Seddie: Year One

Chapter One: Poorly Dressed Nug Nugs… and Inflammable Hotdogs

Carly and Spencer's Appartment:

"Hey Spencer! I need a signature from a parent or guardian!" Carly was in the iCarly set filling out her Ridgeway Sports Festival forms while Spencer was working downstairs on a new Labradoodle sculpture for the wife of that one rich bald guy whose name currently escapes her. Freddie and Sam were supposed to be meeting her about which events to sign up for, but they were both late. Which wasn't unusual for either of them since Freddie would sometimes drag his feet fearing Sam and sometimes Sam would be late simply because she was too lazy. However, at least one of them was usually on time, which led to more credence to Carly's current theory about the two.

"Either they are experimenting or full-blown dating, and I can't really figure out which." Spencer hadn't answered her previous calling, which meant he must be making pretty good progress. Carly was about to postpone the signature when she heard Spencer's cry.

"Ahh come on! Not again! I managed a whole 2 weeks this time!" Carly ran down the stairs to see the situation only to find Spencer slapping at a Labradoodle sculpture currently in flames. Some wiring and AA batteries laying around the table caused Carly to speculate another disastrous electrical wiring problem in the sculpture. Spencer was trying to smother the flames with a towel in futility, but Carly ran to the closet where she had stocked enough extinguishers to make a firefighter proud. Grabbing the extinguisher she quickly smothered the fire. Spencer threw up his arms in exasperation.

"I don't know what to say."

"I was going to go for a bad hotdog joke, but I don't think the situation calls for it." Carly put the extinguisher back into the closet and sat down next to Spencer as he mourned for his latest artwork.

"I don't know how it happened. I even bought this new aerosol spray that's supposed to apply a new protective coating to my pieces. I made sure the can said 'inflammable' so I could use it on my sculptures with possible fire hazards." Spencer held up the can closer to Carly's face so she could see the minuscule safety text on the back. "See, it says 'inflammable,' not 'flammable.'"

"Spencer, 'flammable' and 'inflammable' both refer to substances that will burn."

Spencer stared at Carly skeptically. "Then why have two different words? What's the difference?"

Carly sighed, wondering once more why she was on the giving and not the receiving end of this safety conversation. "If something burns, it's called flammable. 'Inflammable' mean something is very flammable."

Spencer drooped backwards on the couch. "Ugh, English is stupid. Now I know why I doodled my way through that class all through high school." Carly was saved from further conversation by a knock on the door, quickly followed by a opening of the unlocked door.

Freddie… Only Freddie would knock and then enter without waiting for the door.

"Sam is insane!" Freddie was red in the face from what must have been a recent shouting match since Sam followed slowly behind with a look of disinterest as she made her way subtlety towards the Shays' refrigerator.

Doesn't her mother EVER feed her?

"Oh, according to Carly that means she's 'very' sane." Freddie shook his head in a quick double take as he stared at Spencer. Then he looked at the smoldered Labradoodle before adding, "What happened?"

"Never mind. What's up?" Carly didn't want to explain her vocabulary lesson.

"Sam signed me up for EVERY possible event at the sports festival. I won't have a breather for seven straight hours."

Carly looked over at Sam accusingly. "How did you get his mom's signature?"

"Oh, I forged it, along with Freddie's. Believe me, I've gotten really good at the whole forging thing. I think I'm better at writing my mom's signature than she is."

"Wait, why did you sign up Freddie for every potential event?"

Sam shrugged, but it was surprisingly Freddie who answered, and Carly quickly made a mental note of that in her head. "Apparently Sam wants us to all walk home with a medal since its now an iCarly thing. She can't enter any of the guy events so to put it in her words 'we're going to have to make up quality with quantity.'" Freddie collapsed before moaning. "I'm so doomed."

Carly couldn't help but see one flaw in this plan. "Wait, what about me. I'm not exactly cream of the crop athletically either."

Sam had found a club sandwich and answered her in-between chews (with her mouth full, expectedly) "We've… got… the…" Sam swallowed, "Three-legged race, and believe me, we've got that in the bag. There is no girls' pair who can beat us."

"What they really need is an eating contest. Sam could win that in her sleep. Literally, in fact. I've seen it. I didn't know it was physically possible to chew AND snore at the same time." Sam in response quickly threw a pillow in his face, only to have Freddie catch on reflex.

"Ha, this time I've…" *Whoof* Freddie was stalled from finishing his taunt when a second pillow quickly smothered his face. This was followed by a triumphant smile on Sam as she returned to her sandwich. Carly couldn't help but notice that Freddie's punishment was relatively mild compared to usual.

Freddie and Sam continue to bicker all the way up the stairs, while Carly could only watch in contemplation, not particularly paying attention to the individual comments being said as much the general tone. She almost forgot Spencer was there.

"That's weird. Their bickering has gone from… hateful siblings to…"

"Old married couple?" Carly suggested.

"I was going to say 'not-so-hateful siblings' but that works too." Carly sighed, Spencer was the best brother in the entire world, but he still was pretty dense with his boy-brain.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

In the iCarly studio:

Freddie was still staring at his sports events schedule in disbelief, imagining the horrid hatred his muscles will have for him by the end of the day. Meanwhile, Sam was doodling on a notepad next to him trying to explain a new training schedule or something. "Okay, so we have a week till the sports festival. That means we're going to have to train day-in and day-out to get you ready. Okay, first we have to get in the morning runs with a 3-mile minimum…"

"Sam, can we do this tomorrow? I personally think that it would be great if I could outrun Chris Hammond in a footrace or stand a chance in a strength-based contest with one of the wrestlers, but let's be realistic here."

"No, we need every minute we have. I thought we could start off with sit-ups after rehearsal and work our way…"

Freddie inwardly sighed at the fact that Sam was trying so hard to evict him from the land of losers and the athletically-challenged. It was sweet, in a way, but Freddie really wished she could just accept the fact that he wasn't meant to compete in contests of speed and strength. Most importantly, there was no way he could train today. He had other plans, plans that were supposed to include Sam, but to be honest Freddie was still so terrified of her reaction that he had still put off telling her.

"…not to mention food. We have put in more protein, way more protein…"

"Sam, wait. I really can't do this today. I was planning on going to a Galaxy Wars Convention right after rehearsal."

Sam shrugged, not even looking up from her scribbling. "So, just skip it."

Freddie sighed. Here goes nothing. "Sam. Try to understand. I haven't missed a Galaxy Wars Convention hosted in the state of Washington since my mom has allowed me to see the movies."

"So… that would be two years?"

"Point is. This is really important to me, and… I was kind of hoping you would come with?"

Sam stopped her pencil mid-stroke. "Oh." A few seconds of awkward silence commenced as Sam processed this. "Is it really that important?"

"Yeah, I was thinking we could both go dressed up in some cosplay and it would be our first 'public' date as a couple. You know, with other people around."

"Ummm… okaaaaay," Sam started blinking rapidly and Freddie could swear he could hear the gears turning in her head. "Do we really… I mean… Well, if it really means that much to you. I guess I could go."

"That's great! So after rehearsal, we'll both head home and get dressed, and I'll pick you up in an hour. After that we'll head over to the convention. It's in Seattle this year, so we'll be there in no time. Plus, I have triple-A Alpha Titanium membership passes to the Galaxy Wars fan club so we'll even be able to skip the bulk of the waiting line. We'll be Galaxy War VIPs!"

Sam threw up her fists half-heartedly and gave them a little shake for emphasis. "Yay…" The sound of the elevator came up shortly there after and Carly walked into the studio with two new stapled packets of paper and handed one to Sam. The paper had that soothing warm feeling of paper fresh from the printer.

"Okay, I just finished printing the new script, and I decided to change the usual pace and we should try something completely new."

Sam sighed sarcastically. "You know me. I love trying 'completely new things,'" and gave a quick sarcastic glance towards Freddie without him seeing.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

Right outside Sam's home, an hour after the iCarly rehearsal:

Freddie had just gotten to what to be one of the shadiest looking neighborhoods in the Seattle area. The whole area just had the vibe of "unclean." It made Freddie want to run home, lock himself in his room, and play World of Wizardry for a really long time. The massive multiplayer online role-playing game had a recent expansion pack that Freddie had barely gotten to touch since it came out. He was reminded why he had ignored the digitally-addictive game when Sam appeared out her door.

She was wearing… what looked like a red cheerleading costume with heavy dark tones blended in to make for an overall… evil cheerleader look. The outfit only looked more ridiculous as Sam had added to her hairstyle two little meatball-size buns onto the top of her head in a look that would have made Princess Leera of the Original Trilogy very proud. She was just about to close the door when she turned around one last time and shouted, "And no Mom! I am not going out to sell my body!"

Sam slammed the door, and closed her eyes before silently counting to five. She then opened her eyes to a curious-looking Freddie.

"Hey Freddie," Sam looked closer and saw that Freddie was wearing what looked like a dirty brown robe that seemed to have been stolen from a homeless person.

The two of them inevitably spoke at once. "What are you wearing?"

Freddie responded first. "I… am a Nug Nug, one of the famed protectors of the galaxy. I fight evil and injustice, wield amazing mind powers, and possess a highly technologically advanced lasersword that can cut through anything."

"Wait… wait… You own a super-techno-thingie that can cut through anything and you can't even afford a decent wardrobe. Are the Nug Nugs idiots or something?"

Freddie sighed, giving up what seemed to be another inevitable losing argument. "Nevermind… What are you again?"

Sam grabbed the edge of skirt and gave it a little toss for emphasis before commenting. "You said we're going to a Galaxy Wars convention. I'm going as a Space Cheerleader."

Freddie quickly blinked a few times to get some unwarranted imagery out of his head before he remembered how to speak. "Uhhhh… close enough. Let's go. If we stall any longer my mom is going to give me a tomato juice bath for being in such a gritty area for too long."

"Wait, so Galaxy Wars has evil-fighting hobos, but no cheerleaders? I swear, you geeks come from an alien species…"

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

At the Galaxy Wars Convention:

"Hey Freddie! Wow you've grown! I can't make that joke that you should come as an Y2P2 unit anymore." One of Freddie's convention buddies walked up looking like a giant walking carpet of hair. Following him was a short dome-headed robot that when Freddie looked closer could see little toddler feet coming out from below the costume. "As you can see, I am Chewbokka this year and my son is playing Y2P2, and who is this lovely young lady?"

"Oh Carl. This is my… girlfriend Sam. Sam this is Carl and his son Leon." Sam shook hands with Carl and then offered one to Leon, but after searching for an arm in his costume she gave up and just patted his dome.

"Freddie, is his kid supposed to be a portable trashcan or something? That's so mean." Sam whispered into his ear.

"So Sam. I must confess. I do not know what your costume is." Carl was apparently not the only one having trouble deciphering Sam's costume as a crowd of fanboys gathered round whispering guesses as to her character.

Sam shrugged and responded in a nonchalance manner. "Oh me? I decided to come dressed as a…"

Freddie thought fast. "She's Zorpox! The evil Left Foot assassin of the Dark Emperor. See her character only appears in a deleted scene from the alternate version of the Director's Cut of the novel adaptation for the original film. She's a big fan, and went all out for the convention." This was followed by a chorus of approving Oh's in the crowd before dispersing.

"Wow Freddie, I'm impressed. It's so hard to find a woman who shares this passion so enthusiastically. My wife gave up going to conventions with me five years ago."

"I know. Paul won't shut up about his girlfriend and how "supportive" she is of his hobby, even though none of us ever sees her. The guy needs an attitude adjustment. Can you believe he's gone as the Dark Emperor… again?! The size of his ego."

Freddie chimed in on the annoyingly arrogant Paul while Sam just looked back and forth at Freddie's world, never before feeling so alien. "I know. The guy's head is soooo big; I don't even the think the Doom Star itself could take it out." Everyone who heard the comment started laughing in unison while Sam just looked around in confusion. Freddie elbowed her in the side and whispered into her ear, "That was funny…"

Sam tried hard to hide a look of disbelief before bursting out in false laughter.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! My boyfriend is so…" Sam closed her eyes to prevent her from rolling them. "funny! Ha! He's such a funny guy."

"Well Freddie. I'm going to go see the new comics on display. It was a pleasure Sam, and Freddie. Be sure to bring your friend Carly next time. After all the things you've said, everyone wants to meet her." Sam turned a sharp eye at her boyfriend until he started to squirm.

"Did I mention you look amazing in that costume?" Freddie added weakly.

"No, actually. Did I mention you're not really that funny? Cute and caring yes, but not funny."

"No, you just didn't get the reference. You see…"

"I'm sure that I don't want to know Freddie." Sam suddenly saw a few guys making their way in the crowd towards her. The geekiest of them unfortunately seemed to have squirmed to her first.

"Hey, I heard Freddie brought a fangirl of Galaxy Wars! My name is Gerald! I love girls!"

"That's nice Gerald, and you're right. I love to memorize random facts and references of universes I actually don't exist in. It's a great way to spend my free time."

Freddie couldn't take this slow torture anymore, and moved in. "Gerald. I am going to go and have a chat with my girl-FRIEND. Okay? Bye." Freddie quickly took Sam's hand and pulled her towards a corner of the convention where he could talk without too many people staring at the random cheerleader among the crowd.

"Tell me the truth. You hate it, right?"

"Hate is a really strong word. I was going for… dislike, lots of dislike." Freddie face's dropped so fast that Sam suddenly felt guilty, as she realized she had probably disappointed him. "But I'm not bored. Definitely not bored!"

Freddie sighed in defeat. "Okay, let's go. I'm not going to be able to have fun if you're not having fun. Admittedly this may be moving too fas…"

"Was that Harrison Ford?!" Sam squealed as she saw one of the greatest actors of action adventure movies stroll by signing autographs. She tried to hold the excitement in, but started bouncing up and down, and Freddie exhaled in relief that the day wasn't a total failure.

"Sam. This is a convention, filled with fanboys and fangirls alike. You may scream."

"Ahhhhhhh! Harrison Ford! You were awesome in Pilfers of the Lost Ark!" Sam shot off like a bullet while quickly snagging an autograph pad and pen from unsuspecting bystanders in the crowd. Freddie realized that he may have made a horrible mistake and ran after her.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

Back in the Shay's apartment:

"Spencer! Help me clean! Chris Hammond is coming here, now! Oh why did I call him? Why did I call him?" Carly was in frantic mode, grabbing a vacuum and trying to get the soot off the couches from the earlier fire. "Oh and can you make snacks?! Everyone loves your snacks!"

"Carly, who is this Chris Hammond?" Spencer walked from his room where he had changed from his soot-filled clothing.

"My hopes and dreams! Now cook!" Spencer shrugged in amusement and walked over to the kitchen. He had known for a while now that cute tall boys were Carly's kryptonite, making her almost completely incomprehensible. He would have to break out that "Just be yourself" speech soon before the poor girl hurts herself.

A ring of the doorbell produced a frantic scream from Carly as she quickly grabbed an armful of items from the living room table and threw them into a closet before running to the door. She opened it to see Chris Hammond's glorious face. Before she knew what was happening she had let go of the door and could only watch as it slowly began to close itself. Shaking herself out of the trance she stuck out her foot and caught before it slammed in Chris' face.

"Ha, see. I caught the foot with my door." Chris had a look of confusion but decided to go with it as he walked in.

"Thanks for inviting me over. Is it true that iCarly is covering the sports festival? I think it's so cool you're entering."

"I just can't believe you're a millisecond away from breaking the school's 100-meter-dash record. I mean, you're going to be the fastest student of Ridgeway… ever."

"Thanks. I try." Carly led Chris to the couch.

"I'm going to go change into something more pleasing. Please enjoy the television as my brother provides snacks." Mentally hitting herself in the head, Carly walked up the stairs as Chris turned on the TV.

"Dude! Harrison Ford is getting attacked by some random cheerleader!." Carly, never one for lack of curiousity walked back over to the television to get a better look, and gasped in horror."

"Hey Carly, doesn't that girl look like your friend Sam?"

"Yes, though I'm sure that's just a coincidence." Chris turned up the volume on the television to hear the reporter's live coverage.

"What started as a normal peaceful Galaxy Wars convention has turned into a battle for Harrison Ford's life as his guards struggle with what appears to be an unrelenting cheerleader."

"What do you think she is cosplaying as Jody?"

"I have told that she was going to the convention as… Zorpox? Are you sure? …Zorpox, Mike, she is apparently Zorpox, the evil Left Foot assassin of the Dark Emperor. A character that only appears in a deleted scene from the alternate version of the Director's Cut of the novel adaptation for the original film."

"Wait we have more activity… Jody are you getting this?"

"Yes, it appears that a brave Nug Nug from the crowd has jumped into the scene to help pacify the unknown Zorpox."

Chris Hammond started snickering to himself as mayhem continued on the television. "Hey Carly, doesn't that one guy look like your friend Freddie. Man, I'd so hope my friends weren't so crazy…"

Carly could only continue to stare. "Well… I'm sure it's just a… Oh! They're going through a thing right now! Okay?! Give my friends a break! Even though they attack famous celebrities on television for the whole world to see…"

"Wow! There goes three Chewbokkas! A Dark Emperor! Ooooh even a platoon of Stormsoldiers can't stop the mighty Zorpox. It looks like the smart Harrison Ford has relented and produced an autograph for the triumphant girl. Yup, it looks like the mayhem is over as Zorpox and a Nug Nug are fleeing the scene with their goals fulfilled. Well Mike, all I can say is that after today, the popularity of the previously obscure character of Zorpox will be known to all."

Carly sagged into the couch, not caring that Chris just performed the most obvious 'arm-around-the-shoulders' move in the entire planet. She was too mentally exhausted to care. Chris added finally after a long silence. "Dude Carly, your friends are such crazy wackos, but they sure make for awesome television."

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

End of Chapter 1.

Next Chapter: Peer Pressure

Next Chapter Preview: Sam feels that she should tell her circle of friends about her new boyfriend Freddie after he made the first step in publicizing their relationship. Meanwhile Freddie tries to break the news to Gibby and Jeremy. However, telling people may be harder than it seems…

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

A/N: Just in case someone didn't know. Cosplay is short for "costume play" and refers to those people that dress up as fictional characters, found usually in plentiful amount at any fan convention. (Anime cosplayers being the most stereotypical example because of the ridiculousness of the costumes they try to emulate.)

A/N/N:Decently long chapter update! Yay!

I got a traffic ticket. Boo!

Realizing that I have to walk everywhere from now on. *collapse*

Please review if only to make my bad day feel better…