Author's Note: Hi.

Chapter 2- Regret

I wish I never told him.

I wish he never knew.

I wish he never asked.

I wish he never understood.

I wish I never loved him.

I wish I never expected.

From all the people, it had to be Claire. My sister. My only family.

The one who raised me to be who I am right now.

I finally found someone who understood me. And I just let him go. It seemed to him that she was the one. Not me?

I mean, what could she possibly have that I wouldn't have? I could never understand.

I hated this moment. Life was so unruly.

It had to be Claire. I should've known this from the beginning. I couldn't show myself being hurt, but deep inside, I was awfully hurt. I couldn't believe what I've heard.

I didn't want to force an argument with my sister, or Cliff.

But I didn't understand. This was the most misunderstand able time in my life.

We were like twins; exactly the same or so. I just- I couldn't believe.

My only question was, "Why her?"

"It's her personality. Her smile. Her heart. Whenever I see her, she's just absolutely fantastic. She's everything I've dreamt of. She's everything I asked for. She could always understand me and be there for me."

What he said was so pure; so delicate.

I didn't want to intrude in his life and love. But, it just hurt terribly. Tremendously, actually.

I was raging with anger, hatred, despise and envy.

"You find her more attractive than me? Is that it?"

"No."

"So you're saying she's nicer than me?"

"You wouldn't understand. Ok? Only she does. Only she realizes."

I was left speechless. What he said was just- harsh.

"So... she's just better than me?"

"No."

"What is it then?"

"Like I said, only she understands. Only she realizes."

"I want to understand. I want to realize."

"You can't. There's nothing more you can do."

"I'm dedicated." He continued.

Nothing struck me more than what he just said. I couldn't take it anymore.

This was junk.

My love for him is junk.

I knew that I shouldn't be obsessed with people. I knew that I shouldn't care if I loved him that much.

It's his life. I mean, it's his choice.

I left the beach, the port, the memories.

This experience was too difficult for me to handle. Nothing ever made me feel worse than how I'm feeling now.

I mean, you know that feeling when you love someone but they don't love you back?

That's exactly how I'm feeling.

I left. I ran. I cried. It's been three years that I've kept my feelings from him. And one I gave it out, they were put back inside myself.

Maybe for you it didn't make sense. Maybe you just thought that my feelings were toys that you would fancy with. You didn't think that I've sacrificed everything for you. Instead, you just realized that I was someone you see every day and that my feelings don't matter.

You just thought it was simple; easy. How would you feel after three years of yearning to tell that person how you feel? Then, once you let it out, it'll just be returned to you. Like nothing happened. Like a piece of crap. But then you don't realize this person's suffering. This person's sacrifice. You just think about the negatives this person has.

How selfish.

I thought to myself.

As soon as I got home, my sister greeted me.

"So, what happened?"

She was always there to understand me. She took care of me. She offered me her time as a sacrifice.

She could easily abandon me.She could easily decide to leave me and let me die. But no, she chose to go through hard times and hurt. She chose to raise me to be who I am.

But, since Cliff chose her, I couldn't imagine it. I ignored her. I ran to my room and slammed the door.

"Are you okay? C'mon! Just tell me."

"Everything will be fine." She added.

No. Everything will not be fine. I thought it was, but it wasn't. No matter how hard you try you will keep failing.

I thought it would be fine to tell my feelings to him and avoid being hurt. But no, I couldn't avoid it. It followed me.

I slowly opened the door.

"Nothing happened."

"What do you mean? You were gone for the whole afternoon."

"Everything I did was nothing."

"What? What are you trying to say?"

"Everything I felt for him was nothing. All those three years were nothing. All those candles I blew in my birthday wishing for him to love me was nothing. All that I sacrificed was nothing. My feelings for him were nothing. Everything I've done for him were nothing. I am nothing."

"No. That's not true. You're everything. Everything you do is something. It's fantastic. You're fantastic. Everything you think, do and just imagine is something that makes the world go 'round. It's everything. You can make miracles with a blink of an eye. You can't say you're completely nothing. You can't say that it was all a waste. I couldn't understand you. Why would he just trash all your feelings?"

"He didn't love me."

"What? Then what was all that things he said?"

"Like I said; nothing."

"So, all that sacrifices didn't mean anything to him? It was completely trash?"

"Now, I don't believe this. This is just... nonsense. Why wouldn't he love you?" She continued.

"He loved someone else. Someone who understood him."

"But, you understand him. You're the only person who I know who understands him."

"That's not completely true."

"There was someone else." I continued.

"But, I mean, who could it possibly be? You gave up everything for him. You've been praying day and night for his love. Yet, this happened?"

"You know who could it possibly be?"

"Who?"

She might get hurt if I'd tell her. She would feel guilty. She would feel bad.

"You."