Hi, I am totally bowled over by how amazing you all are! I had suspected as much from my months stalking you all *cough* I mean being an observant and keen fan of all things Five-0!
For the few people I couldn't PM, thank you for your kind reviews. I hope this chapter is ok! Was going to split it in two, but I felt the pacing was already a worry and hey, it's written now!
I am saving like mad, but doubt I shall have saved enough to buy CBS and own my gorgeous boys before you have read this. So not mine and nobody is paying me...sigh... And again, I have read it and read it again and edited it to within an inch of it's life, but I am guaranteed to spot something obviously wrong seconds after I hit publish...sorry.
Also wanted to publish now as heading away for the rest of the week and so will not get a chance to again till after the weekend. Sun shining here, a rarity so we'll enjoy the brief flirtation with heat while it lasts! quick to the beach!
Danny pulled into the driveway at Steve's house and sat with his hands on the wheel. The case had been put to bed, a straight forward case of the guy being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The waitress had regained consciousness and confirmed the lieutenant had arrived mid robbery and saved her life. Shame it had cost him his. The BOLOs were out for the suspects and HPD would hopefully have them in custody by the morning.
None of the team had been sorry that Steve was right and there was no military connection to the death. All three had been quietly worrying about what was going on with their normally controlled leader while piecing together the case.
They'd even gone so far as snooping around in Steve's office but could find no indication of what had caused the earlier upset. Whatever Catherine had brought in the envelope, if it had anything to do with Steve's 'flip out' as Danny was privately now calling it, he hadn't left it anywhere obvious.
Danny felt guilty for his own part in what had happened. It had been a long week and, although they had little reason to suspect the killing had anything to do with the dead man's recently ended military career, they had asked to see his record to rule it out. He probably should have been more careful to curb his irritation at the red tape and hoops the military expected civilian law enforcement to jump through. Steve was always a little touchy about it, especially when the victim was military.
Danny had never meant for a second to imply anything with his comments on the classified service record. He was frustrated. He just hadn't been thinking.
He might even maybe concede, under duress obviously, that his comments had been a little extreme and maybe, just maybe, he could see how they might have hit a nerve. Chin had been gentle but quite firm as he had pointed that out following Steve's sudden departure...it's just, and this is where Danny's chest tightened, his rants never had before. It was what they did, he ranted sometimes becoming ever more ridiculous and extreme in his views to provoke a reaction from Steve who, knowing the game, rarely took the bait. However, now it seemed he had hurt his best friend.
Hanging around with his team Steve had become...Danny's brain struggled for the right word...domesticated...the rigid military corners had been softened by three years of civilian, well, semi-civilian life. Danny puffed out a sigh. It was easy to forget that most of Steve's adult life before Five-0 was off limits to them, hidden by sealed files and black marker.
Oh the SEAL was still there, and every so often Danny and the others got a glimpse of what that version of Steve was like, but only ever a hint, a fleeting suggestion of the highly trained military weapon he was. However, the rest of the time they were family.
The shuttered off part of Steve had partially opened, letting the team in where he had rarely, if ever, let people in before. His past, however, remained secret, classified. Those times when his past and present collided had proven difficult for all involved, especially Steve. This had all the hallmarks of one of those times and Danny was anxious to find out how bad it was going to get.
He was nervous about approaching the house. What kind of reception would he receive?
Catherine's car sat in the driveway. He hesitated again, what if they were wrong and it was some domestic thing. Either he was about to walk in on World War Three or, even worse, them making up. Oh well, he thought pessimistically, that might provide the motivation he needed to finally get himself that therapist he had been threatening to hire since he began working with Steve.
It had been decided, well Chin had decided and he always had good instincts, that Danny should go to Steve's house first. Kono had pinged his phone, convinced he was possibly already on a military transport. Discovering he had indeed gone straight home had been a slight, if welcome, anti climax.
It had taken all Danny's will power not to just storm straight over and demand an explanation and a chance to apologise. Kono and Chin however had prevented him, arguing rightly that he needed to cool off and Catherine would prevent any harm coming to him in the meantime.
So the plan was Danny would go first, see Steve and established roughly what was going on. The cousins would finish off the last few loose ends at HQ and then come directly over, unless Danny messaged otherwise. Then the three would confront/comfort/restrain, basically whatever it was Steve needed. They were a family, 'Ohana.
Darkly Danny now felt they were going to wait and see if he made it out alive before approaching themselves. Feeling slightly like a sacrificial lamb, he huffed a final breath, grabbed the six pack he had purchased en route and walked to the door.
It was unlocked and receiving no answer he pushed it open. Shouted a warning of his intention, and entered. The house appeared deserted but the rear doors stood open to the Lanai. Nothing unusual in that. He moved towards them, certain Steve and his Lieutenant would be out there.
As he passed the open kitchen door he was alert for any clues to Steve's volatile mood. Something caught his eye. A wooden box, the size of a large shoe box sat open on the table. Danny had seen it before on the dresser in Steve's room, never open.
For some reason, it being suddenly there made Danny feel uneasy, perhaps something about it reminding him of a red tool box that he had often seen in the same way on the same table...
Feeling only a little guilty, he moved into the kitchen to peer at its content. It was divided into two compartments. In one there was a handgun in a small holster. It was small, slim, the type that could be easily concealed in a boot or something. It was resting on top of papers of some kind and a collection of photographs.
Only a couple were visible. Danny peered in, surely it wasn't prying if you didn't physically move anything. He'd just see what was left in plain sight.
One photograph showed the whole McGarrett family on the private beach. Steve looked about ten and was standing with a towel and his mother's arms wrapped around him. Mary and their father were beside them, spades in hand, half finished castle in the foreground. All four were laughing at something. There was a similar picture, but more formally arranged Danny had seen in a frame in the study, obviously taken the same day.
Another, poking out from below showed just Doris and John. Doris, younger than the woman Danny now knew, was smiling straight at the camera while Steve's father was gazing at her with an expression of such love; Danny's stomach knotted tightly as he realised just how much must have been rewritten and called into question for Steve by Doris' "resurrection."
The other compartment had small boxes Danny immediately recognised as medal boxes. But it was the other content that made him reach in and draw an item out. Another photograph. Much more recent. It showed a slightly younger version of Steve and another man.
Both were in full camo, faces painted and rifles slung casually across their chests. They were obviously somewhere hot and sandy. Steve's head was bare, a pair of sunglasses pushed up off his face, while his companion had a bright red bandana tied around his head. Their faces were caked in red dust. Steve was standing at a slight angle to the camera and his comrade. His hand was grasping the other man's shoulder, bent forward his eyes crinkling with laughter. The other man was looking at him with comical expression on his face, a canteen half raised to his mouth, water spilling. Both looked completely at ease, unaware of the camera. Danny flipped it over, FH and SMcG, The Stan 2009 it said in writing he didn't recognise.
Under the photo were dog tags, two sets. Dog tags. Of course Steve had dog tags, Danny knew that it theory but there was something very unnerving about seeing them. It made the history visible in that photograph suddenly very real. Steve was a soldier first and foremost. But two sets of tags was strange, they couldn't both be his? Could they? This train of thought was broken off as something in the corner of this compartment caught his eye. It was a small crystal cross on a silver chain that he recognised from somewhere but couldn't place.
A voice sounded unbidden in his mind "There's no law that says you can't grab a beer with friends,"...laughter...friendship...trust...
a ditsy smile...an underground bunker...an abandoned body... a pool of congealed blood... 'We have to find Steve'...
He shook his head at the sudden unwelcome flash of memories.
Jenna.
He stepped back as if he'd been stung. He shook his head to dislodge unsought memories. Taking a deep breath he headed towards the liana, even more concerned about Steve than before.
He made his way put towards the private beach. Two figures were just emerging from the water. Danny shouldn't have been surprised, a swim was always Steve's preferred means of destressing or clearing his mind if something was bothering him. He stopped at the chairs at the edge of the sand where two towels were sitting in anticipation of the swimmers return.
Cath saw him first as they exited the surf. She nodded his direction and spoke to Steve who flicked his eyes up meeting Danny's gaze for a fleeting second before dropping it away. He hesitated pausing in his stride and Cath spoke to him, her taller friend stooping slightly to hear what she was saying, his eyes still on the ground, his hand lightly hovering over her bare waist. They were to far away for Danny to hear what she was saying. The body language suggested Catherine was giving Steve some sort of pep talk. Whatever it was, it was brief and they both resumed their walk towards the detective.
Danny kept his eyes on Steve who had yet to meet his gaze a second time.
"Didn't take you for an endurance swimmer, Cath," he addressed the less intimidating of the pair, holding a towel out for her to take.
She nodded her thanks, both of them casting a glance at Steve who had lifted his own towel and was drying himself, his back to them, watching the ocean.
"I only did a couple of miles, met the merman on his return."
Steve grunted at that, turning to catch her eye, slight smile at her teasing but it lacked energy. She winked at him then motioned at Danny with a slight movement of her head. He ignored her. She was putting on a show of cheerful normalcy but Danny could sense her underlying tension.
There was a moment of silence. Danny rocked awkwardly on the balls of his feet. Cath started drying her hair. Seemingly oblivious to both, Steve returned to his contemplation of the horizon.
"Well I need to get a shower," Cath broke the silence, she grinned cheekily at Steve who had again turned to acknowledge her, "and just so you know I am not on a Naval Ship at the moment so the three minute rule definitely does not apply."
Again the half smile and then return to his vigil. That appeared to be all she expected. She turned to Danny, "I assume the others will be along soon?" he raised his eyebrows and she waved a hand, dismissing his surprise. He grinned at her, was that relief, gratitude even in her eyes? "Excellent, I'll order Chinese when I'm clean," she smiled a real smile but it disappeared as she stood a moment looking at Steve, the tension in his back evident. She met Danny's eye, a silent appeal. Talk to him.
"Hey," Danny took pity on her and addressed the other man.
Steve paused in drying his ears, so like a big dog, Danny thought.
"Hey" he replied. Danny let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, well Steve hadn't killed him with his bare hands, yet. He still wasn't making eye contact though.
Catherine looked between the two of them and made a little annoyed huffing sound. "Right well, I can see you two can't wait to talk about this so i'll go while I can still get a word in edgewise." Rolling her eyes she turned and headed back up the lawn to the house.
"Sarcastic, your little lady," Danny commented as they both stood watching the petite woman walking up the lawn. Not a bad view, Danny thought silently then scolded his brain, putting that thought in the 'Do Not Go There' file he kept for such moments
Steve made another grunt that suggested Danny didn't know the half of it and finally looked properly at his partner. "Dare you to say that to her face." They both grinned at the thought. The tension momentarily lifting, but only for a moment. The haunted look returned and the shutters fastened tightly again. Awkward silence engulfed them.
"Danny, why are you here?" Steve sat heavily on the chair, dropping the towel at his feet.
"Why am I here? Why am I here, he asks? Are you for real? Seriously, Steven?" Danny could hardly believe that was his friend's opening line. He began to pace backwards and forwards in front of his the other man, who sat forward his head in his hands looking at his own feet. Danny found his worry disappearing in favour of anger, "I mean is there any part of you that might actually, you know, somewhere deep down in that thick skull of yours, know why I am here? Or maybe, lets see, why Chin and Kono are on their way? I mean could it be related to that little incident earlier today, huh?"
He paused, looking down at his friend who refused to look at him.
"Seriously? Do you think that you can go all 'Full Metal Jacket' on us and we not be worried? You, my friend need to get it into your thick skull that we are on your side. You think we'd let you just leave following something that, quite frankly Steven, was a little bit of a diva moment." He paused again, this time Steve raised his head, small ghost of a smile on his lips. "Yes, I used the word diva. I mean one moment you are doing your paperwork like a good little SEAL and then one conjugal visit later, yes I know what I said..but what are we supposed to think? This morning you are fine, Catherine arrives and ten minutes later you come over all pyscho-verbose-man-in-black I mean you totally used up your usual yearly word quota in that one tirade...Clearly something is going on in that tiny ninja mind. We're not even going to start on the elitist military kings-of-the-world Jack Nicholson crap that you were spouting...maybe just as well, my tiny world view has suffered enough at your hands today..." his tone was more bitter at this point than he had intended.
He paused in his rant, glaring at his silent partner, he was still not looking at Danny. In fact he looked so... lost. He almost seemed to shrink under Danny's tirade. Danny felt his anger dissipate and the gnawing concern return. He ran a hand through his hair, his tone softening slightly "It was like you totally lost it, babe. You scared us all half to death."
At that Steve finally lifted his head, "Danno..."
Seeming to loose all fight at the use of his nickname, Danny flopped down on the other chair.
"What the hell is going on?"
"I...well" Steve seemed to be searching for where to start, "firstly 'Full Metal Jacket'? Army, Danny," he paused holding out a hand as Danny threatened to resume his rant at that, "I know I was out of line...and I guess...I'm sorry."
Surprised by how easily that apology came the concern notched up another level. Danny wanted to get his own guilt out of the way, "Ok...look...I didn't mean half that stuff I said back there."
"No kidding."
"If I hurt your, you know, ah, your big sensitive SEAL feelings, then I guess I am sorry too."
Steve gave a dry laugh. "Wow, steady on...It wasn't you Danny. I got some news today which,ah, I guess I didn't take as well as I thought I would. When I came out and you were ranting about classified things being what was it..." he paused meeting Danny's eye with something more like his normal amusement, "egotistical self-aggrandisement..." he allowed himself to grin slightly but the memory of events quickly removed all humour from his voice. He dropped his head back into his hands, "I guess I lost it. Saw red and took it out on you. I..well, you know I, ah, that stuff I said..."
"Ok," Danny interrupted, putting his friend out if his misery, "I guess I knew that.." despite having a reputation of never closing his mouth, Danny actually did know when to be quiet. Especially where his normally mute partner was concerned. So he waited. Realising that he was now expected to explain, Steve wiped a hand over his face and drew a deep breath.
"When I heard you saying those things... it hit a scar that had just been reopened...look, Danny, I know you didn't mean half of those things nor were the comments aimed at me...but...what you always forget, we're different." he looked up, his expression unusually open, willing Danny to understand him.
"You made the choice to be a cop. I decided to join the Navy. You wanted 'To Serve and Protect.' and I know that you are a damn good cop, and that you have done things, seen things in the job that haunt you. In that way were are similar but I also know you have never woken up in the morning knowing that you would definitely kill someone that day...not just that...but that when you did then it would be a successful day, you would have completed a mission. Maybe even celebrated after..."
He closed his eyes, "You were trained to uphold the peace. I am trained to kill..yes, I know, i'm trained for much much more than that, obviously," he waved Danny's spluttered protest aside. "But I can, and have eliminated with extreme prejudice. I am not ashamed of what I have done to protect this country, I seek no recognition but nor do I apologise...but...but here's the thing D...I am not sure that you would look at me quite the same way if you knew what I am capable of... What my classified file contains. What would Grace think of her Uncle Steve if she actually saw how he spent most of his adult life?" he paused running a hand over his face again, glancing at Danny who also lent forward, hearing everything Steve was saying, recognising what it cost him to say it.
"Do you think it is easy keeping secrets from you? Do you think I like it?" his voice rose. "You're my closest friend, Danny, but I have to keep secrets from you. From the others, hell, even Catherine doesn't have clearance to know most of what I have done and she knows more than anyone else."
"Can you imagine what it is like to leave your family, your friends without telling them where you are going, what you are doing? Knowing that if you were killed in the field, your family would probably never know how or why, not even where? I went on missions that, had I been captured or killed, not only would my family never know what happened but the Navy would deny that they knew I existed..." He stopped again.
When he continued his voice was softer. There was something in his tone. A haunted quality that Danny hoped never to hear in his friend's voice again. Steve obviously knew these things all too well. "Do you have any idea what it is like to talk to a bereaved family and not be able to tell them anything except their loved one had died a hero and just hope that they trust you enough to believe it?"
Danny simply shook his head. Steve seemed to have finished talking. Danny decided the time had come to be direct, "Steve are you going to tell me what's going on? I can't imagine just how much that must suck for you, but I've said things like that before, why did you finally get so angry? What's happened today?"
Steve just ran a hand over his face. Danny watched him, he was obviously warring with himself over something.
"Seriously, babe, you are freaking me out..."
"Freddie," Steve said, "My friend Freddie Hart. He's coming home."
There you go. Hope that was ok! Would it have been better as two chapters? Worrying now! Oh well!
