I don't care your reaction... If I said that I would be a big and total lier!! I care! I care about what you think and about your needs I do!!
I don't own nothing... Heh heh
"Is everything alright?" Hilary asked.
Carilise was the first to smile, "Yes. Yes of course" He cleared his throat.
"Come on Bells hurry its going to rain in five minutes!" Alice whined.
Mom was in her full protective mode which is very odd for her, "Where do you live?" She asked.
"Umm its actually hard to explain" Carilise smile was still intact despite the cercomstances.
"But your welcome to come and visit today" Esme smiled also.
Mom smiled, "We will just follow you Bella hurry up and get dressed" Mom shot back leaving the room.
"Edward you drive Bella back to our house when she gets done changing Bella hurry I will do your makeup at home" Alice smiled as all of the Cullens' and my family left the room.
Edward picked the clothes from the floor and handed them to me, "You had better change."
I walked to the bathroom he followed me for some untold reason.
He closed and locked the door behind us and I reliezed why he'd followed me in as he pushed my back against the wall and stripped of my shirt in one swift motion.
When I finally got dressed we finally got into the car. And we finally got the house Everyone was still outside looking as though they had been waiting for us I was thank ful I had drove Edward and I had an excuse.
"What took you so long?" Charlie asked anxiously.
"I let Bella drive and she got us lost" Edward rolled his eyes.
I sighed along with the act, "You would think I would know my way around by now I knew I should of taken a left at the tree."
Alice gave me an all knowing look with a smirk, "Come inside then."
The doors opened to the Cullen house I was used to the amazing sight as was everyone of the Cullens'. They scattered Rose going up the stairs, Emmett and Jasper getting the video game, Edward sat o the couch watching them calling winner, While Alice took my arm and dragged me upstairs.
She dolled me up and I was sitting in Edward's room watching the cieling waiting for her to get ready and listening to the faint tune of the linkin Park in the back ground.
"This is Edward's room" Esme was giving the grand tour.
Charlie was wide eyed I'd forgotten he'd never seen the Cullen household. Mom was taking it all in Hilary was still pleasent her children were looking around very interested and Phil was probably dreaming of having a house like this by the looks of his face.
Edward swerved in, "You would think they were actually racing high speed down a public road with the way they act" He sighed.
"You lost huh?" I asked.
"Pretty much yeah" He sat down next to me putting my head in his lap. "Edward you will mess up her hair" Alice came in.
Rose was behind her probably coming with us, Edward bluntly ignored her.
"That piano in the foyer who plays?" Mom asked.
Esme smiled, "Edward does."
I can never understand why when someone has a piano in their house that automatically means they play. I mean you know how hard it is to move a paino? Maybe they just left it because it was too much trouble to move plus it looked nice.
"Does he play well?" Mom asked.
For some odd reason I doubt she actually cared but I bet she wanted to know if my prosective love interest had any talents that may be usefull in the future.
The future... Would Edward change me now? Or did Eternity seem a little drastic? Maybe he didn't want me around forever.. Forever would be alittle much with me..
"Bella are you alright?" Edward asked.
I noticed the door was closed tightly now.
"Yeah I'm fine I'm fine" I shook my head to clear my thoughts,
"Your lying" He let me sit up.
I looked at him and made a decition I would just ask him, "Will you ever change me Edward?" I asked.
He didn't answer just looked over my face like I was on fire or something.
Alice came in ignoring our tense atmosphere and dragged me away.
We entered a shop that made me blush. Of course Alice and Rose didn't even flinch as they tossed me things that concerned me and pushed me into the dressing room.
Seconds later she came running in squeeling, "Oh I'm so happy for you!" She yelled hugging me.
"Why?" I asked suspciously.
She smiled, "Oh no reason."
That was odd even for Alice.
So she bought me a ton of crap and when we got back home my family was sitting in the living room still looking curiously around the room.
"What did you buy?" Mom asked.
I blushed and shook me head, "A couple of shirts you know the usual" I smiled.
"How about you model for us?" Mom suggested.
I turned my attention to Edward who was watching Jasper thrash Emmett at fantasy football, "Edward how about you play?" I asked.
He looked at me with mild surprise. I smiled back and walked over, "If you ever want to see me in what I've got in this bag you had better get up now" I whispered into his ear.
"I'd listen to her Edward" Alice smirked.
Edward stood up with a sigh.
He sat down pulling me with him I sat the bag on my lap knowing my mother would try to steal it and smiled up at him.
He began to lay my lauliby softly soothingly.
He finished, "Now can I see whats in the bag?" He asked.
"Upstairs" I priomised.
"Charlie can Bella spend the night?" Alice begged.
"Yes of course she can" Charlie smiled.
"Well its getting late we better go" Hilary smiled and stood up.
After they left mom saying she would be going back to Flordia and to call her tomorrow Edward and I sat in the living room.
The other Cullens' for some reason desided now was the best time for a hunting trip and left leaving us alone. Edward grabbed the bag and started digging through it.
he looked up with a wide smirked on shi face, "I blaim your sister you know that right?"
He Kissed my cheek, "I do too."
Something suddenly changed in his face. Nervousness appeared there he fiddled withsomething in his pocket.
"Edward is there something wrong?" I asked now nervous Edward never gets nervous its not in his nature.
He looked at me as if he were deciding something in that very moment, "Lets go to the meadow" He suggested taking me in his arms and pulling us to our feet before running from the house.
The meadow was beautiful more now more then ever he sat down me on his lap running his hands over my arms. He may of been cold but now in this very moment he was warm so warm.
He reached into his pocket and I felt something velvet slide across my arm.
"Bella close your eyes" He instructed.
I did as I was told and felt a swift brush of air flow passed me then landing gently on my feet.
"You can open them now" I was nervous because he sounded nervous.
I did and my hand flew to my mouth, I mean I had to be dreaming Edward would never ever do something like this. He told me he wanted me to have human experiences but I never thought he wanted me to have them with him.
"Isabella Marie Swan.." He took a deep breathe as if he were having trouble breathing.
"Would you marry me?" My breathing hitched.
The ring was so sparkly it reminded me so much of him in the sun it sparkled and glistened in the moon light his pale face was looking at me in anxious anticpation.
I looked at him the time seemed to tick by then suddenly I reliezed I needed to answer he looked even more nervous now. Silly boy he actually thought I was going to say no..
He sighed and looked down then I pounced him. I surprised him but he still caught me but fell on his back in the process. I kissed him full on the lips his lips vibrated under mine in a chuckle erupting from his throat.
He rolled over so he could be ontop of me stairing down at me his face incased in moonlight.
"You scared me" He muttered his hair hanging in his face.
"When I jumped on you or when I didn't answer for a long time?" I asked smiling.
"When you didn't answer." He smiled.
"I really never have answered if you recall" I smirked.
"I'm crushed Miss Swan" he smiled.
I grabbed the back of his head and pulled his lips onto mine, "Crushing you is what I do" I smirked against his ear.
"So will you marry me?" He asked.
He lifted his head to look into my eyes, "Depends. Will you change me?"
He shook his head I grimicenced, "Then no I will not marry you."
"Bella I can't change you" He shook his head.
"Edward I can't marry you."
"Your treating this as if its a joke" He growled.
I glared at him as he stood up, "Maybe making it a joke will make it hurt a little less."
He turned on heel and ran into the woods.
Great and dandy. I was alone. I had no jacket and was in shorts and a tank top. it was raining now. And my boy friend had just proposed to me and I told him no.
I dropped to the ground picking up the ring he'd dropped, I was shaking either from the cold or my sobs. I put the ring onto my ring fingers and smiled sadly.
I heard the rushing of the stream nearby and the depression kicked in.
If he didn't want to change then he must not want me. If he didn't want me then there was no reason to keep living.
I rushed towards the water it was a pond mybe waist deep. I jumped into the freezing cold water and looked around. The meadow was lovely at night.
I took one last breathe and slipped under water. The cold burned my eyes and my whole body. I kept myself down with a rock although it hurt the pain was well worth it. The rain hitting the survice was relaxing calming even.
My eyes began to close and my grip on the rock slipping. I could feel life leaving my body when someone reached down and plucked me from the water.
It was freezing cold above and below the survice as I felt some one frantically wrapping a coat around my.
Then pushing on my stomach the water raced from my mouth and I began to cough.
"Bella honey stay with me" My angels voice soothed and he picked me up and ran.
My teeth were chattering uncontroably. He put me on a couch. He peeled off my clothes and replaced them with dry ones. He piled blankets over me. and rubbed my arms.
I feel asleep sometime in the frenzy.
I woke up to a dark room I faintly wondered if it was a dream but then I felt the back of the couch pressing into my spine. I sat up rubbing my eyes. I looked at the digital clock on the wall, 3:01. I ran my fingers through my hair and something got caught. I tugged my hand out to discover that shiny little ring.
"So Bella are you happy?" Edwards acid voice asked from across the room.
The mocking edge in his voice stung, "What am I supposed to be happy about Edward?" I asked bitterly.
"Nearly killing yourself again? I mean you seem to enjoy it so much" He growled.
"No I'm not happy because I'm not dead" I growled back.
He came over and handed me a gun, "Fine here you go go ahead" He mocked.
I grabbed the gun and tore the ring from my finger so hard it drew blood, "I can't believe I actually wanted to die with this thing on!" I threw it at him and took the gun with me out the front door of the Cullen house.
So now I was alone, cold, suicidal, my boy friend... Ex boyfriend just handed me a gun and told me to shoot myself, and I'm lost perfect just perfect.
I dropped to the dirt floor there was no way I was taking any more of this emotional rollar coaster.
I opened the shaft of the gun on bullet that was good one was all I would need.
I put the gun to my head, I was not gouing to die happy. Because even if I had my days with Edward even if I'd loved every minute of it I was not satisfied. Maybe I was being selfish I mean really i got two days with him totally and free with our relationship but I wanted an eternity every day I wanted to wake up to his face. Every night I wanted him to hold me with the exact same love. I wanted to feel him beside me holding me whispering he'd never let me go telling me he loved me forever and ever.
I guess it was only a joke to think he would ever want to change me. Eternity with me is like being eaten slowly by a brain devouring slug not terribly favoring you and it is annoying and hurts alot.
I burst into hysterics again shaking with laughter, "A brain devouring slug... Thats so true" I giggled.
I caught my breath long enough to steady the gun and smile up at the cloudy sky.
Please forgive my sin. I mumuered as I put pressure on the trigger.
My hand was suddenly pushed from my head and the bullet flew into a tree, "Ok dude give me a break please!" I yelled at the sky.
I shrugged off the hand it was cold and it was Edwards, "Why can't for onceI get what I want!?" I yelled at the sky again.
"Have you got any common decency to just let me die?" I yelled I must seem crazy but I didn't care I needed to know why god was so cruel.
"Bella" Someone said behind me but I still needed this.
"I won't even be there to burden you! What Lucifer doesn't want me either?!" I yelled.
Some grabbed my wrists and pulled me around Edward glared at me, "Your stupid, your an idiot, your ordinary, your clumsy, your crazy, and you quite honestly bore everyone with your dull dull life!"
That was it all I needed, I could feel splinters slice through my chest sending throbbing unnatural pain course through my very being. I could feel my soul rip in half in a split second. I could hear my Heart shatter. I could feel my eyes dim. I could feel my hands stop fighting him. I could feel my face pale. I could feel the water as it crept down my cheeks. And most of all I could see him watching me double over in pain dropping to my knees.
I could feel the sharp pine needles peirce the skin of my knees. I could hear my heavy breathing as I clutched my dying heart. I could scence Edward standing over me. But all I was focusing on was my utter and horrblly shocking response. I'd always known the truth it nawed at my heart ever since I'd met him. Why did it hurt so much coming from him? To hear him speak the truth I so long denied?
I studied my ring finger still bleeding like it would tell me everything make me see why Edward played this cruel joke on me. I shuddered remembering something, that almost made me laugh. All those underwear he'd never even wanted to see me in it. Never wanted to even touch me much less in one of those. And he'd stopped me from killing myself just so I could hear the truth he didn't want me dying without hearing the truth.
No immortality. No marrage. No love. No Edward. Never have I felt so alone not even when he left.
I shivered and he picked me up causeing me to thrash, "Put me down!" I screamed.
"bella calm down" He tried probably replused.
"No! You will not take me anywhere!" I slipped through his hold as it lossened and took off into the trees not even looking back.
But before I could go far and pepetually get lost again he grabbed my arm, "Isabella Marie Swan calm yourself" He demanded calmly.
I slapped him. I full on slapped him then regretted it. It shouldn't have effected him but his face was turned to the side eyes down. But it was too late for regret.
"God damn't Edward! Was it pick on the pathetic huiman week? I can not take this anymore! I wil not take this any more! I may not be beautiful I may not be smart! I may be a pathetic crazy human but I do not need to hear it from you! I can take the fact you don't love me thats fine I never thought you did. I can take the fact i will be alone. But I can not take hearing my weakness spat out at me like its funny to watch! I have done everything! Told you everything! Let you see me at my weakest and yet you still find it nessasary to tear me apart! So Edward if you've got anything to add just say it now because I'm going to find something to slice my wrist with not that you care at all!"
He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me fiercly.
I didn't fight him mostly because I was so wrapped up in how soft his lips were against mine.
He pulled back kissing my ear, "Your beautiful. Your lovely. You can be a bit crazy. Your Ordinary to most people who don't know you but your so extraordinary to me. And you do not I repeat do not bore me! I love you so much and to see how much that hurt you destroyed me! But I needed to see how you would react I needed to see what you looked like at your very worst it modivates me. I will marry you then I will change you as long as you promise absolutly promise never ever to hurt yourself again. And I'm truely sorry about making you hurt and uif it makes you feel any better the slap was a nice touch."
I couldn't help myself I reached up to his ear and blew in it, "Wheres my ring?" I asked.
He chuckled and slipped it back on my finger.
He finally got me home to his house although night was nearly over but we still made the most of it.
I slipped into the shower I was informed quite egarly from Edward that his family wouldn't be back till monday in which we would need to gio to school. He wants me to call and tell Charlie that Alice wants me to stay over for another day and she will take me to school on monday.
I sighed letting the warm water wash over me unclenching my muscles. I heard the distant sound of my cell phone ringing then I felt the water flip off and Edwards hand give me the phone.
"hello?" I held it slightly away from my ear.
"Bella dear its Hilary I was wondering if your not doing anything if you could watch the kids for your father and I we have to go into the station and don't want them to get into any trouble" She said I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Hold on" I put one finger over the mic and looked out of the shower curtain, "Edward would it be alright if Hilary's children come here so I can watch them?" I asked.
He looked at me suddenly very calculatory then nodded.
I smiled and returned the phone to my face, "Could you bring them by the Cullens'?" I asked.
"Of course thank you so much good bye" We hung up.
I looked at Edward and handed him back my phone.
Instead of taking it he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the shower.
"We have a half an hour at the very least" His voice was huskly.
I couldn't wait I have to admit it and I was the only one naked. I grabbed the front of his shirt and attempted to unbutton the buttons but becoming frustarted I pulled and the buttons went skattering to the floor in a mess.
He chuckled, "So hasty. That was my favortie shirt too" He pouted.
I shook my head, "No it isn't your favorite shirt is the blue one."
He kissed the top of my head, "But still your too hasty" He smirked grabbing around the waist and taking me to his room.
I hurriedly pulled on a pair of shorts and tank top as the door bell rang again.
I nearly tripped going down the stairs but caught myself and threw open the front door. Hilary stood with the three of her children infront of her looking at me concerned, "Bella are you ok? You seem... out of breathe" She raised an eye brow.
I smiled, "No I'm fine umm I was in the shower" I smiled.
"Where are the Cullens'?" She asked.
What was i supposed to say now? Oh their hunting animals to keep from hurting me and any other human on earth and remain as much human as they possibly can and oh yeah your children are vampires too but they drink human blood? Ha that was funny.
"They are at Jasper's soccor game in Seattle remember?" Edward asked coming down stairs fully clothed looking normal.
Hilary looked at him in curiousity, "Why didn't you go with them?"
Edward smiled, "Jasper doesn't like it when I'm there and besides Bella has to stay here and watch your children and I couldn't leave her alone" He smiled perfect lier.
"Oh ok well you be good" She left.
They had smirks oh and not good smirks either..
This was going to suck I could just feel it...
There here you go..
Collections of a Tattered Soul.
