Chapter 2: Thoroughly Pissed and Couldn't Be Happier
Lily and James were laying wrapped around each other, marveling over the fact that Lily is pregnant, when James shot right out of bed, knocking Lily to the side and sprinted downstairs.
With a few choice words aimed in her husbands direction, Lily followed after to see what caused him to so abruptly run away. She went downstairs to find James' arse high in the air, his head leaning into the fireplace.
"SIrius Black!"
A very lazy and tired looking head appeared in the embers, and an even more exhausted voice said, "Will you hush up? There is no need to yell, I saw you an hour ago."
"Lily's pregnant!" James excitedly yelled, despite Sirius telling him explicitly not to.
The silence after James exclamation was short-lived, as Sirius launched himself out of the fireplace directly into James, knocking him back, narrowly missing Lily.
"You sly dog, you knocked your wife up! Didn't think you had it in ya, Prongsie." Sirius was on top of James, pinning him down, both with huge smiles on their faces. SIrius jumped off him and turned to Lily, a playfully sad look on his face, "And Lily! Does this mean that our affair must come to an end? I simply wouldn't feel right sleeping with a woman who was round with my best friends child. Oh how I will miss you writhing around, claiming how much better I am than James-" He was cut off as James lunged at him and they started wrestling, with Lily watching on with a fond smile.
"Get up you two, and Sirius, I still haven't gotten a hug," Lily announced after several minutes of the pair mock-fighting, as if they were two little boys, not fully grown men.
Before Lily could even react, Sirius picked her up in a huge hug, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around, not unlike James when he had first found out she was pregnant. "Put me down, you're making me dizzy!" Lily tried to scold Sirius but she was too happy to put any real force into the words. With a laugh, Sirius placed her back on the ground and kissed her on the cheek.
"Congratulations, to the both of you. You know I thought you were getting a little fatter Lils, but I didn't want to say anything. Ow!" He exclaimed, after being smacked rather roughly on the arm by an annoyed redhead. "I was only joking!"
"Sorry, hormones,'' Lily very unapologetically responded.
"James, you are not gonna make it through these nine moths. She'll kill you before that thing get's born."
"Hey! That's my kid, not a thing! And I will absolutely make it, I will simply continue being the amazing husband that I naturally am," James claimed with a pompous air. Lily started snickering behind her hand, a poor attempt at covering it up.
"Whatever Prongs, but I'll be ready to teach that kid all the stuff he needs to know that he can't from his father, like how to play Quidditch and pick up girls, all the important stuff."
"And if it's a girl?" Lily asked, choosing to ignore the fact that Sirius was already planning on how to corrupt her baby.
"Then no boy will come within a hundred meters of her, and any that do will face the consequences," James replied immediately without a second thought, placing a protective hand over his wife's stomach as if to protect his little girl from any harm. Sirius nodded in agreement, cracking his knuckles as if imagining anyone going near a little girl he hand't even met yet, but felt protective of anyway. Lily laughed at their sudden change in tone, pleased that their child has such a protective family already.
"I believe this calls for a celebratory pint! In your current condition, Lily, I'm afraid you can't participate in the childish tomfoolery that is bound to happen tonight, so I will take James off your hands and you can relax, knowing that your husband is getting absolutely plastered in honor of your child," Proclaimed Sirius, already dragging James towards the door.
"Just bring him back in one piece, or you'll have me to deal with!" The fiery redhead called after him, receiving a salute from both of them before they apparated away.
''To James and Lily!"
The chorus rang through the Marauders as the four raised their glasses to clink together in a gesture as old as time.
"Say goodbye to whatever freedom you have left Prongsie, 'cuz ones Lily pops that kid out, life will never be the same," Sirius announced to James, shaking his head as if there couldn't be a worse fate.
"Maybe so, but I can't seem to wipe the smile off my face anyway," The soon-to-be father replied, indeed wearing the widest grin any of them had seen since Lily had first agreed to go on a date with him.
"Couldn't be happier for you James. Feel terrible for that kid though," Remus added, nursing his Guinness. The last day of the full moon had been the night before, and he could definitely feel the effects.
"Yeah, imagine if it's unfortunate enough to get your brains?" Chimed in Peter Pettigrew, an unimpressive, round man.
"Or that ridiculous hair," Added Sirius.
"Please, who was Head Boy? Me. Who got more girls than anyone else here? Me." Retorted James.
"Like you ever got more girls than I did. You stopped 3 years ago James, and I've kept going," Sirius threw back.
"And we all know Remus should have gotten Head Boy," Peter added.
"Aren't you guys supposed to be showering me with praise, telling me to enjoy my last moments of being free?" announced James, "Or are we going to continue Potter-Bashing?"
"Fine, fine, you were the most handsome, smartest bloke in all of Hogwarts. Now I need to go wash out my mouth for spouting such bullshit," proclaimed Sirius.
"Oh shut it, I'm gonna be a dad!"
This continued on, with everyone picking on James and intermittent declarations of impending parenthood, until they were all thoroughly pissed.
"A-and you know what? My kid, m-my kid, is gonna be such a stud, he'll need to carry around a stick to beat the girls off!" Slurred a thoroughly inebriated James.
"But, won't he always have a stick? Isn't a wand a stick?" An equally drunk Sirius replied.
"Shut up, lemme imagine my kid."
They were walking down the street, Remus and Peter having already floo'd home, both too drunk to apparate.
"Fine, fine, I just hope she doesn't get Lily's temper." They both shuddered at that, having been at the wrong end off an Evans tantrum on more than one occasion.
They walked up the steps to Lily and James' house, both laughing for no apparent reason. They burst in the door, falling over each other in hysterics. Lily walked out of the kitchen holding a bowl of ice cream and a spoon, an amused smile on her face.
"You boys seem to have had fun."
"Lily! Guess what? You're having a baby!" James stumbled toward her, falling to the ground at her feet and continued to laugh, as if telling her that she is pregnant was the funniest thing he has ever heard in his life.
''So I've heard. Up to bed you, you have work in the morning," Lily bent over to pick James up by the shoulder, keeping her ice cream in her other hand. "Sirius, you're not apparating and I'm not gonna let you walk home, so get comfy on the couch,'' The witch ordered them about, entirely in her element.
"Yes ma'am," Sirius hiccuped before staggering over to Lily and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, "Good job Lils, you'll be a great mom." She offered him a warm smile, the pregnancy glow showing through."Thanks Sirius. Now, if you're good, I'll even sober you up with a nice potion in the morning." He had already passed out on the couch, his legs still on the floor with his torso twisted into the pillows.
"Ice cream for me?" Great, big puppy dog eyes were gazing up into Lily's green ones, imploring her to give him her tasty treat.
"We'll share. Now, c'mon I'm pregnant, I can't do any heavy lifting and you are most definitely heavy," the redhead steadied him while he made his way up the stairs, jumping onto their bed and waggled his eyebrows.
"I think I'll need a refresher on how exactly that baby was made, it's all a bit blurry, and I'm a bit blurry,'' James' words still slurred, though with a bit more clarity in his eyes as he took in his wife's rather revealing camisole and shorts.
"You'll have to ask Sirius how it happened, he was the one who pinned me to the wall," Lily teased, already walking over to her adoring husband.
A growl escaped James' chest and he grabbed his wife, knocking the ice cream bowl out of her hands, letting it tumble to the floor where it lay forgotten for the rest of the night.
