Howdy! Decided to scrap my jaw drop idea and emo-take idea although I'll write them some other time probably and have got a good idea! It's not completed but at least I have a base plot. Which is good. Lol. I'm listening to MCR at the moment. Sharpest Lives has to be the best god damn song on the face of the earth.


Yodelling All Night Long

Sunday July 1st

8.00pm

Yessss! Camping is over and I can go back home and be greeted by loving parents and nourishing stew. Oh wait, I was thinking? Of course in Nicolson land I'd be lucky if I get a mouldy sausage.

2 minutes later

Jas is ignorez vousing me. I don't know why she has to take my red bottomosity so seriously. It's none of her business who I accidentally snog.

Ho hum pig's bum. At least I won't need to listen to her rambling on about toads.

1 minute later

Even Ellen isn't that bothered. She's gushing on and on and on about Dec.

"And he…err…you know…he asked me whether I'd, like, go to the cinema with him some time…so…err…he must think I'm groovy and not err…like, you know, ungroovy? Do you think so?"

I said, "Yes,"

That seemed to satisfy her.

3 minutes later

We don't need Miss. Big Knickers to help us anyway. We can take down the tent easy peasy. You just throw Rosie at it. And she is a very willing cannibal.

1 minute later

Or do I mean cannon ball?

8.30pm

The bus came and we all got on. Bus Elvis was wearing a flat hat in an alarming shade of brown.

I said, "I like to see what a tasteful bus driver I have; my mum always said you can tell the type of man from the colour of his hat,"

He grimaced at me, "Just get on the bus and don't be stupid,"

How pleasant and lovely is that? I am glad to know what polite people we have running our public transportation.

I said to Ro-Ro who was pressing her nose against the bus like a pig, "I am sure he is related to Elvis is someway, and that is le fact,"

She said, "I am going to see how many people I scare,"

On the Motorway of Life.

2 minutes later

The boys are driving in the lane next to us in their car. Rollo is leaning out the sun roof pretending to surf. It is vair vair funny. Jools is virtually splitting her tights.

I wonder why Dave isn't doing that too? It is one of the silly things he'd find funny.

Then, as if he'd read my mind (Freaky Deaky) Rollo pointed to the back seats of the car. And there was Dave! Asleep! His head was tipped back, his mouth was wide open and his cheek was all smushed against the window. Trés Amusante!

Rollo did the 'sshhhh' sign by putting his fingers to his lips and ducked back inside the car. Then without a warning he slammed himself backwards into Dave the Snoozer. Dave woke up and had a spaz attack and biffed Rollo one. They started fighting in the back seat. Vair vair hilarious. Me, Rosie and Jools were laughing like loons on loon tablets.

I said, in between pearls of laughosity, "He has a big red mark on his cheek from the window!"

Miss Big Knickers came over to see what we were laughing at.

I said, "Dave and Rollo are having it off in the back seat,"

And Ro-Ro said, "Oo-er,"

And we went back into helpless hysterics again.

3 minutes later

But I still feel a bit weird about last night.

1 minute later

It doesn't matter though; I'm Masimo's Maybe Nearly Almost Girlfriend. Dave's just a mate. A mate that loves me. Hmph.

3 minutes later

It would never work me and him anyway. He's just a laugh and my Hornmeister. Masimo is a Luuurve God. And Dave is no god. He just likes to think he is.

2 minutes later

But he isn't.

9.15am

Home! Of course Mutti and Vati do not notice that I have just come back from the unexplored depths of the Forest. They are too busy snogging on the sofa. Erlack a Pongoes! It can scar someone as sensitive as moi. I may ask to spend another day at camping to get away.

3 minutes later

At least Angus missed me. He savaged my legs when I came back.

11.05am

Masimo phoned.

"Ciao, caro,"

"Ciao, err, howio are you?"

He laughed. He sounds groovy gravy even down the phone.

"Good, grazie, are you well?"

"Yes, err, si,"

"Are you coming to Roma, bella?"

"Si, my mum will book tickets soonio,"

Then he said, "That is good, caro, I am missing you, when you come to Roma, I will show you Italian things, it will be good, si?"

Jelloid Knickers extrodanairabus!

1.20pm

Went down stairs, luckily Mutti was wrestling her tights off Gordy and wasn't snogging Vati.

I said with full frontal sweetosity, "My dearest mother, when are you going to book the tickets for Italy?"

She said, "You are not going to Italy,"

"But you said you'd think about it!"

"And I thought no,"

1 minute later

I hate my parents.

3 minutes later

Libby burst in to my room with her Dolly Boy Josh. I am surprised his Mutti let him over again after the drag-queen-with-a-Mohican look he went home with last time. But as I have said, adults are a bloody mystery.

Libby said, "I have Joshy the Dolly boy, he's naaaiiice!"

I said, "Libby, I think Josh would like the paper bag off his head,"

"He lobes it,"

Then Josh the Dolly Boy made a mad dash for freedom.

3 minutes later

I may call the NSPCC and have Libby locked away.

10 minutes later

I can't believe Mutti won't let me go to Italy. It is unbelievable, that is why. What am I going to say to Masimo?

6 minutes later

Freaky Potatoes! I just had Dave's voice pop into my head again saying, "Watch out he doesn't hit you with his handbag,"

Shut up voice of Dave.

10 minutes later

I wonder why he was asleep earlier? Though I am not surprised. Sven probably kept everyone awake by yodelling all night long so he would have been vair vair tired.

7 minutes later

I wonder if Dave really meant it when he said he loved me. He can't, can he? He is Dave the Laugh, King of the Horn. He probably says it to everyone.

Stupid Dave. He's probably just trying to get me to dump the Italian Stallion. Well, I'm going to Ignorez-Vous him. Like a heartless babe magnet. Because I have brought my Italian Cakey and I am not going to ask for a refund.


Sorry it's a short chapter. I will have more soon. It's another of those filling in chapters. I had loads of them when I was writing Vegetables, Rollerskating and Dave the Laugh. Very Annoying. Thank you so much for all your reviews! Six for the first chapter! I feel very loved!!