Over 400 years later...
I popped my knuckles, something I always liked to do to relieve stress just before a battle. I knew that I had nothing to worry about unless someone had my human remains, which was highly unlikely, but... I still had some inner warning bell that rang whenever I might be about to engage in what would be extremely risky combat for a human, and so I popped my knuckles. I guess the habit carried over from my old self. Who knew, and who cared, really?
I looked sideways at Malice. She was, as usual, just standing there without even a hint of emotion. I wished I could be that unflappable in the face of... well, whatever we were about to face. I wasn't exactly sure. Envy had said that someone was inside the little house... Full of Metal? That sounded about right, but I wasn't sure.
I was more of a spy operative myself. I usually didn't come on assassination attempts, unless they were extra covert. Thus, I spent more time with Envy while Malice was out with Lust and that creep Gluttony. Did you know, he once had the nerve to ask if he could eat me? Not that he could have, but... ew. I wasn't the only one who thought that of Gluttony, but I didn't say anything about it in front of Lust. She'd get all protective, like he was her little kid or something. The guy looked at least thirty. He didn't need a mom.
Sloth was to one side of me, petting that little... well, I was going to say brat, but I just don't have it in me right now. Envy's the rude one of the bunch, really. I personally think the little thing's quite the charmer. Am I gushing? How weird. Anyway, I thought Envy was a bit of a jerk to act that way toward the kid. I mean, surely he knew what it's like to have a parent who doesn't want you, right? Nobody really talked about it, but I could have sworn I'd heard something like that somewhere. Heartbreaking stuff, really. Hm... that sounded a little too nice. I'm supposed to be evil, a heartless monster, right? That's a little out of character... but, oh well. It's me. If I can't have a break from being mean once in a while, what's the point of being mean at all?
Anyhow, we were supposed to be capturing this Full of Metal human person so that Master could make the Stone. I wasn't exactly sure how it was done, but Lust didn't seem to want to talk about it when I asked her, so I didn't ask any more. I decided that I might ask Envy to tell me about it sometime. He wasn't as... well, reserved about things as Lust. Actually, that's only part true. He sliced my stomach open when I asked him about his dad. It was gross. I had to put my intestines back in before my wound closed.
Hm... that sounded a little squeamish. I'm not, really. I can stand as much blood and guts as the rest of them, but:
A. I was much younger and less used to that sort of thing.
B. It was my own insides. I'd like to see you not get queasy over the sights, smells, textures, and sounds of your intestines spilling on the floor.
Moving on...
Oh, my! Am I rambling? Sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes. Breaking into Full of Metal's house. Well, that was easy. I mean, how hard is it to smash a window when any cuts you get heal instantly? That's just ridiculously cinchy.
No one was there. I was disappointed, but Envy said that he'd planned it this way. He immediately sat down on Full of Metal's couch and turned on the radio. There was some kind of drama thing on about some alchemist who went out treasure hunting or something. It was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. An alchemist going treasure hunting? Why didn't he just transmute some treasure? What an idiot.
"WHAT THE HECK!?" a strident voice screamed just outside the door.
"Right on time, pipsqueak," sneered Envy quietly, smirking. He motioned to us to conceal ourselves, which we did. There was the noise of a key in a lock, and a loud stomping announced that someone had come into the room.
"WHO BROKE THE WINDOW!?" the voice I knew must be that of Full of Metal shrieked.
"I did, Pipsqueak," said Envy, who must have been grinning widely as he stalked through the kitchen door. He was so tall. Malice and I peeped from behind the couch, and I found it hard not to laugh at the silly little chibi. His face was bright purple. How old was he supposed to be again?
"WHOAREYOUCALLINGSOSMALLTHATTHEYTRIPPEDOVERTHETHRESHHOLDOFAMOUSEHOLE!?"
I giggled. What a dork. Malice didn't say anything. I was a little confused.
"Why aren't you laughing at the silly little chibi?" I asked in a whisper.
"What...a...cute..chibi," was the only response I got. What a drag.
"Malice, get a hold of yourself," I said. "He's a silly little chibi. I bet I could break him with my pinky."
"Don't...break...so...cute..." Apparently, I wasn't the only one prone to ridiculous statements. He wasn't that cute!
Envy, in the meantime, had responded, "You."
Full of Metal yelled and jumped at Envy like a little kid who's just had his candy taken away. What a silly chibi. Envy was our best fighter; how silly!
Envy, of course, easily dodged the kick and responded with one of his own. This one connected to Full of Metal's face with a smack that made me wince in sympathy. Poor little human! Attacking Envy isn't usually something humans walk or even crawl away from. Full of Metal fell to the floor, and I giggled again. He looked so funny like that!
"I hope we're not killing him," said Malice suddenly. What a silly person. Of course we were. I told her so, and she didn't seem to like that. I was a little annoyed.
"Why do you care?" I asked. "You just stand there while Envy eviscerates men, women, boys, girls, puppies, and kitties. What makes this different?"
"I... think he's cute."
"EWWW!!" I yelled, forgetting that we were supposed to be quiet. Full of Metal whirled to face the couch... just in time to reacquaint his face with Envy's foot.
"You like a human!?" I whispered once Full of Metal's attention was once again elsewhere. "They're so... flimsy. You punch them once, not even hard, and they fall over dead."
"Shut up," Malice said. I was surprised. You see, like I said, Envy's the rude one... she's usually nice to me... I was mad and so I slapped her. "I love him and that's that!" she hissed, rubbing her red cheek from where I had hit her.
"Love?" I asked, incredulous. Silly Malice! Surely she knew... "We don't have that capacity, silly!" I continued. "We can't love anyone. Besides, you just saw him for the first time today! Isn't that a little...um... fast?"
"I know we can't," she said, "but I still... feel something."
"Besides disgust and scorn?" I asked. Malice usually acted like the whole world was her destruction playground. This was weird.
"Yes!" Malice's smile was positively creepy at this point. I edged away from her, feeling upset that she was suddenly so out of character. "Dysphoria," she asked, noting my look of consternation, "what's wrong?"
"You're... scaring me," I said, feeling no need to beat around the bush. Full of Metal screamed, and I grinned. I was familiar with that sound. Envy's arm was very sharp when he wanted it to be. No doubt we'd be going back to Master soon. I looked back to shoot a triumphant glance at Malice, but she wasn't there. "Huh?" I said, just as a chestnut blur raced by and tackled Envy, who fell to the floor with a startled cry. He swore and looked up at Malice.
"What are you doing, Malice?" he asked sharply, an angry sparkle coming into his purple eyes. My, were they a pretty shade of violet... Oh my, did I just say that out loud? No one's supposed to know I think that... oh crap, what if Envy reads this?
"It just occurred to me," she said, "that Master said she wanted him alive." No she didn't. Master said no such thing. Why was Malice lying to Envy? I bet it was because she wanted to keep Full of Metal for a pet. He'd make a cute pet, I thought.
"What are you talking about?" Envy asked, annoyed. "Master would have mentioned such an important detail to me. Just let me kill him and we'll go." He tossed his head proudly, his hair swishing through the air as he turned back to Full of Metal. "Say goodnight, Pipsqueak." He grinned and reached to tear Ed's throat out. "My favorite kill," he noted almost, "just like my first." He looked at me, and I was confused. What was he talking about? Oh well, no matter. I watched my idol rapturously... someday I would be just as good as he was, I promised myself. I couldn't wait to train with him again...
Malice yelled and threw herself in front of Full of Metal.
"Master wants him alive. You will not damage him," she hissed dangerously. Envy now looked profoundly disturbed. He swore.
"What the heck is wrong with you today?" he asked.
"Don't. Hurt. The. Chibi," Malice growled. Envy sighed.
"Fine," he sneered, regaining his dignity, "but you're responsible for getting him to Master. You may travel with us if you like, but I will have no part in presenting him to Master."
"That won't be necessary," spat Malice, grabbing Full of Metal by the wrist. "Come on," she hissed at him, "and don't move, or I'll slit your throat." She pulled her large knife out of her belt and put it to his neck. Full of Metal didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was worth a thousand curse words. Malice disappeared, taking Full of Metal with her. Her "thing" is teleportation. I daresay she practiced that exit. She tends to be overly dramatic, you know. Envy sighed.
"Let's go," he said in a more than usually subdued tone. I wanted to pat his back, but he probably would have just skinned me alive... and I wasn't in the mood for that. I sighed as well.
"Okay," was all I dared to say.
TBC...
