I went to Sakura's graduation ceremony. I gave her a pink kunai, and she gave me a fake genin headband. Lee gave her flowers again. I laughed on the outside, but on the inside, I was really impressed that awkward kid had actually graduated.

Then she gave me the big news, that she was teamed with Sasuke. We hugged and squealed, but it was a bittersweet moment for me, because it meant that she would start going on missions, so we'd have way less time together, and truth be told, I didn't have any close friends who were, well, like me. So it meant a lot when she invited me to get ramen with her team after the ceremony.

"You know I don't believe in fate, but it's pretty surreal that you got teamed with Sasuke," I said. "Just you and Sasuke, huh? Well, and your trainer, of course."

She sighed. "And…Naruto Uzumaki."

I gagged. "Oh shit." Then I couldn't help but laugh, and she smacked me lightly on the back of the head. "Well, hey, you can bond with Sasuke over how annoyed you both are. Does that hot mess still have a thing for you?"

"Yes!" she groaned. "Why, Saki, why do only weirdos like me?"

"Because you're nice to them. You need to stop that shit."

She groaned.

When we arrived at Ichiraku, Naruto's face was already covered in broth. Sakura's sensei was already there as well. Enter Mr. Kakashi HOT-ake. You know that moment on the onset of puberty when your primal instincts are first awakened? And it's always some wildly inappropriate stimuli? Kakashi was my stimuli. I slid up next to him. Sakura gave me a weird look but couldn't say anything.

"Hiiiiiii Sakura, you can sit over here by meeeee," stupid Naruto said stupidly. Sakura said nothing and sat next to me.

"Kakashi Sensei, this is my best friend Saki Kureji. I hope it's okay that I invited her?" said Sakura.

"Oh, umm, sure, hello Saki," said Kakashi. I blushed, and Sakura elbowed me.

"Saki...Saki...ohhhh, you're that girl that attacked me that one time!" Naruto shouted.

"I did not attack you. Although I've seen you fight, and I probably could," I shot back.

A cold, stifled laugh came from behind us, and in walked The Prince of Darkness himself. I felt Sakura going full cherry next to me.

"I like your friend, Sakura," said Sasuke.

"Don't say that," I said quickly. The last thing I needed was Sakura thinking Sasuke had a crush on me, or worse, Sasuke actually having a crush on me.

"Sooooo," Kakashi interrupted. "Now that we...all know each other...I hope we can bond a little bit over dinner before we began training tomorrow. This training will be very intense. The name of the game is teamwork. We need to all be able to trust each other completely."

Sakura was basically melting thinking about bonding with Sasuke. I was mentally trying to unmask Kakashi. I knew a lot of ninja wore masks to either conceal their identity or to hide scars. Since it wasn't a mission, there had to be some gnarly battle wounds under there. Battle scars could be hot, but too much could be icky. I pondered how to get that mask off him, and then I smiled internally. He'd have to take off his mask to eat, right?

Or not. He didn't order anything. Just kept droning on about teamwork.

"She won't be at training, right?" Naruto interrupted, pointing his chopsticks at me.

"What if I am? What did I ever do to you?" I asked. "Kakashi Sensei, you really ought to try this pork. It's on point."

"No thank you, Saki. And no, Naruto, Saki is Sakura's guest today. Training will be just us," said Kakashi.

"Oh, ninjas only. I see how it is!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

Kakashi's eye grew so wide. It was adorable. "That's not what I meant…"

"I gotcha Kakashi Sensei! Just messing with you! But let's suppose I made some cookies or something…"

"Oh, I like cookies," said Naruto.

"Oh, you like cookies! Suddenly I'm your best friend now that I'm talking about cookies! I see how you roll, Naruto," I said.

"Well, I mean, maybe I overreacted earlier…," he said.

"That's actually the smartest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Why you…!" Naruto actually made a lunge towards me, but big strong Kakashi put him back in his place.

"Do you like cookies, Sasuke?" Sakura asked her new teammate and future husband (still can't get over it).

He shrugged.


"He shrugged? At cookies? Man, I'm starting to think there's something actually wrong with him, girl." Sakura was spending the night at my place for probably the last time.

"Okay," said Sakura, her tone dropping. "Can we talk about you flirting with Kakashi Sensei?"

"Me? Flirt? Nah…," I said cheekily.

"Saki, he's OLD!" she squealed.

"Age is just a number!" I said.

"EWWWWWWWWW!"

"Chillax girl, nothing's going to happen, I promise," I said. "Until I'm 18."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"He's a big, strong, sophisticated ninja. You can't tell me that does nothing for you."

Her face was contorted in disgust. "He's old."

"I prefer the term 'mature,'" I said. "Calm down, it's a stupid crush. We all have them. I'm not gonna hit on him or anything." She raised an eyebrow. "Hard. I'm not gonna hit on him hard. But you gotta tell me what's under that mask."

"His mouth? His mouth is under the mask."

"Sexy battle scars…."

"STAAAAAHHHHHP!"


I ate lunch with Team 7 every day for an entire year. Here's what I learned:

1. Sasuke is disturbed. I tried really hard to like him, for Sakura's sake, and I guess we have some kind of rapport between us, but for the most part, I'm just afraid he's gonna snap and take us all out, which leads me to seriously question the way the Hidden Leaf is handling their internal affairs. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about a small government, but leaving orphans up to their own devices, especially orphans who have seen their entire family slaughtered by their brother, is really freaking irresponsible. I don't blame the guy for having the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. It's not his fault. He needed a therapist, like, years ago. Mental health, people. It goes a long way.

2. Speaking of orphans, Naruto Uzumaki is actually a pretty legit person when and if he stops whining. He's optimistic to the point of stupidity, but I'd rather hang with him than doom-and-gloom Sasuke any day. Not to mention he has real goals that don't involve murdering somebody, and he believes in himself so much it almost makes you believe in him too. Respect. I mean, he even LOOKS like the Fourth Hokage. Woah, hold on, what if...hmmm, well, anyway, I've been secretly trying to switch Sakura from liking Sasuke to liking Naruto. It's not working.

3. He's still dumb as a box of rocks though. I'm pretty sure in the short time I've spent hanging around ninjas I've learned more about being a ninja than he has in his entire life. Listening to Kakashi explain a jutsu to him is unbearable. Kakashi is a saint. I do not have that much patience.

4. Kakashi will not take off his mask for freaking anything. He must have some really gnarly wounds under there. Like the kind that oozes puss. Or maybe he's toothless. Would he still be hot if he's toothless? Hmm….

5. I went to the library. The Fourth Hokage's wife was an Uzumaki. Hidden Leaf Village, ya'll ain't slick.