My Idea

Trust Nikki to be late the one day that I actually needed to speak to her about something important. She came waltzing in at 11, not a hair out of place and ridiculously joyful looking. In contrast, I hadn't even bothered combing my hair after my morning shower and the bags drooped down below my eyes, which were probably a little bloodshot too.

"You look like crap," She kindly pointed out as she settled down at her desk. I placed my head in my hands and groaned.

"I need a girlfriend." I heard her giggle a little before getting her laptop out.

"Keeping up with all the different names final driven you insane?"

"Shut up," I raised my head, instantly regretting it as soon as I did. Another pang of jealousy hit me as I made contact with her bright, wide-awake eyes. "I am in dire need of help."

"I only have one single friend at the moment, and she bats for the other team, but I guess you could try your luck." Really? Was it necessary for her to smile like that? Could she not see my despair?

"I told my Mum I was bringing my girlfriend to that stupid wedding." Nikki was well aware of the wedding situation by then, she had suggested giving Mum some lemon juice cocktail that supposedly made you lose your voice.

"What girlfriend?" I raised my eyebrows at her, she was being spectacularly slow. "You told your mother you had a girlfriend?" She laughed.

"I'm glad you find it amusing."

"Sorry, but Harry, come on," She broke her sentence to have another laughing fit. "Only you could do that."

"Shut up. I need you to help,"

"How on earth am I meant to help?"

"You've got friends, haven't you?" She was still smiling, and I think trying to hold back laughter. Bitch. "What about Jenny? You said she thought I was 'totally hot'!"

"Julie?"

"That one,"

"That was a year ago Harry, she's engaged now, somehow I don't think Tom would be overly happy with her spending a weekend sharing a bed with someone 'totally hot'."

"You must have other single friends,"

"As I said previously, no I don't,"

"Well, maybe the lesbian wouldn't mind just pretending,"

"I think she's in Geneva with work,"

"Great." I hit my head against the desk.

"Nikki!" Leo called. "Anderson case!"

"Keep thinking," She grinned at me, then stood up and left, almost bouncing her way towards the mortuary. I really hated how energetic she was.

She came back after lunch and we began brainstorming. I'd drunk about 6 cups of coffee, so was considerably more awake, although I could hardly have been described as lively.

"Just tell her you broke up,"

"Then I'll have a whole weekend of 'Why did you break up?', 'Who broke up with who?', 'Got your eye on anyone else'..."

"Ok, I get the picture." We were silent for a few minutes then. "Up market prostitute?"

"Nikki, come on!"

"What? We've run out of options. It's basically what Debra Messing did, anyway,"

"Who's Debra Messing?"

"Well, not Debra Messing, but her character." Oh god. Not another romantic comedy plot. Nikki seemed obsessed with trying to recreate them in real life. "She hired this guy as a date to her little sister's wedding."

"I am not paying someone."

"Looks like it's your only option, buddy,"

We went back to actually doing some work for a while.

"It wouldn't work anyway," I mused. "I said we'd been dating for a few months, we'd have to know stuff about each other,"

"You know nothing about any girl you know,"

"Apart from you," I'd muttered it, unthinkingly, but suddenly it clicked and I thought up the most brilliant plan. The worries of the night before seemed completely irrational. "Apart from you." I mumbled again, playing the idea over in my head.

"What?" I grinned at her and I think she caught on. "No,"

"Please?"

"No Harry, no way,"

"Why not? You've already met Mum, you know everything about me, I know everything about you. It couldn't be more perfect."

"No Harry."

"We'll pretend we're together and then a couple of weeks after I'll tell Mum we thought we were better as friends, so we broke up. A mutual break up, nobody gets any blame."

"Harry..."

"Come on! Free champagne, free hotel, free spa, free pool," I started to think I might actually have been able to pull it off. "It's a free weekend away!"

"I only go on weekends away when it's a forced hen night or..."

"A sex fest?" I butted in.

"With a real boyfriend." She frowned. "Harry, I am not sharing a bed with you for two nights!"

"Why not?"

"You kick in your sleep!"

"How the hell would you know?"

"That conference where they booked us the wrong room!"

"No one else has ever complained!"

"Well, they must go into a coma every night,"

"Fine, I'll sleep on the floor."

"It's still a no,"

"Come on! I'll owe you the biggest favour ever!"

"No." She stood up and put her coat on. "I've got a date tonight, I'll see you tomorrow."