A/N: The first flashback. Set during the first threadfall of the ninth Pass- as if you couldn't tell.

Waiting. It was unbearable.

Oh, when an injured dragon spiraled in, she would be occupied for a while, getting numbweed, treating the injury, consoling the rider, and her mind would be busy. She wouldn't have time to think of F'lar- of what could be happening, of what could have already happened- that he might be crippled, that he might be hurt- or even dead. That she might have seen him for the last time that morning.

That she might have to carry on alone.

The thought was terrifying- and Lessa of Ruatha did not fear anything.

So she made herself stay busy, helping with the injured, speaking to the riders, transmitting orders. She forced herself to stay too busy to think.

Until later that afternoon, when she knew he was alright. She was so incredibly relieved, to see Mnementh hovering in the sky, not injured, not gone between forever. And yet, somehow, impossibly, she was even more relieved to see F'lar. More relieved than she should be.

So she pushed her relief aside, and made herself angry, to keep her pride and dignity intact. She made herself act mad at him, for not finding her when he returned, and having Kylara tend his injuries. But it was only an act.

She proved it to him later that night.