOW!"

"I'm coming Father."

Walking down the stairs I see him standing at the bottom of the stairs regal and cold, while the house elves shuffled around him taking his coat getting him a drink, he'd only been in the house for a couple of minutes and already the fear was tangible in the air.

All three of us were seated in the study father sitting in the winged armchair, mother standing next to him and me sitting across from both of them on a chair that can only be described as painfully uncomfortable in areas. It had been a few hours since he'd come home and I knew this was going to be one of those conversations where everything's bound to end really badly.

"Draco this is your last year at Hogwarts, as you've heard by now the Dark Lord is back this means that when the time comes you will be joining him along with your fellow Slytherins." I knew this was going to come up eventually, with most of my family on Voldemorts side it was only natural that I joined as well.

"I'm not going to join him, not now not ever."

"You will be joining him this is not open to discussion. Understood?" He was getting up and reaching for his wand I knew what was coming next, no matter how I answered his question so I might as well be honest.

"Yes I understand, but that still doesn't mean I'm going to listen to what you're saying."

"You will obey me eventually, for now a little reminder as to who runs this house, CRUCIO!" The pain was unbearable it felt like my whole body was on fire that I was being ripped limb from limb, I could hear myself screaming. My last clear thought is this; dreams can never last you always wake up sooner or later, and when you do it's like no pain you've ever felt before. Then I pass out.