When working on paperwork at the precinct nobody said anything. It was like the calm before the storm. The quiet before another victim came in to report their rape. Elliot was being particularly quiet today and I knew something was up with him. I didn't ask though because I figured if he wanted to talk about it he would tell me. I only had a few more things to write before my paperwork was finally caught up and maybe I would get to go home early today.

The smell of coffee wafted through the air and it made my stomach churn. I was hungry and I realized I hadn't ate since the day before. I hadn't gone to the grocery store yet and the only thing at my house was a few crackers and stale chips in the cabinet.

"Wanna grab a bite to eat?"

I looked up and Elliot was shoving his pile of papers into one of desk drawers. Somehow he always knew.

"Sure."

Both of us slipped our coats on and bundled up before walking outside into the cold of winter. There was quite a bit of snow on the ground from the small snow storm the day before and it was crunching beneath our feet as we walked down the sidewalk.

"Pizza sound good?"

I nodded. Pizza actually sounded very good because I hadn't had it in awhile. We walked down the block and went into the pizza parlor where the heat immediately warmed up our bodies. Elliot placed the order and I picked got us a table in the corner in the back. When our order was ready the waiter brought the pizza to our table and sat it down in the middle. Elliot dug right in and got two slices to sit on his plate.

"This is good pizza."

Elliot made a sound that I assumed was suppose to be him agreeing.

"So, uh, how are the kids?" He swallowed the bite he had in his mouth and wiped his face with a napkin.

"Good."

I nodded and took a sip of my Cola. Something was obviously bothering him and I couldn't help but ask. "Everything okay?"

He sighed and took another bite of the cheesy pizza. "You know how you want something so bad but, you know it's never going to happen?"

"The inevitable?"

"Sure," he said not really listening, "I just-"

Was he talking about it? Was he really finally getting the picture?

"Just what?"

He took another bite of his pizza. "Nothing. It's no big deal."
Turned down once again. I knew he saw it. Everybody saw it. It was impossible not the see the chemistry we had we each other.

Why couldn't I tell her how I felt? She was sitting right there in front of me. Her brown hair resting against her fact and those brown eyes that were full of wonder. I knew she was angry that I didn't say anything. I knew she had been hurt once again. She didn't understand though. She didn't have a family at home to go home to and take care of every night. She didn't have the weight on her shoulders like I did. There I go again putting her down for my own selfish reasons.

I watched as she finished her third slice of pizza. She must have a high metabolism because she ate just like any other man I had met. Only she was more neat about it and didn't get pizza sauce all over her face.

"Ready to go?"

I wiped my face off again and took one last sip of my drink before nodding and following her out of the warmth of the parlor.

We were walking back to the precinct side by side and every once in awhile I would feel her arm brush up against mine. It made me smile a little and I didn't know if Olivia noticed or not.

"What are you smiling about?"

It was like she could read my mind.

"I'm not," I lied.

She gave me one of her looks where that told me she knew I was lying. She didn't say anything though and that's why our friendship worked out. We knew when the other needed space and we knew when we needed to push one another to talk.

Back at the precinct there was a small girl sitting in a chair next to Olivia's desk. Cragen was waiting just outside the elevator for us to get back.

"Her name is Emily Kell," Cragen informed us, "She won't walk to anybody so I figured you could work with her, Liv."


Olivia nodded and began unbuttoning her coat while she made her way over to her desk and the little girl.

Emily couldn't have been any older than eight and she looked so scared sitting there alone. She had long curly black hair and her eyes were big and blue.

"Hi, Emily," I said sitting down in my chair, "My name's Olivia. I'm a police officer."

Emily just sat there and stared at her hands in her lap.

"It's okay," I assured her, "You can tell me."

I saw Emily's eyes water and bottom lip quiver. "Honey," I said, "Tell me what's wrong."

"My mommy's dead. The bad man killed her."

To hear those harsh words come from a child's mouth was enough to make anyone's stomach tie in knots.

"How did you get here?"

"Mommy told me to give this paper to the cab driver."

"Do you know who killed your Mommy?"


Emily nodded and her curls bounced behind her, "My Daddy."

"You okay?"

I turned around to see Elliot walking up to the edge of the roof next to me.

I sighed. "This is a tough one."

Elliot nodded. He had heard Emily tell me what happened because he was sitting at his desk. Emily broke down in tears after she told us how it had happened and I couldn't make her sit through anymore. She was taking a nap in the cribs now and I knew I had to finish talking to her later.

"It's hard when you don't have anyone to talk to," I stated looking off into the city.

I could feel Elliot's eyes staring at me now and I knew I had his attention.

"You have me."

I shook my head, "It's not the same thing. I want to have someone to go home to and crawl into bed with and all the worries I had during the day be washed away. You have that. I don't."

"You could have that," Elliot said quietly, "Any man in their right mind would be lucky to be with you."

He just doesn't get it. I don't want just anybody.


"I better get back in there," I said switching topics, "Emily will probably be waking up soon."

How did I let her walk away from me again? She had basically just said she wanted me. I knew she wouldn't ask though. Even if things weren't peachy with Kathy and I, she wouldn't admit it. She was too classy. She wouldn't ever be the woman who ruined our marriage. He sighed and took a deep breath before pushing the thoughts out of his head and walking back inside.