Natasha Romanoff took her seat in Mr. Fury's English class. Thor Odinson sat on her right and Logan (aka "the Wolverine") sat on her left. Unfortunately, Loki Laufeyson was also sat close by. There wasn't anyone in the school that Natasha disliked more than that slick-haired, pale, grinning douche-bag. It had been a couple of years since the incident between the two of them, but Natasha doubted she'd ever forget it, no matter how hard she tried.
"Sit down!" Mr. Fury roared. Bobby Drake threw himself into the seat in front of Natasha, causing icicles to break out around the desk.
The beefy, black, bearded English teacher peered at his class with his one good eye; the other eye was covered with an eye-patch. There were numerous rumours as to how he had lost his eye but no one actually knew the truth, and so it remained an object of fascination in class. "What did y'all think of The Sun Also Rises?"
"He's so romantic," Jean Grey sighed wistfully. Natasha wondered if she had been reading the same novel.
"Romantic? Hemingway?" Natasha shook her head. "He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers." She ignored Mr. Fury's eye roll.
"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?" Loki chuckled, his equally douche-baggy friends joining in.
"Mind your tongue, brother," Thor scolded his adoptive sibling. Loki ignored him and fist bumped Justin Hammer.
"Pipe down Loki!" Fury ordered. The grin on Loki's face faded slightly.
Natasha turned to face Loki. "I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time." Half the class whooped while the other half groaned - Natasha wasn't exactly one to sit quietly in any class. She faced Fury again. "What about Sylvia Plath, or Charlotte Bronte, or Simone De Beauvoir?"
Natasha was interrupted from her list of suggestions by Clint Barton arriving late to the class. As per usual he was dressed in some scrappy old Army issue boots, a vest top and some worn jeans. He was just about the only guy in school that seemed to strive to look as though he lived in a hole.
"What did I miss?"
"The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education." Natasha filled her voice with as much scorn as she could manage.
"Good," Clint nodded (though Natasha would have been surprised if he'd understood what she'd said), and walked straight back out of the class.
"Hey hey!" Fury yelled after him. "Get back here, Legolas!"
"Mr. Fury," Loki said, always eager for attention to be on him, "is there any chance we could get Natasha to take her Midol before she comes to class?" Behind him, Raven smirked.
Natasha shot him a look that could stop a stampede.
"Some day you're gonna get bitch-slapped," Mr. Fury informed Loki, "and I ain't gonna do a thing to stop it. Hell, I'll even watch it." Loki clenched his jaw. "And Romanoff, I wanna thank you for your point of view."
"Here it comes." Natasha muttered under her breath.
"I know how difficult it must be to overcome all those years of upper-middle-class suburban oppression. It must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better lunch meat or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them why they can't buy a book written by a black man."
"I agree!" Thor proclaimed. Fury glared at him with his one good eye.
Natasha assumed that the lecture was over. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, go to the office you're pissing me off."
"What? Mr. Fury–"
"Later!" Fury dismissed Natasha with a flick of his wrist. She brushed her short red hair over her shoulder, picked up her bags and books, and headed out of the class, smacking Loki with her copy of Hemingway as she went.
"Undulating with desire, Lois removed Clark's crimson cape. The sight of Clark's stiff and…" As Natasha approached the guidance counsellor's office, the sound of Ms. Hill tapping at her keyboard stopped. "Jonah!"
J. Jonah Jameson, the school secretary, appeared in the doorway beside where Natasha was adjusting her bag on her shoulder. "What's another word for engorged?" Ms. Hill asked.
"I'll look it up," the man replied, cigar in hand (despite numerous complaints that the whole school was a non-smoking area). Natasha poked her head around the doorway.
Ms. Hill was murmuring at the computer screen. It was well known to Ms. Hill's regular student visitors, of which Natasha was one, that the counsellor was a fervid reader and amateur writer of smut novella. "Swollen? Turgid?"
"Tumescent?" Natasha suggested.
"Perfect." Ms. Hill perkily typed in the word before turning to Natasha, who had taken a seat opposite the desk, dropping her bag beside the chair. "So, I hear you were terrorising Mr. Fury's class – again."
"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."
Ms. Hill looked sternly at Natasha. "The way you expressed your opinion to Remy LeBeau? His testical retrieval operation went quite well, in case you were interested."
Natasha wasn't interested. "I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls." His attempt at groping her in the lunch line had been one seriously unsuccessful gambit.
Ms. Hill sighed. "The point is Nat, people perceive you as somewhat…"
"Tempestuous?"
"'Heinous bitch' is the term most often used." Natasha suppressed a proud smirk. "You might want to work on that."
Natasha decided that she wouldn't, but she gathered her bag and stood up all the same, pausing in the doorway. "As always, thank you for your excellent guidance. I'll let you get back to Clark's quivering member."
"Quivering member – I like that." Ms. Hill muttered to herself. Natasha allowed herself a small smile as she headed off to her next class.
It was the end of the school day and Natasha and her two best friends, Betty and Jane, were walking to her beaten-up green Range Rover when Loki pulled up beside them in his sleek silver Porsche.
"Your little Rambo look is out Natasha," he said, looking Natasha's dark tank-top and olive trousers up and down with a smirk on his face, completely ignoring Betty and Jane, as usual. "Didn't you read last month's Cosmo?"
"Why, were you in it?" Natasha retorted. "Run along."
Loki pulled a sour face and drove off.
"What an asshole," Betty sighed, pulling herself into Nat's car.
"I know, I can't believe his brother is so nice." Jane squeezed into the back.
"Adoptive brother," Natasha reminded her, twisting her keys in the ignition. Thor and Loki were just as good an example as her and Steve when it came to the differences between adopted siblings.
Speaking of Steve, Natasha watched uneasily as Loki slowed his car beside Steve and Bucky a few cars ahead of them. The next thing she knew her brother and his friend were getting in the backseat of her worst enemy's car.
"That's a charming new development," Betty exclaimed.
"It's disgusting." Natasha grimaced, wishing she could just tell Steve about what Loki was really like. But she didn't want to put that weight on Steve; he still believed that the world was a great place and that bad things didn't happen there, even after their mom had died. She couldn't do that to him, even now.
She pulled out of the parking space just as Bruce Banner on his stupid little moped stalled in front of them.
"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" Natasha yelled out the window. Banner quickly apologised and walked his moped out of the way, stopping to talk to some new kid in an Iron Maiden shirt. Natasha drove on, joining the line of students trying to leave the parking lot, only half-listening as Jane told her and Betty all about how her drama rehearsals were going.
