Warning: This story will contain mature themes, so please read with caution

Author's Note: The chapters will be rather short because I'm not going to put Gin and Toshiro together in one chapter, I'm trying to make it feel kinda hollow in a way, and show the separation and all the things that they are going though alone. This story is supposed to seem painful fro Toshiro's point of view, and well... I guess angry from Gin's, so hopefully I can do that, although it might make Gin seem a little OoC at times, sorry.

Chapter One: You left me with more then just scars.

Third Person: Toshiro Hitsugaya

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*Five months after Aizen's Rebellion*

Toshiro slid slowly into the sunken tub filled with steaming water until only his head stuck out and he sighed wincing and put a hand on the long scar that went from his right shoulder and to his right hip. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Trying to get the memories that had been plaguing his mind since he woke in the early morning from his nightmare.

Toshiro reached up and put a hand over his eyes and took a deep breath, he was never one to show emotion about anything in front of anyone, but now that he was alone in his captain's chamber the tears wouldn't stop flowing down his pale cheeks and his lips wouldn't stop quivering. 'Gin... Gin... Gin' He kept repeating over and over in his mind, the pain in his heart growing with each muttering of the name of the man who'd turned him into this broken shell of his former self. 'What are you doing now Gin? Are you sitting with the hollows with that damned grin on your face, laughing at how broken you've made me?' Toshiro sunk deeper into the water, until the tips of his hair were under. He stayed there, letting air bubbles slowly pass from his lips. 'Do you even still remember my name? What I look like? Do you still care at all about me? Or was it all an act like the rest of your life? Was I just something that you could hide behind? Did you hesitate when you stabbed me in the back? Or did Aizen always mean more then I did?'

Toshiro forced himself to break the surface of the water with a heavy gasp and leaned forward putting his face against his small hands and let out a strangled sob. 'Gin.... Was I really not worth taking with?'

Toshiro's eyes grew wide as he stared through his fingers down at the water that rippled as his body shook. 'Why didn't you take me with you?.... Why did you leave me here? I hate you... I hate you....... I hate you........ I hate you.......... I hate you............... I love you,'

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Toshiro slipped his white captain's coat over his shoulders slowly, then put his blade on his back; it felt heavier then normal. He slid open the door to his chamber and stepped out onto the wooden pathway.

"Good morning captain," Rangiku said softly.

"You're on time today Rangiku, that's odd," Toshiro said walking down the path and she followed. "Are the other's ready to go?"

"They're already waiting at the gate to go into the living world," Rangiku said.

"Alright," Toshiro said. "Let's go," He vanished from his spot with an elegant flash step and Rangiku followed behind him, they didn't speak or slow until they got to the gate where the others were waiting. Toshiro nodded at Rangiku who stepped through the gate first.

Toshiro looked over his shoulder at the large hill where the broken execution stand still stood, then was the last through the gate, following the black butterfly into the living world.

"Welcome Hitsugaya-kun," Urahara said and Toshiro looked at him. "It's nice to have see captain after so long," the blond said waving his fan in front of his face.

"I'm fine," Toshiro said looking around the canyon like area.

"Very good," Urahara said. "Your gigai are waiting upstairs, but please feel free to stay down here if you'd like," Urahara addressed the others as well.

"Sure," Toshiro said.

"Captain, do you need anything?" Rangiku asked.

"No, I'll take first patrol as well," Toshiro said.

Rangiku blinked. "Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes," Toshiro said and vanished.

Rangiku frowned and rubbed her arm. "Don't worry, Hitsugaya's stronger then he looks Rangiku, you of all people should know that," Renji said and she looked at him.

"I'm not worried about his ability to fight," Rangiku said. Renji frowned.

"It wasn't your fault," Renji said.

"I still can't help but feel responsible though," Rangiku said tightening the grip on her elbow and her brows furrowed.

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Toshiro stopped standing on the edge of a water tower and finally took a breath. He scanned around the town that was quickly growing dark as the sun began to set, casting light purple and orange streaks across the sky. Toshiro looked up at the colors for a while, watching them fade darker and dark until they vanished and stars dusted the sky.

******Memory******

"What do ya' mean 'Shiro?" A voice said cooly behind Toshiro's ear. "Why say thin's li' tha'?"

"I don't know," Toshiro replied honestly, moving his hands over the arms that were wrapped strongly around his slim waist.

"Well, then don' say 'em," Lips brushed against the back of Toshiro's ear and he closed his eyes. " 'M neva lettin' go 'Shiro, don' worry,"

"I love you Gin," Toshiro said quietly as Gin's lips traveled down his neck to suckle softly at the junction of neck and shoulder.

" Love ya too 'Shiro," Gin whispered.

Toshiro looked back at the sunset and smiled softly. Gin made their hips sway in time with the soft music that played in the seireitei, they had snuck away to be alone, watch the fire works. Gin hummed still planting soft kisses against the back of Toshiro's slender neck. Toshiro felt so calm, so safe in those arms wrapped around him, protected against the chest, he didn't have to hide. Didn't have to hold anything back, Toshiro closed his eyes leaning his head back and Gin's lips found his, and they kissed slowly and softly.

********End*********

Toshiro opened his eyes his chest growing tight from how stupid he had been then, to have opened himself up, he could've laughed now, seeing how easily he had let himself be blinded by affection that turned out to nearly get him killed. 'How stupid... how pathetic.... how childish....' Toshiro thought. '... I shouldn't have been that childish.... If I hadn't been... I could've seen it... seen the knife pressed against my back.... pathetic....'

Toshiro gritted his teeth and turned to where he sensed a hollow and headed towards it, but when he got there, it wasn't a hollow he saw. Toshiro lost his footing as he slid to a stop, bending down so his fingers grazed the grass. He fell back panting hard and looked up at the man dressed in white standing at the line of trees.

The man turned and looked at Toshiro who jumped to his feet and lunged drawing his sword, but when he swung his blade down, the white haired man was gone, and in his place just the simple hollow who gave a loud howl as it vanished. Toshiro stepped back feeling tears well in his eyes, and dropped to his knees and dropped his blade at his side, putting his hands out in front of him as he leaned forward and screamed as tears fell on his cold hands. He punched the ground until his fist turned bloody and finally the storm in his mind settled, but he still didn't move from his place, staring down at the blades of grass that moved under his heavy breathing.

'Damn it...... damn it... damn it!' Toshiro repeated in his head and closed his eyes tightly. 'Gin....' Toshiro began to shake again and threw his head back and screamed again. "GIN!!!!!"

Toshiro slowly pushed himself onto his feet, picking his blade up numbly, it sliced into the damp dirty and slowly he sheathed it. He looked down at his hands, they were shaking badly and blood dripped from his knuckles, and his skin was bruised. He closed his large sorrowful eyes and let his hands fall limply to his sides.

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End of Chapter One

So here we are, at the end of the short chapter that shows how emo Toshiro Hitsugaya is.... it's so sad really, I even felt bad writing it. But it's not supposed to be happy. So don't hate me.

Thanks for reading, please review and comment.

ConstantSnow