Watching the three hour long summary of what happened was a living hell. They watched me kill her, my love in the arena. No, not only in the arena. I loved her since she volunteered.

I won't, don't, I can't call her by her name anymore. I can't take it.

She begged me to finish her off so I could win. And I did. Perhaps it was the Academy training, or the "tough boy" facade that unconsciously took over my body, which usually took pure luck to restrain. But my bucket o' luck ran out fighting Clove for the final two spots, who knew something was off as soon as I accepted her into the Careers to hunt down Peeta. We went into a fight to the death which I should've won easily. I'm a better fighter overall, but she knew my weaknesses. Thankfully, I had luck on my side, and was able to off her.

Guess I wasn't able to fill the bucket of experience before my bucket of luck ran out, but that's alright.

I just need to stay alive until I get this all recorded, then the poison'll work its magic. Perhaps someone will listen to this when Panem finally collapses and they'll realize that I wasn't really the facade I put on for the Capitol.

Hopefully.

Anyways, after I killed Clove -they portrayed her as my love interest, but she really wasn't. Just clingy and desperate, but a ruthless killer- only we were left.

I can remember her last words.

"Catocat... You deserve to live. I don't. I killed my district partner."

"So did I," I responded.

"B-But... I loved him for some time... Before we talked after the Parade."

"What?"

She cowered and I realized how vulnerable she was, how easy it would be to snap her neck, but I restrained myself as we enveloped into one last kiss.

"Catocat... Just remember I'll love you even after you end me."

"Kat... Kat... You deserve to go back to your family. I'll die for you, to make up not doing anything earlier to help you survive. You did it all yourself. I was merely a selfish lover."

"So killing Clove, that was me? No, Cato. If there is one thing I want to accept, it's letting me die. Kill me and I will die loving you. Kill yourself, and I will die a heartbeat behind you, hating you." I'm sure she didn't mean the hating part, but she had hit something.

I raised my sword to puncture her stomach as my Academy training kicked in.

She talked back to me!, the old Cato shouts as it takes over.

She's my girl, not my victim!

At the last second, I regained control and pointed the tip up to give her a painless death, a smile on her face.

I regret it. But no amount of regretting could bring her back now - although I feel fatigue coming on, and I know we'll be together soon.

*White noise*