Chapter 2: Happy Birthday

"Hey, sweetie, wake up" said Lois softly, who was sited in Meg's bed.

Meg started to stir around the bed. As she opened her eyes, she saw her mother watching her, smiling.

"Mom…what the…?" asked Meg while awaking

"Happy Birthday!" said her mother very enthusiast, hugging Meg, kissing her in the forehead and the cheeks. "Look at you, you're now 18. " said Lois proudly. She couldn't even bear the fact that one of his little children was now an adult.

"Thanks, mom" said as she smiled, giving back the hug.

"And wait to see the party I've planned - and no, I didn't let Peter to take any part on it. No balloons, no childish stuff, and definitely no drunken clowns. I know that last year's party didn't like you very much" said Lois.

"It's a relief to hear that" said Meg, who still had in mind the awful party Peter had planned for her previous birthday.

"Well, I'm going to make breakfast, so get dressed" said Lois while leaving Meg's room.

Lois then went to the living room, and there were Peter, Chris, Stewie and Brian doing thir favourite hobby: watching TV.

"Hey, Peter, I need you to help me to get Meg's party ready" said Lois.

"Ow, Lois, it's Saturday! This day it's supposed for watch TV and do nothing! Why can't you do it by yourself?" complained Peter, acting dramatically like he was forced to do an exausting job.

"Peter, please, yesterday I was in four different shops buying all the food and drinks, and sending the party invitations while you were in the Clam with your friends!!" Lois said angrily. Sometimes she wondered why she married to such a lazy and fat guy.

"Come on, Lois, now I'm watching pressing catch. It's a fight for the WWE title!!" said Peter, emphasizing his disgust about working on his not-so-loved daughter's party.

"Peter, do you know that all fights in that show are fake, don't you?" asked Brian.

"Are you nuts? Look better. That's a true combat"

Cutaway to TV

John Cena is fighting for the WWE title against an opponent that has never faced before…yes you're right, it's the cookie monster.

"COOKIES!!" shouted the cookie monster as he delivered on Cena a suplex.

"Wow, it seems that John Cena will be unable to retain his title" said one of the commentators.

"Yea, I never saw such a bloody fight in all my years here" said the other one "Look, the cookie monster it's going to make his finisher, 'The Doom cookie'!!" shouted in excitement.

But before the cookie monster could deliver his finisher, Cena reacts and pulls him out a FU, and a STFU, winning the match.

"And John Cena wins again!! Nobody would expect that!!"

End Cutaway

(A/N: No offenses to pressing catch fans, BTW I'm one too)

"Peter, please, I'm VERY tired, I need you" begged Lois, who was aldo tired form the excuses of her husband. Sometimes he could get her mad with his lazyness.

"Oooookay" said Peter tediously, as he raised from the couch, trning on the TV "I don't know how do you manage to make me do ALL the work in house"

Then Peter and Lois leave the room. Meg then walks in.

"Hello everybody" said Meg happily. Her smile reflected the special day it was, at least for her.

"Oh, look who's here, the birthday mare!" said Stewie.

"Happy birthday, Meg" said Chris.

"Thanks, Chris"

"I was going to give you for present a picture of you, but the evil monkey stole it" sais Chris sadly.

"The 'evil monkey'…yes" said Brian dryly.

"But don't worry. I've got another present. I will make an awesome act for your party: I will spit fire like that guy in Jackass!"

"Spit fire? Isn't that a bit dangerous?" asked Meg, raising an eyebrow. His brother usually had stupid ideas, but this one was stupid and dangerous. And not only dangerous for Chris.

"No, it's totally safe, look" said as he carried a torch and a bottle of pure alcohol and drank of it. Then he stares there looking them blankly. He drops the torch, which was poorly lit, thanks to god.

"Chris?"

"Call an ambulance" Chris said before running away, screaming in pain.

"Yeah, an awesome performance" laughed Stewie "It was better that the time the Fatman tried a magic trick"

Flashback

Peter is dressed as a mage, acting in the Clam.

"Ladies an gentlemen, now I'll make a trick that will astonish David Copperfield himself. "said as he showed a hat and a rabbit "As you see, I put this rabbit in the hat I flick with my wand three times and… Oh crap, I chose the wrong hat!!" said as from the hat started to spawn the hideous Rayman Raving Rabbit rabbits, and started to attack and bite people, and to turn upside down the place.

End Flashback

"And how about you Brian? Are you going to give her another hunting trophy? HAHA!! By saying hunting trophy I meant another dead bird or rat, as the one you gave to Lois. I'm so funny!" mocked Stewie again, self pleasured with his joke.

Brian gave the baby a cold glare, but that only make Stewie happier. He loved to work up that dog.

Hours later, in he aternoon, they all were celebrating Meg's birthday. To the party were invited Meg's school friends, the neighbours and the whole Griffin family. They were drinking and chatting, when Lois tells them that it was time for Meg to open her presents.

"I hope you like it, Meg. It cost me a lot" said Quagmire, who handed her a wide wrapped box.

Meg opened it and there were a black leather dominatrix clothes, a whip and handcuffs. She stared at that strange gift for almost a minute. Then she raised her head, an looked to her pervert neighbour with confused eyes, trying to guess what that weird present meant. Quagmire smiled happily and winked her.

"Um…pretty…cool…present" muttered Lois "I will keep it for you!" said as she carried the present upstairs, running.

"This is mine" said Brian, who handed Meg a big box "AND NO!! IT ISN'T A DEAD ANIMAL!! Shouted as he looked Stewie, who was about to say something.

Meg opened it, and to her surprise, she saw an authentic Prada purse.

"Oh, Brian! Thanks a lot!" shouted Meg very excited, hugged Brian and give him a kiss. The dog smiled nervously, remmembering the obsession Meg had with him after the High School dance.

"Wow, you received a kiss form that fat-ass cow without throwing out!" remarked Stewie.

"How did you get one? Those bags are very expensive" asked Meg, interested.

"Well, let's say it I have my methods" said Brian.

Flashback

An old rich-looking woman who was carrying a Prada purse walks by the street when Brian suddenly approaches her running.

"WATCH OUT" shouted Brian "There's a mouse in your bag!!" said pointing the lady's purse.

"What?"

The old lady looked inside her purse, and indeed, there was a mouse.

(Here goes Mikey Mouse's stupid laugh)

"AHHHH" screamed the woman before dropping her purse and start running. Brian then picks the bag.

"Perfect. Thanks for the help, Mickey" said Brian, as he gave him a bunch of 10 dollar bills.

"Anytime. Now I must go back to Disneyland before Michael Eisner discovers that I'm not there and then tries to…do me bad things"

End Flashback

"Here you are Meg, this is form daddy" said Peter gigling like a child "I hope you like it".

Meg stares at the big wrapped box for a few seconds, then looked at Peter. Even in her birthday, she learned over the years to NEVER trust in a present given by her father. She still had in mind that expoding watremelon, amng other disusting jokes.

"I hope this isn't another of your so-called jokes. I bet that when I unwrap it,it will explode" said Meg.

"No, nothing that explodes, I promise" said Peter, surprisingly atonished of the lack of trust his daughter had in him.

"Are there poisonous snakes?" asked Meg

"No"

"Worms?"

"No"

"Rats?"

"An Uwe Boll DVD collection?"

"JUST OPEN THE DAMN PRESENT" shouted Peter.

"OK, ok…"

Meg opened the box, expecting being some disgusting prank, like the infamous watermelon, or being bit by a rabid rodent, but surprisingly, the box didn't explode, or had any nasty trick. Inside the box was an old leather bound book.

"Um, thanks dad" muttered Meg, lookin at the book. It was a weirder gift than Quagmire's dominatrix lingerie, but at least, it didn't explode.

"This isn't the kind of present someone would expect, but at least, this is the first gift that dad makes me that is NOT part of a joke" Though Meg.

Meg opened the book, and a cloud of dust came from the crusty pages. Meg coughed a little, while trying to remove the dust waving with her hand.

"For your sake, I hope this is dust and not Anthrax" said Meg, thinking in that posibility.

"Anthrax hidden in books" said Stewie to himself "That's brilliant! I must remember that when I'm going to kill the UN chairmen"

"What's that?" asked Lois.

"It seems to be a spell book" said Meg, while passing the pages, and reading some of the spells. "Do you think it will be a real one?" Meg asked, a bit touched whe she though that.

"Let me see that" asked Brian, and Meg handed him the book, and the dog sarted to pass the pags "Hey, this is very old. I would say that this is from the 17th century! Peter, how much you paid for it?"

"Only 9.90" said Peter.

"9.90?!" asked Lois in disbelief.

"Yes, it was a bargain, wasn't it?" aid Peter, proud of his 'ability' to find always the best price. However, he always find the best prie for the saleman, not for him. This time was an exception.

"I GAVE YOU 100 DOLLARS TO BUY MEG A PRESENT!!" shouted Lois angrily "What the hell did you with the rest of the money?"

"I rent a WWII airplane" said Peter.

Flashback

"All hail to the Peterstroyer!!" shouted Peter, who wasdressed as some kind of military commander while he was piloting an old and crusty airplane, with Peter's face painted in the frontal part.

But, as all other Peter's flying machines, it ended crashing over Joe's house.

"PETER!! I'M TIRED OF YOUR FKING FLYING CRAP!!" said Joe before start chasing Peter, shooting him.

End Flashback

"Anyway, I think this book is pretty valuable!" said Brian.

"It's valuable…for someone who wants a horrible and cruel death" said Seamus in his creepy voice, who walked from the shadows.

"Seamus?" asked Lois.

"What the hell is that guy doing in my party?" asked Meg, a bit annoyed.

"I invited him. I mean, look at him, he looks like a circus freak, and a circus freak is very amusing!! Don't you like circus freaks, Meg?" asked Peter.

Both Meg and Seamus rolled their eyes.

"That book will only bring tragedies and doom! You must ditch that book! It's cursed!" said as his eyes opened wide, and the camera zoomed his face.

"Is there anything that isn't cursed for you?" asked Brian.

"Honestly? Nope. But as I was saying, that book contains a power that is not suitable for normal humans. You must get rid off that thing before it's too late!" said Seamus as he was predicting sme kind of apocalypse.

"Don't be ridiculous. That thing isn't cursed. Magic doesn't exist" replied Lois.

"Yes 'Magic doesn't exist', which was what my friend Douglas said me few hours before his DEATH"

"Wha…what happened to him?" asked Peter in fear.

"He had tickets for a David Copperfield show, but he went too late, and there wasn't room for parking near the theatre, so he went to a dangerous street, and indeed, there was room enough, but then, when he returned form the show…HIS CAR RADIO WAS STOLEN…oh, and he slipped in a puddle and the fall killed him" said as he has related an Terror story.

"…"

"What I'm trying to say is that it's dangerous to play with supernatural forces!! Don't you remember the Rayman Raving Rabbits trick that Peter did last week?" asked Seamus, still wit the same advising tone.

"I still think that's only an old book" said Lois.

"OK, I see that you choose to keep that cursed thing. Well, I advised you! Don't cry when death comes here to take you souls!" said before leaving.

"Hey! I received an invitation!" Complained Death, who was eating a piece of cake.

"Did you invite Death too? DEATH!?" asked Meg, now angry.

"Well, death has spend a lot of time with us, and we lived together many adventures, it would be impoliteness not invite him" said Peter.

"I must said that Peter this time has got a point there" said Lois.

"I think Seamus is partially right, remember when Peter unburied that skull, what happened to the house?" said Brian, remmembering the poltergeist incident, whom forced the family to leave ther home.

"So, dad's gift is potentially dangerous. Why I'm not surprised?" said Meg, even more angry, trying to look to another side.

"I didn't say that. I said that you should be careful with it" remarked Brian.

"Come on, it's only a book, not a weapon" said Lois.

"Well, sometimes books are dangerous as weapons" said Peter.

Flashback

Peter is watching in TV a documentary about the Theory of Evolution.

"And why is this book dangerous for us? Let see it" said a priest.

Then, the screen changed to a man who was about to read the book of evolution. Then, a giant mantis come outside the book and devours him.

"AHHH!!" shouts Peter.

"See? Evolution is EVIL!"

End flashback

(A/N: No offense to evolution supporters/attackers, I though it was funny)

Then Chris comes downstairs.

"Why somebody hasn't called an ambulance yet?" asked before falling unconscious.