Chapter Two: Me and You
When Dean heard the voice asking him if he was Samuel Winchester's emergency contact, Dean could feel his knees buckling. "Um, yeah, I'm Dean Winchester, he's my brother. What is this about?" Dean asked. Sam wasn't even supposed to be in college yet, he'd taken classes to graduate early so he could go as soon as possible. He was only 17. Dean had custody, but they managed to fool anyone from the state if they tried to stick their noses in. Dean knew that Sam had taken summers off too, and so he was already a sophomore, when he should just be a junior in high school. Dean had protested Sam going to school so quickly, he'd been one to think that you should spend time being a kid, not working so hard. Dean knew that Sam wasn't one to stick around home, and he knew why Sam had been so quick to get away. He hadn't wanted to be around Dean and John. That hurt Dean more than he wanted to admit.
Then he heard the nurse telling him that there had been an accident. Sam had been in a car accident, and they were telling Dean that he was in a coma. Dean brushed his hand over his chin. He met Cas' eyes, who was looking at him with a concerned expression. Dean listened and then asked, "So…. how serious is it? I mean, do you think he'll wake up?" His free hand reached out, and Cas' fingers slid into his easily. Dean took a breath as he tightened his grip on Cas' fingers. Dean couldn't imagine what Sam must be going through, and all he had left was Sam. He couldn't lose him. He really wished that he'd waked and baked, because this was one of the worst things that could have happened. Dean's breath caught in his throat as they told him they couldn't tell him that over the phone, that it would be better if he came to talk to the doctor.
He heard himself tell the nurse he'd be there as soon as he could get a flight out, that he'd be coming from New York. Dean spoke a bit more and then hung up, his phone still in his hand, and Dean looked at it in shock. Dean didn't know what he was going to tell Cas, he knew that he had to tell him the truth. Dean's eyes brushed with tears, and his chin trembled. Dean's voice was quiet as he said, "Cas, my brother's in a coma." The words felt strange to his ears, and he knew that it was true, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself.
Cas looked at Dean, his fingers still clutching Dean's. "Oh, baby…" Cas said, watching Dean's chin quivering. He leaned out and took Dean in his arms, Dean crying on Cas' shoulder. He knew how devastated Dean was going to be if something happened to his brother. Cas knew that Dean loved him more than anything else in the world. He also knew that Dean had had to raise Sam mostly by himself, since John had had to work so hard to keep a roof over their heads. That was something else they'd covered the night before. Cas knew that there was nothing he could say that was going to make this better. He wished there was. He knew that there wasn't and he hated that. Cas stroked Dean's back. "I'm sorry, baby, you know that I am." He knew that that wasn't going to help much but he knew that it would some. Cas listened to Dean's sobs, and he wished that he could do something more than he was doing. It was so hard to hear Dean be this upset and not be able to do anything.
It wasn't really fair. Cas had Dean sit down at the table, even if Dean might not be as hungry as he was, he still had to eat. He nudged Dean's plate closer to him when he'd sat down. Cas met those green eyes, which reminded him of the green in the leaves on the lane back home on the plantation. Cas' family had been extremely rich for years, during the Civil War they'd barely managed to keep their land, Cas still wasn't sure how and no one had ever really explained it to him. The entire South had been ravaged, and especially after Sherman's March. Cas honestly had been on the North's side when he'd been younger, and he was still sure that was the case. It hadn't been just slavery like everyone thought it was. Cas missed the plantation house, it had actually been burned down during Sherman's March and his family had had to restore it during the Reconstruction years. So it wasn't as old as it should be. It was still very old however, and Cas had used to hide in the dumbwaiter when he'd been wanting to get away from the yelling his parents had done.
Cas knew how hard this was on Dean, especially when he didn't eat with the same gusto he'd had the night before with dinner. Cas didn't want to force him to talk, so he didn't say anything. Just worked on his breakfast. He knew that Dean was going to have to go out to California, and honestly, that was scaring him. This may be love, but it was new. Cas was going to be so worried about him in California. Cas knew it was because of Dean's reputation, and he told himself that nothing was going to happen, Dean was going to visit his brother who was in a coma. He knew how insane it was to be worrying about Dean being unfaithful.
Breakfast was quiet. Dean ate dutifully, knowing that Cas wanted him to. He did know somewhere inside him that he really did need his strength. Dean pushed around most of his food, but he did eat at least enough to satisfy his boyfriend. Dean didn't know what he was going to do if he lost Sam. Sam was the only family he had left. Dean stared at the table, Cas was clearing away the plates, and Dean was fiddling with the handle on his coffee mug. "Cas, I love you." He said, his tone soft. "I know I have no right to ask this. And I know that you might not be able to come. I really want you to, though, please, Cas. I don't have anyone else to ask to help me with this. I need you." Cas turned to face him, tears in his eyes. "Sammy is the only family that I have left. I can't lose him and be alone if it happens. Please, Cas, come with me. If it looks like it's going to be awhile you can always come home."
It wasn't fair of him to ask, Dean knew that. But he also knew that he couldn't get through this without Cas. Dean's voice was rough as he spoke again. "Cas, I know how insane it is to ask you to come. I know that. I also know that you don't have any obligation to come. We met yesterday, in love or not." Dean was going to say more when Cas crossed the room and kissed him, deeply. Dean was too surprised to do anything but kiss back. When the kiss broke, Cas told Dean that he didn't even have to 'd move some things around and go with him. Dean's eyes overflowed with the tears that were brimming in his eyes. He knew that he'd really hit the jackpot with Cas. Dean wasn't sure what he'd done to get Cas, he didn't believe in fate, but this was starting to feel like it. Dean started to cry, and Cas brushed some of the tears off his cheeks.
"You don't have to do this alone, Dean."
Brushing some tears off Dean's cheeks, Cas kissed his nose. "Why don't you go and shower, and I'll get the plane tickets. Stanford California, right?" He asked, and Dean nodded. "Chuck and I both have separate bathrooms, mine's just off my bedroom. There are clothes in the dresser that will fit, even if they're not your style." He told him, watching a small smile play on Dean's lips through his tears. Cas brushed his lips over Dean's again and let him go off into the bedroom. Cas leaned against the counter. He looked up at the ceiling. He was going to have some words with God. Cas wasn't sure that he believed in God, and he wished that he did sometimes. "So, I don't know why you're choosing to torture this family again… but I really wish you wouldn't. Dean is an amazing person. I barely know him but I know that's true. You can't hurt him like this anymore. Please, don't let something happen to his brother."
It honestly wasn't what Cas had planned for their day. But he knew that God had apparently had other plans. Cas moved to the communal computer, and started to look up airplane ticket prices. He didn't know what he was going to tell Dean when there wasn't a flight till later that night. But it was the only choice they had. Driving or grabbing a bus would take too long, Cas knew that Dean wasn't going to want to wait that long. Cas hated that Dean was going to have to wait all day to find out what was happening with Sam. He knew it was the freak snow storm. Cas just hoped that it would let up sometime soon. The flight wasn't until ten o'clock, and he knew that it was going to be a long day for Dean. Cas purchased the tickets, hoping that Dean wasn't going to try and pay him for them, Cas didn't mind doing this for him. Dean may be doing okay but Cas didn't want him to have to shell out money for this, not when Cas had it covered.
Dean came out of the shower, dressed in a pair of Cas' jeans, which he'd had to roll up a bit, just because Cas was just an inch or two taller than he was, and a soft grey sweater. Dean hadn't been able to see himself wearing anything else in the dresser or closet. Dean moved to the couch, Cas was sitting there, and there was some rerun of something Dean had never seen before on the television. Dean sat down with him, curling up with his knees underneath him and leaning his head on Cas' shoulder, who put his arm around him. Dean was quiet a moment,and then he said, "Did you get the tickets?" Dean had no idea how to really use a computer, and he knew that he'd have been useless trying to do that. When Cas told him the flight wasn't until ten that night, Dean's eyes brushed with tears. He knew that Cas couldn't help it though, he'd done what he could. There was no getting around it.
He just hated that he had to wait all day, Sam could die in those hours. Dean didn't want to have to worry about if he missed it because he was stuck in New York. Dean looked out the window, the snow was still falling pretty heavily. Dean was starting to wonder if they'd even get to the airport today. What if flights were shut down? Dean really didn't think he could handle having to be here another day here while Sam was in California in a coma. Dean brushed his hand across his scruffy chin and tried to focus on what Cas was watching on television. Dean wasn't sure that it was something he would watch on his own. Dean stroked circles on Cas' stomach, not able to help himself. He was hoping that it was going to help him feel better.
"I'm scared, Cas."
When Dean told him that he was scared, Cas wasn't a bit surprised. He didn't know that he blamed him. If it had been someone in his family he'd be just as scared, even if they didn't care that Cas existed. Since he was gay and all. Cas stroked Dean's arm. He was trying to be what Dean needed, and honestly, he had no idea how to do that. "I know you are, Dean. It's completely reasonable to be scared. But I know that you shouldn't worry more than you are, because right now there is literally nothing you can do. Waiting sucks but you can't do anything about it. You've done all you can do for now, so try to relax a little. Worrying that much isn't good for anyone, least of all Sam." Cas hoped that wasn't too harsh for Dean to hear, and he'd said it in the calmest voice that he could. He knew that Dean needed to hear it. It was true that he couldn't do anything more than he had done.
Cas handed Dean the remote. "Pick something you want to watch and we'll watch that, okay?" He said, and Dean nodded. Cas let him flip through the channels, and wasn't surprised when Dean settled on an old Western. Cas didn't like them himself but he knew that Dean did, that was one of the things that had come up the night before. Cas watched Dean's face, he wasn't crying anymore but he still looked worried, and like he wasn't really focused on the movie. Cas stroked his arm and Dean's head burrowed further into Cas' neck. Cas was just glad that he could be here for him. He knew that Dean didn't really have many friends. Cas was sorry that he had to go through life like that. It really wasn't fair.
Before Cas could say anything more, there was a knock at the door. Cas reluctantly got up to get it. He moved to the door and opened it, it was Charlie Bradbury, a lesbian friend of his from his creative writing class. "Hey, Charlie." Cas said, stepping back to let her in. He wondered what she was here for. They were friends but they didn't hang out a lot. Charlie had a major crush on Jo, and Cas felt bad for her because it was never going to happen.
Charlie stepped in, her bookbag was over her shoulder. "Hey, Cas. I was hoping maybe I could hang out for a bit, my roommate's shagging her stupid boyfriend and I can't be around that." She caught sight of Dean on the couch, and looked at Cas. "No way, you have a boy over?" She asked, watching him blush. She couldn't believe it, it had been awhile since Michael. "I am so proud of you!" She told him, smacking his arm lightly. She didn't know what she was going to do if he got a boyfriend and she still didn't have a girlfriend. She could tell there was something going on though, Cas was being quiet despite her praise. "What's up, Cas? What's with the look?" She could tell when he was upset.
That was a loaded question. He said, "Yes, I have a boy here, his name is Dean Winchester and he's my boyfriend." Cas felt pretty confident in saying that, since they'd already told each other they loved each other. Cas knew that Charlie wouldn't pressure him or think it was insane that he and Dean had jumped so quickly into this. Charlie was a romantic at heart. Cas didn't know what to tell her about what was going on, not without Dean's permission. "There's… we're going to be out of town for at least a couple of days." He finally said, he didn't want to go into detail unless Dean said it was okay. He watched her face, and he knew that she was trying to gauge how serious it was on his face. Since he hadn't announced it happily.
Then he realized that she'd asked him about what the look had been about. "Charlie, I can't tell you what it is, that's Dean's news to tell you or not." He said, as they walked into the living room. Dean was staring at the television as if in a trance. Cas could tell that wasn't good. He moved to sit down next to Dean, who immediately snuggled back up into him. "Charlie, this is Dean, he's my boyfriend. Dean, this is a friend of mine, Charlie." Dean looked at her and nodded, before he buried his head back into Cas' neck. Cas met Charlie's eyes, and he wondered exactly what she was thinking. It was hard to know. Cas watched as she settled on the floor next to the coffee table and started pulling out books and things so she could do her homework. Cas wrapped an arm around Dean, stroking his side softly. He knew that Dean just needed to relax, there was nothing they could do about the flight not being until later.
Dean kept his head buried in Cas' neck. He mumbled something that was a greeting to Charlie, and he knew that Charlie was going to wonder what was going on. He just couldn't tell her. He couldn't say the words out loud, because then it would make it real. He didn't want to make it real. Dean took a shaky breath, and he smelled Cas, who smelled like Old Spice. It was a great smell. Dean was rapidly coming to think of that smell as home. He would never be able to smell Old Spice without thinking of Cas. Dean himself wore Ralph Lauren, just because he was a mechanic didn't mean that he couldn't smell good. He hadn't had any here though so he was wearing Old Spice too. He supposed that the silver lining to this, the flight not being until later, he could stop and pack some of his own things from his apartment.
The movie kept playing, but Dean just listened to it, and he listened to Cas and Charlie chattering about their school friends and classes and things. He didn't know what he was going to do if he lost Sam. He knew that losing Sam might push him over the edge, and he could lose Cas. Dean hadn't been over the edge in a long time, but he didn't think that Cas would still want to be with him if he did go off the deep end. Cas was a good person, Dean could tell. Dean wasn't someone who followed rules if he didn't have to. He'd run some credit card scams in his time. Not a lot, but if he needed it he did. Dean didn't want to go off the rails and risk losing Cas. There was no way that he was going to find someone who loved him like Cas did already, and he knew how special that was.
The next afternoon, they were in Stanford. They had pulled up in the visitor's' parking lot, and they were walking up to the hospital. Dean was holding Cas' hand tightly, fingers laced together. Dean was nervous as hell. He'd called the hospital as soon as they'd gotten off the plane, and they'd told him there had been no change, which Dean was trying to look at as a good thing. He didn't know if he could really do this, but he knew that he had to. They had stopped to get food on the way, they were smuggling in some burgers and fries in Cas' messenger bag. They had a hotel nearby, they'd taken a quick nap before they'd gotten here. Dean was trying to keep his voice stoic, and he didn't know what he was going to do if Sam had passed since he'd spoken to a doctor. He looked at Cas. "Do you…. Do you think… Sammy's okay?" He finally asked, his voice wobbling a bit.
That caused Cas to squeeze Dean's fingers. "I am sure he's going to be okay, Dean. You have to be as positive as you can about this. You can't go into this thinking that you're going to lose him." Cas led them through the glass doors, and they headed for the ICU. They already knew where he was located, they'd told them over the phone. Only because Dean was family. Cas slowed as they reached Sam's room, and he turned to Dean. "Do you want me to go in with you at first?" He asked, not sure what Dean was going to say. When Dean nodded, they stepped inside. Cas' eyes brushed with tears, and he didn't even know Sam. But Dean's face remained stoic. He sat down in a chair next to Sam's bed, and Cas started getting out the food. He knew that this was going to be hard on him, and he just wanted to do the best he could to be there for Dean. He didn't know what else to say. It wasn't something that Cas had ever had to deal with before, and it was a new territory. He just didn't want to do the wrong thing so he was doing his best to be there for Dean.
Dean was quiet, and accepted the burger and fries Cas passed him on a paper plate. He'd also gotten a strawberry milkshake, because he knew it was Sammy's favorite. Dean sniffled as he took a sip of it. He knew that he didn't have to speak to Cas, they could sit in a room and just be. Dean knew that that was rare to feel that with someone. It was what everyone was looking for. Dean was scared that Cas may be it, because he wasn't sure that he was ready for that yet, but he knew that he could get ready if he had to. Dean already didn't want to give Cas up. He also knew that he didn't have to. He took a bite of his burger and chewed. He heard Cas' phone ring, and Cas had to step out and take it, it was Jo. Dean watched him go. A feeling of love for him overtook him and his eyes welled with tears.
"I'm gonna marry that guy." Dean whispered, sticking a fry in his mouth.
Outside the room, Cas was talking to Jo. "I don't know how long I'll be. I just think a couple of days, Dean said if it's going to be awhile he'll understand if I need to get back to school." Cas told her. He honestly had a suspicion that it was going to be awhile and he didn't want to say it out loud. Cas sighed as he looked into the room, Dean was eating but he was just watching Sam's monitor and the machine that was helping him breathe. Cas said, "I really think that this is going to end with Sam not waking up. I don't know that Dean's ready to admit that… but that's the feeling I'm getting. I'm scared to death, because I don't know that Dean's going to make it through that. Sam's all the family he has left." Cas didn't know that he could blame Dean though, if he did take it hard. It was hard to lose your family when you actually liked them. He didn't like his family so it wouldn't bother him.
"What do I do, Jo? I mean, I don't know how to do this. You know I don't give two shits about my family. But they don't give a shit about me either. But Dean cares about his brother. I got the feeling that they haven't really spoken in awhile, but Dean cares what happens to him. He raised Sam for the most part after his mom died, their dad was working hard to keep a roof over their head." Cas didn't know what that felt like, to actually love your family. He'd known he was gay ever since he was a young kid, and he knew that they'd known too and hadn't been very accepting with him. Cas hadn't been surprised though, he knew that they'd never accept him for who he was. It wasn't as big a deal in the South as people thought it was, but Cas was from Southern aristocracy, so it was going to be different for him than it was for someone who wasn't.
Making a comforting noise, Jo said, "Cas, you just be there for Dean. I know that you don't have any experience with this, but it doesn't matter as long as you're there for him. If he doesn't ask you for what he needs, just try and be there for him. Make sure he eats, sleeps, you know. He can't be there for Sam if he's not taking care of himself too." Jo hadn't been through something like this either, but she knew that most of it was common sense. She didn't judge Cas though, sometimes he was awkward with human interactions and situations. She wasn't sure why but she knew sometimes he needed a nudge in the right direction on occasion. "You can do this. I know you get nervous, but all Dean needs is for you to be there." Jo didn't know what she would do in his position, but she knew that Cas was going to make it through this. He was a great guy and she could tell that he cared about Dean so much already.
"Cas, what exactly is going on with you and Dean, by the way? I mean, this seemed to get very serious very quickly. I mean, no one would expect you to be there for Dean during this and you didn't even hesitate. That doesn't make you wrong, because actually it's amazing that you did that for him. I just, you know that I don't want to see you hurt. And you have a tendency to get hurt when you jump in with both feet and not having a plan." She didn't know what she would do if Cas got hurt again. She couldn't stand that. Cas was her best friend and she had hated him being hurt like that. "Cas, you know that I love you. And I want you to be happy. But I just worry that you're in too deep already. It's great what you're doing for Dean, it really is. I just don't want to watch you get hurt like you were with Michael."
He did his best to hold back his anger. While he understood that Jo was just trying to help, but now was not the time to bring it up. "Seriously, Jo, you're going to bring this up now?" Cas tried to keep his tone from rising, he didn't want to disturb anyone, and he didn't want Dean to know he was so upset. "Your concerns aren't unwarranted, I know that this has gone fast, but it's my life. Not yours. I don't want to talk about this now. My boyfriend's brother is in there in a coma." This was said sharply, and Cas hung up sharply. He knew that they hadn't fought often, but he wanted her to know that while she had meant well it was the wrong time to talk about it. Cas stood there for a moment, fighting back his anger.
And his eyes brushed with tears, and he hated himself for getting that upset. Cas looked into Sam's room, Dean was finishing up his food, and tossing the trash back in the takeout bag. Cas had to stand there a moment and compose himself before he went inside. "It was Jo." Cas told him, settling back into his seat and reaching for his now lukewarm burger. He took a bite as Dean turned to look at him. "Do you need something else? I told you you might get thirsty if you drank the milkshake." Cas did his best to keep his voice steady, there was no point in upsetting Dean when he didn't have to. His fight with Jo wasn't something that was going to need to be talked about right now.
"What's wrong, Cas? I know that you're upset about something. Spill. I know you're trying not to upset me, but I also know that I need something to focus on that's not Sammy or I'm going to go nuts. So tell me what's going on, baby." Dean said, meeting those blue eyes. They reminded him of the sky, and he could stare into them for hours. That was going to be something he'd have to do as soon as he had some time. Dean kept his gaze on his boyfriend, and he knew that Cas was going to protest but he was determined that his boyfriend tell him what was going on. Even if he didn't want to.
Hesitating, Cas looked into those green eyes and then he decided that he would tell him. He knew that Dean meant it about needing something to keep his mind off Sam. "Jo… she called to see how I was… and then after she told me that what I was doing, being there for you, was noble… then she asked me what I thought I was doing. How serious you and I are getting. Like right now is the time to talk about that." He said, shaking his head, his voice betraying him and shaking a little. Dean looked at him with a sympathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so upset. I just… she knows what's going on, now isn't the time to talk about it." Cas didn't know how Jo could have done this. Even if he got why she was concerned.
Leaning out, Dean kissed him softly. Then he brushed some hair off Cas' forehead. "It's okay, Cas. You don't have to talk to her about us if you don't want to. She's your best friend, that's true. But you don't owe her any explanations. We're us and we know what we want." Dean told him, stroking Cas' jaw. He brushed some tears off his cheek. "I know that we're moving faster than other people do…. But they're not in this relationship, we are. We get to choose how this goes." Dean had to admit, Jo wasn't wrong about what Cas was doing being noble. "She's not wrong about you being here being noble though. You know that no one would expect you to be here with me. I love that you are. But I wouldn't be mad if you took off and went home. I know how heavy this all is."
He brushed some more tears off Cas' face. "I love you. I know how insane it is… But I love you. I love you even more for coming out here with me. I didn't… I am glad that you agreed when I needed you. Because I know that I can't do this without you." His voice was shaking a bit as he spoke. Dean was definitely telling the truth. "I don't know how I would get through this if you weren't here with me. But that being said, I will understand if you need to go back home. We've known each other for two days. I can't expect you to give up your life for me. For Sammy. We have no idea how long he's going to.." Dean broke off, his voice was getting shaky. Cas reached out and thumbed some of the tears off his cheeks, and Dean met those blue eyes.
"Dean, you know that I don't want to be anywhere but here. We don't know anything really yet. I can miss a few days of school, let's just take it one day at a time, okay?" Cas said, brushing his hand through Dean's hair, getting it off his forehead. Cas sighed and said, "I know that it's noble… being here. But you needed me, Dean. I didn't even hesitate. I love you too. And you're right. This is our relationship and we get to decide how it goes." Cas didn't miss the look of relief on Dean's face when Cas said he was going to be able to stay for a few days. Cas knew he was going to have to go back sooner rather than later, but he also knew that he wanted to be here as much as he could for Dean.
"Now let me finish my food, Winchester."
They stayed as long as they could, due to when visiting hours were, and then they grabbed some dinner and went back to the hotel. They'd eaten at the restaurant, but Cas got them some pints of ice cream from the nearest grocery store to eat in the hotel. They were going to see what was on pay per view that they both wanted to watch and try not to worry about Sam. They'd eaten at a Chipotle, Cas had chosen it. He had wanted it semi healthy, and Dean had said he loved tacos so that had been a good place for them to go. Cas let them into their hotel room and Dean kicked off his sneakers immediately and stripped down to his tank top and boxer briefs, crawling into the bed. Cas got out some plastic spoons he'd also purchased and got into his pj bottoms, and then joined his boyfriend in bed, handing Dean the chocolate pint and a spoon.
"You've been pretty quiet. What are you thinking?" Cas asked, as he dug into his ice cream. He liked chocolate chip cookie dough. He took a bite and watched as Dean seemed to be thinking of what he was going to say to him in return. Cas flipped on the television, and pulled up pay per view to see what there was while he waited for Dean to give him an answer. "Although you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Cas hastened to add. He turned to look at Dean then as he took another huge bite of ice cream.
"I'm just… I'm thinking that I might lose Sam." Dean said, his voice shaking a bit as he dug his spoon into his ice cream. He didn't know what else to say. It was scaring the hell out of him. "I talked to the doctor before we left, when you were pulling the car around. He says that at this point, all they're doing is keeping him alive. They don't think he's going to wake up. They told me to prepare for the worst." Dean didn't know what he was going to do without Sam. His voice shook some more and he took a breath. "I haven't spoken to Sam in years. We had a fight at Dad's funeral… and Sam ran back here as soon as he could." Dean spooned up another bite and took it into his mouth and was quiet as he ate it. Cas waited for him patiently. "We had the biggest fight we'd ever had. I asked him why he hadn't been in contact since he'd been here. He did as much schoolwork as he could to get away from Dad and I."
Taking another deep breath, he said, "Dad was so hurt. Sam doesn't even call him Dad anymore. He calls him by his name, John. He did it to his face, whenever he spoke to him. I can't believe that he was able to do that… and Dad hated it. I asked Sam why he was so determined to get away from us, and he didn't want to answer me. He yelled at me that I didn't know how life and told me never to call him again and he left. We were at Dad's funeral. Dad's funeral. I was already so messed up. I lost my dad and my brother in one fell swoop. We haven't talked in years… I don't think if he does wake up he's even going to want me here."
Cas touched his shoulder. "Dean, I am sure that you can fix things. Sam is going to make it through this. I know that it's not good… but you have to try and be positive." He said. He didn't know what he was going to do to get Dean to believe that. "You have to try. I know it's hard." Cas told him, reaching out and kissing him softly. "If you need me to do that for you, I will. I know that we'll make it through this. It does really suck that you haven't spoken to Sam in a long time. But I know that Sam probably missed you as much as you missed him. You can't make him see your father differently. You're just going to have to accept that Sam's going to see things the way he wants. You can hope that one day he'll change and see things differently. I know how hard that had to have been for you. Well, not really, because I can't even imagine family who actually loves you."
Another bite of ice cream and he was kissing Dean again, who kissed him back. "I don't want you to worry about whether Sam wants you here if he wakes up. Things… when something like this happens, life has a way of working out from a different way than we can see at the time. You and Sam will be able to talk about things when he wakes up." Cas knew that Dean wasn't going to see it that way, but he had to try to get him to relax. He didn't want Dean worrying too much about what he couldn't control when there was so much to worry about already.
Dean sighed and took another bite of his ice cream. Cas started flipping through the movies on the pay per view, and they settled on Blazing Saddles, which Dean was surprised was even an option since it was so old. But he didn't mind because he loved that movie. Dean leaned to snuggle up to Cas as he ate some more of his ice cream. He wished that they'd gotten some beer or bourbon or something. Dean knew that that would be a bad idea though, to drown his sorrows in alcohol right now. Dean was trying to do like Cas said and not think about him and Sam being estranged. Dean knew that he wasn't going to be able to do anything about it yet and Cas was right about not worrying about it. There was nothing he could do at the moment and he knew that he wouldn't sleep if he couldn't stop worrying.
The next morning, Cas was up first. He was in charge of getting them up for breakfast, he was going to let Dean sleep a little longer while he took a shower. Cas was moving to get in the shower when his cell phone rang. He checked the caller id. It was Chuck. He answered. "Hey, Chuck." He said, moving to his suitcase to get out some jeans and a tee shirt. He was going to have to work on some homework at the hospital. They couldn't go until noon though, that's when visiting hours started. Cas searched till he found some underwear and put everything on the bathroom counter. "What's going on? It's early." It was only nine o'clock, and Cas was used to rising earlier than that three times a week for one of his classes, but Chuck wasn't. Chuck did his best to schedule his classes in the afternoon.
"Cas, I'm just checking in. How's Dean?" Chuck still felt that they were taking things too fast, but Cas was right, it was his relationship and Chuck had to stay out of it. Chuck took a deep breath. He didn't want to tell Cas this, but he knew that he had to. He didn't want Cas to hear about it from someone else, not that he expected anyone to call Cas to tell him, at least not right now. "Cas…. Michael called." Chuck winced as he said the words, he could almost see the look on Cas' face in his mind as he said the words. "He wanted to tell you that he's seeing someone new. I don't know if he meant to sound braggy about it… or if he was trying to be considerate."
When Chuck said that about Michael, Cas completely forgot about Chuck asking about Dean. "He what?" Cas asked, he turned white as he stood in front of the suitcase, he was going to get Dean's clothes out for him. Cas' hands were shaking, he'd leaned the phone between his head and shoulder. "I mean… it's not like I want him back. I don't. I just…. Why did he call to tell me that?" Cas asked, his voice breaking off almost before he was finished speaking. He didn't know why Michael had called to tell him that. Cas was glad that he hadn't been home and that Chuck had had to take the message. Cas wasn't sure that his resolve not to get back together with Michael if he had spoken to him. "Is that all he said? That he wanted me to know that he was seeing someone?"
As his roommate went through what Michael had said, Cas was trying to listen. He went back to the bathroom, turning on the water to get it warm. He was at a loss as to what to do. Cas didn't want to get back with him, but he also didn't want to tell Dean about it. Cas could barely concentrate on what Chuck was saying. But it did register that the guy that Michael was seeing was one of the football players, and so therefore he was one of the most popular guys on campus. Cas wasn't the least bit embarrassed that he was with Dean, but he had to admit, Michael may have been winning the new boyfriend war. That wasn't an official thing of course, but everyone knew that there was a contest to see who did better after a breakup.
They spoke a bit more and then Cas promised to check in with him later and got in the shower. He had to admit, he wasn't looking forward to seeing Michael around campus with his new boytoy. Chuck hadn't said what his name was, but he'd said that Michael had left that part out. Just thinking about Michael got him hard, and he knew that he was going to have to take care of business.
Dean was starting to stir, and he heard what sounded like masturbating sounds from the bathroom. Then he heard Cas call out the name 'Michael' and he was on alert. What the hell? He got needing to rub one out, but was Cas seriously thinking about someone else? Someone that wasn't him? Dean got out of the bed and stormed across the hotel room to the bathroom, not even knocking, just opening the door and walking in. "Cas, what the hell? Did you just call out some other guy's name while you're jacking off?!" Dean asked, as Cas jumped at the sound of Dean's voice in the bathroom. Cas had finished and he stepped out. Dean glared at him. "We're here because my brother is in a coma. One that he most likely won't wake up from. What the hell are you doing? I get needing to rub one out but thinking about some other guy?!"
HIs eyes brushed with tears. It wasn't cheating, and really, even though they were boyfriends, he wasn't sure that he had the right to be angry. They'd still only known each other two days. Or well, he supposed three now. Dean was shaking he was so angry though.
He knew that he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Dean was right to be upset. Cas reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He was starting to get a bit misty eyed. "Dean… I'm so sorry. It… Michael's my ex… we haven't been broken up very long, a few months." Cas didn't know what he was going to do if this couldn't be fixed. "I swear, Dean, I don't want him like that anymore. Chuck called to tell me that Michael was seeing someone new. He called me because Michael asked him to tell me. I don't know what Michael's motivation was…. But I don't know. I'm still very attracted to him. But I love you, Dean. I do. Please… don't make a big deal out of it." Cas knew that those were the wrong words to say at the look on Dean's face.
"Please, Dean… I know this was the inopportune moment…. But I honestly didn't mean anything by it."
Tears were dripping off Dean's chin. "Cas, are you serious?! Of all the things I'm going through right now and you're jacking off thinking about your ex boyfriend?! I'm not thinking about any of my exes. While there was only one guy, there were a lot of girls. I was a slut before I met you. Now I'm wondering why we're even together! Are you even over him? I believe that you love me. You can't fake love like I know you feel for me. But if you're still thinking about him when you're jerking off then you must still have feelings for him." Dean hated how much this hurt. He knew it had been a bad thing to get so attached to someone else.
"I'm going out. I can't even look at you right now."
Cas' eyes brushed with tears as Dean moved to leave the bathroom, grab some clothes, put them on, and then stormed out of the hotel room. Cas' heart was pounding out of his chest. What was going to happen? This was all his fault. Why had he done this? He hadn't needed to call out Michael's name like that. He was so scared that Dean wasn't going to come back. Cas didn't even know if he was going to be wanted at the hospital now. He brushed his hand through his wet hair and then moved to get dry and then get dressed. He called down for room service, making sure to get enough for Dean in case that he came back. Cas lay back on the bed, hugging himself. He was so scared. Why had he been so stupid? He knew how wrong he'd been and honestly he didn't blame Dean for being upset. They were boyfriends. He shouldn't have been thinking about Michael like that.
"Oh, Dean.. please come back." Cas muttered under his breath.
Dean was halfway down the street, storming angrily off when his cell phone rang. He was sure that it was either Cas or the hospital… and neither was making him feel any better.
Ordinary no
Really don't think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny
We were meant to be
Me and you
Like a perfect scene
from a movie screen
We're a dream come true
Suited perfectly
For eternity
Me and you
Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There's no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to
Every day I live
Try my best to give all I have to you
Thank the stars above that we share this love
Me and you
Ordinary no
Really don't think so
Just a precious few
Ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you
Author's note: XD. I've had this started since the 10th. Sorry it's late. For the most part it's been a great Pride month, I got so much gay smut/romance written. I haven't decided yet what's going to happen, that's just not how my fics work. XD. The muse kind of plans things for me. I am willing to bet that it's going to get more angsty though. Just a head's up. I hope ya'll are liking, and I'll do my best to update as soon as possible.
