Author Note: Thank you guys so very very much! Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy


Chapter 2: Jimmy Olphia, Lex Luthor and Elmur Fudd briefs


Clark blinked. He blinked again. The uttered words still hadn't fully registered in his mind. Lois Lane – Chloe's cousin Lois Lane – his friend Lois Lane – thought he was gay! Boys. She thought he liked boys. Men even. Anyway you put it Lois still thought he was gay. He blinked for a third tim

"I'm what . . . now?" Clark whispered, starting to overcome the initial shock.

"Gay and I don't mean the happy kind. Boy-Lover. Homosexual. Poof. That kind." Lois replied crudely.

Nervously Clark started to laugh; this was just simply ridiculous. Lois wouldn't think he was gay. She was just playing him. However he felt a smidgen of relief that Lois hadn't actually found out his secret. That revelation would have been a thousand times worse; she could have regarded him as if he didn't belong, or even a more unpleasant thought; she could have stopped being his friend. Clark snapped out of his reverie; he needed to concentrate on the situation at hand.

"Why would you think that?" Clark questioned, confused beyond belief at how she came to that conclusion. It's not as if he paraded around wearing banana hammocks and reading 'Vogue'. He considered himself as fairly low – key.

"Why?! Smallville I could riff off a list of reasons. Firstly you hang out with all girls. Name me one guy friend who you have."

"Jimmy! I hang out with Jimmy all the time. We're practically inseparable" Clark babbled.

"I think you're getting mixed up with Chloe.Chloe and you are inseparable, not Jimmy and you." Lois enunciated while saying Chloe to prove her point.

"Jimmy is too my friend" Clark bit back childishly, not preparing to let this one go.

"Tell me his surname" she challenged, all the while smirking.

"Uh. . . . . . Ol. . . . Olphia?" he stuttered, cringing as he knew he had just lost.

"Nope. That's not even a word! Olsen, its Olsen Smallville. Secondly I noticed you joined the football just when the gorgeous new coach enrolled. Wasn't that just convenient? I certainly wouldn't call it a coincidence" she asked patronizingly as if she contained all the world's answers inside her brain.

"Now you're just grasping at straws Lois, and you know it"

"Am I Smallville? Am I really? Give me one good reason why you didn't join before?"

"Because I was very shy before"

"And so you figured that the hot coach would help with that, hmmm? And not in the G rated way." Lois hinted, smiling knowingly.

"What?! Nooo!. . . No!" he retorted disgusted at the implication. He seemed to be denying a lot of allegations in this bizarre conversation.

"Also Lana kept mentioning that she couldn't bear that you were hidingsecrets from her" she answered back, completely ignoring his comment of denial.

"So? Doesn't mean I'm gay" Clark yelled frustrated.

"Whatever you say Smallville" she uttered unbelievingly.

"Any more ludicrous suggestions Lois?"

"They're not ludicrous. They are perfectly believable. But yes I do have one more plausible suggestion, seeing as you asked. I saved the best till the last."

Clark waited uneasily. Knowing Lois, he knew this wouldn't be good and he sure as hell knew this wasn't going to end well either. He tapped his foot. He scratched his head. He drummed his fingers. He cracked.

"Lois!"

"Alright Smallville. Don't get your panties in a bunch . . . . . or should I say your Elmur Fudd briefs? I just thought I'd add a little suspense"

"Lois!!" Clark repeated warningly.

"Ok. Ok. So I went and talked to Chloe about your friendship with a certain Mr. Lex Luthor because I needed more hard evidence that you were gay"

"Since when did you think what you had was evidence and hard evidence at that?" Clark sniped. Lois merely gave him a look and carried on.

"And I found out it ended. Kapoof. Just like that. Chloe confirmed that you were really good friends, best friends even. So it got me thinking. I wondered why such a good relationship would end . . . . . . . unless one of you was gay. I think that you hit on Lex but he rejected you and you as a result were heartbroken, but you couldn't tell anybody for about three years, fear of them refusing you too. All that hurt and anger has been bottled inside you for that long. And it only intensified when Lex got engaged to Lana. You were bound to explode sometime soon, but I underestimated you Smallville. You used your brains and cleverly made it seem like you were angry at Lana but in truth you were actually angry at Lex. You, Smallville were using Lana as a mask. Not anymore. I'm here to help you come out of the closet, Smallville" Lois finished with a flourish. She grinned triumphantly at her exclusive find. It had taken a lot of persuasion from Chloe and a whole lot of digging. But it was worth in the end. She felt like she had done her good deed for the day.

Clark on the other hand was back to blinking. He was simply stunned. No coherent thoughts would form in his head. He was just amazed at the lengths that Lois's brain capacity could go. Lex and him? A gay couple? The idea was just preposterous. Not because he was against gays; he didn't see anything wrong with them at all. It wasn't even anything to do with the fact that somebody that he was gay. No. It went deeper than that. It was the fact that Lois Lane thought he was gay, is what made him speechless. Though he couldn't explain why. He didn't feel like delving into the matter further in the current circumstance he was in. He was in quite a difficulty. On the one hand, if he denied he was gay, Lois would then only go deeper and deeper into his past to find out his secret until she actually did find out. No! He couldn't let that happen but could he actually bear the fact that Lois viewed him as an everyday American homosexual? Clark took a deep breath. He needed to make a decision.

"Me and Lex? Lex and me? Lex Luthor and Clark Kent? That makes no sense at all! Furthermore I dated Lana and for a while I might add!" Clark cried out, trying to buy more time. He couldn't make a decision this big without thinking it through.

"Have you not been listening to me Smallville? You – were – using – Lana – as – a mask" Lois said, dragging out the last sentence to try and get her point across. "You pretended to date Lana so people would think you were straight. And I'm guessing the whole 'on and off' thing you had going was part of the charade?"

Clark groaned. He knew his earlier notion had been right; this wasn't going to end well at all. Hell this conversation was going to crash and burn.

"Come on Smallville. You can do it. The first step to full gayness is acceptance."

"Lois. I can't deny it anymore. I'm glad someone finally knows." Clark said in a relived tone. He cringed inside while constant repeating the mantra, 'It's going to be okay'. Though deep down he knew he didn't believe it at all. But that mantra is what kept him going.

"Oh Smallville, I'm proud of you" Lois responded while giving him a hug. "But you have to say the actual words, 'I am gay'. I know you've got it inside of you to say that." she encouraged him, patting him on the back.

"I am gay"

Great now he was a gay intergalactic traveller. Could he be any odder?