A/N This is the second diary. Had a bit of writer's block but I will try to
make the next one funnier. Anyway, hope you enjoy and please review!!
The Very Secret Diary of Harry Potter
Day 1
Am spending summer holiday with stupid Dursley's as usual. Dudley so fat and stupid. He sat on me today and farted, stupid fat boy. Had to have three baths to get rid of smell. YUKKY!!
Day 2
Uncle Vernon whipped me today, just because I smudged his new suit when I breathed. I somehow think there is something wrong with that, but Uncle Vernon is "always right." How can someone smudge something when they breathe? Anyway...am waiting for letters from my friends, hope they arrive soon!!! YAY, am so excited.
Day 5
No letters from friends yet. Am very sad. Am thinking they don't like me anymore. So sad. Dudley keeps saying mean things to me. Wish I could confide in someone, oh well, since I have no friends anymore I will confide in my diary. YAY, thank goodness for diaries!!
Day 8
Is my birthday tomorrow. Am so excited!! YAY! Cannot wait. Hope I get lots of pressies!! Well I better...
Day 9
Yay!! My birthday today!! Am so excited. Even though I got no presents I still had a great day in my room by myself. Hedwig bit me on the ear and made it bleed. Stupid bird, so I flushed her head in the toilet. She scratched at my eye, but it was worth the thrill!!
Day 13
Got my pressies from Ron and Hermione today. Stupid friends, don't they realize they are only four days late?! Was very angry so did not open them but threw them out the window, so that passing cars could run over them. Although am sure one of the presents was alive because I could hear, moaning coming from the road, until a truck came and well...yeah.
Day 15
Am going back to Hogwarts in three days!! YAY, am so excited.
Day 18
Am going back to Hogwarts today! YAY!! Will be able to see Ron and Hermione again and get angry at them for sending me shit presents.
Day 19
Saw Ron and Hermione today. They are dating now. Was pissed they didn't tell me before hand so as not to embarrass myself when I went to pash Hermione. Have a black eye from Ron, stupid jealous boy.
Day 20
Saw Malfoy today. YAY, I have grown over the holidays and still have my height advantage. GO ME!!!
Day 22
Malfoy performed Cruacius curse on me today. Did not enjoy. It really hurt. Stupid blonde.
Day 23
Told Malfoy a blonde joke today. I thought it was really funny, unfortunately he didn't and cursed me. I now had green horns sticking out of my head.
Day 25
Horns been removed. YAY!! Played Quidditch against Hufflepuff today. Obviously I caught the snitch. What else would you expect? Stupid Hufflepuffs, don't have a decent sized brain between them.
Day 27
Snape bit me today. Stupid Snape. It really hurt, I now have teeth marks on my arm. I slapped him on the face so he gave me detention.
Day 28
Had detention today. Yay, not. Snape made me lick his bathroom floor clean. Was not enjoyable because floor REALLY dirty. Was yukky. Malfoy laughed at me, and called me "toilet floor licking boy." Really hurt my feelings. Will pay him back (evil laugh)
Day 29
Got Malfoy back today. Started calling his "Daddy dearest's little ferret face." He was not amused. He cursed me again and I now have four foot long teeth at the front. Made it really hard to eat lunch. Must go and see Madam Pomfrey, to get fixed up.
Day 32
Teeth fixed now, YAY!! Crabbe and Goyle so stupid. They tried to kill me, don't they realize I'm Harry Potter? Stupid fat dickheads. Go the "boy who lived"!!!
Day 35
Dumbledore so old and yukky, he is so wrinkly and smells funny.
Day 34
Yay, Christmas is tomorrow!! Am so excited, although do not wet my pants like Malfoy does. I keep getting goosebumps whenever I think about it. Hopefully I will get better pressies than I did on my birthday.
Day 35
YAY! Is Christmas today. Am so excited. Will be able to give Ron and Hermione their pressies today. Ron gave me a red pencil and Hermione gave me a blow job. Hopefully Ron does not find out. I also got a maroon jumper from Mrs. Weasley and a jar full of toffee. Hate toffee, but must be gracious. Hagrid gave me a rubber balloon although when I went to blow it up it went all long and had a little knobbly bit at the end. Then it burst. Was strange, but that's Hagrid.
Day 36
Am enjoying my Christmas break, no school work. YAY!! GO CHRISTMAS! Malfoy got a new broomstick, stupid spoilt brat. Is not fair, coz now he has a better broom than me and will have an advantage over me in Quidditch.
Day 38
Played Quidditch again today against Slytherin. Am so happy coz even though Malfoy has a better broom than I still beat him. GO ME!! Am so proud of my Quidditch playing genes.
Day 40
Walked in on Hermione and Ron "playing" in Ron's bed. Was not a nice sight. Threw up all over the floor then ran out. Ron called me back but I didn't want to see his cock hanging out of his pants, so ignored him.
Day 41
Is feeling really awkward between Ron and me. Keep blushing whenever I look at him. Is really embarrassing. Hermione keeps telling Ron off for not locking the door.
Day 42
Am going back to the Dursley's tomorrow. Nooooo.... I don't wanna!! I wish I could go with Ron and Hermione to Hawaii but they won't let me. They don't want to risk anything else like what happened the other night, with me walking in on them.
Day 43
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Ron and Hermione keep sneaking out and returning all flustered, with tousled hair. So jealous, wish I had someone to fuck. Not fair. Even Dudley's not a virgin anymore and that's a miracle in itself.
Day 45
Am back in my room in Privet Drive. So bored. Heard bumping noises coming from Dudley's room last night. Was funny. I peaked through the door and watched. To my surprise it was a boy in bed with him. Was really interesting watching them try to root each other. They couldn't figure where the penis was meant to go. Tried hard not to giggle. But didn't try hard enough because I got caught, by Uncle Vernon. He kicked me down the stairs and walked into Dudley's room. Was extremely funny watching him as he got carried away by the ambulance people. They told me he had a heart attack. Stupid fat man.
Day 46
Cannot wait to go back to Hogwarts.
The Very Secret Diary of Harry Potter
Day 1
Am spending summer holiday with stupid Dursley's as usual. Dudley so fat and stupid. He sat on me today and farted, stupid fat boy. Had to have three baths to get rid of smell. YUKKY!!
Day 2
Uncle Vernon whipped me today, just because I smudged his new suit when I breathed. I somehow think there is something wrong with that, but Uncle Vernon is "always right." How can someone smudge something when they breathe? Anyway...am waiting for letters from my friends, hope they arrive soon!!! YAY, am so excited.
Day 5
No letters from friends yet. Am very sad. Am thinking they don't like me anymore. So sad. Dudley keeps saying mean things to me. Wish I could confide in someone, oh well, since I have no friends anymore I will confide in my diary. YAY, thank goodness for diaries!!
Day 8
Is my birthday tomorrow. Am so excited!! YAY! Cannot wait. Hope I get lots of pressies!! Well I better...
Day 9
Yay!! My birthday today!! Am so excited. Even though I got no presents I still had a great day in my room by myself. Hedwig bit me on the ear and made it bleed. Stupid bird, so I flushed her head in the toilet. She scratched at my eye, but it was worth the thrill!!
Day 13
Got my pressies from Ron and Hermione today. Stupid friends, don't they realize they are only four days late?! Was very angry so did not open them but threw them out the window, so that passing cars could run over them. Although am sure one of the presents was alive because I could hear, moaning coming from the road, until a truck came and well...yeah.
Day 15
Am going back to Hogwarts in three days!! YAY, am so excited.
Day 18
Am going back to Hogwarts today! YAY!! Will be able to see Ron and Hermione again and get angry at them for sending me shit presents.
Day 19
Saw Ron and Hermione today. They are dating now. Was pissed they didn't tell me before hand so as not to embarrass myself when I went to pash Hermione. Have a black eye from Ron, stupid jealous boy.
Day 20
Saw Malfoy today. YAY, I have grown over the holidays and still have my height advantage. GO ME!!!
Day 22
Malfoy performed Cruacius curse on me today. Did not enjoy. It really hurt. Stupid blonde.
Day 23
Told Malfoy a blonde joke today. I thought it was really funny, unfortunately he didn't and cursed me. I now had green horns sticking out of my head.
Day 25
Horns been removed. YAY!! Played Quidditch against Hufflepuff today. Obviously I caught the snitch. What else would you expect? Stupid Hufflepuffs, don't have a decent sized brain between them.
Day 27
Snape bit me today. Stupid Snape. It really hurt, I now have teeth marks on my arm. I slapped him on the face so he gave me detention.
Day 28
Had detention today. Yay, not. Snape made me lick his bathroom floor clean. Was not enjoyable because floor REALLY dirty. Was yukky. Malfoy laughed at me, and called me "toilet floor licking boy." Really hurt my feelings. Will pay him back (evil laugh)
Day 29
Got Malfoy back today. Started calling his "Daddy dearest's little ferret face." He was not amused. He cursed me again and I now have four foot long teeth at the front. Made it really hard to eat lunch. Must go and see Madam Pomfrey, to get fixed up.
Day 32
Teeth fixed now, YAY!! Crabbe and Goyle so stupid. They tried to kill me, don't they realize I'm Harry Potter? Stupid fat dickheads. Go the "boy who lived"!!!
Day 35
Dumbledore so old and yukky, he is so wrinkly and smells funny.
Day 34
Yay, Christmas is tomorrow!! Am so excited, although do not wet my pants like Malfoy does. I keep getting goosebumps whenever I think about it. Hopefully I will get better pressies than I did on my birthday.
Day 35
YAY! Is Christmas today. Am so excited. Will be able to give Ron and Hermione their pressies today. Ron gave me a red pencil and Hermione gave me a blow job. Hopefully Ron does not find out. I also got a maroon jumper from Mrs. Weasley and a jar full of toffee. Hate toffee, but must be gracious. Hagrid gave me a rubber balloon although when I went to blow it up it went all long and had a little knobbly bit at the end. Then it burst. Was strange, but that's Hagrid.
Day 36
Am enjoying my Christmas break, no school work. YAY!! GO CHRISTMAS! Malfoy got a new broomstick, stupid spoilt brat. Is not fair, coz now he has a better broom than me and will have an advantage over me in Quidditch.
Day 38
Played Quidditch again today against Slytherin. Am so happy coz even though Malfoy has a better broom than I still beat him. GO ME!! Am so proud of my Quidditch playing genes.
Day 40
Walked in on Hermione and Ron "playing" in Ron's bed. Was not a nice sight. Threw up all over the floor then ran out. Ron called me back but I didn't want to see his cock hanging out of his pants, so ignored him.
Day 41
Is feeling really awkward between Ron and me. Keep blushing whenever I look at him. Is really embarrassing. Hermione keeps telling Ron off for not locking the door.
Day 42
Am going back to the Dursley's tomorrow. Nooooo.... I don't wanna!! I wish I could go with Ron and Hermione to Hawaii but they won't let me. They don't want to risk anything else like what happened the other night, with me walking in on them.
Day 43
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Ron and Hermione keep sneaking out and returning all flustered, with tousled hair. So jealous, wish I had someone to fuck. Not fair. Even Dudley's not a virgin anymore and that's a miracle in itself.
Day 45
Am back in my room in Privet Drive. So bored. Heard bumping noises coming from Dudley's room last night. Was funny. I peaked through the door and watched. To my surprise it was a boy in bed with him. Was really interesting watching them try to root each other. They couldn't figure where the penis was meant to go. Tried hard not to giggle. But didn't try hard enough because I got caught, by Uncle Vernon. He kicked me down the stairs and walked into Dudley's room. Was extremely funny watching him as he got carried away by the ambulance people. They told me he had a heart attack. Stupid fat man.
Day 46
Cannot wait to go back to Hogwarts.
