Stuff In This Chapter: Eh...not much stuff going on here. Some swearing, picking on Sasuke and Naruto and IZUMO! (I love him!)
I love Kotetsu and Izumo, but they're very underappreciated in my opinion. Aren't they the coolest guys ever? Especially Izumo with his kawaii face!
Chapter 2: 911 What's Your Emergency?
Naruto sat behind his desk grumbling miserably. It had been three weeks since he joined the force but he had yet to step away from his desk and do something productive.
This was all Kakashi's fault.
So what if he had ratted the pervert out to Shizune, big deal! This punishment was definitely far worse than having to fill out case reports…Naruto was sure. He tightened his hold on the black balled pen in his hand.
This was absolute torture!
As the phone rang, Naruto narrowed his eyes at the black plastic contraption. Sasuke's hand reached out and grabbed it smoothly.
"This is Officer Uchiha, what seems to be the problem?" He answered. Naruto watched the vein on Sasuke's forehead throb as the raven haired Uchiha's annoyance grew. "Ma'am I need you to listen…yes I understand you are stuck inside your car…no ma'am…I understand you are feeling ill but…ma'am if –if you lift the lock up on the door the car should open…yes it should open even if nothing electrical is working….…is the car open now?...great…no problem…have a good day."
Sasuke hung up the phone and stood up, the corner of his left eye twitching.
"Do I wanna know?" Naruto asked.
"No," Sasuke grunted as he proceeded to go get a form to fill out for the 911 call.
Naruto banged his head against his desk completely bored out of his mind. Damn that Kakashi, he wouldn't even let them out to patrol the streets! After a quick rustle of papers, Sasuke returned with his form and began filling it out.
The door leading to the large room flew open, revealing Kiba strutting in with Shino following in tow. The bushy haired brunette held Akamaru's leash tightly while he made his way towards Naruto and Sasuke, a grin as wide as a bridge plastered on his face.
"Dude, you will not believe what me and Akamaru did today!" He said with excitement as he leaned on Sasuke's desk, patting Akamaru on the head.
"What? What?" Naruto begged trying to live vicariously through his friend's exploits. He was dying to know what went on beyond the four corners of his prison.
Kiba looked the blond squarely in the eye before responding, "We found a piece of a leg."
"What?" Naruto stood up quickly, nearly knocking his chair over in doing so, "Really?"
Kiba nodded, "Akamaru sniffed it out and I excavated it."
"Judging by the amount of bug activity, I'd say it looks to be about two months old," Shino said from his post behind the two. Slowly, Kiba and Naruto turned around to look at Shino. They both shuddered involuntarily.
"Shino…do you have to do that?" Kiba winced.
"Do what?" The other man said, staring at them from behind his tinted glasses.
"Stuff like that," Kiba shuddered again, "It's a little unnerving."
Naruto nodded his head in agreement.
"It's his job," Sasuke pointed out as he wrote, "If you two were uncomfortable with dead bodies, why'd you join the Special Unit?"
"Nobody asked you, bastard," Naruto grumbled.
Sasuke didn't say anything and continued to fill out his form.
Kiba scratched behind his ear before straightening up. He crossed his arms and looked at Naruto. "So, has Kakashi let you guys out yet?"
Naruto lowered his eyes, his hand tightening into a fist, "No," he said quietly.
"Fuck, that really sucks man," Kiba sighed, "Well we got to go, Genma wants us out on patrol." The brunette made his way towards the door, "See you later!"
As the two men left, the phone on Naruto's desk rang. Grumbling to himself, the blonde leaned over and picked it up.
"Hello, this is Officer Uzumaki speaking, what seems to be the problem?"
"I…"giggle, "…I want a large pizza with…" giggle, "…extra cheese and-" Naruto slammed the phone down and stood up to go grab a form.
Sasuke didn't even look up. "Prank call?"
"Pizza," Naruto grabbed the slip of paper and returned to his desk.
This really sucked.
Sighing, he looked up at the clock. Only two more hours till their lunch break.
Only two more hours before he could sniff out Kakashi and beg him to give them something to do that didn't require answering 911 calls and filing forms.
He glanced over at Neji's desk. The man was looking up something on his computer. Intrigued, Naruto wondered what it could be. Maybe it was information for Captain Gai about his murder case, or checking out an alibi, or perhaps he was researching for some undercover work!
"Close your mouth dobe, you're starting to drool."
Naruto's mouth snapped closed. He glared at the Uchiha, hoping that if he glared hard enough maybe the bastard would just burst into flame.
He didn't.
A few minutes later, Captain Gai came prancing into the room, "Neji, Lee, let's go!"
"Yes, Captain Gai!" Lee jumped out of his chair, grabbing his hat he ran to stand by his idol. Neji quietly stood from his chair and gathered his papers. Slowly, he put them in his drawer, grabbed his hat and then calmly walked to join his team. Captain Gai slapped him on the back with a grin and they were gone. Now the room was completely empty of officers and Naruto had no one else to stare at to pass the time.
Glumly he pulled open his drawer and took out his Glock 17. Running his fingers across the sleek black surface twice, he grinned before taking the gun apart.
The phone rang twice before Sasuke picked it up. Naruto didn't even care to listen in, he was busy counting the bullets on his desk. There were seventeen all together, just like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. He slowly reassembled the pistol, a frown marring his face when it lay complete on his desk.
Now what should he do?
Sasuke hung up the phone and went to retrieve another form. Naruto watched as the raven bent down to ruffle through some papers in a bottom cabinet. He grinned evilly and put his gun up, pointing it directly at Sasuke's behind that was now hovering above the desk. He chuckled quietly. Sasuke would definitely kill him if he shot him in the ass, he was sure of it. However, that didn't stop the blond from fantasizing about it. He could just imagine Sasuke's face and the idea of him getting shot in the butt was just too good.
Naruto's finger skimmed over the trigger.
He wouldn't do it of course…..but what if he said it was an accident? He could say he was examining the barrel and -no…he wouldn't buy that, heck, he didn't even buy that.
"Well that wouldn't end too well now would it?"
Startled, Naruto nearly pulled the trigger. The gun clattered onto the desk.
He had almost shot Sasuke in the ass!
"Kakashi," Naruto yelled, feeling his heart hammering in his chest from shock, "Give us something to do!"
"You are doing something," Kakashi put his book away and leaned against the wall, lazily crossing his legs.
"I mean something a little more exciting, even patrolling would be a step up!" Naruto whined.
"I need you to monitor the phones for today," Kakashi said simply, "It is important for an officer to-"
"Blah blah blah," Naruto rolled his eyes, "C'mon Kakashi, please! I beg you! Let us do something, anything other than sit here and take stupid phone calls!"
Sasuke quietly took his seat behind his desk and glared silently at the form before him. He hated agreeing with Naruto, but this was really very infuriating. If he had to deal with another stupid civilian, like the woman who locked herself in a car...well... then he couldn't be held responsible for his actions…
"What do you think, Sasuke?"Kakashi looked at the raven haired cop.
Sasuke grunted, "It would be nice to have a change of scenery."
"Ha!" Naruto pointed his finger at Kakashi, "Even Sasuke can't take anymore of this crap!"
ACHOO!
Three heads turned towards the doorway. Kotetsu came shuffling in with a form in his hand.
"Great," Kakashi sighed, "You too."
Kotetsu shrugged, "Sorry man, Shizune threatened to put me on night duty if I didn't get this to you," he sniffled, "Damn, this cold is really hitting hard. I think I'm starting to run a fever…maybe I'll go home early today," Kotetsu sneezed again as he handed Kakashi his case report.
"Hey, Kotetsu," Naruto called, "Can you please make Kakashi let us do something? Please, I can't take another blasted prank call or fake emergency."
Kotetsu gave Kakashi a look, "Why haven't you let them do anything, Kakashi? I mean, even Anko lets her team out to do some patrolling….and that's our Anko."
Kakashi sighed, "Fine. You two can go on a patrol tomorrow after lunch."
"Yeah!"Naruto pumped his fist into the air. Even Sasuke let out a little smile.
Finally, they were going to do something other than secretarial work.
As lunchtime rolled around, Sasuke and Naruto made their way to the break room. Naruto held his instant ramen in one hand as he walked into the room. Sakura and Ino were already sitting at the table with their bento boxes open. Plopping himself across from Sakura, Naruto placed his ramen gently onto the table.
"Hey, Sakura!" He grinned at her.
"Hello, Naruto," Sakura blushed as Sasuke took a seat beside his partner, "Hello, Sasuke…how are you?"
Ino furrowed her eyebrows and elbowed the pink haired girl, "Sasuke, how's your day going so far?" She asked and smiled sweetly.
"Fine," Sasuke muttered as he opened his lunch.
Naruto rolled his eyes and stood up to get some hot water for his noodles. Honestly, he didn't understand what those girls saw in that brooding bastard. Fine, maybe he had a handsome face and eyes that seemed to ensnare every female within a ten-foot radius.
So what if his body was well toned out? Naruto had a great body too but whenever he was around Sasuke, all the girls kept their eyes glued to 'mister tall dark and handsome.'
Naruto gritted his teeth…and Sakura. He frowned. She was looking at the bastard with her big green eyes. How much he wished for her to look at him that way. Sakura hung on every word the bastard said.
It really hurt to watch.
Naruto clenched his fist as he sat down. Sasuke glanced at the brooding blond but didn't say anything. He looked up when he heard footsteps approaching. A few seconds later, Izumo and Kotetsu came in. Sakura and Ino greeted the two captains warmly as they sat down at the table. Sasuke elbowed Naruto gruffly in order to bring him back to the world of the living. The blond gritted his teeth and pinched Sasuke's thigh as payback. Sasuke wasted no time in hitting the blond in the back of the head.
Naruto let out a yelp as his face almost hit his cup of ramen.
"Hey Naruto, have you seen Jiraiya recently?" Kotetsu asked, his voice sounding nasally.
The blond shrugged his shoulders, "Haven't seen the old pervert since yesterday morning," he scratched his forehead in thought, "I think he said something about having to finish his book before the end of the something or other."
"Ah," the officer smiled, "Jiraiya is having another one of his Icha Icha books coming out then."
Naruto nodded his head.
Kotetsu let out another sneeze and the girls attempted to cover their food.
"Watch it!"
"Cover your mouth!"
"Sorry," Kotetsu sighed, "I'm feeling a little under the weather."
Izumo turned Kotetsu's head slowly to face him. He gently pressed his lips to his lover's forehead.
Sakura and Ino sighed as they watched the two captains. Sasuke shook his head at the two females and continued his meal.
"I think you're running a slight fever," Izumo said after removing his lips.
"I thought as much," Kotetsu winced.
"You should take the rest of the day off," Ino suggested, "Rest up and eat a lot of chicken soup."
"I'll make some today," Izumo nodded, "I'm going to ask the chief if I could drive you home." Izumo stood up and left the break room passing Genma on the way. The officer entered the room and walked over to the coffee maker rather hurriedly.
"Damn it, Genma! Give it back!" A voice rung through the precinct halls.
Genma lazily looked past the door and shrugged his shoulders.
"You didn't," Kotetsu shook his head in disbelief.
Snickering, the sly officer pulled out a pair of boxers from his pocket. Quickly, he stuffed them behind the coffee maker before Raidou came bustling in wearing nothing but a towel.
"Where are my clothes?" He scowled at his partner.
"I told you to lock your locker when you shower at the station," Genma laughed as Raidou noticed the two female police officers sitting at the table, their eyes wide.
"I'm going to kill you when we get home," Raidou hissed as he took a step forward.
"Ah ah ah," Genma shook his finger as he picked up a hot cup of coffee, "Wouldn't want me to spill this accidentally now would we?"
Raidou looked at Kotetsu, "I'll give you fifty bucks if you know where my clothes are."
Kotetsu grinned, "Your boxers are behind the coffee machine. I'm guessing your pants could be found inside Shizune's desk."
Raidou shoved his hand behind the coffee machine and victoriously pulled out his underpants, "Ha!"
Genma glared at Kotetsu, "You suck," he said before running out of the break room to grab Raidou's pants and hide them somewhere else. The scar faced man was right behind him.
"Are those two gay also?" Ino asked Kotetsu.
"Your guess is as good as mine," the officer sniffled, "They live together in the same apartment, but that could be attributed to the fact that they are partners and it's just easier that way."
Naruto and Sasuke calmly ate their lunches.
This was just a regular day at the precinct for them.
:::
After his shift had ended, Naruto got in his truck and made his way towards Jiraiya's apartment. The old perv had called and asked him to swing by but Naruto didn't mind. He had some questions he wanted to ask anyway.
Naruto had barely time to knock before the old pervert swung his front door open and ushered him inside.
"Now, Naruto, I know you hate doing this," Jiraiya started.
Instantly Naruto locked his legs and refused to be led any further.
"Hell no old perv, I'm NOT doing THAT AGAIN!"
Jiraiya fell to the ground before Naruto, hands clasped together and tears pouring down his cheeks like waterfalls.
"Please, I need to have this sent to my publisher tomorrow morning! I'll triple your allowance!" That caught Naruto's attention. The blond stared hard at his guardian, looking for any signs that could signal to him that this was going to end badly for him. When he didn't see anything that made him want to run for the hills, he sighed.
"Fine," Naruto let Jiraiya lead him into his writing room. The blond tried his best not to stare at all the posters of scantily clad women Jiraiya had slathered onto all the available wall space. He stood there, in the middle of the room, hands in pockets and stared at the floor.
He reminded himself to breathe through his nose when Jiraiya handed him the outfit he was to put on.
"Make sure to get the wig right this time!" Jiraiya hollered as Naruto disappeared into the bathroom to change.
"Shut up!" Naruto yelled as he slammed the door, his cheeks burning red from embarrassment. If anyone ever found out about this, he'd kill that damn pervert.
He eyed the dress Jiraiya had handed him and groaned loudly. If only Kakashi knew what went on behind the scenes of his most treasured Icha Icha series, he wouldn't obsess over them as much. Then again…..this was Kakashi, so anything was possible.
Swallowing his pride, Naruto began to take off his clothes and grumbled at the heavily padded bra in his hands. He quickly donned the frilly dress trying his best to avoid the mirrors. He heard Jiraiya mumble something outside the door but couldn't quite hear what the old man was saying.
"What?" He shouted.
"I said," Naruto heard Jiraiya say, "I've blackmailmh seghm inhu helping me ughnm as well. Hmehsoubeh here any minute now."
"Yeah yea, just don't forget you owe me triple," Naruto shouted as he struggled with the buckles on his shoes. He hadn't quite heard what the old pervert was saying.
Probably wasn't something important anyway.
Naruto straightened the blonde wig on his head to his best ability and pushed the bathroom door open.
"Hey perv," Naruto grabbed the black dress ribbon hanging loosely at his sides, "I need you to…tie…" the poor boy's mouth dropped open as he stared at Sasuke standing in the middle of the room with Jiraiya. He barely registered the raven pull out his phone.
SNAP!
Naruto jerked out of his trancelike state and tackled the Uchiha to the ground in his red and white frilly dress. He latched onto Sasuke's wrist as he tried to pry the boy's fingers from the phone.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Naruto panicked as he lost his hold on the other boy's wrist.
"I told you he was coming," Jiraiya stepped over the two boys wrestling on the floor and headed towards his computer.
"When?" Naruto screeched as Sasuke grabbed him by the front of the dress and pushed him to the floor.
"When you were in the bathroom," Jiraiya sighed, "I said that I blackmailed Sasuke into helping me tonight as well and that he should be here any minute."
"That's what you said?" Naruto yelled out, right before he attempted kneeing Sasuke in the groin.
"What did you think I said?"
"You've blackmailed me into helping you now and that I should hurry up and come out!" Naruto latched onto the cellular device and with one mighty pull, freed half of it from Sasuke's hand. Neither of the boys noticed Jiraiya open a closet and pull out a blue and white dress matching Naruto's, a pair of buckled shoes and a dark haired wig. He approached the brawl taking place in the middle of his room, grabbed Naruto by his collar, and flung him off the Uchiha. The raven attempted to grab the blond but Jiraiya managed to keep him at a safe distance with the sole of his foot pressed firmly against the man's chest.
"Now," Jiraiya cleared his throat, "Sasuke, go put this on. Make sure to put the wig on straight and try not to rip the knee socks, all right? I don't have a spare pair lying about."
Sasuke's eyes widened for a split second before his face furrowed into a scowl, "I'm not wearing that."
"That's where you're wrong," Jiraiya effortlessly grabbed a fistful of Sasuke's shirt and lifted him up to his feet, "I've got some real good dirt on you. With one touch of a button I can have the chief on the line in a matter of seconds."
The raven glared at Jiraiya for a minute then grabbed the dress the old man had pushed into his chest and went to change. Naruto watched Sasuke disappear into the bathroom before turning to the old pervert.
"Hey perv," he whispered, "What's the dirt on Sasuke?"
"Tell him and I'll kill you," they heard Sasuke say through the door.
Damn, that bastard had good hearing.
A few minutes later, Sasuke came out of the bathroom with his arms crossed and a permanent glare set on his face. Unlike Naruto, the boy had managed to tie his own bow.
"Now what?" Venom dripped from the Uchiha's voice.
"Now," Jiraiya stood from his chair, "I need you two to act out a scene."
He motioned for the two boys to come over. Then he began to explain, "Alright, here is what's going on. Yuki, that will be Naruto, just finished cleaning up the café and is about to close. Mai, that will be Sasuke, can't hold herself back any longer. She needs Yuki to be hers, but Yuki's boyfriend is going to be there within the next fifteen minutes to pick her up. Yuki doesn't know what to do. She's in love with her boyfriend but she can't help herself from wanting Mai as well. Now, I've worked out the scene where the two of them confess their need for one another, all I need you to do is give me a visual. I need details!"
Naruto was definitely seeing some blood dripping from the pervert's nose.
"Naruto, lie down on the floor and put one arm above your head." Naruto did as the pervert instructed and stretched out on the floor. "Sasuke, get in between his legs, place one hand above his head and the other one next to his thigh." Sasuke stood stock still, the sound of Jiraiya clearing his throat made him finally assume the position described.
"Good," Jiraiya ran and grabbed his laptop from the table and sat himself in front of his visual. Sasuke was glaring daggers at the blond lying beneath him. He gritted his teeth angrily as he heard Jiraiya typing away on his laptop.
Naruto was glaring right back at the bastard.
The atmosphere prickled with animosity.
"Naruto, I need you to stop cringing! Stop glaring! Sasuke, stop gritting your teeth! This is supposed to be hot and you're making it crap!" Jiraiya whined angrily. He put his laptop down and glared at the two boys.
"Sasuke, if you don't look like you wanna rip Naruto's clothes off in ten seconds, I'm calling Tsunade to tell her-"
"Fine!" Sasuke yelled before Jiraiya finished his sentence. The pervert grinned and watched the inner battle going on within the raven's head.
"You too, Naruto. I want to see lust! Be a whore for once in your life! Smile seductively, do something!"
"I'm a fucking guy!" Naruto hollered, "I can't do this!"
"You can and you will," Jiraiya said, "Or not only will I take away your allowance, but I'll also make sure that Kakashi keeps you at the precinct taking 911 calls for the rest of your life!"
Naruto wanted to shoot the pervert repeatedly. "Now give me something to work with!"
Jiraiya sighed.
Naruto looked like he just swallowed a lemon and Sasuke looked like he wanted someone to wake him from a bad nightmare.
This wasn't going to do.
"I bet Sasuke could pull this off better than you Naruto," Jiraiya said, mischief playing in his lecherous eyes as an idea popped into his mind.
Naruto's head snapped towards Jiraiya, "Oh yeah? I can do this better than this bastard any day!"
"Hn," Sasuke smirked. No way in hell was Naruto ever going to beat him in anything. EVER.
And here we go, Jiraiya thought as he recognized that competitive look in their eyes. He readied his laptop and waited.
Naruto grinned. He was so going to wipe the floor with the bastard. Slowly, he brought his hand up and wrapped one finger into a few strands of dark hair.
"Good, Naruto! Hold that pose for a minute," Jiraiya said as he typed furiously, describing how Yuki adoringly wrapped her fingers in Mai's hair.
Sasuke smirked again, he wasn't about to be outdone by the dobe. When Jiraiya looked up, Sasuke slowly brought his hand to Naruto's thigh and hitched the skirt of the dress up an inch or two. Naruto growled, not liking Sasuke touching him.
"Yes, Sasuke!"Jiraiya leered as he typed the scene before him.
"Don't touch me," Naruto hissed angrily.
"What?" Sasuke leaned down so his nose was mere inches away from the blonde, "You can't handle it?"
Naruto growled, "I'll show you who can't handle what!" Naruto untangled his fingers from Sasuke's wig and let his fingertips brush against Sasuke's pale cheek. The raven let out a quiet laugh that Naruto didn't find to his liking. He felt Sasuke shift between his legs as the raven moved himself closer, the navy fabric of the dress brushed against Naruto's half-exposed thigh.
The blond shifted.
He didn't like this closeness, it was making him uncomfortable.
He didn't like the way Sasuke was looking at him….but he wouldn't admit it. Fine, if this was how that bastard was going to play it, then so be it. Two can play at this game.
Naruto forced the uncomfortable feeling aside.
Jiraiya watched as Naruto pushed the sleeve of Sasuke's dress down and caressed the milky white skin that was now exposed. His fingers trailed across the pale flesh, making their way towards the collarbone, and ended up cradling the raven's smooth chin.
Now Sasuke was the one who was growing uncomfortable with their close proximity. He internally cringed when he felt the warmth of Naruto's thigh pressed up against him. The Uchiha glanced into the crystalline blue eyes staring at him, daring him to do better.
Naruto frowned as he saw the corner of Sasuke's mouth twitch upwards. The raven pushed the rest of the skirt up and cupped the blonde's ass with his left hand.
Naruto hissed loudly.
He pulled the raven towards him by the neck so that their chests touched, their noses mere centimeters apart.
Jiraiya cursed himself for not being able to type fast enough. Both boys were well past their comfort zone but neither was willing to yield to the other. Naruto wanted Sasuke off him, he didn't like the way his body was reacting to the raven haired bastard. His heart rate had increased and his breath was coming to him in short grasps.
Sasuke's right hand unfastened the bow that held the blonde's dress tight to his body. As soon as the ribbon loosened, he thrust his hand inside to rest on Naruto's abdomen. He felt more than saw Naruto's breath hitch.
Sasuke didn't know why, but for some reason…he liked it. His heart was pounding hard in his chest as his fingers traced circle's on Naruto's exposed thigh.
…Yuki squeezed the dark haired girl's breast and the girl let out a moan. She trailed her fingers across the exposed skin loving the feel of the heat against her. Unbeknownst to them, Reiko was staring through the glass window watching the two of them explore one another. His hand had made its way into his pants to stroke his impeding erection…
"This is great!" Jiraiya exclaimed. He blindly wiped the drops of blood dripping from his nose away, "I've finally finished it! Icha Icha volume six, Heart Not Mine complete with a cliff hanger ending!" The old pervert jumped to his feet and grinned at the two boys who were hastily trying to disentangle themselves from each other.
"Wait till I te-"
"If you tell anyone about this," Sasuke stood up, his breathing not quite even, "I won't hesitate on killing you and making it look like an accident."
Naruto nodded his head furiously in agreement, "You better believe it!"
Jiraiya carefully pushed the picture he'd taken of the two of them deeper into his pocket.
"Fine, fine I won't say a thing," he held up his hands.
"Good," Naruto nodded then turned to Sasuke, "I'm planning on pretending this never happened. How about you?"
Sasuke gave Naruto his answer by throwing off his wig and giving a visible shudder, "Sounds good."
:::
Naruto lay in bed that night slapping his butt cheek every few minutes. For some reason he couldn't get rid of the feeling of Sasuke's hand resting on that certain spot.
He slapped it again, hoping the pain would erase the feeling of Sasuke's hand from his memory. It would work for a few minutes, but then the feeling would creep back. Growling low in his throat, Naruto got out of bed and ran into the kitchen to grab an icepack. He put it against his butt cheek in hopes of numbing the feeling away.
The cold was uncomfortable, but he preferred it to the feeling of Sasuke's hand. It wasn't right for the feeling to linger like this.
Naruto considered calling a doctor. He looked up at his clock and cursed. It was two in the morning.
Damn that Sasuke bastard and his ghost hand on his ass!
He iced his butt for another ten minutes before running back to bed. If he could just fall asleep before that feeling came back, he was sure everything would be fine…
:::
The next day, Naruto came into work with a jump in his step. Today he was finally going to go out and do something police worthy. Sure, falling asleep last night had been a battle, but nothing could ruin his mood today.
"Sasuke is the designated driver," Kakashi said as he handed the Uchiha the keys.
"What? Why?" Naruto whined.
"I have something you don't," Sasuke said.
"And what's that?" Naruto banged his fist against the wall.
"A brain."
Naruto glared, "Fuck you, bastard!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes and made his way to the break room to get himself a strong cup of coffee.
"Why can't we leave right now?" Naruto grumbled once he figured out that there was no way to make Kakashi let him drive the cruiser.
"Because," the silver haired captain flicked him in the forehead, "Now you have 911 duty. You can go patrol after eleven."
"Damn it," Naruto pulled at a loose thread on his shirt.
Kakashi patted him on the head, "Good boy!" He said before turning around and heading for his desk.
"I'm not a dog!" Naruto shouted at his back. Kakashi lifted his hand in the air and proceeded to walk away. Just then, Naruto spotted Sakura making her way towards the break room. She seemed to be caring a box of some sort.
"Hey, Sakura!" Naruto yelled, "Wait up!"
Sakura turned and watched Naruto walk up to her, "Hey, Naruto. I heard Kotetsu is still sick so he's still home."
"Oh, that sucks," Naruto stuck his hands in his pockets, "Hey, Sakura…I was wondering if-"
"Sasuke!" Sakura waived her hand at the glowering dark haired man standing by the coffee machine.
Naruto winced, why did this always happen? Every time he tried asking Sakura out on a date, that stupid bastard always managed to screw it up for him. He glared at the dark eyed raven. Stupid Sasuke.
"…He's still sick so that's why I made some cookies for Izumo to take home," Sakura smiled at Sasuke. She loved the way he just stood there, listening to her so intently. Shyly, she opened the green tin box in her hands, "I was wondering if you'd like to try one."
"Hn."
"I'll try one, Sakura!" Naruto jumped in front of Sasuke and stuck his hand into the cookie tin. Sakura furrowed her brow, "Easy there Naruto, don't take them all!"
Sasuke stared at the cookie Naruto held in his hand. He reached into the tin and pulled one out for himself, examining it.
"You said you made this yourself?" He inquired
"Yeah," Sakura blushed.
"Man these are really good, Sakura," Naruto swallowed his first cookie and started on the second, "I like the nuts but you could have held on to the raisins."
Sasuke's eyes suddenly widened, "Sakura," he grabbed the girl by her shoulders, forcing her to look him straight in the eye, "When did you give these cookies to Izumo?"
"Uh…when I got here…like an hour ago?" She frowned, "Why? Kotetsu isn't allergic to nuts is he?"
Naruto froze, the cookie dropping from his hand.
"Lock the door, you idiot!" Sasuke shouted at Naruto.
"What's going on?" Sakura asked, confusion evident on her face.
"IZUMO I WILL SHOOT YOUR WHITE ASS!" Kakashi yelled.
"Aw shit!" Naruto and Sasuke ran for the door at the same time.
They had almost made it.
Almost.
Izumo burst into the room with inhuman strength, "NARUTO! MY FAVORITE BLOND BALL OF JOY!"
It was all over for the two men.
They lunged away from the insane cop, only to be pulled back by the scruff of the neck.
"Naruto, you should really become gay you know," Izumo chuckled evilly as he tried to loosen the blonde's pants.
"Get off me, you freak of nature!" Naruto hollered as he kicked out with his feet.
Sasuke was trying his best to get out of his shirt and slip out the window. Izumo catching on rather quickly, grabbed Sasuke's left leg causing the man to fall face forwards, "Don't think I've forgotten you, my little sexy demon!"
Naruto tried fighting off Izumo who had skillfully wrapped his leg around his feet, leaving him immobile. Reaching desperately into his pocket, Naruto pulled out his phone, all the while trying to keep his pants on. Izumo laughed evilly as Sasuke wriggled on the ground. No one was a match for him.
Naruto quickly scanned through his contacts finding Kotetsu's number and dialing it as fast as he could. The phone rang three times before Naruto heard the sweet sound of Kotetsu's voice on the other line.
"Hello?"
"GET YOUR BOYFRIEND OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!"
Kotetsu sighed into the phone, stifling a cough, "Did Genma give him raisins again?"
"NO, THIS TIME IT WAS SAKURA AND HER COOKIES OF DEATH!"
"Hey!" Sakura glared daggers at Naruto.
"I'm kind of indisposed right now," Kotetsu sneezed to make his point.
"HE'S TRYING TO PULL MY PANTS OFF!" Naruto screamed into the phone.
"Just let him see-"
"FUCK NO!"
"Let me see it!" Izumo wriggled his hand, "I wanna know if it's blonde down there too!"
"HELP! IZUMO'S RAPING ME!"
"Izumo, you idiot! Let me go or I'll shoot you!" Sasuke snarled as he tried to pry Izumo's fingers off his pants. Naruto hung up on the good for nothing that was Kotetsu.
Sakura just stood there like an empty space and stared.
Naruto stopped wriggling for a moment to lull the pervert into a fall sense of security. Izumo unzipped Naruto's pants and before he got a chance to even see what color boxers the blond was wearing, Naruto back headed the pervert. The insane man loosened his grip on Naruto letting the blond escape from his captivity. Izumo whined and tightened his grip on Sasuke, now fully able to press the Uchiha up against his body.
"I'll buy you ramen!" Sasuke yelled.
"Hell No!" Naruto shook his head furiously.
"I'll buy you ramen five times and delete the picture from yesterday off my phone!"
Naruto squeezed his eyes shut. Crap. He couldn't refuse that. "Damn it!"
At that precise moment, he spotted Neji approaching through the glass window. He was just about to signal for help when the grey eyed officer, once spotting Izumo and the state he was in, ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
Damn it, how did Kotetsu deal with him when Izumo got like this? He racked his brain for a minute then shook his head to clear it of the memory. There was no way in hell he was going to do that. Naruto sighed, he felt bad about what he was about to do, but it couldn't be helped. Taking one giant breath, Naruto readied his fist.
He had one shot at him.
He had to knock him out while Izumo was still trying to undress Sasuke.
With a determined look on his face, Naruto charged at Izumo and before the pervert saw it, Naruto's fist collided with his chin, causing the raisin-high cop's head to snap to the side.
He fell to the ground out cold.
Sasuke heaved an unnoticed sigh of relief and righted himself before anyone could notice his dishevelment. Naruto turned around and pointed at his partner, "Delete it. Now."
The Uchiha rolled his eyes as he pulled his phone from his pocket and deleted the picture he took from yesterday.
"I see you got Perverted Izumo under control," Naruto's head turned to find Genma leaning lazily against the door, toothpick in mouth.
"Where the hell were you?" Naruto pointed an accusatory finger at the Captain.
"Now now, I may be the one to spike his food with raisins every now and then but I would never," Genma shook his head, "Ever, do it when Kotetsu isn't around and I don't have my five foot pole. Then it's dangerous. What if he attacked me?"
"He gets like this when he eats raisins?" Sakura looked at them incredulously.
"Hn," Sasuke grabbed his cup of coffee and headed out of the room as if nothing had happened.
"You're safe because you're a girl," Naruto grumbled, "When he eats those raisins, his libido steps it up a hundred fold, so any male within a ten foot radius…beware."
"Raidou! The coast is clear! Come help me tie him up!" Genma yelled after he stuck his head outside the door.
"Why are you tying him up?"
Naruto glanced over at Sakura, "So he won't attack anyone else."
"How long does it last?"
"Eh…depends on how many he ate," Naruto shrugged his shoulders, "Could be anywhere between thirty minutes to three hours."
Genma sat himself down on Izumo's chest as he handcuffed the unconscious officer's hands and feet. When Raidou appeared, the two of them lifted the unconscious brunette and sat him up in a chair. Raidou then proceeded in tying him to the chair with rope.
Lots and lots of rope.
"Don't you think you're overdoing it a little?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.
Genma let out a low chuckle, "He might not look it, but this guy is as strong as an ox. Once, Raidou here forgot to handcuff him and this sex crazed lunatic broke out of the ropes and nearly raped Aoba."
"Aoba? Who's he?"
"Aoba used to work here," Naruto answered, "Until Izumo here boomeranged the guy into Gaysville."
"Huh?"
"He turned the guy gay," Genma drawled.
"How?"
Genma turned a pointed stare at the pink haired officer. Her eyes widened as her mouth formed a little 'O'.
The two captains finished securing their hostage before taking a step back.
"Let's go."
"No Raidou, not yet," Genma grinned and pulled the toothpick out of his mouth. He twirled it between two fingers and chuckled.
"Leave him alone, Genma," Raidou warned.
"But this is my favorite part!"
"No."
"What's Genma going to do?" Sakura whispered to Naruto.
"He's going to torture him."
Genma inched towards the unconscious cop, put his hand over the other's mouth, and held his nose. A few seconds later Izumo was wide awake. Genma stifled a chuckle as the closet pervert's eyes attached themselves to Naruto's butt. The blond took a step behind Sakura.
"Gimmie the blond!"
Raidou shook his head and left the room. He was not about to take part in such behavior.
"Hey Izumo, look what I got," Genma pulled out a pair of handcuffs and twirled them around his finger.
"Kinky…I LIKE!"
"Do you want my handcuffs, you sexy thing?"
"I want you naked right now!" Izumo tried to loosen the ropes that held him to no avail, "Bondage good! Kinky good! Just get your ass over here!"
Naruto quietly tiptoed towards the door, leaving Sakura staring at the scene before her.
It was times like these where Naruto had not doubt Genma was gay. Moreover, what the heck was up with Sakura? Was it just him, or was she enjoying this?
He shuddered.
Girls were so weird.
As he made his way to the room he shared with all the low ranking officers, Naruto spotted Lee hiding not so well behind the water cooler.
"Coast is clear, or haven't you heard?"
Lee jumped up, "No, Naruto. I was just doing some spy training!"
Naruto grinned, "Sure you were."
"No," Lee sighed, "You are right, Naruto. It's just that…well you remember my first time, right?"
Naruto nodded. He remembered it vividly.
"Say no more," Naruto put his hand over bushy brow's shoulder. The two of them headed for their desks. Sasuke was already sitting behind his, talking to someone on the phone. He hung up just as Naruto took his seat.
"Who was that?"
"Hn."
"Bastard."
:::
The few hours passed by quickly and soon Naruto and Sasuke were heading out to their cruiser. They passed Izumo on their way out and it looked like he was back to his normal self, although now he had Sakura trailing behind him. The poor man was grumbling something about 'murder' and 'Genma.' Naruto didn't quite catch all of it.
Kakashi had instructed them to patrol the West end of the city. Once Sasuke got into the car, Naruto began being a pain in the ass.
Again.
"This is great!"
"Shut up, dobe."
"Bastard! I can't wait for them to radio us in! Maybe we'll have to catch a burglar or go looking for body parts like Kiba and Shino!"
"Idiot," Sasuke sighed, "Kiba got special training with the canine unit. Don't forget his mom is in charge of training those dogs."
"Yeah I know," Naruto mumbled, "Still, it would be so cool!"
"Hn."
Naruto threw a glare in Sasuke's direction. He hated it when that bastard 'Hn'd' at him. It drove him crazy!
Stupid Sasuke…
They had barely been on patrol for ten minutes when the radio crackled to life. Naruto lunged for it, his fingers trembling with excitement.
Sasuke slapped his hand away, "Idiot. Wait for them to say something first."
Naruto winced, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red.
"…This is Officer Yamanaka. I need cruiser 4.1.6 to come in."
Naruto grabbed the radio, "Hey, this is Naruto Uzumaki, what's up?"
Sasuke gritted his teeth, his hands tightening on the wheel as he listened to Naruto's improper radio answer.
"…Naruto, this is serious, stop fooling around!"
"Fine fine, don't get your panties in a twist Ino-"
Another radio called in "You know we can hear you, right?" Kiba's voice reverberated.
Naruto scowled at the radio device in his hand, "Get the hell out, Kiba."
"…Naruto, I need you to report to Shigure's Jewelers, the alarm went off," Ino said, "It's at Seventeen Harlow road. You got that?"
Sasuke grabbed the radio out of Naruto's hand, "Roger, we'll be there in five." He threw the radio into Naruto's lap and made a U-turn. Naruto dejectedly placed the radio back in the holder and glumly stared out the window.
"I could have done that," he mumbled.
"Hn."
Apparently, the jeweler messed up his security password and couldn't get inside his store. Sasuke had to radio in to the station to get them to turn off the alarm and send for DigiSecurity to help the man.
Naruto itched for some excitement.
This was boring.
No shooting, no chasing…man, the stories everyone told sounded like so much fun! Why did he have to get stuck with all the annoying cases? Naruto slumped against the hood of the cruiser, his arms crossed lazily across his chest as he watched Sasuke deal with the old man. A few minutes later he heard the radio crackle. The blond lunged at the door nearly ripping it off as he reached for the radio.
"…This is Officer Akimichi. I need cruiser 4.1.6 to come in."
Naruto grabbed the radio, "This is Officer Uzumaki."
"…Hey, Naruto."
"Hey bud, what's up?"
"…I need you and Sasuke to swing by an apartment building on 36th and Prince. The number is 1501. Some lady called complaining about some kind of wailing coming from the apartment next to hers. Check it out alright?"
"Sure thing dude, by the way were you at the precinct this morning?"
"…Kind of, but not really. Captain Asuma had Shikamaru staring at a bunch of maps today while I sat there twiddling my thumbs."
"Uh…okay Choji, I'll see you later."
"…Have fun!" And the line went dead.
Naruto put the radio back and pulled the upper half of his body out of the car. "Hey Sasuke!" He shouted, "We've got to go!"
He saw Sasuke nod his head and a few minutes later, they were on their way. It took them a good ten minutes to get there and when they did, Naruto didn't like the look of the place. The building looked run down.
A few broken bricks lay scattered across the cracked sidewalk. Naruto tried his best to breathe through his mouth as the awful smell catapulted into his nostrils. He coughed, stealing a quick glance in Sasuke's direction. His partner seemed unfazed by it all. The wrinkling of his nose being the only indicator that he had any opinion at all about the place.
"Man this reeks!"Naruto held his nose closed with two fingers, trying his best to block the smell from raping his nasal passage. Sasuke slapped the back of Naruto's head before locking the cruiser and stepping towards the building. The blond cursed as he rubbed the back of his head. That bastard was going to get it real bad one of these days, Naruto vowed, he would make sure of it.
A middle aged woman stood at the door waiting for them. Her teeth caught Naruto's attention first. He tried his best not to stare at the rest, but it was awfully hard.
"It's up on the sixth floor," the woman grunted.
Naruto wondered if the woman had a tooth in her mouth that wasn't completely black. Sasuke pinched him and Naruto jerked, shifting his eyes from the woman's teeth. He glared at the smooth talking bastard while he rubbed his side. The lady escorted them into the building and led them to the apartment where the noise was coming from.
"It's been howling like that for a good six hours. This apartment was just rented out a week ago. We're not supposed to have pets here either," the woman scratched her head. Naruto took three steps away from the woman just in case lice could fly.
"I've been banging on the door since eight this morning and nothing!"She glared and hit the door with her fist, "I told you I'd bring them!"
"Ma'am, would you please go back to your room," Sasuke instructed, his voice carrying authority that couldn't be disputed. The woman sniffed but did as she was told and disappeared behind her own door. Once they were alone Sasuke motioned for Naruto to come closer.
"Do you smell that?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper.
Naruto narrowed his eyed, "You're joking, right? The whole place reeks!"
"Take a whiff."
Naruto grumbled but took a sniff, his eyes watered, "It reeks!" His voice came out a little squeakier than he intended.
Sasuke wasn't surprised.
"Hn." He knocked on the door, "This is the Police."
No answer.
Sasuke reached for the doorknob. He grabbed it and gave it a twist.
They heard the lock click.
The two of them exchanged looks.
Naruto pulled out his Glock and readied himself.
Sasuke held his gun to the side as he pushed the door forward. The blond wheeled into the room gun poised to shoot.
There was no one there.
However, Naruto didn't let his guard down as he opened the closet to his left and checked inside. As he neared the kitchen, the smell hit him full force. He stumbled back a bit. Sasuke gripped his shoulder to steady him.
Naruto grimaced, trying to shake the pale hand off. Sasuke rolled his eyes and the two of them entered the kitchen.
That's when he saw it.
Naruto gagged.
There was so much blood.
Sasuke reached for his hand held radio, "This is Officer Uchiha requesting back up at 36th and Prince. I've got a dead body here."
Naruto blinked. His eyes refused to register what was before him. The man's body had been removed of all his vital internal organs! The skin was all purple and the smell... god, the smell was revolting! Naruto shook himself, Get a grip on yourself! He turned his attention to the wailing coming from another room in the apartment.
Slowly, Naruto edged his way towards the noise while Sasuke continued to talk on the radio. Carefully, he turned the door handle.
It was locked.
He cursed as he rummaged around in his pocket looking for his lock pick. When he finally found it, he began to work quickly. The click of the lock release was music to his ears. Naruto pushed the door open and stepped inside.
There was a metal crib standing on the side of the room. The wailing seemed to be coming from there. Naruto approached it and leaned over.
What he found made him drop his gun.
A little baby lay crying in the crib, its face red and streaked with tears as it stretched its little fists in the air begging for someone to help.
Oh! Dun Dun Dun!
Naruto wanted some excitement and he sure as hell got it, maybe he should have thought twice...who are we kidding, Naruto rarely every even thinks once!
That call Sasuke received from a civilian actually happened in real life to a cop. Some woman called and said she was trapped inside her car and that she couldn't get out and needed help. What is the world coming to? I want to go find that woman and ask her how she managed to stay alive for so many years because according to me (and Sasuke) her stupidity should have gotten her killed ages ago.
Also, before you ask me if there is a fine for prank calling the police let me tell you something...In my story (and the world of Naruto which I have commandeered) you can prank call the police as much as you want! So please refrain from badgering me about it.
2/7/11-There is some fanart dedicated to this chapter on my profile page if you wanna check it out. It's the scene with Jiraiya hehe...
Reviews are greatly appreciated!
-Smartcat
