I'll admit it, I actually have no idea where I was originally heading with this story when I posted it six months ago. Last night I laid out my dilemma to Shreek, along with the options I'd come up with, and she convinced me to go this way. I'm glad I did.
Chapter 2
8 Months Later
"Oh Steph, you shouldn't have!" the ladies exclaimed as I laid the plate of homemade muffins on the desk in the middle of the administration office, just like every other Friday. The end of the week was always hard – parents coming in with various complaints and queries, students too tired to monitor their own behaviour, weeding out real illnesses from the fake ones to see who just wants to start the weekend early - so I'd taken it upon myself to provide the much needed Friday pick-me-up. Not only did it give us that extra kick in the pants to get things done, but it gave me something to do on a Thursday night, and a chance to practice my new found baking skills. It was a win-win-win.
"That plate needs to be empty by four o'clock this afternoon," I responded jovially as I removed my coat and hung it on the back of my designated chair. "I'm not taking left overs home. I'll get fat if I have to eat them myself."
"So instead you bring them here to make us fat," Veronica admonished, though the effect was lost as she nabbed the biggest cake and started peeling off the paper in order to take a bite. "Thanks. That's just what I need with my sister's wedding coming up."
I laughed, shaking my head as I grabbed my own muffin. "Quit complaining," I said. "They're healthy this week." I ripped the paper off the bottom and tore it in half to reveal the plumes of purple in amongst the pale cake. "See? Blueberries."
Linda, the resident health nut, scoffed at my claim. "Adding blueberries does not make it healthy, Stephanie," she informed me.
"I could have added chocolate chips and coco powder," I countered.
"She has a point," Veronica agreed around a full mouth of muffin. "And they don't even have frosting like the cupcakes she brought in last week."
Linda huffed, grabbing the stack of files that adorned the edge of the desk and took herself off to the private sanctuary that was the finance office. I assumed it was a private office so that no one could see when she had to take her shoes off to count above ten. She was such a cow.
"Don't worry about her," Veronica said. "You watch. Right about one o'clock she'll be slinking out of that hole she's crawled into and scoffing one down. That's when her low is," she reminded me with a wink. "Ever since she stopped putting sugar in her coffee."
I glanced at Veronica curiously as I hit the button to start up my computer. "I didn't know she'd stopped putting sugar in her coffee," I mentioned.
"Neither does she," Veronica said nonchalantly, coughing a little as she attempted to swallow what must have been an overly large bite of muffin and immediately following it up with a grimace and a gulp of water. "These are really – cough – good," she added.
"I'm glad you like them," I replied, glancing down with a frown as I noticed the chunk of flour in the clinging to the side of the muffin I had chosen. They may not have been a total success, but they still tasted good. I'd come a long way since producing completely inedible rubble just five months ago, and that was something to be proud of at least.
At that moment Gregory Harbreave, the principal, practically burst into the office. A grin lit up his face as he took in the muffins. "Must be Friday!" he announced, snatching one up and taking a heft bite before anyone could even greet him. "I love Fridays," he added, leaning against the edge of the desk, his briefcase still hanging from his other hand. "Hey these are good!"
"Steph made them," Heather announced, bowing to peer pressure and finally gliding across the office on her chair and taking a muffin of her own. "She's really improved, don't you think?"
Gregory nodded, swallowing his latest mouthful. "So what do you ladies have planned tonight? Any wild lady's nights in store?"
We all tittered out a laugh. From what I knew of these ladies, we were the least likely to go out and have a wild night.
"Well," Veronica began, having nominated herself as spokeperson as she always did when Gregory was around. She'd been crushing on him for years apparently. "It's Heather's weekend with the kids, so she'll be enduring an unofficial sing-a-long version of Disney's Frozen for the bajillionth time since it came out on DVD. Linda has a date with a treadmill, or a she's doing a juice cleanse… I can't remember which it is this week. Steph is doing her weekly grocery shop as per usual. And I'm left to drink a bottle of wine all by myself while I watch Project Runway reruns." She paused for dramatic effect. "What about you?"
"The wife is throwing a dinner party, so I'll be standing in a corner with a few men I barely know, making small talk and nursing a beer, when all I really want to do is watch the Rangers game on TV."
Unbidden, a pain shot through my chest at the mention of the R word. I couldn't let my guard down for a second. These attacks of panic were less frequent now that I'd broken off from my old life, but they weren't any less severe. Abruptly, I turned to face my computer and typed in my log in, keen to get to work and forget about the fact that I pretty much felt like I was going to die because of one simple word.
*o*
As I stepped into the cool air of the supermarket I checked the shopping list I'd hastily written up before leaving work: chicken, mince, carrots, beans, cabbage – shudder – olives, bread, milk, tea, coffee, peanut butter, self-raising flour, sugar… I sighed, wracking my brain as I snatched a trolley from the bay. There was something I was forgetting. I'd felt it as I wrote the list, as I drove across town to the store, and it was still niggling at me now. Eggs? No, they were on the list as well…
Another sigh fell from my lips. It looked like I was going to have to just walk up and down every aisle, scrutinising the shelves. Again. I hated shopping like that. It was so much easier to just get what I needed and get out. No muss, no fuss.
My record for grocery shopping was twenty minutes. I'd been so proud of myself as I walked out that I'd treated myself to a box of donuts on the way home. Only to get home and realise that I'd forgotten Rex's hamster nuggets.
Hamster nuggets? I checked the list. Nope, it was on there too. What was I forgetting?
I was in the cereal aisle, trying to recall how full my box of Frosted Flakes was at home when a chill came over me, accompanied by a large, man-shaped shadow.
Oh no. No, no, no. Not again. Not now.
"Steph," the shadow greeted pleasantly, standing in the middle of the aisle so that he blocked the direction I had been heading in. "How are you?"
Just ignore him, I told myself firmly. He's mistaken you for someone else. Who even is he? It doesn't matter. Forget about the Frosted Flakes. Turn your cart around and continue with your shopping.
I managed to do an about face, trolley and all, only to find myself blocked in from behind as well but a pair of old biddies gossiping, their carts lined up side by side so that there was barely enough room for a person to squeeze past, let along another trolley. Why was the world always set so strongly against me I these situations? Couldn't I be allowed a clean escape path once in a while? I glanced behind me, noting that the large man was still there and now there was a mother with her three rowdy children also blocking the aisle behind him. No way would I make it out that way.
"Steph wait," the man said, like there was anything else I could do now that I was completely fenced in. He must have seen the panic in my eyes, though. "I just –"
I didn't hang around to hear what he 'just.' Instead, hiking my purse a little higher on my shoulder, I abandoned my trolley, groceries and all, and pushed past the old ladies, careful to power walk to the nearest exit despite the strong urge I felt to run. Running would only attract supermarket security, though, and that was the last thing I needed right now. The goal here was to put as much distance between myself and Tank as possible.
All I had to do was make it my car. Past experience showed that if I got to the car, he'd let me be. He'd never actually pursued me.
The old Stephanie might have stopped to ask questions. Would have tried to figure out why he gave up so easily only to try again days or weeks later. But I wasn't that person anymore. I couldn't go back there.
My breath hitched as I realised how dangerously close I was to thinking about things I'd sworn off months ago. There was no point to it all. It was over and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. That's why I'd moved on and that's why I couldn't go back. New Stephanie. New life. New thoughts. The past didn't matter.
If only the past would take a hint. I groaned inwardly as I caught sight of Hal milling around my shiny green Volkswagen. No doubt he'd just placed another tracker on it somewhere. There go my plans for the weekend. I would now be carrying out a seek and destroy mission instead.
Hal smiled shyly in greeting, obviously awkward about the whole situation, but I ignored him, focussing on retrieving my keys from my purse. I hit the button on the fob to unlock the car, hoping he'd get the hint before I actually reached the door. Apparently not. He was still stood right next to the driver side door as I reached the end of the vehicle. On a split second decision, I made my way up the passenger side and opened the door there, swiftly dumping my handbag on the floor in the foot well and beginning the awkward climb across the console to the driver's seat.
Luckily, Hal didn't get any bright ideas, about sliding in before I made it to the central locking switch. Secured in my seat, I took a moment to fix the skirt of my dress before jamming the key into the ignition, only pausing a moment to check my mirrors before reversing out of the space and speeding out of the parking lot.
Three streets later, I checked my mirrors once more, noting there was no noticeable tail. They'd let me go again. I wasn't surprised. We'd been repeating the same events for months. They were giving me the space I needed. I just wished they could leave me be entirely. Every time I saw them the pain in my chest returned and it was hard to breathe, one extra step closer to the breakdown I'd promised myself I wouldn't have. I was not some weak woman who's world fell apart because her man-
A sharp gasp stopped those thoughts in their tracks, and I decided to concentrate on steering myself toward the next supermarket. I had to get my groceries or I'd have nothing for dinner and skipping meals was not on new Stephanie's agenda. Neither was surviving solely on peanut butter, beer and take out. That would be a step backwards, and I'd made too much progress to allow that to happen.
Thanks so much for being so patient with me this year. I honestly have no idea what's going on with my muse, but it appears she's back on the same page as me for a bit, so I'm gonna try make the best of it while I can.
