Elsie sat on her bed after dinner that evening, biting her thumb. She held her phone in the other hand, staring at the blinking cursor of a new message. Alokia had saved Melody as 'TEXT THIS NUMBER OR SUFFER FOR ETERNITY'. Elsie felt compelled to send a text. Except, she didn't know what to put. She had drafted several attempts only to backspace them from existence. She was now contemplating how bad suffering for eternity could really be.
A knock on her door drew her from her thoughts.
"Yeah." She called. Her mother stuck her head in.
"You OK?" She asked. Elsie nodded, scratching her nose. Louisa spotted her phone. "Ya gonna text her then?"
"I don't know what to put."
"Um, hi."
"No, that's… lame." Elsie finished quietly. Louisa sighed. She moved to sit next to Elsie. "Mama, help."
"Probably wrong person to ask, mija, but I can try." She rubbed at her jaw, humming as she thought. "What about somethin' like… I dunno, uh…" She rolled her hand, as if that would make an idea come. She froze at a bemused laugh outside, glaring challengingly at the door. "Valdez." She called.
"Oh gods…. Uh, I'm not here. Leave a message after the beep. Beeep."
"Valdez, you're a dick." Leo tipped his head into the room, allowing himself to look hurt and betrayed for a moment. Then his grin materialised, the kind of devilish grin that, when on Charlie, Elsie was sent into immediate dilemma as to what he had done this time. But on Leo, the original idiot… not good.
"If I can get the most stubborn, hot-headed, infuriatingly annoying and violent zorra on the planet to marry me, I think, I think my expertise somewhat outweighs yours, chica." Louisa made a rude hand gesture, telling Elsie not to repeat it. Leo plonked himself down on Elsie's other side, tucking an arm around her shoulders. "So, would you like cheesy one-liners or mega-cheesy one-liners?"
"Can't I just have a normal suggestion?"
"I'm offended you think I'm capable of normal."
"Papi…" Elsie whined.
"Fine. Charlie said she hadn't tied her shoelaces, right?" Elsie nodded. "How about… Can I tie your shoe? Because I can't have you fall for anyone else."
"No."
"Rude. One of you had better have said that's one way to knock a girl off her feet or I'll be severely disappointed."
"Martine said something like that."
"Disappointed."
"Not helping."
"Ugh. Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want to fall down some more stairs?" Leo grinned. Elsie groaned, shoulders slumping as her mother cracked up.
"Ya can't put that!"
"Yes she can, it's gold!"
"No! Bibi, just say hi."
"That's boring!" Leo exclaimed. "Disappointed! Disappointed, Lou!"
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you too!"
"Hey!" Elsie elbowed them both. "You can fight later, help me!"
"I was helping!"
"You were not!"
"Like you're doing any better!" Leo stuck his tongue out. Louisa tipped her chin up defiantly. Elsie coughed and they squished her in a hug between them. "What about-?"
"No cheese."
"Ugh, fine. Big mistake, but fine." He huffed, breath ruffling her hair. He snatched the phone from her hand, Elsie protested instantly, but he was quicker. He hopped to his feet, moving to the other side of the room, typing. Elsie chased after him, but her father displayed surprising swiftness, laughing as he easily dodged her every attempt. He kissed her forehead when she swore, fuming at him. "So like your mama. Here. I've not sent it yet, but try this."
"What's it say?" Louisa asked. She had picked up Elsie's babyhood dolphin toy, making faces at it. Elsie read the text to herself and then aloud.
"Hey, it's the girl you nearly killed at the mall today. There are quicker ways to win someone's heart, food for a start. Fancy raiding McDonalds on Thursday, my treat?" She looked up at her father, who was smiling. "Again, I'm broke."
"It's a good job you've got such generous parents then, mm? You've got a thirty dollar budget, get a job, you bum."
"I am trying, but you keep giving me extra school work to do."
"That's 'cos you've got a good fuckin' brain on you." Louisa set the dolphin aside. "I don't know many kids who've been about six ta eight years of education ahead of their age. Even the Jacksons, Sage at best is 'bout three years ahead." She smiled. "All three of you are better than all seven of them."
"Damn straight!" Leo beamed proudly. "You can't ever beat a Valdez, we're the best! Now send that message!"
"But-"
"Send it!"
"OK, OK!" Elsie pressed send, heart hammering behind her ribs. "Now what?"
"Uh, generally conversations are two-sided, so you might have to wait for her to reply before anything else."
"What if she doesn't reply though? Or… or if she's not, you know, gay or-"
"Nah, if this Martine girl gave ya this Melody's number, that's a good sign."
"But-"
"Elsie, don't overthink it." Leo squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Hopefully you've inherited Valdez charm too. Always a winner." Elsie's phone buzzed. She yelped, throwing it. Louisa caught it before it hit her head, raising a brow.
"Sorry!" Elsie squeaked, Leo trying and failing to stifle laughter. "You read it!"
"No, it's your phone." Louisa stood, holding the phone out. Elsie shook her head, but Leo was pushing her forward. Louisa grabbed her wrist as soon as she was close enough and for the second time that day, Elsie's phone smacked on her palm. "You read it." Elsie unlocked her phone, the message opened automatically. Again, she read it to herself first. When she laughed, her parents grinned at each other.
"What did she say, what did she say?" Leo asked eagerly, jostling her shoulders slightly.
"She said 'I thought the quickest way to someone's heart was a bilateral incision of the upper left region of the sternum, but go off'." Her phone buzzed again. "Through the fourth and fifth ribs." She clarified. Another buzz. "With something sharp." Buzz. "She likes biology."
"No kidding!"
"What do I put?"
"That's for the third date." Leo replied without missing a beat. Heat rose in Elsie's cheeks, but she was smiling. She tapped the reply, excitement tingling her fingertips. Louisa ruffled her hair, laughing when the phone buzzed again. "We'll leave you to it," Leo squeezed her shoulders, "confirm Thursday!"
