"Oh my god Brittney, what are we going to eat for lunch today?" Tiffany asks in her vapid air head voice.
"Well, we only eat pink things, so obvi we're going to have the raspberries and whipped cream cause together they make pink." Brittany deduces in the same superficial tone.
"Yayy." The six other almost identical blonde girls agree, aside from Tiffany who was a brunette.
"Okay, now go get it for me, my feet are freakin sore from walking outside my house to my limo this morning." Brittany demands.
The other girls get up and single file retrieve the fruit and whipped cream.
Elle, Izzy, and Viola roll their eyes at them from the next table over.
If you're going to have an army of fools, you should use them for more than getting fruit! I would get them to burn the school down so we wouldn't have to do homework ever again!" Viola rages.
Announcement bells chime and their principal's voice comes on, "Good morning students, I hope everything feels like tops of palm trees and sunshine. Just wanted to let you all know a school lockdown will be happening shortly because a bearded flying squid has broken in. Humdulapur out!"
The students sit there letting this information sink in.
"Should-should we start freaking out?" Elle asks Viola and Izzy.
"I'm not sure…he made it sound bad, so I guess so." Izzy shrugs.
"But what he just described sounds so flippin awesome!" Elle stands up on the cafeteria table.
"Attention students, we must move to the gymnasium for proper lockdown procedure." Ms. Daffodil ushers the teens out of the cafeteria.
Ms. Daffodil is literally a talking daffodil and ironically her parents gave her the first name of another flower: Chrysanthemum. She prefers to go by Chrys.
The students sat down in the gym with their own cliques and of course, Brittany and her clan sit next to our heroes.
"Girls, look who's taking up our air." Brittany scowls at them.
"Well I am fire so I do love sucking up all the oxygen." Viola stares them down.
"Oh MOM! Be careful Brittany, she seems like she's serious!" Amy, one of the blondes shivers with fear.
"She's lying they're just awful girls that eat purple cupcakes and purple sprinkles!" Tiffany looks down on Viola.
"I'm sorry, how is what you said an insult?" Elle asks her.
The group of vapid girls giggle at our heroes like they should know why they've been insulted.
"We are the Cupcake Beta Mega Pink Cupcakes Sorority." Brittany says.
"We're in high school, how are you in a sorority?" Elle protests.
"Shh! We are in the coolest sorority therefore, we decide what sucks and what doesn't. Pink cupcakes are life, so like purple sprinkles are ew, blue is close to purple so it's ew too. You three are totally purple sprinkles!" Brittany poorly explains.
"Good! We like to eat all the purple cupcakes!" Izzy shouts.
The girls gasp, horrified by Izzy's remark.
"Other people can't seriously believe what you think Brittany." Elle shakes her head.
"Chad!" Brittany yells at a blonde boy with a shark fin haircut and wearing a muscle tank.
"Yeah?" He answers in an 80's surfer voice.
"What do you think about purple cupcakes and sprinkles?" Brittany asks.
"Ughhh, they are so ew." He responds.
"Okay, well he's a bad example, he's clearly one of your friends." Elle complains.
"Chad, ask your nerd girlfriend who I hate." Brittany nods.
Chad turns to his girlfriend who is in a sweater vest, wearing glasses, baggy pants and she has her mousy brown hair in a ponytail.
"Babe, what do you think of purple sprinkles?"
"They are absolutely disgusting." She answers.
"Well, I'll be, high school is the one place where everyone agrees with the opinion of an entitled teenage girl." Elle concedes.
"You said a bunch of words at once, did you say something good or bad about Brittney?" One of the blondes asks.
"She thinks we're wrong, but one day you'll see Elle, bill my words." Brittney promises.
"You mean mark." Elle corrects her.
"Mark, Bill, Steve who cares? Maybe you three just don't get why purple cupcakes are ew because you're orphans!" Brittney shouts.
"That's it! She's going down!" Viola lunges at Brittney, as a loud banging comes from the gym doors.
The flying bearded squid comes bursting through and starts to chase students, except for the ones that have facial hair, which are only two students: Mack and Quentin. Although there are other students with facial hair at this school, they were absent from school today.
These two students are both werewolves, hence the hairiness and the squid assumed they were like him because of the beards. One student Roy, was the palest and least hairy, avoided the squid by using his elf magic.
"Hey Elle, Mack said you have a stupid haircut, you should go fight him." Roy appears beside her.
"What?! How dare you Mack!" Elle shouts.
"Wait, I know what you're doing, you always try to instigate fights between us! I don't have time for that today, we have to get rid of a flying squid in case you haven't noticed!"
"I know, I'm getting you to channel your anger so you defeat the squid." Roy slinks away and disappears again.
"I don't need rage to win! Cause we got our majestic hero weapons!" Elle says, as her, Viola and Izzy pull their weapons out of their backpacks.
"Quick question, do we know what these do yet?" Izzy looks her bubble wand up and down.
"Well I hope they do more than just make bubbles, shoot marshmallows, and Elle's is the only obvious useful weapon." Viola looks uncertainly at her marshmallow gun.
"Ouuu there's an ultrafast speed setting on mine! It's hyper just like me!" Izzy runs off pummeling the squid.
"Yes, I found a fire button on mine, prepare for flaming s'mores you bearded fool!" Viola goes off shooting.
"Okay, I'll see if my weapon does anything cool too…" Elle panics that her bow and arrows are boring.
"My bubbles have a slime agent too!" Izzy cries.
"My s'mores are giant and can burn through everything!" Viola says in a happy demonic voice.
"I got the lame weapon didn't I?" Elle sighs to herself.
"Mack says he bets you can't use the bow and arrows cause you're a wuss." Roy appears beside her again.
"Stop instigating!"
"I'm not this time, ask Mack, he actually said that to me."
"Did you call me a wuss?" Elle shouts at Mack.
"Yes, because you are one. I'll use your bow and arrow better than you!" Mack sasses back.
"Oh ho ho ho, that's it I'll show you up so bad your ugly beard falls off!" Elle charges towards the squid.
"Hey! Leave my beard out of this!" Mack pouts.
Elle tries pulling back an arrow but her hand is shaking and her heart is racing feeling like it could pop out of her chest. Why was it so easy for Izzy and Viola to use their weapons? Elle thought. They didn't even think about it. Wait, that's it, I need stop analyzing mine so much and just let it do its thing! Elle takes a deep breath in and out feeling her heart beat start to slow down. "I'm glad I know how to calm down fast, it's not easy for everyone and it's important to voice your fears to someone who cares about you, no matter how irrational you might think they are." Elle poignantly notes.
Elle pulls an arrow back and this time finds it surprisingly easy to aim. The arrow pierces one of the squid's legs cutting it clean off. The arrow evaporates and appears back in Elle's archery bag.
"Yes, I have magic arrows, I shouldn't have assumed my weapon would suck! Assuming is the root of all self-destruction!" Elle cries.
"Ew your bow and arrows are blue. I can't be in the same room with a colour so close to purple. Girls show me something pink." Brittney pretends to almost faint.
Tiffany runs over to some ginger guy and steals his pink cupcake, rushing back to Brittney.
"Hey!" The ginger shouts.
"Brittney needs this more than you do Zeke!" Tiffany fans Brittney with the dessert.
"Is that pink sprinkles I see? I was so close to death, my pink life flashing before my eyes." One of the blondes cradle Brittney in her arms.
A flaming s'more comes whipping past the girls making them jump and Brittney falls back.
"Yup, yup, yup." Viola says in an old man farmer voice, and then she directs her attention back to the squid.
"This guy!" Izzy puts her hand out like a claw facing up in frustration.
"Izzy can you make a giant bubble and catch him?" Elle shoots the squid in the chest knocking him down.
"Let's see." Izzy looks at the buttons on her wand, "Aha! Capture bubble!" Izzy presses the button and an enormous bubble traps the squid.
"Now for my flame thrower." Viola's marshmallow gun shoots out a large flame burning the squid to a crisp.
All the students cheer for our heroes, except for Brittney and her clan.
"Sometimes people you don't like do something that benefits you. So, I indirectly thank you." Brittney fluffs her high ponytail nonchalantly.
"We'll always protect innocent people. Your bananas level crazy and Tiffany and the blonde gang are a barrel of annoying, but you're still innocent." Elle nods and our heroes go to walk away triumphant and look super bad-ass when Ms. Daffodil stops them.
"Thank you girls for stopping that bearded scoundrel. Here, take some of my pollen, people say it's good luck." Ms. Daffodil hands them each a ball of her pollen.
"Oh you really don't have to do this. Really." Izzy looks uncomfortably at the pollen in her hand.
"Nonsense!" Ms. Daffodil smiles and walks away.
"So she basically gave us some of her skin." Viola stares at the pollen.
"True, but it's our first token of appreciation so we should keep it." Elle tucks the pollen away.
Mack and Quentin step in front of them next.
"Well, you barely saved us Elle!" Mack crosses his arms.
"I was very tempted to shave your beard off and let the squid eat you." Elle says stoned face.
"Hey, do you guys mind if I take the squid? I can cook him up, make some nice barbecue pieces out of him." Quentin pulls an apron out of his backpack.
"He's burnt to a crisp you bean, how can you make him taste good?" Izzy hits Quentin on the back.
"I can still make it work!" Quentin rubs his hands together and hauls the squid away.
Roy appears once more, standing beside Mack.
"So can you two fools get out of our way, we're trying to do heroes' walk of glory." Viola scowls.
"I don't see a blazing sunset behind you." Roy mocks.
"Oh? Let me create one!" Viola pulls out her gun.
Principal Humdulapur comes bursting through the gym, his bird wings flapping furiously and his glasses almost falling off his face.
"Children, I'm so glad you're all okay!" Humdulapur lands.
"When your principal is a large purple owl you think he would have taken on the squid himself." Elle whispers to her friends.
"You're just jealous of his glorious mustache." Mack butts in.
"No, you are." Elle smirks.
"You're right." Mack sighs.
"To celebrate Elle, Izzy and Viola's bravery, we shall have a dance in their honour." Humdulapur announces.
A disco ball comes down, the lights dim and confetti comes raining down as music starts to play.
"Everybody come shake your booty with me!" Izzy pulls the crowd into a dance circle.
"So I guess now you see I was helping you by getting you to channel your rage." Roy arrogantly looks at his nails.
"No, actually, I realized that I was overthinking everything and that I was getting in my own way, and only once I challenged my assumptions, was I able to defeat the squid." Elle refutes.
"Oh well, I mean the rage helped a little though right?" Roy says sheepishly.
"Like two percent." Elle is the one to slink away this time.
"Squid's ready! I gave him a nice maple glaze and added a touch of lemon." Quentin reveals a tray of bite sized squid pieces.
Everyone swarms him for a piece.
"Please feed us every day." Elle stuffs her face.
"This tastes like victory!" Viola exclaims.
