A month later, they still had not spoken of the night she spent with him. She smiled at him more often, it was true, but not so much that anyone else would pick up on it. And he had begun to look for her in the hallways, in the elevator, anywhere they could possibly cross paths. She seemed to pick up on that, and had begun to walk the hallways more often, offering him tantalizing glimpses of her.
"Hey, Hot Stuff, who is running through that delicious brain of yours?" Garcia asked as she came up to him, wrapping her arm around his waist.
Derek smiled down at her tiredly. "No one, Baby Girl. I just want to get out of here and sleep this case away. It was really rough, you know?" She nodded against his arm, her fingers kneading softly into his upper arm.
"Why don't you head home, then? I know it was rough on all of us, our first case without Emily and the victims looking so much like her. I'll convince Hotch to let the rest of you go, too."
He let out a long breath, his eyes finally meeting Erin's in the hall. She seemed sad that day, the small smile she gave him never quite reaching her eyes, and he felt all his feelings reflected there. His hand twitched up and she shrugged, turning suddenly and scurrying back to her office. "That sounds like heaven , Penelope."
"What are you waiting for? Go." She gently pushed him towards the door and he made his way to his office, picking up his bag before heading out to the elevators. Derek tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the car to make its arrival, and soon, Dave was joining him.
"Once Hotch gave the order, I was out the door. It will be nice to have an afternoon off."
"Why, planning on spending it in Seaver?" he asked snidely, and the older man narrowed his eyes as he turned to look at him. "What? Didn't think some of us would find out? She still talks to Reid, a lot."
"She's on an undercover assignment at the moment. She won't be home for another week or longer."
"Oh, so your place is home now. Nice." He pursed his lips, no longer wanting to speak to the man, quickly losing respect for him at his callous treatment of… He broke off his line of thought, not wanting to admit that he had been about to think of her as his Erin. Which was ridiculous, she was nothing more than a colleague who had turned to him in a moment of need.
In a daze, he drove home, trying not to think of the elephant in the room. It was a losing battle, however, and he found himself running through the times they had met gazes in the hallway, the particular way she had started smiling at him. "Penelope would say that I had it bad," he murmured aloud as he pulled into his parking spot.
Clooney was barking for him the moment he heard the key in the lock and Derek grinned, clipping on his leash and heading out for a walk around the block to clear his head. When he returned, he was only semi-surprised to see her standing outside his door. She was pacing back and forth, as if trying to convince herself that this was a good idea. "Hey, pretty lady, what brings you by?"
She met his eye, hers red-rimmed from crying. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and she stepped into them, resting her head on his chest as his arms closed around her slim frame. "You left early. This case really got to you, too."
"Too?" he asked as he unlocked his door, leading her inside. She nodded as they went over to the couch and sat. "What do you mean?"
"Ever since Milwaukee, I force myself to review everything about your cases. The crime scene photos you're sent, the descriptions of what happens to the victims, everything. After all these years, I still haven't developed a tough enough skin."
He looked down at her and she shrugged a little, her lips pursed tightly, like she was trying to keep from crying. "It's no wonder you developed a drinking problem."
"No, the pictures and everything only exacerbated a problem that I already had, Derek. I should have been stronger, I know the job you do. It just doesn't seem to get to you all as much as it does to me, so I must be weak."
He pulled her close to his chest once more, rubbing her back in soft circles. "Erin Strauss, you are not weak. You were just never given the tools to handle what we do. That's part of the classes we take, finding a coping mechanism that works for us. I do manual labor, flipping houses and apartments for a profit. Penelope has her group that she leads. I've heard rumors that Reid likes to translate obscure French and German texts into English, but I can't be certain about that one."
Derek heard a faint laugh bubble up out of her and he joined with her. "That seems like a perfectly Reid thing to do," she said lowly, making herself more comfortable in his arms. "I'm sorry that I keep turning to you like this. It's just, I have no one I feel comfortable talking to right now. I haven't been able to open myself up."
"I understand, Erin. Everyone needs to have one person in their life that they're totally honest with, can tell anything to. I'm just surprised that it's me."
"Why wouldn't it be you? You've always made me proud…" Her voice trailed off, as if she knew that she had revealed something very personal about herself to him. "I'm glad it was you, you know, who took me to rehab. If Aaron had done that, I would never have forgiven him."
"Yes, well, you reminded me of Reid. Couldn't turn anywhere for help, thinking you had to keep it to yourself. You were the one that said in what world would this ever be all right. Reid told me something along those very lines after he had been found out. And yet, everything is all right, now, isn't it?"
She shook her head. "No, but things are better now. I like better."
He nodded, shifting her a little so that her head rested on his chest. "I like that you smile at me, Erin."
She nuzzled her face into his shirt, and he knew that she was buying time, trying to think up something to excuse her behavior. "Yes, well, you rescued me that night. My heart may have softened a bit."
The honesty surprised him, and he cuddled her close. Her arms tightened around his waist as she sighed. "I rather like that soft heart of yours, my queen."
"You don't have to tease me, Derek. I'm not exactly your best friend."
"No, but you are a friend." He dipped his head down to press his lips against the top of hers, breathing in the subtle scent of sandalwood. He couldn't seem to stop the reaction his body had to her and he shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to hurt or embarrass her.
"You know, I wouldn't mind if we took care of your needs," she mumbled, her voice coming out broken and lost.
"No, Erin. One doesn't use their friends like that. I'm not Dave, I wouldn't hurt you that way." She turned in his arms, raising her head to capture his lips in a soft kiss. "What was that for?"
"For being so sweet. You really are a good man, Derek Morgan. I wish I had met someone like you earlier in my life. I think I could be happy with someone like you." She stretched out along him, resting her head on his chest once more as she yawned deeply. "Maybe not happy so much as content," she said as she relaxed against him. He could tell that she had fallen asleep on him by the way her body pressed against his and he smiled as he began to run his fingers through her hair.
"Oh, Erin," he whispered, picking her up and carrying her to his bedroom. Clooney jumped on the bed, curling up around her feet, looking up at him expectantly. "Oh, no, boy. It is your job to watch over her while she naps. Okay?"
His pet gave a soft woof in reply and Derek left the room, knowing that she was safe there. Going over to his couch, he plopped down and pulled out his phone, calling Penelope. "What's up, Sugar?"
"Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice, beautiful. You're still stuck at work, aren't you?"
"Yeah, a computer tech's work is never finished. Hotch decided to stay, too, at least for a little bit. Strangest thing, though. Strauss left not long after you did."
Derek heard the suggestion in her voice, and knew he had to nip that in the bud before she began a rumor about them in the bullpen. "Really? Wonder what bug got into her, she never takes off early."
"I have no idea, sweetness. Maybe she had to get away from everything for a little bit. I totally understand that. I wish she would open up to us more."
"I think she would like that, Baby Girl. Maybe it was high time we started treating her with respect and caring." He wondered a little at the words that were tumbling from his lips, and yet he knew every one of them to be true.
