"We are on the wrong floor, any child could have figured that out easily," Sasuke retorted, in his arrogance. "Don't you have better jutsus to trick people with?" The truth was it had taken Sasuke a bit longer than he would have liked to admit, but he wouldn't tell that to anyone, not unless you tortured him with memories of his psychotic brother, and even then it would be a longshot.
"I don't know, I think it was a good idea," Naruto answered. He ate his ramen without pause, and managed to say these words while continuing to chew. Sakura yelled at him to not eat and talk, but he just ignored her. "It sure fooled me, and Sakura as well."
"That's not true," Sakura said. She eyed Sasuke trying to tell him that she was much smarter than that. "I knew we were on the right floor, I really did. You have to believe me, I was just thinking about things that 's all."
"A likely excuse," Naruto muttered. "Can we go in now?" The fat boy didn't even bother to wait for a reply and just rammed past the two Chunin. After all, Naruto had a lot more mass than the two of them combined, so getting out of his way was probably a good idea. They wouldn't dare pick a fight with the gigantically fat blond in such a cramped space.
His two teammates followed in silence, watching as Naruto's large bulk parted the crowds. The last Uchiha muttered that he could have handled this a lot better and just glared at fat Naruto for taking away his thunder.
--
"According to this card, Gaara is dangerous." The group of rookies stood around the silver haired genin, trying to extract as much information about the people they might have to fight, and kill, in this exam. "You want to stay away from him, at all costs."
Naruto mumbled an apology to Chouji, which got a panicked look from the smaller, yet still very fat, boy and Shikamaru didn't like the sound of that apology either. The only time Uzumaki Naruto apologized was when he did something horrible. Something so terrible that literally got people killed.
Like that time he bit off a piece of someone's hand, when that person was sleeping, while holding a bar of candy. The fact that it took Naruto half an hour to realize that what he was chewing wasn't bits of chocolate, but literally human bone made the black haired boy sick to his stomach, Chouji as well.
It was like the fat boy had an acquired taste for human flesh.
"Naruto-kun, are you alright," Hinata asked him. She was worried about the boy's health. He wasn't looking so good, especially when he eyed a menacing looking red head in the corner of the room, who apparently was looking for a boy named 'Chouji.'
"I think I am sick, Hinata-san," he said. "I have to go to the washroom."
As Naruto left to hide in the water closet a dark red head, with the Kanji of love carved on his forehead, walked up the group and declared that he will have the blood of the Akimichi, for apparently no reason whatsoever.
"What did I ever do to you?" Chouji asked, slightly afraid. He saw the red head sneer, then watched as the sneer became sharp, deadly, then malicious, and, finally, happy. "You gave me your name."
The boy vanished in a whirlpool of sand, leaving the rookie nine wondering what that was all about.
"We never even met before!"
--
"Naruto, you should really consider finishing the last question." Hinata was upset that Uzumaki Naruto was just taking everything so calmly. She had to be careful not to get caught while they did their test. Naruto , for his part, just slumped over the desk and snored. She was tempted to just poke him with her pencil and hope that got a response out of him.
"Okay class; put away your pencils we are going to have the last question." Ibiki then went on to explain that if they got the last question wrong, then the whole team fails and they will be unable to take part in the exam ever again, and the ones who quit now will be disqualified but will be allowed to retake the exam next time. Naruto didn't hear this part of the question, and so slept through it all.
Hinata was shaking on her desk and literally broke her pencil in two from the nerves she felt well up, inside her that is, and wanted desperately to scream. Her eyes were going around the room trying to find some clue, but alas, she found nothing. Then her eyes went to Naruto who just woke up, saying "What did I miss?"
She almost sobbed realizing that after all her efforts for this exam; she was going to fail it, just like the lazy Uzumaki. "L-like you would c-care."
Naruto shrugged. "Probably not," he said. He yawned and scratched his large belly. "But I did bribe a few people from last year to let me know the format of the exam. So I have a feeling we are going to be okay."
"What did they tell you?" she asked curiously. If bribing was so easy, she would have done so by now.
"They laughed and said I would be pork chops in the second part, hell they seemed happy to see me enter the second part of the exam." He didn't mention to Hinata how much those men truly wanted to see him killed in this exam. If Hinata knew the kind of horrifying danger in them, she would have had the sense to back out of this.
Letting in a bunch of twelve year olds into an exam that kills people, and then trapping them in a forest with older, more dangerous, rapists, murderers, and killers, all for the sake of advancement was probably not the best way to test for promising students who deserved a promotion. But what did he know? He was just the village fatso.
"You all pass." Ibiki sighed as the next moment, a woman wearing fishnets that barely restrained her boobs, crashed through the window and told everyone in the class her name was "Anko-sama."
Naruto licked his lips when he heard the words anko, he loved sweets!
--
"Your blood tastes good," Anko purred. "I want some more."
"I eat lots of candy, so my blood sugar is pretty high," Naruto replied. "I wouldn't call that a compliment, sweet blood means that I am going to need an amputation on some of my body parts at some points, only because of the sugar levels. Also you might want to get yourself checked because I might or might not have herpes due to a botched blood transfusion."
Anko cringed. She made a mental note to not taste, at the very least, Naruto's blood again. "Okay sign this Death Contra-I mean Forms."
Naruto read the words on the contract carefully, realizing that it had some very funny conditions such as:
If participants get raped they will not hold Konoha responsible.
If participants are sodomized, they will not hold Konoha responsible.
If participants get a body part removed, or amputed, or just plain stolen, for the sake of Konoha hospital patients, they will not blame Konoha.
If you die you will not hold Konoha responsible.
This contract is a binding agreement, blood seal is required.
Naruto didn't sign the contract, instead just switched his form with Sasuke, who could have sworn he already signed one, and allowed the Uchiha to sign it for him. "Try not to die, scream if you need any help." Some of the older members there chuckled, the louder they screamed the more likely the sadists would come to their locations to violate them.
--
"Naruto, its spreading, this seal just won't stop," Sakura cried, "Do something!"
"I am not med nin, girl, I can't do anything to help Sasuke, and you know it! If you really want me to help, then you would give me a hand with this guy I am trying to fight!"
"You have them covered, I believe in you!" Sakura shouted. "I am busy taking care of Sasuke anyway!"
Naruto growled in frustration, while he held off another attack from an attractive sound nin girl. Her eyes didn't seem to have much life in them, but her hair was just beautiful. "I like your hair," he commented.
The girl paused, and then ran a hand down the lengths. "It's nice isn't it."
"Sure is, err, say why exactly are you attacking us again?"
"To kill Uchiha Sasuke."
"So…if we hand him over, we get to live right?" His stomach growled. He was hungry. "Tell you what, if you hand over your food, I'll be willing to negotiate."
"NARUTO!" Sakura shouted.
"I'll even hand in pinky there, she's been nothing but a pain this whole exam," he muttered silently into the black haired girl's ear. "She actually made me eat grass, when they stole the fish I caught!"
