Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto


Chapter 2: The Akatsuki Diner

The Akatsuki members stared at Pein.

"For once it wasn't me who called this meeting"

Kakauzu stood up.

"I've found a way to make more money for the organization"

Everyone groaned.

"You're not lowering our budget even more are you?" Konan demanded to know.

"No. After going on a mission with Hidan I've realized how much we spend on food. Starting today the Akatsuki will now run a restaurant!"

"A restaurant? And who do you think knows how to cook here?" Pein asked him.

"Konan"

"Me? Why!? Because I'm a woman!?"

"Yes"

"Screw you!" Konan grabbed Pein and stormed off, dragging the orange-head behind her.

Kakuzu watched her go.

"Must be that time of month"


They decided they should set up a restaurant away from the actual hideout.

Hidan finished killing the shinobi who owned the diner.

"Wow Hidan, for once in your life you used your brain!" Kakuzu looked at his partner impressed, "It didn't even occur to me that we could just steal someone else's diner! Now we don't have to pay for the food or rent!"

"Ahh, yeah, that's why I killed them"

An hour later

A teenage couple came in and placed their order to Kakuzu who stood behind the cash register.

"Over $200 just for lunch for 2?!"

"It's worth it" Kakuzu eagerly grabbed the money out of the guy's hand, "Take a seat anywhere"

"Tobi! Give the idi- the cooks the orders. Hidan!"

"The fuck do you want?"

"You're going to be the waiter"

"What do I get from it?"

"I won't decapitate your body and spread it far across the ocean"

"Well aren't you the nicest. Fuck you!"

"I'll let you keep a quarter of the tips you get"

"Hell! I get entire of the tips I make"

"Fine. Half of the tip is yours"

"Whole"

"Half"

"Whole!"

Kakuzu grabbed him by the neck, "Half or you'll only be left with half a body!"

"Tch, whatever you fucking money loving atheist. Konan's not the only one PMS-ing"

"One more thing Hidan"

"What now!?"

"You should change into more… suitable clothing. You're the waiter remember?"

"I'm not gonna put a damn shirt on, forget it!"

"Are you an idiot? Never mind, time and time again you prove that… As a waiter you should wear no shirt or cloak. No cloak, more service, bigger tip"


Tobi gave the order to Sasori. He glanced at it before deciding the best people to cook the dishes.

"Itachi, you cook the steak. I'll prepare the rice"

"Sure"

Sasori got to work.

He dumped the rice in a pot of water and let it cook.

"Sasori, my man, aren't you supposed to spice food or something?"

"Shut up brat, I know what I'm doing!" He snapped.

Deidara frowned but walked away without another word.

Sasori hated to admit it but the brat did have a point.

He grabbed a box of salt and poured all of it into the rice. As a puppet he couldn't taste but he was sure salt would give the food some distinct flavour.

Meanwhile, Itachi stared down at the piece of meat in front of him.

He looked in both directions to make sure no one was around to see him.

"Fire-style! Fireball Jutsu!"

Itachi stared at the charred meat in front of him. Grabbing a fork he pressed down on the hard thing and noticed the edge crumble to ashes.

"I'm sure… It's not that noticeable"


Hidan took the three dishes to the only occupied table.

The teenage girl giggled and blushed when he went to put the plate of rice in front of her.

He was about to leave when she grabbed his arm and pulled down so that she could whisper into his ear.

"Do you have time for dessert?"

"If you want dessert ask the old shit at the cash register"

She laughed and pulled out a bill slipping it in his pants.

"Hey!" Kakuzu came over, "No one molests the waiter without giving me a bonus!"

The teenage guy stood up fuming.

"Bonus? You serve us charred shit and deathly salty crap, accuse my girlfriend of having eyes on other men, AND demand a bonus! I want a refund!"

"If you have any complaints talk to customer service"

The guy got up and stormed over to customer service.

"I want my money back!"

"And I want to eat you"

The girl screamed as Zetsu ate him and ran out the diner.

"Come again soon" Kakuzu called.


Later

Pein and Konan strolled in the same time Orochimaru and Kabuto walked in.

Placing their orders they sat in different areas of the diner.

"Too bad there isn't an Uchiha waiter. I would pay twice the amount if there was" Orochimaru said loudly.

Kakazu perked up.

"Itachi! Out here! Tobi, you take his place in the kitchen!"

Itachi came out and looked from Orochimaru to Hidan's 'uniform'.

"No"

"Oh yes, or I'll give him your number"

"I hate my life"

"Of course you do. Off with the shirt, and smile! I'm not paying you to put our customers into depression"

"You're not paying me at all"

"Sucks to be you"


Sasori took some crushed chilli pepper and made sure the chicken was covered in it. He wanted it to have flavour and remembered that chilli pepper gives food a kick.

"Hey brat, are you done with the burgers?"

"Yeah, hm"

"Give this to Hidan as well"

"Sure thing, Sasori my man"

Hidan went to the kitchen to get the plates of food.

"Hey Hidan, hm!"

Hidan looked down at the two burgers.

"Damn it Deidara, which one is Pein's and which is the nerd's!?"

"Who knows? I had my hands lick both though, hm"

Hidan laughed and opened both burgers spitting in both.

Taking the dishes he noticed the only thing to distinguish the two were the second order, soup and chicken.

"Table 2… and table 5…"

Hidan really wished he knew how to count. He knew nothing good would come from skipping kindergarten to smoke Rockets.

Shrugging he took a guess. He had a 2 in 5 chance after all. He smirked silently praising Jashin for his math skills.

First he placed one of the burgers in front of the nerd and handed the snake guy ogling Itachi the soup.

Then he went to Pein and Konan handing them the burger and chicken.

He waited to see Pein take a big bite of the burger and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

Hidan fell to the ground laughing so hard.

Konan took a bite out of the chicken and screamed.

"WATER!"

"That's my job!" Kisame jumped out from… somewhere… "Water style Jutsu!"

Konan got drenched from head to toe.

"No need to thank me!"

Kisame turned to check if the other customers needed any water.

Orochimaru had Itachi's arm and was trying to pull him under the table.

"You!" Kisame shouted, "That's my brother! How dare you?!"

For a second Itachi felt something warm spread through his chest.

Brother… He felt so loved!

"You hear me!? That shark in your shark-fin soup was my brother!"

Itachi went to sulk in the dark corner of the diner.

Suddnly Tobi ran out of the kitchen. Followed by Deidara and Sasori.

"Tobi you idiot, hm!"

"I will poison you when we get back!"

"Konan helllpppp!"

"Why are you chasing poor Tobi!?"

"The idiot started a fire in the kitchen, hm!"

"Save the money!" Kakuzu screamed grabbing the cash register and running out.

They all watched as the diner burned to ash.

"Can we get some ice cream now?"

"Sure thing Tobi!" Konan smiled, "And I'm sure Kakuzu would be more than happy to pay"

And since Konan wanted 20+ scoops on her cone, plus sprinkles, she went through Kakuzu's money.

Kakuzu sighed, "I knew I should have gone with the Akatsuki hair salon"