Chapter 2:
When Clarke woke up, the room was dimly lit with the flickering candles she'd grown accustomed to since coming to Polis. She couldn't move her body and her neck appeared to be sore when she tried to turn it to the right and then back to the left. Her eyes were heavy and she could tell she needed sleep, but she was grateful to just be able to open them again. Her breathing was labored and she somehow knew she wasn't yet out of the woods. When her eyes landed on Lexa who was lying next to her, she tried to smile at the girl, but couldn't because she recognized that her cheek still held the stain of her own blood and she could tell that tears had streaked down both cheeks as well. She wasn't sure if she could speak so she wiggled her fingers, feeling Lexa's hand grasping them. The Commander's eyes shot opened immediately and stared at her. Then, Lexa recognized Clarke and sighed deeply before pulling her hand from Clarke's and placing it on her cheek.
"You're safe." She told her.
Clarke recalled the last time she'd uttered those words to her. She hadn't been sure that she could trust her then. She knew she could trust her now.
"What happened?" Clarke asked her.
"We've done what we can. Murphy was able to find Octavia and Indra. Octavia is on her way to Arkadia to get your mother."
"The bullet…" Clarke faded as she tried to feel her stomach.
"Don't." Lexa pulled Clarke's hand away from the wound. "It's still inside. You shouldn't move. You should rest."
"If I fall asleep, I might not wake up."
Lexa leaned forward to press her forehead to Clarke's.
"I didn't say fall asleep. I said to rest. Just lie still." Lexa moved her hand over Clarke's wound and set it there as lightly as she could. "Titus will pay with his life for this."
"You can't do that." Clarke replied. "You can't kill the Flamekeeper for trying to kill someone your people view as an enemy."
"He wanted blood. It should be his."
"Lexa, you can't." Clarke felt a terrible pain shoot through her body and her face reflected it.
"What's wrong?" Lexa pulled her face back to look at her. "I'll get the healer." She practically jumped off the bed and turned to walk toward the door.
"Just stay." Clarke gulped. "They can't do anything." She reminded Lexa. "They don't have…" She faded out. "Arkadia…" She tried to finish.
"Your mother should be here by morning." Lexa walked back toward the bed, but stopped at the nearby table and reached for a rag that had been placed in a bowl of water. She wrung it out and then moved to kneel on the bed, placing it on Clarke's forehead. She stared down at her wishing there was something more she could offer her. She wished she could take her pain away. She knew in that moment and if she was being honest with herself, she knew in many other moments that she would gladly give her life to protect Clarke. It was not the way of the Commander. That was true. She knew at least in that, Titus had been right. To be Commander was to be alone, but Lexa knew something Titus did not. Clarke made her better. She was a better Commander to her people because of how Clarke challenged her, because of the person Clarke was. She'd been so close to telling her how she felt. Knowing Clarke was leaving and that it would be a long time before they saw each other again almost caused her to utter those words, but she worried that Clarke would again turn her away. She worried that her feelings would not be returned. She worried that that pain would be the end of her. Watching Clarke walk away would have been bad enough, but telling her that she loved her and having Clarke not say it back would have caused her unspeakable pain. So, she changed her reply. She never thought Clarke would initiate a kiss.
Lexa had been so patient with her. She'd respected her space, her wishes. She'd let her deal with her grief over Mount Weather and the betrayal she felt by someone she thought she could trust. Lexa knew she'd made the right decision at the mountain. The Commander in her didn't regret it for a moment, but the person inside her hated hurting Clarke, hated risking the possibility of something between them someday. She never thought she'd get the chance to repair the damage of that day.
"You should use… that on you." Clarke motioned with her eyebrows without moving any other part of her body. "Your face."
Lexa reached to her cheek, feeling something foreign there.
"It's not the first time I've had blood on my face." She told Clarke. "But it will be the last time that it's yours." She assured.
"You should go." Clarke suggested. "You have to lead-"
"Indra remained behind. She is my second."
"Lexa-"
"No." Lexa insisted. "I won't leave you." She insisted. "Not this time." Clarke's eyes shut again while Lexa watched over her. "Ste yuj, Clarke. Be strong."
"My daughter was shot because of you, because of this failed alliance." It was Abby's voice that woke her from her sleep. Her eyes could barely handle the amount of light in the room and it was then that she realized she wasn't in her own room. She recognized the patterns the light was dancing through. She was in Lexa's room. She was in Lexa's bed. She tried to swallow and had difficulty. She was incredibly thirsty. She looked to her right as saw that she'd been hooked up to an IV and she lifted her head just enough to notice bandages on her stomach that she knew didn't come from the healer.
"Clarke's attacker will be dealt with." It was Lexa's voice, but she couldn't see her. She tried to lean forward a little, but was met with pain so she leaned back against the pillow. It was then that she took in the scent of Lexa. She'd so recently been lying in this bed with her, tracing her fingers up and down her back admiring her tattoo and the watching the girl roll over and smile at her the biggest smile she'd ever seen her offer the world. She'd been so happy that she was the cause of that smile.
When Titus began his attack, she was just doing everything she could to stay out of a bullet's path. When she saw Lexa enter the doorway out of the corner of her eye and realized that's where she was headed and that meant so was a bullet out of Titus's gun, she instinctively jumped in front of her. There was no other way to describe her movement other than to say that her instinct, her heart told her to protect Lexa. It wasn't her quick thinking that Lexa's death could mean a war between the grounders and the sky people. It wasn't her worrying about her people over everything else. It was her desire to keep Lexa safe.
She heard a loud beeping and recognized it as a monitor. She looked to her hand and saw she was attached to one and watched as her mother ran into the room flanked by Lexa and Octavia.
"Clarke, lie back." Abby ordered. "You just had surgery." She rushed to her side and quickly examined the screen she had attached to the monitor on Clarke's finger.
"Is she okay?" Octavia asked while nervously playing with her fingers.
"We took the bullet out, honey. There was some damage to your liver so we had to take a piece of it out too. You need to rest, but you'll be okay." She paused and pressed her hand to Clarke's forehead as if checking her temperature. Lexa stood back behind her, not sure what to do. "I want to take you back to Arkadia, but we had to sneak out and Murphy stole a truck to get us here fast enough so-"
"Clarke should stay here." Lexa interjected. "We'll get you whatever you need to take care of her."
Abby turned toward Lexa.
"This is how you take care of my daughter!" She glared at her. "She has a bullet wound in her gut thanks to your protection."
"Mom, stop." Clarke moved her hand to cover Abby's. "It's not her fault."
"It's Pike's fault." Octavia spoke up and took a step toward the bed. "This all started with him. Things were fine until he became Chancellor."
"Fine might not be the best way to describe it." Clarke realized she'd made a joke and let out a small laugh, but it was enough to cause pain to shoot through her once again. She'd noticed Lexa's shy smile at her joke, but it disappeared the moment she realized Clarke was in pain and she'd made her way to the other side of the bed and knelt down next to her. She sat her hand on the bed near Clarke's, but not touching it. Clarke stared at it for a moment before Abby drew her attention away.
"I brought what I could with me, but Clarke, you really should be in a real hospital."
"We can't take her back there." Octavia reminded her. "If Pike sees her or me, he'll lock us up. If we get lucky, he'll let her stay in the hospital first, but he might not care enough to help a grounder sympathizer." She paused. "Clarke's better off here." She nodded in Clarke's direction. Clarke understood that nod to be her way of apologizing for questioning Clarke's loyalty to her people earlier.
"I can't go there, but I can't stay here either." Clarke stated.
"Why?" Lexa asked concerned.
"The kill order."
"Isn't in effect, Clarke. I stopped it, remember?" Lexa explained and stared down at her hand only for a moment before looking back at Clarke.
"The blockade?" Clarke asked.
"There are guards stationed outside of Arkadia." Lexa explained. "I've sent word to hold off on the kill order, but to follow anyone who leaves the camp and report back to me."
"Well, that's better than killing people when they leave." Octavia retorted.
"Yes, it is." Clarke stated in agreement, but also as a way to get Octavia to calm down.
"You can stay here, Clarke." Lexa told her. She looked at Abby. "She'll be safe here. I give you my word."
"I want to trust you, Lexa." Abby started. "But I don't know if I can. This is my daughter."
"Mom, you can trust her." Clarke moved her hand a few inches over to cover Lexa's. Lexa looked surprised at this touch and stared at their connected hands as she had done when she bowed before Clarke to swear her fealty to her, to show her that she would treat her people as her own, to show her that she viewed her as her equal. The Commander never bows to anyone, but Lexa bowed to her. As Clarke helped her up, Lexa's eyes remained on their linked hands not comprehending the fact that Clarke's hand was on hers and that the girl she never thought she'd be able to touch again, was touching her.
Abby's eyes went to their hands before returning back to Clarke. Octavia stared at the hands only for a moment before rolling her eyes and turning her body to stare out the window instead.
"We need more medicine." Abby pronounced.
"You'll get it. I'll send riders to Arkadia." Lexa started to explain.
"I'll go." Octavia didn't even turn around. "If you send riders, it will start a war. Pike's already on the path. I'll sneak in, get what Abby needs, meet up with Kane, make a plan."
"A plan to take out Pike?" Clarke asked her. She watched as Abby took a syringe and stuck it in the IV. She suspected she'd be asleep soon thanks to whatever medication her mother just pumped into her.
Octavia nodded and turned back toward them.
"Make a list of what you need. I'll get it." She looked at Abby. "Can I take Indra?" She turned toward Lexa.
"Indra is-" Lexa started.
"Yes." Clarke interrupted her. Lexa looked down at her. "You need to be out there." She told Lexa. "You shouldn't be in here with me. They're already talking about it. You need to be out there, leading your people. You need to prevent a war, Lexa."
"Indra is perfectly capable of-"
"Indra is not you." Clarke reminded her. She looked toward Octavia. "Take Indra if you need her."
"Who's the Commander now?" Octavia replied sarcastically. "I'm taking a horse. Less obvious." She started walking toward the door. "I'll get Indra. Abby?"
"I'll get you a list." Abby stood. "I'll be right back." She said to Clarke before walking away. She glanced in Lexa's direction as if saying she better not mess with her daughter and followed Octavia out.
"Clarke-"
"Lexa, you know I'm right. How long has it been since I was shot?"
"Two days." Lexa answered her.
"That's two days too long. You need to-"
"I will." Lexa stopped her and gripper her hand more tightly. "Are you in pain?"
"I'm fine."
"That's not what I asked, Clarke."
"Have you noticed that you say my name a lot?" Clarke smiled shyly at her, feeling the medicine's effect take over. "You'll be looking right at me, I'll be the only one in the room and you still say Clarke."
Lexa smiled at her.
"Is that better than talking about my death?" She attempted to joke back.
Clarke's eyes got heavy.
"I don't want to sleep. I need-"
"To rest, Clarke. You need to rest." She moved so that she was lying beside her and rolled on her side to face her. Her hand went to Clarke's thigh since she worried she couldn't lay it over her stomach.
"You can't-"
"Just until you fall asleep and then I will return to being Commander."
Clarke's breathing slowed as her eyes closed. Lexa watched her closely. She was so grateful to be able to watch the girl's chest rise and fall with every breath knowing how close she'd come to losing her.
"I was happy." Clarke practically whispered.
"What?" Lexa asked her, leaning closer to try to hear.
"When we were here last time, I was happy."
"Here?"
"This room." Clarke took a deep breath and turned her head ever so slightly toward Lexa, keeping her eyes closed. "I never thought I'd never be happy again after everything."
Lexa smiled and moved her hand to Clarke's face brushing her matted blonde hair away so she could see it better. Clarke's breathing grew even slower and Lexa could recognize she was asleep. She leaned in and pressed her lips to Clarke's.
"I was happy too." She whispered knowing the girl couldn't hear her.
