[A/N] Well, here we are. I managed to get it done, after hours of blood, sweat and the odd tear.

If you have any ideas or things you want to see happen in upcoming chapters, please fell free to tell me in a review :3. There's a lot of point-of-view changes in this one, so I've tried to make it as clear as possible who's it is, but if you get confused or don't like what I've done, as I say, tell me in a review.

I also am sorry to those I may have confused. I uploaded this once, then noticed a few typos and other problems afterwards, so I had to re-edit and upload it. Sorry!

I (sadly) do not own any part of the Hitachiin twins or Ouran High School Host Club. That right belongs solely to Bisco Hatori, who we thank most heavily for her creation of these yaoi gods.

This one is for footbanana, who sent me a lovely review and still sends me messages. Thank you.


(Kaoru's POV)

Kaoru Hitachiin was tired. Tired of everything, the screaming fangirls, the Host Club, the whole 'Brotherly Love' act… everything. He was simply sick of playing a part that inside, he had long become one with. For him, the tender moments and the love he portrayed towards his brother during Host Club hours was not simply an act. It was something much stronger, much darker… and much, much more perverse. He had realised it long ago.

Kaoru was in love with his brother.

This feeling… it was so painful, so commanding of his body and heart, but he could in no way hide it. Instead, after months of internal conflict and longing for his twin, he decided to pull the plug. He had to cut himself off, before things got too heavy, and he burnt to the ground the very essence of a connection with his brother. So, he had begun pulling away from Hikaru, slowly so as not to alarm him. But, the more he tried to stay away from his brother, the more persistent his heartbeats became, and the more his brother seemed to stick to him. It wasn't working.

That is, until a few weeks ago. It seemed Hikaru was beginning to realise Kaoru's intentions. He had become quiet, no longer protesting when Kaoru left his side or avoided his gaze. He simply drew into himself when they were alone, only playing his loving part for the benefit of the Host Club. Kaoru's heart twinged when he noticed this… he had never meant to hurt Hikaru, but maybe, he supposed, it was unavoidable if he was going to hide his sick love from the older twin. Still, it hurt more than he had expected. He knew that despite being the younger twin, he was more serious and insightful than Hikaru. This kind of heavy, deep feelings… Hikaru had probably never experienced them. He was the type to roam along life's road with complete carelessness, never caring about the darker side to emotions, never falling into the trap of forbidden feelings. He would never return these twisted feelings, in any shape or form.

Sitting alone in his limousine, travelling home long after his brother's departure, Kaoru sighed. Such heavy thoughts and emotions made him feel so helpless… And this damned costume wasn't helping. He loosened the collar gently, then returned to his thoughts.

As the younger twin walked fatiguedly along the corridor, he heard a faint noise coming from the room he had once shared with his brother, before… before he had realised a few things. He shook his head to rid it of the still-raw memories, slowing unconsciously as he reached that old door. It seemed that Hikaru was home, and taking a nap, by the looks of it. A soft, reminiscent smile passed briefly across Kaoru's lips, before it was snatched away cruelly by his automatic suppression of the love swelling his heart. He placed a foot over the threshold.

Only to check on his twin, you see. He was still in control. Still… he was still in… Oh, the beauty of it… Hikaru's gentle sleeping face, how calm, so lovely. It called to mind the days when they used to fall asleep in each other's arms, naïve to the prejudices of the world around them. How he had loved that safe, warm place. The sounds of their slow breaths synchronising, the graceful flutter of Hikaru's thick eyelashes as he dreamed of far-away hopes… so bewitching. By this point, Kaoru had lost all semblance of control, of holding back and staying away from his twin. He was lost in memories of happier times, now seemingly gone forever. Slowly, so as not to wake the graceful reflection – so similar to his own face, but so much more expressive and strong- Kaoru edged towards the bed, drawn by his swelling heart and irresistible feelings.

Once he was poised at the very edge of the king-size bed, he stopped, suddenly struck afresh by the pointlessness of it all, the futility of his feelings. The black rose choking his heart tightened, and he let it cut him. Leaning gently forward, the pain nearly causing tears to spill from his eyes, he stretched a hand out to his sleeping brother's perfect features. As a single tear spilled down his cheek, he brushed a lock of Hikaru's hair from his pale forehead, wishing that they could be reborn again and again, in a world where his feelings were not so perverted, so wrong. Where he could be free to love openly this sleeping boy without fear of being rejected and looked upon as 'disgusting'. Entranced by the pattern of his twin's familiar features, he unconsciously leaned forward, a hand still resting oh-so-softly on his brother's hair. Closing his eyes, while wishing with all his heart, he brushed his lips, gently as a feather lands, across Hikaru's, savouring the forbidden moment.

Kaoru stood up, not even trying to stop the tears now flowing freely down his face, cradling his lips.

He started to turn away, when Hikaru stirred suddenly, mumbling his brother's name and curling into himself as if in some sort of pain. This caught Kaoru's attention, halting him for long enough in shock that when Hikaru's eyes began to flutter in waking, he had nowhere to run. Panicking, he made his way to the nearest shelter available- the en-suite bathroom. There he hid behind the door, cursing his stupidity, his feelings, his sentimentality and the whole situation in general. How could he be so stupid? To let himself do such a thing… to feel such things… he put his head in his hands, hating himself for what he had done.

(Hikaru POV)

He had awoken from his dream with a strong feeling of confusion and loss. It had felt so real – he held a hand to his lips, almost thinking he could taste the tearful kiss from his brother there on his lips. Such thoughts, he should not think them, he knew that, but still… He had no control over his dreams. There he could roam in his mind's fantasies without having to catch himself to control the amount of feeling he was displaying, or look away from his brother when he blushed. He rubbed his brow, considering briefly how he had never experienced this kind of conflict before. He knew everyone thought that he was the less serious twin, but when it came to his feelings for Kaoru… well, there was nothing light-hearted or painless about those. He rubbed his brow briefly.

Damn, he had to stop thinking about it. It was wrong, sick, wrong. He couldn't allow himself to be drawn any deeper into these incestual feelings. To the fangirls, yes, it was all roses and sweetness, but no one else would care to know… especially Kaoru. His brother's sudden cold treatment of Hikaru had seemed to suggest that he was sick of being permanently enclosed in their bubble, that closed-off universe that no other person could penetrate. Kaoru obviously wanted something other than the sweet isolation they had always shared. The only problem was, his venturing out into the world seemed to involve leaving his brother behind. Hikaru feared this, being left alone and broken in the shattered glass sphere of their childhood memories and his choking feelings.

He shook his head out of habit, trying to shake loose the weights in his chest. As he did so, he remembered his original intent, before his nap. He had meant to get out of this dreadful costume and shower. Maybe it would help to clear his head.

He began to unbutton the waistcoat, frustration penting up at the many resisting buttons.

(Kaoru POV)

Kaoru had no escape. He was trapped in this bathroom now that his brother had awoken. There was no way out without being noticed… his only option was to wait, lurking in the familiar tiled room until his brother either left or fell asleep again. So stupid.

He peeked out the door to check on his brother's situation, only to see the one thing he had really, really hoped he would not.

Hikaru was getting ready to shower.

Kaoru knew his brother's dressing habits well. He had often lain on the bed, watching out of the corner of his eye while that so familiar body was slowly revealed. Here he was, entranced by it once more. Slim, lightly muscled, creamy skin contrasted starkly against the impatience of the older twin as he stripped to the waist to go to the bathroom. It was a strange habit of Hikaru's, that. After the age of about 12, he never undressed fully in the bathroom or the bedroom. He always undressed his upper half first, but left his trousers or jeans on until he was in the bathroom. It was confusing, but so enticing to watch… Kaoru began to feel his body heating up – wait… If Hikaru was undressing, then that meant… Damn. He was going to be discovered, and soon if he didn't do something about it. He frantically looked around, despite all ready knowing the room by heart, and knowing that there was no shelter from what would happen next.

He decided to make a run for it, and hope Hikaru wouldn't question as to why Kaoru was in his bathroom. And with that, he burst through the door and walked as fast as possible towards the exit, breaking into a run halfway.

It didn't work.

(Hikaru POV)

Caught by surprise, Hikaru yelped and turned around. Upon seeing his brother exiting his bathroom at speed, his only thought was to stop him before he could escape once more. He reached out an arm, successfully latching on to that forearm so similar to his own.

"Kaoru?"

His heart began to beat frantically at the rabbit-in-the-headlights look on the younger twin's face. He noticed Kaoru swallow nervously, before parting his lips (which Hikaru was taking far too much notice of) to speak.

"I, um, I… needed something. I needed… to borrow… a towel… yeah. A towel. Now, would you kindly let go of my arm, Hikaru?"

This last icily delivered line stabbed Hikaru painfully in the chest, as he realised the fact that he was still clinging to his brother's arm. However, instead of letting go in shame, his surprise turned into simmering anger and he pulled Kaoru closer. He could feel his eyes burning into his brothers, scanning that face for the lie he found immediately.

"We have maids to provide towels, Kaoru. Why are you lying? What are you hiding from me? To be honest, all this cold shoulder treatment is leaving me really…"

He couldn't finish the sentence. It hurt too much, and he was afraid of saying the wrong thing, letting his feelings show too clearly. His brother blushed and looked away, uncomfortable in the tense atmosphere building around the two. It was as if, almost, like he was searching for another reason, an excuse to leave the room as soon as he could. This only served to fuel Hikaru's rage. Hurt and rejected to the point of desperation, he began to snap, letting all of the pain he was going through come through as anger towards the one he loved. He raised his voice slightly.

"Why, then, Kaoru? What is your reason? Spit it out! Tell me! Tell me why you've been doing this, this continuous behaviour of pushing me away? If you hate me so badly, then you could just say so, instead of torturing me with your silence! I'm sorry I held you back! I'm sorry I can't leave you so easily as you can leave me! I'm sorry I'm possessive, it's just that… just that…"

He stopped himself there, cringing and afraid that he had said too much. But when he looked up, instead of rage or even disgust, the identical reflection of Kaoru's eyes showed only surprise tinged with – regret? No, he was looking too deep. However, his rage still coiled behind his eyes and he looked straight at his brother, waiting for an answer, trying not to resort to violence, as would be his usual choice. Instead, he only got a slight choking sound from his twin as he looked away yet again, pulling hard at his arm as he tried to escape. That one move broke Hikaru. Regret for even asking, the anguish of having his suspicions confirmed, the agony of abandonment by the one he loved… once more it turned to rage. He could feel himself losing control.

(Kaoru POV)

Hikaru's eyes were filled with pain and anger as he stared down the captured boy. This look caused something in Kaoru to doubt his choices, wonder if the pain his brother was going through was really worth his efforts… no, he couldn't think like that. Still, his heart beat heavily in his ears and he was acutely aware of everything his brother was doing, even his scent. The part of his forearm Hikaru held so desperately tingled and he ached to pull the older twin closer, not to kiss or hold, but to merge, to become one mind, one body. If only they had been one person rather than two, if he could exist alongside Hikaru, be part of him, they would never have to be apart.

Lost in his frantic musings, when Hikaru spoke those pained words they cut straight through to Kaoru, grabbing his attention as his twin poured forth a flood of hurt and abandonment. Kaoru was shocked. That Hikaru had thought that he wanted to leave him behind - to escape from him – it was a strong blow to his already doubtful self. He could not reply, frantically trying to stop the denial, the truth from bursting out and filling the room with the devastation he knew it would have. All that he could do was choke slightly on his own words and look away from those burning, suffering eyes. What had he done? Why had he done it? There was no way to go back, no way to fix it, because he knew it was the only way. He had to carry through with the path he had chosen—

A sudden tug on his arm, his brothers face suddenly filling with some strong, bereaved expression mixed with anger.

Then - Hikaru kissed him.

(Hikaru POV)

Roughly and desperately, he pulled his weaker brother towards him and smashed his lips to Kaoru's, as tears leaked torturously from his own eyes. He knew it was wrong, knew he had to stop, but it was overwhelming. The agony, everything… this was the only way he could fully express it. He had his eyes screwed tight shut, desperately not wanting to see the look his poor brother would be wearing. He could taste the sweet, forbidden taste of those identical lips mingling with the salt of his tears, similar to the taste of the kiss in his dream, but much longer and more heart-rendingly painful.

Just as he could feel the horror of his actions bearing down, something happened. Something strange, and unexpected. He opened his eyes to check that he was still awake, and saw Kaoru's also fill with tears and close. He suddenly felt soft lips yielding to his own, responding with equal parts sadness and anger to his own.

(No POV)

This was no everyday lover's kiss – it had become the kiss of two individuals fated by birth never to be together, but neither knew this. They both felt, deep inside, the black and stabbing surety that the other was only acting out of guilt, fear or a mixture of those and other feelings. Neither twin suspected that the kiss was a mutual search for something to say goodbye to, a release from the traumatic ache in their hearts.

The kiss deepened as the two became drawn further into the dance they had initiated, a solemn waltz of bodies pressed tightly together for comfort and shelter, lips gently communicating in some instinctual language. Fingers tangled in the other's hair, around their necks, ran over their hips and back up, mapping their faces like reflections as if they had never seen something so precious, then doing the same with the contours of each other's shoulder's and chests. One, or both, began to breathe in ragged gasps when the kiss broke so the other twin could kiss lightly along their jaw and throat, trying to memorise every feature of this body he knew he would never get to touch again. By this point, it was impossible to tell who was who – even for themselves. Kaoru's wish had come true - they had merged into each other's embrace, losing all sense of the outside world, of their promises and restraints, of the things they had vowed never to do. They were one, in that fragile moment.

Flushed faces, sweet breath mingling in the air and lips still dancing, but to a much more frantic beat now. Hip to hip, toe to toe, the two boys spiralled deeper into the kiss.

However, the glass sphere the moment had created, existed in, had to burst eventually. Every bubble, no matter how strong it seems, will eventually float higher than its thin walls can stand, and it will give in to the forces pushing in on it from the outside.

Through the dense delirium of the moment, Hikaru could feel something pulling him away, yelling and screaming at him to stop. He tried to ignore it… tried to let the moment last as long as he could let it, suspend time. For he knew, as soon as the kiss broke, his entire world would collapse as Kaoru came to his senses and realised what they had done.

The kiss began to change as the two began to surface, taking on a tone of desperation as they both struggled to save themselves from the deadly rocks at the bottom of the fall.

But the sphere shattered despite their best efforts.

(Kaoru POV)

Kaoru pulled away, pushing at his brother. He collapsed to the floor, holding his head in his hands, his thoughts screaming at the act he had committed. Hikaru followed him, tried to hold him and comfort him, despite the panic and fear rising like bile in his throat.

However, the arm around Kaoru's shoulders was roughly pushed away, as the younger began to shake with self-loathing for letting his sick feelings show. His self-rage overcame him and as Hikaru reached once more for him, he slapped that face so identical to his own with all his might and ran. He had to cut it off. Now. That's why he hit him; he had to… had to pull the plug. He ran with all the desperation of a man escaping the noose, not wanting to see what would happen when Hikaru realised that he felt these disgusting things for him, and as a result ran from him. He had to escape before Hikaru did. He ran far and fast, not quite sure where he was heading, trying to straighten his rumpled shirt as he wiped relentless tears from his cheeks, eventually collapsing somewhere in a corner of the mansion, and weeping with his entire being.

(Hikaru POV)

Meanwhile, Hikaru staggered over to the bed. He clutched his stinging cheek, a parting kiss from his younger brother's palm. He lay there, feeling cold numbness spread to his core. When his brother had looked up, as he hit him, Hikaru had seen a steely resolve forming in those eyes. Something had broken permanently between the two. They had crossed a line that could never be uncrossed, and he feared that in doing that he had effectively smashed the tender connection between the two. Surrender began to ice his whole being and with a painful resolve, he began to close his heart. Lock it away, bury it all deep down where it could never be found. Lock away the pain, and his perverse love for his brother. Maybe it was a sign from a higher being. He had had no right to feel this way, and now he was being punished. Or maybe enlightened. Either way, he continued to bury it all, lying there on the bed in the freezing dark as a single tear rolled down his cheek.


[A/N] I know I promised you a lime/lemon, but I hope this is enough...

Chapter Three may be slow in coming. Such is the life of a girl with work to do, sorry. Instead, you can spend the wait time sending me reviews and telling me what you want to see happening next.

Reviews are to me like sweets (and Light... nom) are to L. I cannot function without a healthy dose of them as often as possible. Flames will be used for toasting marshmallows. Advice welcome.

Hobbsie: Isn't this getting a bit too depressing? I mean, they're practically suicidal.

Me: Nah, the angst is good. It's better than having them die or get pregnant at least.

Hobbsie: (O_O) Pregnant? But... they're guys! Wait, how about it? Let's give them a teen pregnancy to deal with! Make Haruhi preggers! Yay!

Me: Let's not go there. Ever.

Next chapter, we get the twins to talk to some people other than themselves. Finally.