Well, here's the next update. And I know some of you may have been disappointed in the first chapter but that was just an intro. The real action begins here. Keep in mind too that this is more like the series; anthropomorphic and cartoonish.
Also, this'll be my Grande Finale fic; the best part of the trilogy! With much more chapters to come!
The idea with Gopher came partially from the Lion King Pride Forum; (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about Jag) if you'd like to find out more just ask.
Oh, and I put in a little Cary Grant reference in this chapter. Can you find it? Enjoy!
Cut to a dark room, two security guards are standing by an open door
Guard #1: That all there is to lock up for the night?
Guard #2: Yep; nothin's gettin' in this place. as he closes the door, a small black cap appears out of nowhere and slides across the floor; placing itself between the door and the frame before it can lock
Guard #1: Great. Let's get outta here; I promised the wife I'd be home on time, for once. The two leave, failing to notice the cap stuck in the door. A few noiseless seconds pass after they leave
Voice #1: Are they gone?
Voice #2: Uh, I think so. Ooh look, a cockroach! delighted munching soon follows
Voice #1: Quiet Stink Bomb! Timon and Pumbaa tiptoe into view and stop near the door, both are dressed in black sweats; burglar suits. Pumbaa has a black cap on but Timon's is missing
Pumbaa: Why do you keep calling me "stink bomb"? Timon groans and smacks his hand to his forehead
Timon: How many times do I have to tell you? It's a code name! Like Big Truck, or Mother Goose. I'm Red Head, and you're Stink Bomb!
Pumbaa: Oh…uh Timo-I-I mean, Red Head?
Timon: as he is picking up his cap and putting it back on as he starts to open the door Yes?
Pumbaa: You said since we were movie actors in this particular film, it wouldn't be necessary for us to seek permission right?
Timon: I'll admit I might've made a comment similar to what you just said. Why?
Pumbaa: It's just that…if that's the case, why are we sneaking in to steal the outtakes late at night?
Timon: It's not stealing. We're the actors; we deserve to see the movie that set off our careers. Y'know, taking what's ours.
Pumbaa: Then why did we come here after the building closed? And why did you wait 'till the guards were gone to walk up to the door? And why are you turning off the security system?
Timon: pressing buttons near the door on the inside of the room Just look for a box that says "The Lion King" listed under "Outtakes".
Pumbaa: reluctantly searching Oh, I just know this is a bad idea.
That following evening…
Cut to two animals, an leopard and a cheetah, walking down the street by a picket fence. Suddenly they see something posted on the fence.
Leopard: Hey, what's that? the two look at the flier Timon made What's it say?
Cheetah: struggling to read Timon's sloppy handwriting Are you…fan of…Lion…King?
Leopard: Hey, we are! Keep reading!
Cheetah: You call it "reading", I call it "beating words with my eyes"; who wrote this?
Leopard: Who cares? What else does it say?
Cheetah: Come to…abandoned drive-in…to see favorite…actorses…like you never seen…before. Ticket prices: 30 bucks for adults, 29 for children. Well at least that last part was eligible. takes a closer look at the flier What's that stringy brown stuff on the left side? his leopard friends looks at it as well
Leopard: Kinda looks like the cover of my sister's diary…and picture frames…and toilet seat cover…and-
Cut to an enormous crowd of animals in front of a huge screen that is hidden behind a big curtain; backstage, Timon peeks out at the crowd
Timon: Wow, this is a bigger turnout than I expected!
Pumbaa: Timon?
Timon: What Pumbaa?
Pumbaa: Should we be worried if a news van just pulled up beside the stage?
Timon: WHAT?! dashes up besides Pumbaa and peeks out to see a news van with "Kenyan Communications" on the side HOLY JUNE BUGS!! Both rush out to the van, where a female giraffe news reporter with a microphone is standing Uh…can we help you?
Female Giraffe: Yes, we're here to broadcast the supposed spectacular revealing of never before seen footage of the actors and actresses portrayed in "The Lion King".
Timon: Wow, you just made what the flier said sound a lot more impressive.
Female Giraffe: I'm a news reporter: it's my job to exaggerate.
Timon: So uh, lemme get this straight; you aren't here to bust us for a supposed crime we committed at night?
Female Giraffe: Oh no; that old robbery charge is already all over the neighborhood. "Yesterday's news" as us paparazzi call it. The meerkat and warthog exchange glances, before leaning towards each other so nobody will hear their conversation.
Pumbaa: Should we cancel the show Timon? Just in case we really did do something wrong? I mean, this could offend a lot of people, and if they find out it's us…well…you know…
Timon: Are you kidding?! With a news broadcast, we'll be twice as famous as before. Thrice if their casting's abroad.
Pumbaa: Thrice?
Timon: Yeah; it's like twice only three times. Pumbaa looks confused Look, don't worry; we'll just tell 'em not to film us or anyone else in particular because it could jeopardize the safety of some innocent bystanders. Nobody knows it's us, we don't get hurt. Timon goes up to the giraffe lady and whispers in her ear, after a moment or so of thinking, she nods in understanding and Timon grins before walking past Pumbaa Well, better get out there! he walks up to the stage, Pumbaa bites his lip
Pumbaa: Oh I now I really know this is gonna be a bad idea. Cut to Timon backstage with a mike in his hand, speakers are all around the audience, which are what his voice comes out of.
Timon: Ladies and Gentlemen! Males and Females of all species, we thank you for coming to this unofficial presentation tonight: not only will it entertain you, but financially benefit the producers of this show!
Audience Member: This better be worth the pay whoever you are! I paid 30 bucks to get in here!
Another Audience Member: I paid 40!
Timon: Um uh, well without any further ado, ROLL THE FILM! whispered but still faintly heard through the speakers …Pumbaa, pull up the curtain!
Pumbaa: Oh! yanks on the rope as the projector starts flickering on the screen. The numbers read 3…2…1…
Cut to the outside of a studio where several lines of different animals are patiently waiting; the line leads all the way to the inside where two certain cubs are looking at the director, writer and stage crew who are all off screen
Director: All right, let's see. looks at a paper You two are auditioning for the roles of the two young cubs?
Young Simba and Nala: Uh-huh.
Director: Well, let's see whatcha got. points at Young Simba Hey whiskers, can you roar?
Young Simba: Heh, watch this. takes a deep breath, and emits a sound similar to that of a dying frog; the director, writer, and Young Nala laugh
Director: Beautiful, beautiful! whispering to the writer Keep this kid on the actual "callback" list. points to Nala Ok how 'bout you? Can you do anything? Young Nala smirks confidently
Young Nala: Watch this. pins Young Simba without batting an eyelash Anything else?
Young Simba: looking at the director Say no!
Director: Could you do that again? I had something in my eye. Young Simba groans, Nala repeats her previous actions
Director: Hm…can you do your own stunts?
Young Simba and Nala: What?
Director: pointing to a high platform See that up there?
Young Simba and Nala: Yeah.
Director: Jump off it and show me what you can do; flips, dives, anything.
Young Nala: Isn't that a little dangerous?
Director: Only if you don't land on your feet, which shouldn't be a problem; I mean you two are members of the cat family, right?
Young Simba and Nala: Well-
Director: But I guess if you two don't want the job-
Young Nala: No wait!
Young Simba: We'll do it, we'll do it! both cubs walk up to the platform, and diffidently climb it; Nala is the first to reach the top
Director: Well? We're ready to be dazzled. Nala takes a deep breath, before running and leaping from the top. She does her best and manages to flip once in the air, before trying her luck at a swan dive. She does well…except for falling headfirst into a can of blue paint. She coughs as she comes out of it…only to have another can of paint, green, fall on top of her; accidentally dropped by the scenery painter
Scenery Painter: Sorry! when Nala gets the paint can off herself she looks like a blue cheetah with messy, green spots/blotches all over herself. The crew can be heard laughing off screen; Nala frowns
Director: I've seen worse. points at Simba Now you. Simba blinks after seeing what happened to Nala and gulps. But takes a deep breath, narrows his eyes, and lets out a growl as he lunges off the platform; as he falls, he notices a large fan is blowing in his direction nearby and he suddenly realizes it's blowing him towards the thorn pit for another scene. In fear, he grabs onto the nearest thing he can find, which is a sandbag. He swings in the air for a few moments as his claws dig into the sack, unfortunately his claws tear right through it and he falls…right into a tub of glue. He climbs out of it only to stumble right into a cart of feathers. In his struggle out, he gets a traffic cone stuck onto his muzzle, and falls right on top of Nala. Now he looks like a blue and green lion/chicken hybrid: the crew, still off screen, is heard going insane with laughter, as is the audience watching this in the abandoned drive-in
Director: after calming down Ok I've changed my mind: THAT is the worse I've seen!
Young Simba: after spitting out a feather in his mouth, Nala is seen trying to dig some paint out of her ear So do we get the parts or what?!
Director: Mmmm…can you two sing?
Young Simba and Young Nala: Huh?
Director: Sing? Y'know: do re mi, and so on.
Young Nala: We just created a two-hour bath session for when we get home, our parents are gonna kill us after they see how we look, AND YOU WANT US TO SING?!
Director: It's either that or no movie career.
Young Simba and Young Nala: annoyed …Sing what?
Voice off screen: Ooh! Ooh! I know! the director can be heard sighing
Director: Yes…uh…whispering to the writer who is that guy again?
Writer: Our caterer, sir.
Director: Oh. …Well he did bring in those cheddar and sour cream potato chips I love so much. Whadda you want 'em to sing caterer guy?
Caterer: "Food Glorious Food"! off stage laughter is heard
Young Nala: What?!
Young Simba: Aw c'mon, not that!
Director: Well, I guess we could get some other two cubs to-
Young Simba and Nala: No! No! Wait! both sigh …We'll do it. both take deep breaths Food! Glorious food!
Young Nala: Hot sausage and mustard!
Young Simba and Nala: While we're in the mood!
Young Simba: Cold jelly and custard!
Meanwhile…
Cut to a 3-way split view of the hyena trio's house, Scar's house, and Simba and Nala's house.
T is just sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels, as is Nuka. Shenzi, Banzai and Ed are in the kitchen, as are Scar and Zira. Simba and Nala are just enjoying a quiet evening together. T suddenly raises an eyebrow when she sees something resembling Nala as a child, she flips back to the channel and her eyes slowly widen. The trio hear the noise and peek into the kitchen to see what's going on; when they see the site their eyes also slowly widen.
Nuka, Scar and Zira's gazes are similar when they notice the television.
But Simba and Nala are appalled.
Nala: How did anybody get ahold of-?!
Simba: They said they locked it in a fool-proof storage room! Well we all see how that worked out.
Nala: Seems to me the whole world is seeing how that worked out.
Back at the drive-in…
HUMONGOUS off stage laughter is heard; Simba and Nala look annoyed. Finally after about five minutes, everybody calms themselves.
Director: Hmm, that's great and all… but I'm just not getting the childlike mischief vibe from you guys.
Janitor: Hey boss! I'd watch that floor if I were you; it's not dry from when I mopped it a few minutes ago!
Director: cupping his hand around his ear What?! Young Simba and Nala, who did not hear it as well, both casually take a step back. But instantly, the two lose their balance
Young Simba: Whoa!
Young Nala: Ahh! their cries catch the attention of the director and writer and they stare, shocked, at the chain reaction that ensues:
As they stumble, Simba and Nala accidentally tip a light stand behind them, which falls and creates a spark as the bulb explodes, startling one of the workers and making him trip on his companion, who was trying to tie up a sandbag. The rope which he was holding slips from his grip as they both fall, and the sandbag plummets in the direction of the scenery area. An artist, who is painting one of the backgrounds on a tall ladder, is unaware of what is happening and continues his work. One of his paint cans is on the other side of a long board, which is balanced like a see-saw. The sandbag falls onto the opposite side which is in the air, and causes the paint can to catapult and land straight onto a worker who is helping another carry a ladder. As he struggles to get the paint can off his head, he swings the ladder recklessly. The other worker ducks while as others are not so fortunate. Finally, in his inattentive moment, the worker accidentally hits the ladder on which the scenery artist is working on; knocking it right out from under his feet. In a desperate attempt to keep from falling, he grabs onto his newly-finished painted backdrop. The paper immediately tears, and its painter is sent plummeting to the ground; his landscape ruined.
Young Simba and Nala stare at the mess created, before coyly turning around to face the director and writer, who are both silent
Young Simba and Nala: Uh…
Director: I LOVED IT! GET THESE KIDS A CONTRACT!!
The screen automatically says "Intermission". The crowd stares at the screen for awhile…before bursting out into uncontrollable laughter. Back stage, Timon flashes Pumbaa a "thumbs up" and a grin, Pumbaa reluctantly, but not as excitedly, does the same.
Back with those who are watching at home:
Shenzi, Banzai and Ed are having a laughing fit on the floor whilst holding their stomachs. T is starting at the TV blankly.
T: Well…Nala didn't tell me about that when she tried out for the movie.
Shenzi: Somebody call a doctor! My-my ribs! HAHAHAHAHA!!
Banzai: My gut's gonna explode!! Ed guffaws along with his friends.
Back with Scar, Zira and Nuka; Nuka is pounding his fists on the cushions of the couch on his stomach in laughter as well. Scar stares at the TV with little interest; Zira blinks in lack of emotion.
With Simba and Nala; the royal couple is still completely flabbergasted at what's going on.
Back at the abandoned drive in, Timon contentedly listens to the pleased audience, before turning on the microphone and preparing to speak into it once more. He peeks through the curtain and grins at the site of the happy crowd before looking over to see the giraffe reporter busily giving her report on the show, but her cameraman, who is a gorilla, can barely control himself; he holds his sides as the giraffe news anchor begins scolding him. Timon smirks to himself before speaking into the mike again; his voice emits from the speakers.
Timon: Ya like that, huh?!
Audience: YEAH!!
Timon: Ya wanna see more?!
Audience: YEAH!!
Timon: Well the show'll continue in just a few minutes; please make the most of the intermission and help yourselves to the snacks and drinks at the lobby. Which is also selling cushions and those little windshield rain-blocker thingies in case it rains. Clears throat Please make yourselves comfortable and enjoy! Pretends to bows as if the audience were in front of him as they applaud and looks at Pumbaa. Boy, this is going even better than I thought!
On the road next to the drive-in, a nicely-polished, expensive-looking white car pulls up to the curb and two certain lions step out.
Simba: Well, the flier said this was the place. Simba and Nala walk up to the entrance, only to have a cheetah block their way; he holds out his hand
Cheetahto: Tickets please.
Simba and Nala: Tickets?
Cheetahto: You must purchase a ticket to get in here.
Simba: We don't have time for this; we have to see who's broadcasting this show.
Cheetahto: That would be every news station with a van.
Simba: No I mean the show on the screen. Nala looks back and notices a long line behind them; as does Cheetahto
Cheetahto: I'm afraid you'll have to move aside sir; there are others waiting for admittance.
Simba: We're not going anywhere until we see who's doing this! a large gorilla with a black shirt on with white letters on the front entitled "security" steps behind the cheetah; it crosses its arms sternly. Cheetahto smirks
Cheetahto: You were saying? Simba narrows his eyes in annoyance
Simba: takes his mate by the arm C'mon Nala. the two begrudgingly walk back to their car
A few minutes later…
Timon turns on the microphone and begins to speak.
Timon: Thank you for your patience, now, ON WITH THE SHOW!! once more in a low, but annoyed voice …Pumbaa!
Pumbaa: Oh! Quickly turns on the projector; as before, the numbers say 3…2…1…
Cut to the same studio again, only this time a certain hornbill is standing in front of the director and writer
Director: Ok, so you're auditioning for the part of the parrot? the writer whispers in his ear Uh, I mean hornbill?
Zazu: That is correct.
Director: And your name is…?
Zazu: Zazu. sees the director is looking around
Director: Well since we don't have any other auditions, I guess you're-
Voice: Hold everything! a gopher pops up from a hole in the bottom of the set
Director: Who're you?
Zazu: Gopher?!
Gopher: Many thanks for the introduction sir.
Zazu: What on earth are you doing here?!
Gopher: Trying out for the part of majordomo of course.
Director: …Uh, we were planning on the majordomo being a bird.
Zazu: How unbecoming; of all the things you've done-! …Well what makes you think you could be the majordomo anyhow?
Gopher: Surprisingly, I have been recommended several times by high-ranking officials for this job.
Zazu: By doing what? Dirt management?
Gopher: No, by have excessive knowledge.
Zazu: What?! That's preposterous! I've prided myself of molding my bird brain in the phenomenal shape it is today; no one knows more about anything than I do!
Gopher: I beg to differ.
Director: Uh, listen guys; unless it's an action movie or a debate over what the caterer should bring for lunch, we usually don't allow fighting on the set.
Zazu: ignoring the director Is that so? Very well, I'm up for a challenge! A one-on-one dispute on who knows more about what. Winner takes the part of majordomo.
Gopher: I accept: what is the value of pi?
Zazu: 3.14
Gopher: Rounded.
Zazu: I suppose you have a better explanation then?
Gopher: If you can answer this: what is the capital of Wisconsin?
Zazu: That would be Madison. Is "or" a helping verb or a linking verb?
Gopher: Linking. What is the greenheart tree of-?
Zazu: The Bebeeru. The stereotypes about West Virginians, Hawaiians, and those Buckingham Palace guards are…?
Gopher: False. If a train is traveling to Chicago at 60 mph, and another train is… cut to a few minutes later then how many cartons of cheese will be served to the conductor?
Zazu: smirking That would be precisely-
Director: FORGET IT! I SAID WE WERE CASTING A BIRD, AND WE'RE CASTING A BIRD! DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE'S OBNOXIOUS FOR ANY CHARACTER!
Gopher: But if you just consider adding a gopher-
Director: STOP! sighs If I give you second bit, will you stop talking?
Gopher: …I suppose.
Director: Great. NEXT AUDITION, PLEASE!! Two adult lions walk in)Alright, you two are auditioning for the parts of looks at a paper king and queen?
Sarabi: Yes.
Mufasa: That's right; if our children get the part as the cubs, we see it fit to observe whether or not they are treated fairly.
Sarabi: As close as we possibly can.
Director: Well, let's-
Voice: HIT THE FLOOR! We see an out-of-control forklift zooming all around the set. Everybody, including Mufasa and Sarabi, run for cover
Director: WHO LET THEM NEAR THAT?!
Another voice: Last I saw they were walking out the door!
Zazu: who is hanging onto the chair while Gopher "operates" the machine I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW TO CONTROL THIS!!
Gopher: Enough to avoid any serious damage. To be honest I'm a bit exhausted from making tunneling my only means of transportation for today…or all my life; I merely wanted a faster way to get home.
Director: SECURITY, 911, I DON'T CARE; SOMEBODY STOP THEM!! the workers manage to chase the forklift enough to get within 5 feet…before abruptly turning around after Gopher accidentally changes direction; the employees flee for their lives, some even dash out the exits
A Few Employees: I QUIT! Finally, Gopher steers the forklift out of the studio; through a wall. A few minutes later, most of the workers come out from their makeshift shelters, including Mufasa and Sarabi. The writer comes up to the director with someone walking with him
Writer: Um, sir; one of our many evil, soulless, corporate lawyers would like to speak with you.
Attorney Ove Rlypaid Nosoul: Sir, with all the damage done here, it wouldn't be hard for a jury to believe some injuries occurred as well. Those two could sue us for all we have; wounded or not. after hearing this, the director quickly turns to Mufasa and Sarabi
Director: Congratulations! You both got the parts! Mufasa and Sarabi exchange confused glances
Meanwhile…
Cut to a view of Shenzi talking on a phone, Ed is making popcorn in the kitchen, with Banzai supervising of course since Ed cannot be trusted with electrical appliances, and T decides to prepare for a big clean-up session tonight as she gets things out of the pantry; paper towels, broom and dust pan, first-aid kit, etc.
Shenzi: I'm serious: turn on the news! It's better than Comedy Central! T comes into the living room
T: Who are you talking to?
Shenzi: Bujune; he's makin' Gituku and Monifa fix the rabbit ears on their TV as we speak.
Cut to Scar, Zira and Nuka's place; Nuka is looking through a box of blank video cassettes
Nuka: I GOTTA TAPE THIS!
Zira: And I've got to tell every single Outlander about it. Picks up the phone and stars dialing
Scar: completely uninterested And I've got to get some rest. Don't disturb me unless they show anything that could be used against me.
Zira: And even then, I wouldn't dream of it. Under her breath I would have already taken care of those interlopers myself.
Cut to Simba and Nala, who are waiting in a VERY, VERY LONG line for tickets.
Simba: By the time we get to the booth they'll be sold out.
Nala: By the time half of the people in front of us make it to the booth they'll be sold out.
A few minutes later…
Cut to the same studio, where a certain lion is standing in front of the director and writer, who are still off screen.
Director: So, you wanna be the villain huh?
Scar: I find it's quite suitable to my personality.
Director: And you're aware most of the scenes you'll be in will be with henchmen right?
Scar: I am.
Director: Ok then, so what makes you think you can be the villain? I mean sure you look scary but for all I know you could be a bunny rabbit dressed like the lion from the black lagoon. Scar smirks, and casually reaches out his paw, bringing out a single index claw the further his foreleg extends…before he cuts a rope holding an unknown object; there is a pause
Voice: LOOK OUT!! The director looks up just in time to see a piano plummeting in his direction; he and the writer dodge it just in time
Another Voice: That could've crushed you! The director and writer turn their attention to Scar again, who merely smirks
Director: a bit shaky Ok… you have my attention.
Scar: Need I show you anything else?
Director: Just…um, can you show us any devious acting? Threatening poses? Malevolent gestures? A scheming smile if you will?
Scar: I'd be happy to. Fast as lightning, Scar reaches out and grabs something off screen. Turns out it was just an innocent worker minding his own business, but he is now lying on his back with Scar's claws extended around his head; the lion grins evilly, showing his razor-sharp teeth If you like, I could show you more.
Meanwhile…
Cut back to the drive-in, the audience appears frightened
Random Animal: I didn't know this would be a horror feature.
Other Random Animal: Me either.
Backstage, Pumbaa looks a little worried as he sees what's happening; friends are clenching each other in fear, others are hiding behind various inanimate objects, and parents are covering their children's eyes. Instantly, the warthog turns to his friend.
Pumbaa: Timon I think we should stop the film here; it might damage some vulnerable psyches and scar a lot of people.
Timon: Was that a concern for the public's well-being or were you just looking for an excuse to make a pun about Simba's uncle? Pumbaa, puns are lazy writing y'know. We did a movie for the kingdom's sake; you should know better material than that.
Pumbaa: Timon what's playing on the screen right now might be found a bit traumatizing for some; we gotta skip the violent parts of this scenario! For the community's safety.
Timon: Pumbaa, "The Lion King" is FULL OF VIOLENCE!
Pumbaa: Yeah but nothing too grotesque. You see, it's kind of like…anonymous bloodshed if you think about it: you know the carnage is happening, but you hardly ever see it. Please Timon, we gotta cut out some parts of this scene! Timon sighs
Timon: Alright, alright; we'll fast forward past the mutilation of the writer's cousin. Pumbaa smiles as Timon walks over and pushes a button, stopping the film just before Scar's claws make contact with the screaming employee's face. The crowd can be heard sighing in relief; Timon turns on the mike and talks into it. Eh, if it's alright with you folks, we're gonna skip pass all these more graphic moments of the film. Light applause comes from the mass of watching animals; mostly parents. The majority of the teenagers however look annoyed
Meanwhile at…
Shenzi, Banzai and Ed's place
Shenzi: It was about to get boring anyway.
Scar, Zira and Nuka's place
Nuka: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I COULD'VE USED THAT AGAINST ALL MY BULLIES AT SCHOOL!
Zira: You would've been hopeless even with that sort of help.
Cut to Simba and Nala, who are still waiting on tickets.
Both: What's taking so long?!
Back at the drive-in, Timon continues to push the button until he passes all the graphic moments of Scar's audition
Timon: Ok, I think we're in the clear now. Releases the button; Scar's audition comes back on screen. We see somebody being carried away on a stretcher and into an ambulance; Scar examines his claws as if nothing happened, despite most of the studio has blood splashes
Director: terrified You…you got the job. Scar smiles and walks out of the studio; everybody calms down. The director leans over to talk to his writer Remind me to hire a lion tamer...examines the set…make that seven lion tamers.
Director: Who's up next?
Writer: Some hyenas wanting to audition for the villain's three henchmen. Both look over to see Shenzi and a few female hyenas sadly walking out of the studio; and Banzai who is innocently whistling as if completely oblivious to the fact that there are many badly beaten male hyenas around him, and a few more terrified ones peeking out from the way he came in; and Ed who is alone and tilting his head at an angle while staring creepily at nothing in particular.
Director: whispering to the writer These aren't the only ones who showed up are they?
Writer: Well there were more sir but the female intimidated all the other actresses who arrived, the male beat up all his competition and scared the rest of them off, and the third male managed to do that last part I said about the other male without even blinking an eye…at all…is it even possible for him to blink?
Director: I don't care if they're planning to rob this place; it's been a long day and I'm beat, just send 'em in. The writer motions for the trio to approach; Shenzi, Banzai and Ed all stand in front of the director Well seeing as how there's nobody else around here it looks like you three got the jobs.
Shenzi: while she and her two friends are grinning We're glad you saw it our way.
Female and Male Voices: Hey, wait a minute! the trio, director and writer look over to see three hyenas, one female and two males, glaring at their competition.
Female Hyena: We want a fair audition! Shenzi, Banzai and Ed stare at them for a moment, before Shenzi looks at the director and writer
Shenzi: S'cuse us one moment. Backstage, Timon quickly pushes a button reading "censorship"; the beating following that scene is blocked from the audience's view with a smiley face, and large words that say "This Censoring Has Been Brought To You By Over Pro-tect, Keeping You Safe From Reality Since They Started Hiring Censors." After a minute or so, Timon releases the switch and the censor tool is removed. In the film, the three challengers can be seen yelping and fleeing the studio. Shenzi, Banzai and Ed all smirk at each other, before turning to go back to the set Well I think that takes care of them. Suddenly, a clicking sound is heard
Shenzi, Banzai (and Ed): Huh? The three look down to see Banzai has stepped on a loop knot on the ground; his eyes widen and he screams as he is quickly lifted up into the air, hitting his head on the floor as his feet are yanked from underneath him. Shenzi and Ed stare as he dangles upside down, before realizing they are standing on a net; their eyes also widen as the same thing happens to them. After both traps are set, a spring sets off; sending all three of them flying and screaming.
Director: What is that?
Writer: Our security system sir; we had to trade this in for the more up-to-date one when we blew most of our budget on the make-up department.
Director: Excuse me for anticipating that we could get great yet ugly actors! Meanwhile, the trio crash into a few things in mid-air: a sandbag which bursts on impact, getting the crushed granite into their fur
Shenzi: Aw great, this is gonna take days to get out! Suddenly the trio see a cage of pigeons up ahead, it breaks as they crash into it, making the birds angry. Shenzi and Ed get back-to-back and push the net as far as it'll go with their back legs; the birds can't get to them due to the mesh. But Banzai is not so fortunate; with no net to protect him, he gets pecked at like mad
Banzai: as he is swatting at the pigeons Get off me! To their surprise, the pigeons quickly fly away…until the trio see a concrete wall ahead. Luckily, before they can crash into it, the ropes holding them break a huge tub of hot pink hair dye. They fall in, and when they come out their fur is a bright pink.
Ed: PUH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Shenzi: furious My lawyer'll be hearin' 'bout this!!
The audience's reaction is hysterical; even Timon is holding his sides.
Back with Simba and Nala, they are impatiently waiting for their turn in line.
With Zira and Nuka, Nuka is rolling on the floor with laughter. And after a moment, Zira chuckles lightly herself.
But back with Shenzi, Banzai and Ed: the trio stare at the TV with wide eyes, shocked expressions, and open mouths; Ed's piece of popcorn falls out of his jaw. Then the trio look at T, who is trying to hide a grin. She looks over and after realizing they know what she's about to do, quickly makes an effort to compose herself.
Shenzi, Banzai (and Ed): Laugh, and we'll severely injure you.
Banzai (and Ed): …Well I won't be making any physical contact; you ARE a GIRL. But, ya still get the idea. T looks at Shenzi
T: DID your lawyer hear about it?
Shenzi: looks annoyed and darts her gaze away …No.
Backstage, Timon is drooling over the ticket money received. Pumbaa walks up behind him
Pumbaa: Timon, should I play the next scene now? …Timon? Waves his hand in front of his friend's face, but there is no reaction. The warthog shrugs and picks up the microphone; his voice is heard on the speakers And now, the last show for today. The crowd groans; this seems to bring Timon out of his daze and he blinks.
Up on the big screen, the director can be heard breathing in exhaustion
Writer: Just hang in there sir, we only have one more audition.
Director: Who?
Writer: The friend of the queen and mother of the main female character who is never named in the movie, and given only one line.
Director: I don't have the time for this.
Female voice: Um, excuse me? The director and writer look over to see Sarafina looking at them
Sarafina: I heard the auditions were being held here.
Director: Whoever you are, you have the part.
Sarafina: But I haven't even told you my name yet.
Director: Nor will you tell the audience; which for some reason will anger many fans. looks at the writer Well, there's our cast; let's get outta here.
The movie reel ends. The audience sounds disappointed. Cut to back stage.
Pumbaa: Well, that's all of it. And looks like we made quite the income; we'll need it to hire a good lawyer who can excuse our- Timon leaps in front of Pumbaa
Timon: Pumbaa, listen to what's happening out there! Timon shoves Pumbaa's head toward the curtain enough so that his ear is poking out, then picks up the microphone again. Thank you for watching ladies and gentlemen. Did you enjoy the show?
Same Audience Member as Before: I gotta admit dude; that was worth the 30 bucks!
And the Other Guy: And I'd pay 100 bucks for what I just saw today!
Timon: A hundred?
Another Audience Member: I'd pay 200!
Another Audience Member: I'd pay 500! Timon begins to drool again. Taking his attention away from the audience for a split second, Pumbaa notices this and looks uneasy
Pumbaa: Timon, now let's not do anything too drastic.
Timon: 500 dollars per ticket? I'd be filthy rich! Pumbaa, get our ticket seller on the phone!
Pumbaa: You mean vender, right?
Timon: Yeah sure whatever.
Meanwhile…
After what seems like hours, Simba and Nala are only a couple feet away from the ticket vender. Nala sighs in relief.
Simba: Finally. But their ears suddenly perk up when they overhear the conversation up ahead.
Ticket Salesman: Sorry, the ticket price was raised.
Animal Buyer: What?! To how much?!
Ticket Salesman: Four hundred and fifty dollars.
Animal Buyer, Simba and Nala: FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?!
Meanwhile…
Shenzi: Boys, we got ourselves a lil' investigatin' to do.
