He couldn't sleep. He was completely and utterly exhausted, but he just couldn't find rest. His mind was wandering.

He thought he knew what it would be like to be out here. He knew he would have to kill, if not sooner later. Everyone kills. Even Medic has killed. War is killing. No one hid it, on the contrary, it was all anyone talked about. I guess when you're here it's the only thing you can talk about, he thought morbidly.

Everyone had cheered for him when they learned he had killed RED Spy, on his first day no less. They celebrated killing here.

But he couldn't get over the feeling of uneasiness; any time he tried to justify it in his head he just couldn't. He had killed someone; murdered him. How can you justify killing anyone, for what ever reason?

A tapping at his door broke his chain of thought. "Come in." he called, clicking on the lamp that he kept on the end table next to the bed.

Engineer stepped in, closing the door behind him. He had changed clothes since dinner. His helmet and goggles were gone giving BLU Spy his first look at Engie's eyes. They were a soothing green, almost emerald color. He had shaggy brown hair that looked like it hadn't been combed in quite a few weeks. He sported a wife beater shirt which showed off his toned arms and pecs nicely, a scruff of chest hair visible above it. For pants all he had on were boxers… just boxers. Spy had to breathe in very deeply to keep from blushing.

"Hey," he said casually.

It took him a moment to find his voice again. "H…hi. What's up?"

"Just wanted ta check on ya'," he said. Spy was finding it difficult not to get lose in that accent, it was like mu- Snap out it! He yelled at himself inwardly, "You kinda freaked out durnin' supper."

"Yeah… I guess I did…" He got out from under the covers, resting his feet on the cool floor. He wished they had carpet.

Engie crossed his arms, biceps flexing accordingly. Spy found it hard not to look at them, "Somethin' you might wanna talk about?"

His first instinct was to lie, no need to show anyone that he was having doubts about being here. After all, he had signed himself up. But then again, Engineer had come to him. "It's just…"

"Just…?"

He took another breath, inhaling as much as his lungs would allow. "It's just that I had never killed anyone before." When Engie didn't say anything he continued, "And everyone is talking about it like I've done some sort of great thing; like it was good that I killed him. I get that this is a war and everything, but it doesn't feel like I did the right thing. It feels like a killed a man, killed him." He felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, to have said it out loud.

Engie's expression didn't change though, he just stood there, staring into the BLU Spy's eyes for a few minutes. After a while he made his way over to the bed and sat down next to him, groaning. "Sucks." He ran his knuckles across the scruff of his beard.

Spy huffed. "Yeah. It does,"

"The first time I killed a guy…" he started, but hesitated a moment before continuing, "He was a RED Scout. Son of a bitch ran right into three of the turrets I'd set up; didn't even see it coming. Didn't scream or nothin'. One moment he was there, the next he was gone."

Spy listened on intently, unable to escape the Texan's voice. "What'd you do?"

"I beat myself up for a while. I kept remindin' muhself it was muh job, but it didn't help. But, eventually, I got used to it. You have to if you're going to survive here; kill or be killed. It's fuckin' bull shit but it's true. War is nasty business."

Spy sighed, resting his elbows against his knees, staring down at his feet, "I don't know if I'm cut out for this."

Engineer laughed. "Ha! Well it's late now, eh?" He rapped an arm around the masked mans shoulders, squeezing tightly.

He almost melted at the muscular mans touch; it was firm but reassuring. His fingers felt like they were burning his skin. "How do you…" he started but stopped.

"How do I what?"

"Do you ever get used to all of the blood? It just… doesn't feel like it's washing off." He gazed at the palms of his hands sorrowfully.

"'Fraid not. Once your hands 'er stained they're stained. All you can do is hide them stains." The big Texas man sighed.

He decided to test how far he could push it with the Engineer, and rested his head on his shoulder. Imagine his surprise when the mans grip around him tightened, even better he felt his head rest atop his. He smiled to himself, if only for a moment.

"I don't know if I'll be able too, if I'm put in that situation again. I don't know if I'll be able to kill someone else."

"I thought that too," Engie stated, "but I did, and I still do. I don't like it any more than you do, but it's what must be done."

It's what must be done…

He didn't say anything else for a while. Deep down he knew that Engie was right, but he still didn't like it. So, he just sat there, the other mans arm rapped protectively around him. It was nice, almost surreal. He hasn't felt this at is for quite a while, even before getting here.

He didn't want it to end. "Can I ask you a favor?" The Spy's voice came out shakily, more uncertain than he had meant for it to sound.

"What'd that be?" Egnie's voice replied in a low, even tone.

Gathering his courage and forcing his uncertainty to the pit of his stomach, he forced his request out of his lips. "Would you… would you stay here tonight?"

The Engineer inhaled sharply, and for the briefest of moments Spy was afraid he had crossed the line until. "Sure." He said.

They lay down in the bed together, Spy's back to Engie's chest, an arm draped over the masked mans waist. It didn't take long for the BLU Spy to drift off to sleep.