Author's Note: I really, truly apologize for how long the chapter of HTKM is taking me. I hope that this little update suffices a little. I'm honestly just so busy I have no time. I didn't even WRITE this chapter, it was written months ago and that's the only reason I'm able to post it. HTKM is also a long freakin' chapter, with a TON of editing needed, so I'm PRAYING to have it up this week. I'm trying for you guys *airhearts everywhere*
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not profit from this story.
Winging It
(Or How a Half-Demon Ruled the Underworld One Smirk at a Time)
Chapter Two: Of Car Crashes and Crazies
Inuyasha was going to die. Again. In Hell.
If that was even possible.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
"Oh chill out," Naraku said, rolling his eyes. "I'm just stealing a car. Do you want to walk the rest of the way to my place? I think not."
"We're stealing a car?" Inuyasha hissed, eyes widening. "Holy shit man, come on! You can't steal a car!"
Naraku looked at Inuyasha as if he were crazy, testing a rust-bucket of a car that had to be at least twenty years-old. The door was unlocked and Naraku smirked, sliding in the driver's seat. "Get in you fresh-faced loser. We're going to Casa de Naraku."
Inuyasha stood there, staring at the car that Naraku was currently hotwiring to start. Sweet mother of lovin' this was actually happening. He was in Hell and stealing a car. With a man who was probably a lunatic. Dear lord, was this really happening to him? He had been a good person alive. He even recycled for fuck's sake. He was helpful and a good person, at least generally.
Didn't his floating soul prove that? WHY WAS HE HERE?
Oh yeah, the fireballs raining from the sky. The breaking of Heaven (momentarily). Riiiiiight.
"I can't do this," Inuyasha spat out before he could really think about it. "I mean, just no. I can't. I'm a good person and thank you for being nice and all but–"
"The fuck are you talking about?" Naraku asked, blowing a huge pink bubble and snapping it. "I just want to get home. You can stay here if you want but you'll probably be stabbed and/or shot in the next fifteen minutes. It is Hell so there's potential for bombs too."
Inuyasha blinked. "You're not lying, are you?"
At that, Naraku giggled and rolled his eyes. "Come on babycakes, hop in. I promise there's candy."
Trying desperately not to think about it, Inuyasha got into the passenger seat and ignored the fact that there was no key in the rusted bucket of a car. Instead, he turned to look at the man driving, studying him. He was pretty for a guy, a little greasy if honest. He was wearing blue eye shadow though, so maybe it was a look he was trying to achieve. Inuyasha never paid too much attention to fads so he wouldn't know.
"So," he started slowly, trying not to cringe. What could he even say?
"How'd you die?" Naraku asked, bluntly. He glanced over at Inuyasha before returning his dark eyes to the road.
"Uh." Inuyasha really didn't want to say how he died. It was fucking embarrassing, that's what it was. "My skull was cracked open." As long as he didn't ask–
"How?"
Well wasn't he a nosy little bugger? Inuyasha sighed. "I was juggling things around and it was raining and I slipped and fell."
Naraku seemed to take this well enough, nodding. "And what did you do to warrant a first-class ticket into Hell?"
Not liking the sound of that question and realizing with a slow, thickening horror that he was with a man that was spending his eternity in HELL, Inuyasha tried desperately not to panic. "What did you do?"
The greasy man giggled, swerving the car around and forcing Inuyasha to look at the road. Bad idea. There were a million cars and – HOLY SHIT THEY JUST ALMOST GOT HIT BY A TRUCK THAT RAN A RED LIGHT. OH GOD. OH GOD.
"I'm going to die," Inuyasha wheezed.
"Hate to break it to you," Naraku started, "but you're already dead. You can't die in Hell; you can just suffer for a long time until everything heals. And everything does heal eventually." Looking at Inuyasha for a moment, he grinned. "You know, I like you. If I had met you in real life, I totally wouldn't have conned you."
"Conned me?"
Naraku nodded, seemingly pleased for some reason. "Oh yeah, it's why I'm here. I'm a fortune teller, only not a real one. But I pretended and was damn good at it. I'm not sure how – maybe it was luck or whatever – but whatever I said generally came true in some way. I stole money from people like you wouldn't believe. People are dumb bastards, you know that?" Naraku giggled again. "Really dumb bastards. Of course, karma's a bitch and I ended up here so... What'd you do?"
"Uh, I uh, broke Heaven apparently. I don't really know," Inuyasha replied honestly, looking out the windshield and then immediately looking down. He could not put himself through that torture of watching the potential number of times they could get killed. It was already passing the single digits and they'd been on the road for what, five minutes?
"How'd you break Heaven?" Naraku asked.
Inuyasha shrugged. Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal. "Well I was there for about eight seconds, something short like that. I, um, sneezed and then there were fireballs or something. It kind of destroyed things there so I got sent...here." To Hell.
Suddenly, Inuyasha's body was being jolted forward sharply, his head slamming back on the head rest when they stopped. "What happened?" he exclaimed, trying to look everywhere. Were they hit from behind? Attacked? Were there bombs?
"THAT WAS YOU?" Naraku screamed, big red eyes as wide as saucers. "You're the one that brought fire to Heaven?"
Inuyasha flinched, pressing back into the car seat and praying the guy didn't stab him. What was he to expect? He was in Hell, anything could happen. Undoing his seat belt, Inuyasha looked around himself and found that they were in the middle of an intersection, blocking about forty cars that were honking at them angrily. Huh, how didn't he hear them?
"Stay there cowboy," Naraku insisted, slapping at Inuyasha before driving off again. "I can't believe I'm actually sitting here talking to you. That's awesome. So how did you do it? Did you picture it with your mind or something?"
"What?" Inuyasha exclaimed. "No! Of course not. I don't know how it happened."
Naraku blew a bubble, so big it covered his eyes momentarily before it popped. Inuyasha feared greatly for those seconds where the bubble covered his view of the windshield. Didn't anyone know how to drive? "Then I know what I must do," he said firmly, nodding to himself.
"What do you have to– Holy shit, STOP STOP STOP!" Inuyasha screamed, clinging to the seat with his life as Naraku did a U-turn in the middle of everything. Cars were honking, people were shouting angrily and Naraku just smiled and waved like the fucking queen. Inuyasha was scarred for life. Or, well, his afterlife.
"Where are we going?" Inuyasha demanded, letting one hand grip at the door tightly. There were going to be marks after, surely.
"To the woman that'll know what to do with you." Naraku grinned. "Baby, if you broke Heaven you should be living in a mansion here."
Inuyasha opened his mouth to question it, but instead thought better. Nothing around here was normal – or good news, for that matter. Maybe this woman Naraku was bringing him to could shed some light.
"Ooh yes, I think you'll like her. Everyone likes the Neutral ones," Naraku said suddenly, smacking away at his gum.
"Neutral ones?"
"The administrators of Heaven and Hell," Naraku answered, taking his eyes off the busy road. "Sometimes people don't go to either location – you don't know why unless you're one of them. But they act like mediators between the two. This woman in particular deals with half-breeds."
Inuyasha didn't want to sound slow, but he was unable to be anything else. "Half-breeds?"
Naraku rolled his dark eyes. "Yes, half-breeds. Half-demons, like you, have gone to Heaven first before joining Hell. Half-angels went to Hell before Heaven. It's pretty political."
"There are more like me?" Inuyasha asked, eyes wide.
"Well," Naraku started, "of course there are. None of them broke Heaven though."
"It was momentary!" Inuyasha snapped.
Slamming on the brakes, Naraku laughed maniacally. "Whatever you tell yourself at night babycakes."
Inuyasha growled. "Stop calling me babycakes."
Naraku giggled and turned the car off. "Come on babycakes, it's time to meet her."
To be honest, he hadn't even known they were there. Standing in a parking lot that was better described as abandoned, Inuyasha looked around to see...nothing. "Where the hell are we?"
The greasy-haired man winked and gestured to be followed. Inuyasha did slowly, watching in amazement as Naraku pulled at a metal hatch in the ground. Underneath were stairs.
"Hell no," Inuyasha muttered.
"Fuck yes," Naraku countered.
Inuyasha cautiously went down, closing the hatch and praying Naraku wasn't really a bad guy. Just...a guy in Hell. When they got to the bottom, Inuyasha was relieved at the sight of an office and normal-looking people doing work.
"Hey everyone!" Naraku called. "Where's my girl?"
A woman stepped out into the hallway, crossing her arms. "I'm not your girl Naraku."
Inuyasha just stood there and stared, because the woman in front of him? She was simply gorgeous.
Naraku sighed happily and clapped Inuyasha on the back. "Meet Kagome, she'll take care of you babycakes."
And Inuyasha? Well he just took one look at her and smirked.
Comments:
Alikmionejean: Your tangents make me laugh so hard, so please don't stop them. They are a great help between me running around campus like a fool and studying my ass off. Seriously. I have no life. NO. LIFE. Or too much of one? I'm not even sure anymore. Thanks so much darling, means a lot :D
Random-Human-Reviewer: HAHA. Seriously, yes. I'll be one of those people. I hope you liked this chapter :) !
Nepenthec: I'm SO glad :D :D
See? I can make Kagome appear in any story.
Feedback is probably the only break I have from the world of NOLIFE. I'd appreciate it greatly.
