Anonymous Asked You: Henry is becoming increasingly annoyed that all these guys keep trying to woo Emma so he hatches a plan with Regina to have Emma and Regina fake a relationship so that Hook, Neal, August and Jefferson will leave Emma alone.
AN: Hope you enjoy!
"So you see mom. Not only would it benefit me, but Emma would be way less annoyed by them and annoying to you, and you, since you'd seemingly be in a stable, healthy relationship in which the two of you are raising your son together, you'd get the town back and your mayor-ship would never be questioned because it's not only a relationship and you're happy, but it's the savior that made you happy." Henry said as he pointed with his laser pointer that he stole from his mother's study to the little diagram he made on his giant dry-erase board. He turned to his brunette mother as he turned the pointer off, "Any questions?"
Regina sat there a moment taking everything in. Her seventeen-year-old told her that he had something very important to discuss with her, and when she saw the dry-erase board set up in front of the TV, she just knew that it was going to be the "can I please get a dog" conversation again. The one time it wasn't, she wished it was. She sighed as she sat forward, "Honey…. I—"
"I asked for questions, not doubts, Mom." Henry said pointedly as he sat on the coffee table in front of his mother.
Regina couldn't help the smirk that grew on her face as she took her very serious, very determined son in. She sobered as she spoke though, "You want me to convince Emma to have a fake relationship so that the three of us can live a little easier. No, I understand exactly what you're asking."
"So…? Will you talk to her? Or, I can talk to her then you guys can talk to each other… Come on, Mom. You've seen the way the penis parade follows her around…"
"Henry." Regina scolded, though the smile that broke during her son's alliterative dig at August, Hook, Neal, Jefferson and Graham, who had been found wandering with a wolf pack, very much alive during 'the lost year' when Henry and Emma were in New York and everyone else was in the Enchanted Forest.
"What? Come on… None of them are subtle. They might as well punch each other."
Regina looked around as she muttered, "I think a few of them have."
"Yeah… And then there's your guy who just…" Henry stood angry and walked a few feet pacing before look back to his mom, "I'm sorry all that went down…"
"It's neither here nor there anymore. It's been three years." Regina shrugged.
"Which is why it's time to get back on the saddle!" Henry said in a fake excited tone, "The fake saddle!"
Regina stared at her boy, her little man was all grown up and not-so-subtly trying to get his mothers together. Yes, she did see through his genius plan to have them agree to 'pretend' to be together. She knew how much her son believed in true love, and she knew how he secretly wished upon stars that she and Emma would wind up together. She learned that one night as she was going to tell him goodnight, but heard him talking. And her curious side got the better of her, so she eavesdropped.
She was going to tell him that it wasn't the best idea, and that it would raise more questions than solve all their problems. She was going to tell him 'no'. But a resounding, "I'll talk to Emma about it." came out of her mouth.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Emma was walking out of the diner, not paying attention, just as Regina was walking in paying attention solely to her phone as she crafted the perfect "we need to talk message."
They ran smack into each other.
"Oh damn it!" Emma said as she managed to narrowly save her to-go mug from falling on the ground.
"Watch where you're—Emma…" Regina's thumb spread on her phone and she hit send.
"Regina." Emma side-stepped the mayor as she looked around quickly. She saw one of the five men that seemed to always be on her ass, "Sorry, I need to…" She poofed away, knowing that Neal had seen her.
"Right…" Regina shook her head as she moved to the diner counter and looked at her phone. She saw that she'd accidentally hit send before her text was finished, "Shit." She muttered as she read the text message, Henry wants us to be together. He thinks it will make the three of us happy in the long run. I'm not going to tell him 'no' without discussing it first. I think he's made valid points.
She'd been trying to construct a great text that would at first scare the sheriff then come off as witty as hell as per her usual. This was not that text message. This was a text that no doubt added to the sheriff's problems.
"Would you like your usual, Madam Mayor?"
Regina looked up to see Ruby, "Please. And make it to go."
She started typing an apology and explaining what she was going to say when a response came.
You thought that a text was the best way to start this conversation?
Regina backspaced all of her words and responded as pithily as possible, You got something to say about it? Meet me in my office.
Her food was set in front of her. "Thank you." She gave a curt smile before placing a bill on the counter, grabbing her coffee and breakfast and poofing out of the diner.
She poofed to her office to find Emma in her chair, legs on her desk sitting back, relaxed.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Emma smirked as she turned, letting her legs drop to the ground, "Apparently I'm about to get lucky… You think the kid has valid points? Regina…" She grinned a grin that was meant to purely rile the brunette up.
"This is not about a few months ago." Regina avoided eye contact at all cost. She turned completely, leaning against the front of her desk at the corner.
Emma stood and walked around to stand square at the brunette's side. She took in Regina's bowed profile, studying her a bit before leaning in, "Kind of wish it was…" she started as she stepped in close. She set a hand on the corner of the desk and let her nose and lips just barely brush Regina's jaw line before reaching her ear, "A few months ago was… stimulating… sexy as hell.."
Regina swallowed hard, her jaw set with determination. She would not be the one that broke, "This isn't about a few months ago. He made a chart detailing why our pretending to be together would make all our lives easier…" She pushed from the desk and took a few steps before turning to face Emma, "Though, I do think that he wants us to be together as well. I think that's his plan in the long run. That it will happen naturally if we pretend long enough…" Regina rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms.
Emma stared at the other woman blankly for a moment before, "Okay, fine, but can we really be together while we pretend we're together?"
Regina turned for her couch and waved the blonde off, "Emma, please! Be serious."
"What? We know how the kid would react now. We know we're good in bed together. What more do you want?"
"I would like you to stop playing around with this situation and understand what you're potentially agreeing to…" Regina again crossed her arms as she turned at her new place next to the coffee table.
Emma stared at the brunette as she took a step closer. She watched Regina's brown orbs watch her feet first then slowly move up to lock with her own green ones as she dared to get closer and closer to the other woman. And when she finally got close enough to touch her, she sighed, "Regina…" Before she took the brunette's face in her hands and kissed her soft and sweet, yet with enough passion to pack a punch. "That. I'm agreeing to that. In public. With you…"
Regina turned from her, "It's more than that."
"It is." Emma nodded.
"It's a..fake relationship."
Emma gave the brunette a stern look before giving in, nodding once. "I know."
"Fake." Regina said softly, sternly.
"I know." Emma nodded again.
"This isn't about a few months ago. This is something Henry came to me with."
"Okay." The blonde accepted Regina's reasons. "But when it does become about a few months ago and you're ready and able to admit what I already know, you need to let it happen and not run scared like you might want to…"
Regina took a long gulp of air to swallow the lump in her throat, "I know."
"Then let the fun begin."
~0~0~0~0~0~
That early evening, just after the day ended, Emma rang the mansion's doorbell a few times, more to pester Regina than out of urgency. She looked around to see a few people; one walking a dog, one getting mail, one getting ready to mow, and resident old lady gossip Norma Winston tending to her flowers. She smiled Norma's way before the door opened.
"Emma…?"
"Hey kid." Emma turned to her son and pushed her way into the mansion, "What's shakin'?"
Henry shut the door, "Um.. Nothing—Hey, did mom talk to you?"
"About us pretend dating? Yeah. Why do you think I'm over here?"
Henry sulked for a moment, "Oh… You're here to tell me you guys aren't gonna do it."
"What? No! I'm over here to get the party started." Emma inhaled deeply, "Speaking of food…" she walked into the kitchen, "I thought I smelled your Mexican."
"No one said anything about food." Regina turned to the blonde with a glare, eyeing the hand that was getting close to their meal, "And—hey!" The brunette slapped the blonde's hand, "I don't remember asking you for dinner."
"I know, but I figured… theoretically, for relationship-Emma-and-Regina, this is how I would weasel my way to your heart, by coming over unannounced, eating your delicious food, spending the evening with you, spending the night with you, you know, just constantly hanging around you…" Emma smirked as the woman before her.
Regina kept her stare on Emma as she spoke to their son, "Henry, later in life when you're out of the house and hopefully in college, if you ever have a crush on someone, don't take after your mother."
Henry grinned as he watched the two of them, "O-okay, mom." He said finally, his grin not fading in the slightest.
His plan was totally working. His moms were easily going to fall in real love.
"Ow! Regina!" Emma glared at the woman after receiving another slap to her hand.
"You can eat when the food is ready."
"Awe, so you did plan for me?"
Regina mumbled loud enough to be heard, "Actually, I planned for leftovers for tomorrow, but what's the point in that when I will now apparently have two Hoovers around me?"
Emma and Henry gave the same shit-eating grin to the brunette woman.
"So we're gonna have more dinners just the three of us?" Henry asked.
"Unless you have someone you'd like to invite?" Emma looked at her son pointedly.
This caused the boy to blush, "No."
"That no sounded a whole lot like a 'yes'." Emma chuckled at the deep shade of red her son was turning.
Henry pursed his lips, "I'll be in my room until dinner."
Regina had the decency to hide a smirk as she nodded and put the carnitas she was preparing in the oven. She waited until the thumping up the stairs stopped and the sound of a door closing came. "You have a knack for embarrassing him…" She didn't realize until it was much too late that Emma came up behind her. She turned her head to see the blonde's face and gasped at the proximity, "Oh…"
Emma kissed the woman softly as she wrapped her arms around the brunette, "So…" She pecked those lips she already loved again, "I was thinking that… With Norma, this isn't going to be all that difficult to sell… I can stay over a few nights a week. We can meet at the diner more frequently for breakfast with the kid… My money's on rumors spreading tomorrow about my car staying out all night here, and then the news spreads again two days after tomorrow, and that will cause Ruby to start questioning the both of us… Norma too." The sheriff raised and lowered her brows as if accepting a challenge as she squeezed Regina's sides before hugging her close, kissing her neck.
"And in the meantime, what do we tell our son?"
"That we're acting the part?"
"You think he'll buy that?" Regina asked in a tone that told the blonde she better not think that true.
"No, but I don't think he'll question it any further."
"I think that you'll be going home tonight…" Regina said after a moment of soaking in much needed attention from another human that was not her son.
"Oh? Why's that?"
"I think that as two responsible mothers that we wouldn't let our emotions take us to bed on the first quasi-date with our son. I think that you might spend the night by the end of the week."
Emma broke from the brunette and slumped, "But I…"
"Wanted a repeat of a few months ago…" Regina shook her head, "Sorry, no."
Emma knit her brows, confused.
"What, you thought you were in control?" Regina scrunched her nose and nuzzled the blonde, "That's adorable." She sobered, "We're not going to go any faster or slower, fake or otherwise, than the pace I want to go at."
Emma's jaw jut out to the side, a small grin forming despite her frustration, "Okay." She nodded before leaning in and kissing her again, "But I'm gonna kiss you anytime I want when we're both completely and totally alone…"
Regina smirked as she pushed passed her and moved to the living room, "Only because I'm going to let you."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Emma had a shit-eating smile on her face the entire morning as she snuck out of the mayor's mansion and went back to her apartment. She respected said mayor enough that, after they woke up the next morning and Regina told her not to say anything, she didn't say a word about the whole not waiting until the end of the week before she spent the night thing.
That was until she got to her office and pulled out her phone, So much for your taking things slow plan. My plan rules! She texted the brunette woman.
She couldn't help the smile that graced her features when she saw the purple smoke form on her floor. That smile cracked to a lazy grin when Regina appeared, annoyed as all get out.
"I told you not to say a thing about it." Regina said seriously.
"Morning, Beautiful." Emma smirked, not bothering to get up from her chair. Instead, she kicked her feet up and watched the anger build in the brunette's eyes before it evaporated and a stunned blush took over her features.
"What is this? What are you doing?" Regina gestured to the blonde.
"What? I can't call you beautiful?"
"No, you can… I just mean…" Regina shrugged, "Who are you and what have you done with Emma Swan?"
Emma grinned as she stood finally and walked over to the brunette, "I told you I was gonna be real while we were pretend…"
"And you being cutesy is real?"
"I am not cutesy." Emma almost spat the words in the brunette's face.
Regina started to chuckle, her anger about Emma getting her way dissipating, "You're fluffy and adorable."
"Well!" Emma didn't have a good argument in her, "You like it!" She said after a moment.
And Regina was back to quasi-anger.
~0~0~0~0~0~
A week and a half passed. Thus far no one asked her about Regina. Not even Ruby.
The weird thing was, she could tell that Ruby was dying to ask her about it. She could see it on her face. But alas! No one did.
Emma sat in a booth as she waited on Regina and Henry. She'd ordered their meals and was waiting as patiently as possible even though bacon was in front of her. The three of them agreed to take it up a notch, and they were going to mention a date-date in public.
As soon as her son and her secret-but-trying-to-be-public-but-still-secret girlfriend came in the diner, Emma perked up. She knit her brows as she watched Regina and Henry survey the place before Regina nudged their son Emma's direction and made her way to the diner.
"What's she doing?" Emma asked as Henry sat down.
"Good morning, Emma. I'm fine. Can't stay long because I have school and Mom's got back to back meetings and paperwork and we were running late." Henry smirked as he sat down before digging into his breakfast.
Emma glared over to the woman, "No fair." the sheriff mumbled under her breath.
Regina, after getting her coffee, walked over to them and stayed standing, "Henry, are you almost ready?"
"Yeamawmn." Henry tried to speak around his full mouth as he shoveled in more food.
Regina rolled her eyes before looking to the blonde, "I assume you're to thank for that."
Emma glared playfully, "Hey now… Kid's got a father—and a grandfather I know that look just like that when they eat too."
"I'd hardly say I don't know how to eat in front of a lady." Neal walked over seemingly from nowhere and sat down next to Henry. "Hey, Henry. How's it going?"
Henry shrugged and mumbled more unintelligible words.
Neal laughed, "That good, huh?"
Henry nodded again and again shoveled more food down his gullet.
Neal looked over to Emma. He didn't seem to notice that Emma and Regina were having a moment, nor did he seem to notice that one of Emma's hands was currently tracing the back of Regina's knee and thigh.
Henry did. He finished the last of his food and swallowed, waiting with humor-filled anticipation as he saw his dad's dreamy-eyed look. When nothing else happened except for a glare from his brunette mother, he piped up, down-playing his disappointment, "Okay, Mom. I'm ready now." He said, pushing on his dad's shoulder to let him out.
"Okay, well…" Emma stood up as well. She took the belt loop of Regina's slacks as she stood to keep the brunette close to her, "I'll uh… See you tonight? Pick you up at seven?"
"Seven sounds good." Regina nodded.
They were mere inches apart. Henry glanced over to his dad again, who now, was looking rather confused.
"I might drop by with lunch if your schedule is as tight as you've led our son to believe…"
"Oh? I might be able to break for a quick lunch in the office, if you don't mind…" Regina smiled as she felt Neal studying them. She smirked when she felt Emma lean in further.
Emma was smirking as well.
"Hey, Swan!" Hook walked in, shoving Jefferson and August out of the way.
Emma's eyes immediately rolled to the back of her head.
Regina smirked as she pulled from the blonde, "Good luck." The woman had the gall to chuckle at Emma's misfortune.
"I'll bring you lunch." Emma called after the mayor before being accosted by the other two men. "What the hell do you want?" She clenched up trying to keep herself away from prying hands and lewd gestures and dopey eyes.
"I want to know when you'll do all the gents a favor and tell them that you've picked me." Hook said as he allowed Emma to sit in her booth before quickly sitting next to her, killing August or Jefferson's chance to sit next to her.
"I want to know when you'll all get the hint that I don't want any from any of you losers."
All four of the men laughed heartily, all of them loving how real Emma was with everyone and how much each of them wanted her.
The rest of the breakfast period was filled with jokes and jests towards Emma's four suitors until finally she made her way over to her office.
She'd been alone actually doing the paperwork she was supposed to do when she heard a thump-thump of boots against the floors in the hallway. She looked up to see Neal shuffle into the station.
"Hey, lady." He gave her a grin.
Emma knit her brows. 'Hey, lady?' She hadn't heard that in a good 20 years or so. She studied him, sitting back in her chair, arms crossed, brows still know, "Nealfire…" She paused. After the curse broke and Neal first came to them, Henry, clever kid he is, came up with the nickname after watching E! News with his blonde mother, hearing about Brangelina and various other couple names. Emma couldn't help but call him by the name combo as well.
Neal came into her office after getting a cup of coffee and sat down across from her, "How are you doing?"
Emma's curious, suspicious expression stayed on her face, "What is this? What are you doing? Why are you in here acting all weird?"
"I just want to know what you're up to?"
"I'm up to nothing."
"What are you doing for sex?" The man asked plainly.
Had Emma had coffee in her mouth, she would have showered Nealfire, "Excuse me?!"
"Seriously." Neal spoke simply, as if he were asking for a napkin, "What are you doing for sex?"
"Neal." Emma scolded.
"Come on. We both know that you are one that can't go without it for very long."
Emma stood up gruffly, she slammed her hands on her desk leaning forward, towering over the man, "You're gonna wanna leave now."
Neal looked up at her questioningly, "What? What'd I do?"
"I don't know whether you're about to whore yourself out or if you simply wanted to come in here and jealously call me a whore, but either way this conversation isn't going to continue. So you're gonna wanna leave now."
Neal stared at the blonde for a good 10 seconds, "I'm not gonna whore myself out and I'm certainly not referring to the mother of my child as a whore."
"Oh really? Because that's what it sounded like."
"Emma.." Neal had an amused glimmer in his eye and a smile hiding in the corners of his mouth, "You're a sexual person by nature. There's nothing wrong with that. This is the 21st century. Women will soon be running this world entirely, that I have no doubt about. I would never call you a whore. You're not. You don't have sex for money. You don't have sex for any other reason than you're relatively attracted to the other person and you're letting off steam, you're attracted to the person and you simply want to, or you're completely devoted to the person and you're showing them just how deep your devotion lies."
He chuckled before sobering so much he was hardly amused and more depressed, "I was once lucky enough to be the devoted but I threw that away…" He looked at the blonde once more, "So. As I've easily deduced, it's not me. And it sure as hell isn't Jefferson or August. And since I've known the man and seen him both sexually satisfied and frustrated, I know it's not Hook." He stared at her a moment more, taking a breath, "And since I've known you enough to know when you're getting yours and when you're frustrated as hell…." His grin came back, "What are you doing for sex?"
"Nothing." It was a bold-faced like and both parties in the room knew it. "I'm… focusing on the kid. Focusing on my job… I'm not sleeping with anybody."
"Ruby?"
"NO!" Emma laughed after at the thought, "Not that she's not hot, just…"
"She's no Regina."
"Exactly." Emma knit her brows. "Wait. What?" She kept her eyes on her desk.
Had she looked at her baby daddy, she would have seen the amusement shining bright as he stood up. "I thought so." He chuckled.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get mine… whoever she may be."
"Or he." Emma called after him.
Neal turned and shrugged his shoulders, "You never know!" He walked back a few steps, "Maybe Henry will get two mommies and two daddies."
Emma grinned, "Talk about modern family, how cute would that be!"
Neal laughed along with the sheriff before he started for the door again, "You two really are cute." At the roll of Emma's eyes, he continued, "Not hot, not sexy—which, well, we all know both of you are and it's true that most guys including myself will go there from time to time, but I don't mean it like that. I mean that she compliments you and you… bring something out in her. An ease, a simple calming charm."
"How could you possibly know that?"
"Well for one you couldn't keep your hands off her this morning and she didn't seem to notice that she was actually smiling in public…"
"And?" Emma waited for another reason.
Neal laughed once more, "And I don't need another." He walked out of the station.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Henry made a cocoon on the floor and his mothers were on the couch. They'd opted for a night of binge-ing on "Chuck." His blonde mother loved the show. He wouldn't lie, he enjoyed it, but Emma seemed to have a special kinship with Chuck Bartowski.
He'd been engrossed with the goings on of Chuck and the will they or won't they already of Chuck and Sarah and thoroughly appreciated anything that came out of Casey's mouth, but there was giggling from the couch. Giggling. Giggling and scolding. He knit his brows and kept his eyes forward.
"Emma Swan!" He heard his brunette mother and a slap of some kind.
Then an "Ow!" from Emma came before more laughterd.
And then, "I said stop! Miss….Swan!" The involuntary laughter that escaped between 'Miss' and 'Swan' caused Henry to sit up and turn around.
This made both of his mothers sit up straight and stare ahead.
"Can we help you?" Emma stared blankly at her son.
"Is everything okay over there?" He asked.
"Splendid." Regina nodded, curling her legs under her and intentionally kicking the blonde woman in the process.
"Ow!" Emma grinned at Regina, "Your mom is pissy because she tried to tell me she wasn't ticklish even though I know—I know!—that she's got this little spot right here just above her left hip." She snaked a hand over Regina's body and squeezed and ticked right above Regina's left hip.
Henry stared at his mothers blankly, "How did you know that she was ticklish right there?"
Emma and Regina both looked off in the same direction, "Because…" Emma started.
"She..I..we…" Regina tried to contribute.
"Because you…?" Henry waited with that tone he'd had a lot lately. That tone that told his mothers that he knew of their goings on and he'd just caught them in the middle of it yet again. "What?"
Emma glared at her son, "You know what? You know what? Just-just-just turn around and watch the show." She pointed at the TV and didn't stop until he turned back around.
Regina then stared at the blonde.
"What?" Emma hissed.
The brunette smirked before shifting her legs to sprawl out over Emma's. She waited a moment before Emma finally dared to lean towards her. Regina simply smirked again and turned, waiting for the blonde to fall in behind her between her and the couch. And when the blonde finally dared to do that, she turned onto her back for a moment and pressed her forehead against hers, closing her eyes, "Don't tickle me anymore tonight, please."
"Okay." Emma whispered, a grin growing on her face. She puckered her lips and tilted her head just enough to find Regina's.
Regina turned fully on her back, letting Emma hover over her as their kiss deepened. She wrapped one arm around Emma's middle and the hand landed on the apple of Emma's cheek. She pulled away from the blonde, pecking her once more in reassurance, "Let's not get carried away…" She pointed Henry's direction with her eyes before looking back at her.
"Twat-blocker." Emma mumbled.
Regina lightly spanked Emma's ass with the hand that had made it's way around her body, "Language."
Emma couldn't help but laugh softly as she settled behind Regina, "Can I hold you like you like?"
Regina gave a small grin as she nodded letting Emma's hands run where they may before settling on around her waist and under her pillow.
~0~0~0~0~0~
It had been two whole months and aside from Neal finding them out, no one else commented on the savior and the queen. The other three men had immediately stopped coming onto her—like almost immediately after Neal found out about Regina.
It was a little disappointing considering the fact that gossip arises around someone when they forget to recycle…
Emma walked in the diner one day after a fight with Regina. See, Regina didn't care that no one cared and Emma couldn't believe that she didn't care and she might have—on accident—thrown the words "you cursed them to not care, didn't you?" at Regina. She didn't mean to! They just popped out! She of course felt like a jackass.
But that was why she came to the diner.
"Hey, Sheriff… You okay there?" Ruby asked coming up to the blonde at the counter.
"No." Emma sulked.
"Hot cocoa?"
"Extra cinnamon?"
"Oh my god. What's wrong?" Ruby asked immediately knowing that this was serious.
Emma sighed and looked around, "I might have gotten angry at my..at Regina and I might have accused her of enacting another curse…"
"Another curse? What kind of curse? Everything seems normal…"
Emma sighed again, embarrassed and feeling stupid over the fact that she said what she said. "Well, I was pissed that no one seemed to give a rat's ass that we're, you know, together. And she didn't care and said that it was her life and what did it matter? And I… I mean I've never really been in a good relationship before and I guess being a Charming, I have this little part of me that wants to show her off and shout it from the rooftops or whatever. And by that I mean egg the rumors on and brag about how good the sex is. But I can't do that because there are no rumors and no one is asking me about the sex and…" Emma pouted, "And I'm a total jackass and I just wanna apologize and cuddle but she's real pissed and won't let me go near her."
Ruby stood straight and carefully folded her hands together, "So what I'm hearing is that you don't mind listening to rumors about you and the mayor and you are willing to confirm to the diner that you have in fact been doing the hibity dibity."
"And dating for real for fake for real."
Ruby knit her brows, but shrugged it off, "And dating." She added.
"Yeah."
Ruby nodded before she turned her attention elsewhere, "Norma! I was wrong!" She skipped over, "We can totally talk about Emma and the Mayor."
"Oh good." The old lady smiled and turned to the crowd that immediately gathered at her and Ruby's side. "It's been a good two months since I first saw the bug parking outside the Mayor's house."
Emma jut her jaw to the side, shaking her head as she walked out the door.
She made her way over to the mayor's office and snuck passed the secretary, but walked into the office skulking, eyes on the floor, regret visible in her face. "I'm a jackass and I'm sorry and I didn't mean it and it was a really, really stupid thing that just popped out of my mouth and I love you and I'm sorry and please, please, please forgive me."
"You what now?" Snow's voice filled the room.
Emma finally looked up and found her mother and her quasi-super-secret girlfriend sitting across from each other, proposals in their hands. "Uhhh… I'll come back later." She started for the door.
"No. Please. Stay." Snow stood and placed her hands on her hips, "And go back to the 'love' part."
Emma looked genuinely confused, "What?"
"The part where you told our arch nemesis turned part-ally that you loved her." Snow stared her daughter down.
"Did I say that?" Emma looked from her mother to the brunette. She saw the reaction in Regina's eyes and knew that she had in fact let it slip… after only a day of complete realization.
"Yes." Snow said from behind her.
Emma ignored her mother and made her way over to Regina, "I do, you know. I really, really do. Like a lot. Like never before have I truly understood romantic love…" She squatted and looked up at Regina in her chair, "That okay?"
Regina simply nodded dumbly, "Me too." She whispered.
"Good gods." Snow's tone was almost bored, which caused all the attention to be on her. Once she realized that both her daughter and her former nemesis were staring at her, she spoke, "What? It's about damn time. I mean it was hard enough watching you both fall for each other without realizing it, then watching you both tiptoe around each other as you tried to be friends then knowing that both of you thought that having a friend like each other was pretty much all you could do and then watching the pretend easiness…" She rolled her eyes, "I mean, I thought it was finally going to happen with that blackout a few months ago and you both got trapped in that elevator…. But no! No! So what did I have to do? I had to go to Neal, who happily providing Hook, Jefferson and August with Puppy Love, and then the two of us had to think of a way to plant the idea in Henry's head, which I promise was nothing bad, just a little dream-weave. And then… Then we had to wait, and I tell you what… It's about damn time."
Emma and Regina stared at Snow for a least thirty seconds.
Then Regina started laughing, "You actually expect me to thank you? To believe you for that matter?"
Snow shrugged, "Regina I never expect you to do anything a normal person would. And honestly, we both know I didn't do it for you… not entirely for you anyways. I mean this is my daughter you're with. I'm not making up for past crimes, we both know I can't. But it just so happens my daughter makes her happy and for some reason your borderline personality and slightly demented mind makes her happy too. So, win-win." She sauntered out of the office.
Regina and Emma looked back to one another, a smile started growing on both their faces.
~0~0~0~0~0~
"You know, I still don't see why you guys thought you needed to keep it a secret from me..." Henry said as he adjusted his bowtie.
"Well, kid… We weren't sure and we wanted to be sure and…" Emma bit her lip, "I was all ready for it when she told me about your plan and she said 'no' so talk to her." The blonde touched her 'Elsa' braid, smoothing down.
Henry stared at his mother, "Nah. I think I'll stay here."
"Oh?"
"Yeah… Grandma's over with Mom and I don't think I want to hear anything they're talking about."
Emma pursed her lips, "I think you wanna go check and make sure they're both still alive." When Henry didn't falter, she gave him the puppy eyes that made him do whatever she wanted, "Please kid?"
Henry sighed, "Fine." He walked out of the tiny room.
Emma turned and looked at herself. She smirked as she looked herself over in the mirror. She was very Sandra Bullock 2010 Oscar chic.
Henry knocked on the door to his brunette mother's room, "Mom?"
"Come in!" He heard his mother yell. As he entered he heard the sounds of fire and looked up to see a fireball in his brunette mother's hand. "How can I help you, Henry?"
Henry looked around to see Snow hiding behind the couch. "Mom..? Put the fireball out."
"Make her apologize." Regina said seriously.
"Grandma? Say you're sorry."
Snow looked at her grandson baffled that he would automatically take his mother's side, "But she—"
"Grandma, is it your wedding day?"
"No, but—"
"Then say you're sorry."
Snow and Henry had a small staring contest before she finally sucked it up—she was angry about it, but she did it anyways, "Fine! I'm sorry Regina."
"You're lying."
"Well of course I am."
This time it was Snow and Regina that had a staring contest. Regina diminished the fireball, "Very well."
"What happened?" Henry asked after the fire was put out—literally.
"She doesn't think I'm good enough for your mother." Regina rolled her eyes at Snow.
"She's not."
"Okay.." Henry said, clearly not agreeing with his grandmother, "Then who is?"
Snow pursed her lips.
"And if she's not then why did you go through all the trouble you went through to get them together?"
Snow didn't have an answer.
"Grandma. I think you're misplacing your feelings. I think you're anxious and I think that you're about to have another baby and I think you're nervous because you and gramps are technically like 60."
Snow didn't give a reaction of her grandson's words to his face. No, instead she took his head and tilted him down to kiss the top. "I'm going to check on your mother."
Henry turned to Regina once Snow left, "She's about to pop. She's got pregnancy brain; we've been saying that for weeks."
"Yes, but I'm getting married today. It's my day. For once it's not about her and her life and the fact that she made Emma happy, avenged her family and defeated all the evil in me and made up for all her past dues with me because she made me happy too. It's about Emma and it's about me and it's about us and our starting our life together officially."
"Mom… You've been inseparable since you got together. Don't pretend that anything is going to change except all of Emma's crap is going to be at the house and not just most of it… And now you can't send her to Gram's and Gramp's when she pisses you off."
"Henry!" Regina scolded.
"What? It's true. You're going to have the rings and that will make what you've been doing for the last three years really real, but other than that nothing is going to change."
Regina gave her son a simple look and put a hand on his shoulder, "I wouldn't say that."
"Why? You pregnant? You and Emma have a magical baby growing weeds in your uterus?" He joked and when his mother didn't scold him or tell him no right away he stopped the grin that came over his face, "You are pregnant, aren't you?"
"Don't tell anyone. I'm going to tell your mother tonight."
"I'm gonna be a brother?" Henry had a big smile on his face.
"You're gonna be a what now?" Snow asked as she walked back in.
"Nothing." Both Henry and Regina said.
"Did I hear what I think I heard?" Snow asked them both.
Regina walked over to the other woman. She got insanely close to her and let her hands spark, "You didn't hear anything."
Snow leaned in, "Does Emma not know?"
"There's nothing to know." Regina started, "But no she doesn't."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Emma was running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, "Baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time, baby time!" She'd ran into the house to get the suitcase. Then she forgot the keys. Then she'd forgot her wife, who was still trying to get on her shoes, then they both forgot to tell their son. Throughout all of this, Emma repeated those words. She finally got up to Henry's room, "KID!" She yelled as she walked inside his room, "BABY TIME!"
"MOM! I'M TWO FEE AWAY FROM YOU!" He yelled back as he grabbed his shoes, phone and ipad and walked downstairs with her.
"Baby time, baby time, baby time." Emma skipped to the car.
"Henry?" Regina held her stomach as she looked at her son.
"Yeah, mom?"
"You know that we love you and we're going to love you just as much as we do now after the baby's born right?"
"Baby time, baby time, baby time." Emma sang as she put the pedal to the metal.
Henry looked at his blonde mother and back to his brunette one. He smiled, "Yeah, Mom, I do."
He never would have thought that his plan for his parents to pretend to be together, that turned out to be his dad's and grandma's plan would turn into him getting a little sister while his blonde mother sang to herself and his brunette mother cursed his blonde mother out for making her that way. He never thought that he would be in such a modernly normal family.
