So You're Dating A Superhero…

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The First Rule

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If he keeps his civilian identity secret, do not tell anyone you are dating a Superhero.

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Knowing that the person you are dating is a Superhero is perhaps one of the most incredible feelings you can have. However, it is knowledge that can, if you are clumsy with it, get you killed.

The urge to tell someone you trust that you are dating a Superhero is indeed quite intense. But you need to think about it.

You know you can trust the one you wish to tell, but can you trust everyone that they know? What about all the people that know the people that know your friend?

All it takes is one wrong word in the wrong place and at best, you will find yourself in the center of a media firestorm. If you let your boyfriends secret identity slip then at best, you will find that he no longer trusts you as much as he did. It was a secret and you spilled it, so he will not let you learn any more of his secrets in case you do the same again.

At worst?

Well, you won't have to worry about going to family reunions again, although they will have to sort out your funeral, assuming that enough of you is recovered to allow you to be identified.

Your significant other is a Superhero, and Superheroes have enemies. Although most of them will abide by the unspoken compact of "I will try to capture you without causing permanent harm or targeting your family and you will surrender when you know that you cannot escape and leave my family alone", some think that they are above that.

These villains are the ones who will detonate a bomb in the basement of a tower block just to kill a single individual. They don't care about the people around them, they simply do whatever they want in the belief that they will escape the consequences of their actions.

The damage that they can do before they are stopped is quite terrifying.

In a very real sense, your life depends on you being able to keep that secret. This doesn't mean that you can't talk about it, only that you can only talk about it to others who already know.

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The Second Rule

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Saving the city/world does take priority over the romantic meal that you had been planning for months.

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It is almost depressing how many people do not understand this. Not only are Superheroes almost pathologically devoted to saving others, they often have a keener appreciation of the hierarchy of importance than non-Heroes.

Sure, you have been planning the meal for months and months, but if a Supervillain tries to release a mind-control virus or blackmails the city by threatening to detonate a series of bombs, your meal will have to wait.

On the most basic level, it is obvious. The Supervillain's actions are very likely to impact on your meal anyway, so it would be better for your boyfriend to deal with the threat as soon as possible rather than having you yourself ending up in the hospital or the morgue because he didn't take action when he could.

Meals can be replaced fairly easily.

Your health is a different matter. No meal is worth losing a limb for.

It is an unfortunate fact that your Superhero Boyfriend will be called away to save hundreds, if not thousands, at what you will consider the most inconvenient times possible.

All I can say is… get used to it.

Although he loves you, he will not place your romantic wishes above the lives of hundreds of other people. You will have to learn to snatch the romantic moments as they appear.

A picnic in the park may be all that you can squeeze in between his missions, but that shouldn't mean that it is any less romantic, or be a sign that he cares any less for you. In fact, the very fact that he has taken time out to have said picnic with you should be proof that he loves you.

Superheroes very rarely keep regular hours and thus planning nights out can become an exercise in futility. Many Superheroes therefore will switch to unplanned treats, sprung on you without warning both as an apology for their absence and to prove that they still love you.

Accept these in the spirit in which they were meant.

Occasionally, your plans will be fulfilled. Usually, this is because your boyfriends team-mates have taken pity on both him and you after several epic failures and thus they have re-arranged their watch schedules to cover for his absence. If that happens, then capitalise on it fully. Put aside any quarrels that you might have with him and instead concentrate on enjoying every minute of time that you have with him. Moments like that are rare and are thus even more precious.

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The Third Rule

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Prepare for long, bedside vigils.

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The path of a Superhero is one of the riskiest there is. Superheroes have to contend with things ranging from villains who don't know when to give up to natural (and unnatural) disasters. Every mission that a Superhero undertakes may be their last one, they never know when they are about to be ambushed or discover an secret organisation that is trying to kill them since they pose a threat to their plans (as Steve Rogers can attest to).

Fortunately, the actual mortality rate of heroes is rather low since many of the powers also include an increase in damage resistance, making them tougher than normal humans.

This does not mean that they won't get injured, though.

Even Kryptonians can be hurt and even killed under the wrong circumstances.

Quite a few heroes have emerged from battles in less-than-optimum condition, several requiring medical treatment.

It is a truly heartbreaking experience to be sat beside the bed of your loved one, looking at his damaged form and knowing that he is a pale shadow of what he once was.

And it is an experience that many who date Superheroes will undergo.

Although Superheroes tend to heal quicker than those without powers, they still have to spend time healing. Most Superheroes hate being confined to a bed, which is why many medical personnel have unofficially taken to keeping them tranquilised until they have healed enough that getting out of bed, however briefly, will not aggravate their injuries to the point where an urgent dash to the surgery theatre is all that stands between them and death.

Part of the vigil is therefore restraining said Superhero in order to ensure that he actually heals fully, rather than healing just enough, then getting taken down as his injuries are re-opened in combat.

Needless to say, this is often easier said than done.

One technique which usually works is the Shoulder Snuggle. For this, you need a bed slightly wider than normal. While the recovering hero is lying covered by the sheets, you curl up on the sheets by his side, with your head resting on his shoulder, and fall asleep while lightly hugging him (which also helps prevent you falling off). Being on the sheets rather than under them means you won't get tempted to get involved in any situations that might mentally scar any visitors for life. It also means that the hero will not try to escape since it might disturb your rest and he will either fall asleep himself (thus aiding recovery) or you will awake to find him gently caressing your hair (a relaxing activity for both you and him).

I must emphasize, though, that you should always check with the doctor before doing this. Resting your head on his broken collar bone is unlikely to help him relax, after all.