PTSD

(IF YOU HAVE NOT READ "ULTERIOR MOTIVES", DO NOT READ THIS FIC!)

It happened again...

John sat awake in his bed, perspiration dripping from his face and arms. His breath heavy and his vision blurry. He had that dream again.

He could almost see his AI companion's eyes glistening in raw hatred, the red pupils staring down at his blue ones, and the insane laughter that rang through his ears as she cut away at his being.

He shivered, remembering her hysterical crying and the cleaver, hitting his ankle giving off a loud *SMACK* as it connected with the bone. Nightmares, they happened a lot to the war hero, but this was unlike anyone he had ever had. Mostly, these dreams were about his comrades, the war, gunfire, and his former "family" the Spartan IIs. Never were they about his only true companion and friend, Cortana. He trusted her with his life through each battle, she trusted him with her piece of mind. Their connection didn't stop off the battlefield, they had a relationship with each other only few could obtain.

Was it a loving relationship? Or a friendly one? To bystanders, it was all speculations. But ever since John started having these horrid dreams, his outlook on his friend began to change. It started changing before that, actually.

Ever since he was told Cortana was going rampant, he starting looking at her differently. He didn't listen at first, saying he would protect her no matter the cost. But the scientists weren't worried about her safety, they were worried about his. They told him a bunch of horror stories about rampant AIs and their owners, how the computer turns against the creator in gruesome ways. John thought about what we was told for awhile. In his right mind he knew that Cortana would never hurt him. But, the stories were convincing. And he knew those scientists didn't tell him those things to spook him, they were warning him. But, what could she do anyways? She was a hologram, she couldn't touch him. Yet, she did have access to his armor's main functions and could lock up the suit itself. She could hurt him if she wanted to. But would she?

This was about the time John decided to take a nap, these life or death thoughts were killing him and sort of scaring him. He just couldn't imagine Cortana being so evil.

But, that's when he had that dream. That awful, terrifying, dream. He thoughts started to change, and his opinion on the situation started to shift.

But the dreams only got worse. Some he wasn't even in. But Cortana was in all of them. Killing innocent people, violently. One dream left him mortified, because he was joining in on the act. It left him sick to his stomach. What could he do to escape these dreams?!

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Cortana had noticed something different about John. He seemed...jumpier. More paranoid and scared of his surroundings. No one besides her noticed, and when she brought it up to him, he gave her a short answer and dashed off. She sat there, puzzled. Finally connecting the pieces she realized, he was scared of her. "Why would he be scared of me though?" She thought aloud, "What did I do wrong?" Ever since they returned and he talked to those scientists he kept acting stranger and stranger.
Would he still act like this after she was transferred over into her fresh, new body? The concept of being "alive" excited her, but all these thoughts about her former recipient worried her. Having the ability to be solid gave her the chance to show him how she really felt. But, how could she do it if he was still so jumpy after the transfer?
"I just hope he's as happy as I am."

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John knew about the transfer, it terrified him. In those dreams, Cortana was human. She was a living being and pretended to love him. Then she turned into this vile, cruel woman, and broke him down to tears.
He wanted to be happy about the transfer, the thought of being with the one he loved thrilled him. To kiss her lips, to feel her skin, to wrap his arms around her, all possible.
But these dreams and thoughts had warped all those fantasies into thoughts of horror.
To stab him with a knife, to burn his flesh with a branding iron, to break him down to nothing.
"It's only a matter of time 'till all that's possible..." He told himself, "I- just can't shake these feelings."
"She going to kill you, she's crazy and you know that." His thoughts were interrupted by a voice in his head.
"What? She wouldn't do that."

"Oh, don't be so naive. You heard what those spooks told you, didn't you?"

"That's only now, when she turns human she'll be fine."

"She won't be fine. She'll be worse. She might ask you for a nice screwing session in the hall closet, when really, she's just luring you into a trap."

"She would never-"

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"John, who are you talking to?"

His conversation with himself was interrupted by the little blue hologram on the pedestal next to his bed.

"n-No one."

Cortana put her hands on her hips, "Well, I heard something going on in here. Are you sure you're okay?" John turned around away from her, "Yes, i'm fine." He began to walk away, but she stopped him.
"You're happy about the transfer aren't you?"

John gulped, "Yes, just a little scared...for you." He opened the door,

"What is there to be scared- *SLAM!*...about..."

Cortana was left alone in the room, she sat down, thinking to herself. "I just want to know what's wrong..."

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The night before the transfer, John had another dream about the rampant AI. The morning of, he barely could get out of bed, but the scientists assured him he should be in the room during the transfer.
Everything went according to plan, to John's dismay. But, they wouldn't allow the two to leave the facility just yet. They had a room set up for them, big enough to be a small apartment. As the newly redesigned Cortana and John walked into the room, her eyes lit up. "It's got everything! A kitchen, a living room, and...one...bedroom..." She said the last two words in a worried tone. Did they except her and him to sleep in the same bed? She looked up at him to see if he had the same reaction.

None. Not a glimpse of emotion was on his face. He had acted like a zombie all day.

Cortana scoffed and entered the bedroom. John stayed glued to the spot, staring at the kitchen cabinet, and the container of knives, all wickedly sharp.

"Imagine all the things she could do with those..." The voice in his head started to talk again.

"All the appendages she could cut off...not that you're using it anyways." John growled softly, hurt by the last part of that sentence. "Just shut up."

"Why?" The voice spoke again, "I speak the truth, and that's all. You're dead, Chief. Simple as that."

John jumped as he heard the door behind him open. He could hear Cortana talking, "Look at this cute dress they put in our, -er in mean the, closet!" She stepped out in a beautiful blue sequin dress, and twirled around in it happily. John could feel his pulse jump. It was THE dress. The one she wore in the dream. The one she covered in blood. HIS blood. "Well lookie what she found..."

"They even left this note on it, "Dear C, I hope you like this dress we picked out for you and Johnny boy's first night together. Hope you two have tons of "fun". But not too much, remember we live across from you, so don't be too loud?!" What are those guys implying?! We're not ...together..."
She trailed off, giving John and longing look. "We're aren't together...are we John?" He looked away from her, wanting to say "yes" but fearful enough to say "no".

"Well?" She moved closer to him, causing John to back up. "I, um-, uh-"
Eventually she had him backed up against the counter top, "Just tell me, please. Even if the answer's no."
John's eyes darted back and forth, then that voice started talking again. "Well Johnny boy, the crazy bitch wants an answer, give it to her. Say no, stab her in the back and run."
"...no.
"Do it, Chief!"
"...i said no."
"NOW!"
Cortana looked at him confused, "John? Are you okay?"
"'Kill her before she kills you!"
John still refused.
"KILL HER!"
She placed her hands at his hips, and gazed at him worriedly. "...John?"
Feeling her hands made his adrenaline spike and he grabbed the knife behind him.
"DO IT-
NOW!"

"NOOO!" But, it was too late. Almost out out of reflex, he grabbed the knife and jammed it into Cortana's back. Slowly, she fell to the floor, blood pooling around the spot where she lay. She gave John a look that he could only read as "Why?", then collapsed back down. John removed the knife and sat on the floor, "What have I done?" He tossed to the knife in the sink and moved to the corner. "...she's gone...I killed her...she didn't do anything wrong...why did I..?" He trailed off. He gazed over at her, she was still breathing. She jumped up from his spot on the ground and pushed the room's PANIC button near the stove. He feel back down to the ground and placed Cortana's hands in his. What could he do now besides wait? John then felt a warm droplet fall off his cheek and onto the floor.
A tear.
It had been so long since he cried. But nothing was stopping him now...
Softly, he sobbed. Hoping whatever god that was up there would keep the one he loved alive, and that she would not have to pay for his fatal mistake.

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Minutes later, the facilities's medical team broke down the door. All they saw was a woman in a blue dress, lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, presumed dead. And a man, in the corner of the kitchen, his pants spotted with blood, his body shivering, and his face wet with tears. They could only assume what took place that night.

John was brought into the medical facilities Psch Ward to speak to the one of the orderlies, while Cortana was taken to the ER. He told the truth, he stabbed her in the back, and she fell to the floor.
The orderly looked at him, his older eyes glistening. "I believe you, sir. I'm just curious what made you harm the young lady. You fought in the Halo campaign, did you not?" John nodded, and the man continued, "Would you say that maybe being in those battles would've left you scarred?" John groaned, not this again. He already had this conversation with many other spooks and he said the same thing each time, he's-not-crazy.
"I believe you just have a simple case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD for short. Most veterans have it, it's very common."
John shook his head, "I'm fine...I just want to see if Cortana's alright." The orderly shook his head, "I'm sorry, John. We can't trust you to be around her. You'll have to wait." But John wasn't the patient type. In a instant, he pushed his chair against the wall, and stormed out of the orderly's office.
He ran to the front desk at the ER, and the woman directed him to one of the back rooms, afraid of what he would do if she didn't comply.

He opened the door slowly. Cortana was lying on the bed, her eyes half opened. The monitor next to her made a steady beeping. She was alive. Taking a huge sigh of relief, he sat down on the bed next to her. She sat up slowly, and gazed at him. He looked into her eyes, she wasn't afraid or upset. She looked, worried. "...john?"

John looked away from her, "I don't know why I did that..." She placed her hand on his, "Are you okay?"

He stared at her, how could she be worried about him? She just got stabbed by him less than an hour ago!
"I'm fine, but what about you?"
She gave him a sad smile, "I'm fine as well, the doctor's are saying you didn't mean to hurt me. That you might have-"

"PTSD, I know." He interrupted. "I'm not crazy."

She laughed softly, "I know, but sane people don't stab other people."

"Well, to be honest. I did it because I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

John then told Cortana why he had be so paranoid and jumpy around her. About the dreams, the rampancy horror stories, everything. When he was done, she just sat there, wide-eyed.

"...Cortana?"

*SLAP!*
"OW! What was that for?!"

Cortana looked at him angrily, "That's for acting all paranoid and jumpy just because of some stupid dream! I was worried SICK about you for Christ's sake! And all this time it was some stupid scenario you made up in your head?!"

"Look, it was pretty believable an-MMPH!"

She interrupted him by forcing a kiss on his lips. She broke away then said softly, "I'd never do anything like that, no matter how crazy I might get. I'd never hurt you."

John smiled at her softly, "I wouldn't either...I love you."
"I love you too." She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. He did the same, and kissed her on the forehead.

"But, you really are crazy."

"...you're worse than those freaking doctors."

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