Chapter 1 – Innocent Exile

Hillwood Junior High, Hillwood, Washington

February 2020

"Finally, it's the weekend," a football headed teen said as he opened his locker, "at least with all this testing there isn't any homework, so I can relax a bit."

Arnold shuffled his desired books between the locker and his backpack as he prepared himself to go home. There were times he still couldn't believe he was already in 8th grade and with just a blink he could find himself heading into high school. It seemed like yesterday that he and his friends were at P.S. 118 and he thanked his lucky stars that they all managed to stay close friends. Sure they may have all found their own activities they shared in common with other people, but they made it a pact to never let the culture of school cliques drive them apart.

And there was one more thing that he was extremely blessed to have in his life.

"Hey, Football Head," said a tall blonde girl as she walking up to him, "ready to blow this pop stand? Testing this week has left me exhausted and I just wanna crawl in bed and never leave it."

"You don't have to tell me twice, Helga," replied Arnold as he placed his last book in the locker.

If someone were to have told 9 year old Arnold that he would one day call Helga G. Pataki, the iron-fisted, pink-bowed bully of the 4th grade, his girlfriend, he would've said they needed to be committed. But just shy of 3 years ago in the jungles of San Lorenzo, Arnold finally saw behind the curtain the fierce, passionate and loyal person that Helga was. And with her help to get him here and rescue his long-lost parents from the Sleeping Sickness, how could he not fall head-over-heels for her?

Of course when they first started dating, Helga was still trying to protect her reputation and Arnold completely respected her feelings for that. But it quickly became redundant hiding their relationship from everyone else as being subtle was next to impossible. Surprisingly though, the rest of gang really didn't have a problem with it, minus some light-hearted teasing.

She still wore her iconic pink bow with her pigtails, but every so often would wear it around her neck when she felt like wearing her hair down. Gone, though, was her equally pink dress in exchange for a grey hoodie, pink shirt and blue jeans. Arnold's attire remained relatively the same as it had been, with the only differences being the variety in colors of his plaid shirts and his teal sweater in favor of his blue jacket. The one thing that would never change, however, was his prized blue hat that was mounted on his wide head.

"So, you and Tall-Hair Boy gonna do your weekly Checkers game like the two old men you are?" Helga teased.

"Not this week," Arnold chuckled, "Gerald made other plans."

"Phoebe made plans to. If I didn't know better, I'd say they're trying to make up for Valentine's Day since Phoebe was so wrapped up in studying and drove Gerald-o nuts."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Arnold chuckled again, "If you're not doing anything at your place, you can eat dinner at my place. We're having Mexican tonight and Mom's making her burritos and Grandma's stuffed peppers."

"Oh, hell yes!" Helga fist-pumped and she suddenly began to composed herself.

"Oooooh, burrito. Burrito. I'll never let you go my little burrito! Burrito, burrito, buriiiiiito, it's such a long way to go for me to eat you!"

Once finished singing, Helga turned to see Arnold with an astonished look on his face, not expecting her to do that.

"What?" Helga grinned, "You're looking at me like I suddenly turned pink, grew a second pair of arms, wings, and a tail and a third eye."

"Interesting…description," Arnold blinked, "but no, I just didn't expect you to break into song there and with a good voice. Though, I gotta say, you watch way too much 'Star vs. The Forces of Evil'."

"Well excuse me for me for making a reference to my favorite cartoon while thinking about delicious burritos, Arnold-o," Helga said as she playfully shoved him, "sue me."

Arnold just laughed as he grabbed a hold of her hand and kissed it, "Never change, Helga."

"You're such a football head," she sighed lovingly.

"I love you, too."


Hillwood University

"If there's one benefit of being in the jungle, there are no papers to grade," Miles chuckled as he began another stack, "but this helps pay the bills."

For the first 6 months after finally returning from San Lorenzo, Miles and Stella used that time to both reconnect with their son and adapt to the culture shock of the city. But by the start of the following year, Miles decided that the best way to put his Anthropology degree to work and help his mom and pop run the boarding house would be to apply for a cultural studies teaching position at the university. Stella meanwhile was hired at the local hospital, which quickly gained her a substantial reputation with her highly skilled medical expertise in disease research. Granted it wasn't as thrilling as being on actual expeditions, but given what he and his wife had already been through it was a much needed change.

Miles took a pause from grading and glanced over at a picture frame on his desk. It was the first photo of the whole family reunited after San Lorenzo. He smiled for a moment observing Arnold hugging a surprised yet smiling Helga, but then he soon frowned.

"I will always regret walking out that front door, Arnold," he said to no one in particular, "Your mom and I missed so much and look at you now, you'll soon be entering high school."

His eyes then shifted to Helga.

"Stella and I are forever in debt to you, Helga," he continued, "I don't think there will ever be enough 'thank yous' that will compensate for what you did for our family."

His thoughts were soon broken with a knock on his classroom door. This surprised him as he wasn't expecting anyone until his afternoon class.

"Come in," he said.

The door opened revealing an overweight man dressed in a black sweater vest and pants.

"Um, Dr. Miles Shortman, I presume?" said the man in a British accent.

"Yes," Miles answered, "Can I help you?"

"Oh jolly good," smiled the man shaking his hand, "how do you do? Seymour Hately."


Sunset Arms

The walk from school wasn't as smooth as Arnold and Helga initially thought as they found themselves instead bolting inside the old brick building from a freezing rain that appeared halfway on the trek there. Before anyone could get a 'hello' out of them, they raced to the fireplace to dry and thaw out.

"Cold out there, Short Man?" Phil teased, "told ya you should've brought an umbrella today."

"G-Grandpa," Arnold shivered while sending him an annoyed look.

"Oh I'm just pushing your buttons, Short Man. Your mom's got some hot cocoa ready in the kitchen. I'll fetch you and your little lady friend a cup."

"Thanks Phil," Helga grinned smugly.

"And stop calling me Phil!", he called back, which gave the young couple a good laugh.

About a few hours later, Stella and Gertie began to serve up dinner, while everyone talked about their day. Stella had predicted that Helga would be joining them, so she prepared more food than usual. Which she didn't mind at all, as Helga was a regular guest at the dinner table. Heck, she might as well be a member of the family at that point.

"So you guys," said Miles, "how was school?"

"Better than the rest of the week," Helga huffed, "I speak for everyone when I say we were going stir crazy with all this stupid state testing."

"She's not wrong," agreed Arnold, "on the upside, no homework or anything this weekend, so we can all do something if you're not busy."

"Tomorrow I think both your mom and I are free," smiled Miles, "Sunday I have a meeting, but other that, I'm game for anything."

"What meeting?" asked Stella, as she sat down at the table.

"Oh somebody from some archeology project in Egypt came into my classroom today and wanted to discuss some things," Miles replied.

This caused Arnold to freeze and a worried look crossed his face.

"Don't worry, Arnold," his father assured, "they're not asking me to go there. He just wanted to talk about giving presentations in my classes. This meeting is just to get the details ironed out."

Arnold, and everyone else for that matter, gave a huge sigh of relief. They for sure did not want to go through all that again.

"Well, enough of all the small talk," Helga quickly said as she grabbed a napkin, "Bring on the burritos!"

"The girl with the caterpillar on her face is right," said Oskar as he reached for the food, "let's dig….OW!"

"No stinking way, you bum!" shouted Ernie after he swatted Oksar's hand with his own, "for that little insult to Helga, you get yours last!"

"And no seconds!" agreed Mr. Hyunh, "I don't know how you are still able to live here after Suzie left! You're still not a good person!"

As the three men continued their shouting match, the rest of the family just continued eating.

Just another night at Sunset Arms.


Meanwhile, a city bus was making its way across town. One particular passenger sat towards the back as he watched the city buildings pass by. His long brown hair was tied into a short ponytail and his prison attire was traded for a black hoodie and jeans. A large backpack accompanied him, filled with fresh clothes and supplies provided by his mysterious new employer.

"Everything is still standing," Clint said to himself, "surprised the whole block hasn't been turned into a shopping mall. Almost feels like I was never gone."

'Almost, right.'

"Sunset Arms," called the bus driver. Clint then gathered his things and quickly stepped off. A wave of both nostalgia and cringe came over him as found himself on the stoop.

"Even this dump is still here," he said, "I don't get why Blubber-Boy is having me stay here. They're just gonna slam the door in my face. That or Pop sold it and moved to Florida."

He stared at the green wooden door for a few more minutes, trying to comprehend that his exile from there would hopefully be over. "Well, here goes nothing."

As the residents of the boarding house continued eating, a loud knock was heard on the front door.

"Now who could that be at this hour?" Miles said as he got up to answer it. When he did, his face went instantly pale as he saw a face he swore to himself he would never see again, so long as he continued to live and breathe.

"Hey Little Bro, what's shaking? Can a guy get a room?"


A/N: And thus the first full chapter to this story is complete. See if you can spot the little nods to "A Slice of Life" by CallMeNettie and "Body Issues" by Kryten. Give both of those stories a read!

I am very surprised by all the positive feedback on the prologue and that there are people interested in where this goes. As I've stated, updates will be semi-slow, but I will try to post more frequently than I want to.

This chapter is named after the song "Innocent Exile" off Iron Maiden's 1981 album, "Killers".