A/N: I wrote this chapter quickly tonight on my cell phone, so could possibly be shitty. Let me know what you're thinking!
Present..
Laying in bed that night with my husband. I wanted to talk to him about what happened today with Calliope. "Luke" I spoke softy.
"Yeah, Hun?" He said glancing up from the book he was buried in.
"You won't believe who messaged me today."
"Who's that?"
"Callie."
Immediately placing the book in his lap. "Seriously?" He asked a little shocked.
"Yeah, we became friends on Facebook all those years ago today."
"Wow. Well how do you feel? What'd she have to say? I know we never talk about, Arizona but I know how you feel and or felt about her. While I'm not worried that your leaving, I am concerned about your state of mind and of course your feelings, Hunny."
"I feel.. well honestly I don't know. I always thought things would be different between her and I. Even though I've moved on, sometimes it still hurts. Today, after reading her message, I was just angry for a minute because she said something like now I know why I wouldn't let you settle for me, and that just pisses me off because no matter what, that should of been my decision. You know I don't regret you or our family, but sometimes I remember that our entire relationship was her making decisions for me. I don't regret it because I loved her, very much. But, well like I said I don't even know."
"I understand. Maybe you should reach out to her now that you are both mature. Maybe she can help you get that closure. Think about it."
"I will think about it. Right now, I'm gonna sleep though. Thank you for listening. This is why I love you." Arizona says, leaning over and kissing her husband goodnight.
"I love you too, Zona."
All them years ago..
Day after day, Calliope and I continued talking. She filled the void in my life, I didn't understand weather it was because I liked her or because she was a woman.
I was constantly checking my phone, and getting in trouble by my teachers and my father for not paying attention. Simply because I was rereading our messages or replying to what she had just sent me.
One particular night, after talking with Calliope as much as I could that day I fell asleep with mind on just that, her.
Rolling over, in bed I wrapped my arm around the warm body next to me. "Mhmm, Calliope." I said sleepily.
Suddenly I jolted awake. As I tried to remember my dream. That's the only part I could remember. As I tried going back to sleep I laid there, trying to figure out what all of this meant for me.
My whole life growing up, everyone told me that liking the same sex was a sin and made you awful. But I knew I was a good person with a good heart, and I didn't understand why I couldn't keep my faith and like Calliope?
Tears rolled down my cheeks, as I prayed that I could talk to my mom. See her. Hug her. She is the only person who understands me. She always knew what to say. I still refused to believe that she was gone, dead.
One day, life was great and my mom was healthy vibrant and so alive and the next I was helping plan her funeral with my siblings and grandmother. That's was over two years ago now.
Sometimes that's how life works though, you are traveling along a lightened road and out of no where, a bus comes along and strikes you. Everything changes. That's how my life feels right now. That's how my mothers death has felt to me. Like a bus ran over top of me repeatedly, beating me to nothing but a lifeless, soulless body.
I feel like I'm drowning and no matter what, I cannot keep myself from sinking. Calliope though, she was becoming the air I needed. I know I sound crazy, but I want this girl. I want to meet her, make her mine and cherish her forever. With that realization, I was terrified out of my mind but I knew I wanted to be who I was, and I was ready to find that person.
Little did I know that she would(nt) be my forever..
