If It Wasn't Me
"It's Alex...Goren's been hurt..."
--
She had been sitting hunched over in a chair for what felt like hours. Glancing down at her watch she discovered that she had only been in the waiting room for twenty minutes. She had just closed her eyes again when a voice resonated through the room.
"Alex!" She looked up to see Deakins making his way towards her. She stood and let out a breath as he gave her a hug. "Anything?"
She shook her head. "And he's been in there for close to an hour." Her voice was quiet. It almost scared her to think of what she must look like to her former superior.
"Tell me what happened," Deakins said as they sat down. He watched as his former detective wrung her hands together. She looked so lost without Goren by her side. Somewhere in the back of his mind he always knew a day like this would come, the day when they were parted. He had just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.
"I don't know…Ross said he was undercover at the club that was connected to the murder we were investigating. Apparently the team that went in didn't know and they…they shot him." The last few words came out in a low whisper. She was still trying to understand why someone hadn't been told and what had happened to provoke them to fire.
"You didn't know he was undercover?"
She shook her head. "No. I talked to him a few days ago but we didn't talk very long. He looked nervous. He…he didn't seem too happy to see me." She choked the last sentence out and tried to tell herself that it wasn't true, that she was just looking too far into things.
"He probably knew it wasn't safe to talk to you," Deakins said gently. "He knows how those operations work."
"Why would he do this?" She asked, tears beginning to fill her eyes. "Why would he go undercover and not tell me? He knows how I feel about undercover operations…" She trailed off thinking of her late husband.
"You don't know whose idea it was?"
She shook her head. "No."
Deakins looked around the room. "Is your Captain not here?"
"No, he's at the precinct."
"I'm going to make a phone call, will you be ok?"
She nodded her head silently. As Deakins walked off she leaned into her knees. She had never been one to rely on religion. In her line of work religion wasn't a guarantee that you would come home. You had to rely on your instincts and your partner. But with her partner currently under the knife, her instincts told her that now was the time to fall back on the religion card. So she closed her eyes and silently began to pray.
Don't let him die…please don't let him die.
--
"It's a request for a new partner, but I withdrew my request!"
"Please…read the highlighted passage."
She gave the attorney a look before beginning to read the words that nearly ripped her heart to pieces. "Detective Goren's erratic and anti-social behavior…his volatile and bizarre interrogation techniques leave me to have serious doubts about his judgment and mental stability…I wanna explain!"
"Eames," A hand on her shoulder woke her from her nightmare. She sat up, breathing deeply and trying to get her bearings.
Hospital…Bobby… She thought as her nightmare in the form of a flashback vanished from her mind.
Once she looked up she found Ross standing before her. "Captain," She said standing as quickly as she could.
"You alright?"
"Bad dream," She said quietly. "When did you get here?"
"Just a few minutes ago. Deakins called me." Ross's face showed that he wasn't happy with the fact the former Captain was meddling.
"I didn't…"
"I know," Ross said gently. "He's just worried. About both of you." Eames nodded. Looking around she noticed there were more people in the room than there were when she had fallen asleep.
There were several officers from their precinct, as well as others from surrounding areas. She felt a small part of her swell with pride. Even though he was known on the force as the "wack job" everyone was here because he was a fellow officer, a uniformed brother. The force was like a family and when someone in your family was hurt, no matter how much you disliked them, you supported them.
Deakins was making his way over to them with Logan and Wheeler trailing behind. Wheeler took her unofficial spot next to Ross while Logan came to stand next to Eames.
"How you holding up Alex?" Logan asked his voice full of concern.
"I've been better," She muttered and Logan nodded.
"He's a fighter," Wheeler said, trying to offer her co-worker comfort.
"And he's stubborn," Logan added. "He won't go down without a fight."
Eames unconsciously slid her hands around her stomach. "I hope you're right."
"Detective Eames?" Everyone turned to look and Eames felt as if she was going to faint when she saw the owner of the voice. A doctor, dressed in dark blue scrubs and a tired face, stood before them.
"I'm Detective Eames," Eames said making her way towards the doctor. Ross followed and after telling him he was the Captain, the doctor nodded. Eames swallowed the lump in her throat. "How is he?"
"Well, we got the bullet. But it did more damage than we initially thought. It seems the bullet clipped Detective Goren's heart. We've been attempting to repair the hole but,"
"Attempting? Does that mean you can't fix it?" Eames snapped and Ross placed a hand on her arm.
"We can, but it's taking awhile. The hole is in a position where it's very difficult to reach." The doctor sighed and rubbed his face. Eames felt her stomach drop. That was never a good sign. "The thing is if we don't fix this hole within the next few hours, he'll bleed out."
"Can't you give him blood?" Ross asked.
The doctor nodded. "We can, but he's starting to lose it faster than we can put it in. We've decided to put him on bypass, to buy us more time. This is why I needed to speak to you." He nodded at Eames. "You're his medical proxy, are you not?"
"I am," She said softly.
"Do you know his medical wishes?"
"He…um…he always said he didn't want to be left on a machine." Her voice came out in a whisper and she could hear Deakins and Logan moving closer.
"Are his wishes documented?"
She shook her head. "No. The only thing that is…is how he wants to be taken care of should he die." It was getting harder for her to talk and the doctor could tell.
"Ok. Because of that, if anything should happen, it will be up to you to decide what we do." Eames nodded. "This means you could go against his wishes if you desire in order to attempt to keep him alive longer." Eames nodded again. Tears began to fill her eyes and she felt Deakins slide a hand onto her shoulder. "I need to get back. I'm sorry for your situation, but I can promise you, we're doing all we can."
Ross thanked the doctor, who had just turned around when Eames suddenly found her voice. "Doctor," After he turned to face her she cleared her throat. "If…if I was to keep him on any machine…would…that allow me to say goodbye to him?"
The doctor gave her a sad look. "If he regains conciseness, yes." Eames nodded and watched the doctor make his way through the doors to the surgery room.
--
A.N. If the medical stuff doesn't seem right, I'm sorry. I'm not a doctor. I'm stuck on where to go from here, so thoughts/encouragement would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!
