Title: That's A1

Summary: A simple bet, see who can use a 'coupla focail' to get a 'cailini' into the 'aul 'leaba', what could go wrong? Well Irish Boy Edward Masen is going to find, not just what could go wrong, but what also could go right.

Perspective: EPOV

Story Type: Drabble, chapters will vary in life.

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I wished I owned Twilight, so, so, so much! But I don't so I'm just going to play with them for a bit.

EPOV

"Oh yeah. Lads me Ma sent us King, tea-bags and jam." I said.

"Hey Edward is your family still praying for your dick to grow and do you like being the bottom in all your anal with Emmett?" Jasper asked getting me back for slaggin Alice's preferences, while Emmett pushed me out of the way to get to the bag of crisps in the box.

"Hey if anything, Emmett's the bottom." I stated and Alice's eyes widened as Emmett fluttered his eye lashes at me while shoving his hands into me food. "Ah Jaysus Chicken, please tell me you know I was messin'" I said and she nodded blushing, letting me know she was lying. "American Birds, you'd believe anything we'd say just because I said it with this accent." I told her before rifling through the box "Emmett me Ma sent ye Sudacreme for your dick"

"No she didn't" Emmett said as I handed him the tub of crème.

"Look" I said showing him the post-it note on the top. It read 'for Emmett's dick'

"How did your Ma know about that?"

"You're Ma told her obviously."

"Why would Emmett's Mom tell your Mom about his STD?" Alice asked.

"They probably needed something to talk about during the sign of peace in mass." Jasper said and Emmett nodded.

"Mass?" Alice asked.

"Church Love" Jasper told her and she nodded.

"Why don't you just call it Church?" Alice asked.

"Why don't you just call it Mass Chicken?" I asked her.

"Stop calling me Chicken!" She said and Emmett laughed at her.

"We kept telling you it's a nice thing."

"I'll believe it when I go to Ireland myself." She stated.

"Suit yourself Chicken." Emmett told her.

She shut up after that and went to sit beside Jasper while I took out the letter my Ma had sent me.

Dear Chicken

"Hey Alice look my Ma puts it on my letters look" I told her showing it her it and she pouted as Jasper kissed the side of her head before I went back to reading.

Dear Chicken,

Please tell me you don't have any rashes like Emmett? Actually if you do, I don't want to know. Just wear a fecking condom when you get the ride, alright? Because if you arrive home with a little brat you want me to mind well I'm getting the money to do so from your life assurance scheme.

I had to laugh at me Ma, she was blunt as fuck. But I was never confused with what she wanted from me that's for sure.

Well Anne's pregnant, she wanted me to tell you now so you can start getting money together to come home for the Christening because for some reason they want you to be Godfather, God help the poor cratear is all I'm telling ye.

You're Daddy says hello and wants to know do you have names you can give him for helping with the hay this summer because we did two extra fields. Weather is shite as per usual and I miss you're annoying little face.

Love Ma.

A saint I tell you.

So are you getting a better sense of him now?

Some of you have asked about the bet! All we become clear in time I promise.

Review please

Love The Irish Cullen.