Chapter 2

I woke up with a cold sweat. I had that same nightmare that caused me to sew my mouth shut. I swear my father would be in here if i had been able to scream. I sat there and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, tracing the shifting patterns i saw with unblinking eyes. It was 1 am and everyone in the house was asleep, even Gamzee. What better time could there be for meditation? I assumed the lotus position, breathing smoothly and deeply as i concentrated on Photosynthesis. I swayed with a nonexistent beat, and my eyes started to shake. I started to hear voices, hoarse whispers that start softly, then gradually get louder. I like listening to these strange voices, they help me go back to sleep. The last thing i remember was thinking about how I'd see Karkles at school.

I have a strange infatuation with Karkat that he doesn't know about. I dont know, it's something about his smile when everything is wrong, and his eyes...oh his eyes! The way he walks, the way he talks, everything about him attracts me. I think about telling him every day, but i don't know how he would handle it. I dont want him to shun me, although, why would he? I will tell him today. I wonder what he is thinking now.

Maybe he is thinking about how he sees me every day before school, and the weird things that i can't help but write down for him.

My knuckles hurt from where i bit them, but i wear fingerless gloves so that Karkat won't get worried. I am a bit of a pain addict. I dip my hands in hot wax so that I can feel the intense burning that permeates through my skin to my core, letting it wash over me like a sensual bath, steaming my brain relentlessly with its warm, nurturing tendrils.

I woke up without a nightmare, which is good for once. I am looking forward to seeing Karkles at school today. We don't ride the same bus but it doesn't matter, as LONG AS I GET TO WRING HIS NECK. What? No! I can't do that, he's my best friend!

I got off the bus and looked around, i saw Karkat in the lobby, wearing his black turtleneck sweater. He looked uneasy, shifting his weight as if he wanted to tell me something.

Karkles said "I..I did it again last night Kurloz. The paintings."

I just looked at him and rubbed his shoulder, trying to rub the emotions out of him. His eyes told me that he was scared and that he didn't know what to do. I started to tear up, but i didn't let Karkat see and plastered a fake smile on my face like "it'll be alright Karkles". I continued to rub his back, it was the only thing i could do. Then, i wrote down the phrase i had wanted to tell him for two long years: i love you, but i erased it, in fear of what he might think of me.

Karkles said, "What were you gonna say?"

"Oh nothing Karkles.", I wrote back.

A slip of the wrist, an unfathomable mistake. I had never called him Karkles before. We looked at each other for only a second, but time seemed to be lost in our deep gazes. The next thing that happened was impromptu in nature and could not be predicted by any fortune teller. He smiled. His smile was a smile of a thousand other smiles, but this one had somehow been pointed at me, at this moment, this second. This smile had been reserved to me by Fate, yet they would never tell why he smiled. But just like that it was gone, almost as if i had completely imagined it.

"What do you mean by 'Karkles'?", said Karkat, having a confused look on his tender face.

I looked at him with eyes pleading for him to forget what I said, but it was for naught. I just stared, my eyes felt like molten balls of iron in their sockets.

We'll, the jig was up now, better tell him what I wanted to. I wrote a little 3 on the notepad where his name was, and he gasped. He ran away, my only friend ran away from me. I swear he looked like he was blushing.

He ran away as a buffalo would from poachers, interpreting my somewhat flirtatious gesture as a symbol of death, trying to avoid it with each hoofed step. I just stared at the ground sad, yet uncrying, staying strong in spite of myself, watching the place where Karkles once stood. I loath that name i gave him now, that one little name that possibly ruined our friendship. I wiped at an invisible tear, and the voices started to whisper again. I ran out of school, i didn't care If the police officers ushered me back, i just ran, and ran, and ran, out of the sun and into the rain. Somehow i ended up tripping and falling in a ditch. It is then that i cried, as the pouring rain tapped on the fragile glass that was my battered mind. I lied there and cried silently," Karkles! Come Back! I need you!" But nobody answered my nonexistent call.