A/N: In this, Legolas is the elvish equivalent to a 3 year old human. I won't delve into elvish ages, I'll just confuse myself. In response to reviews (namely eiluj) I'm not sure when I'm setting this. Jackson gave Legolas' age as 2931, but an article on the internet proves he's less than 1000. Plus, I completely forgot about Celebrían! Hmm. Oh well, I wont be needing anyone except the main 2 in the rest of the chapters. I'd meant this to be a few centuries after the fall of Sauron, but I wanted Arwen to have been born... Ah, I think I really have confused myself :S This was only after boredom, so I admit I didn't put much thought into it. Boredom is also the reason for the capitalization mistakes, I'm incredibly lazy. I realise Legolas more likely inherited his hair from his father, but I think Christopher Tolkien suggested that dark-haired elven descriptions may have not been meant for Sindarin as well. Golden-haired Sindarin elves may not have been mentioned, but they don't all have to be silver-haired, right? All your reviews are great! Read on...


Of Wizards and Elflings
Baths and Tales

Kitchen. Kitchen. Kitchen. Nay, that is a bathroom. Kitchen. Kitchen. Kitchen. Nay, that is another bathroom. Kitchen. Kitchen. Kitchen. And another... How many blasted bathrooms does Thranduil own? Gandalf Greyhame threw his arms up in frustration, before standing with his hands on his hips as he surveyed the hallway. He was lost in the home of his friend. How dignified. The temptation to give up was great, but just as he was about to turn back, a crash emitted from one room, far down the hallway on his right. He smiled and adjusted his grip on his staff as he strode towards it. This must be it. He winced as another crash sounded, and a panicked exclamation followed in haste. Yes, he thought as reached for the door handle, this is most certainly it.
But before his hand had even touched the handle, the door flew open to reveal a somewhat flustered elfmaid, her tousled hair escaping from their braids.

"Mithrandir!" She exclaimed with relief, seizing his outstretched arm and dragging him inside. "I am in dire need of your aid!"

"My aid?" The Istar repeated, his brow creased- or rather, creased further than what was normal for a wrinkled, old wizard- in confusion, but what he saw was enough to quell his questions.

The Crown Prince Greenleaf, dressed only in a kind of clothing that had arm and leg holes yet left his arms and legs bare, sat on the floor, with pots and pans spread about him, and something that must have once been a magnificent cake now smeared on his face, arms and legs. The little prince, however, was grinning happily as he held his chocolate hands out in front of him and showed them proudly to the wizard.

"Gandaff 'ook!" He exclaimed in glee, holding his hands higher.

Gandalf sighed, turning back to the maid.

"Have no worry, Lelani," He reassured her, patting her shoulder. "I shall take care of Greenleaf."

Ai, I have become a sitter of babies. But by the time he began to regret his words Lelani had already beamed her thanks, and hurriedly gone to fetch a mop. Gandalf grimly turned back to the little elfling, regarding the Prince of Mirkwood with apprehension; the prince's big, wide eyes stared back, until finally the wizard gave in and swept forward.

"What have you been doing, little Greenleaf?" He enquired warmly, and the elfling picked up a wooden spoon to bang it loudly on a pan in demonstration.

"Paying!" He announced happily. Gandalf frowned. Paying? Ah, playing.

"Come now, Thranduillion," He chided, reaching down to Legolas. "have you been snacking on cake?"

Legolas nodded eagerly, showing his hands again. "Messee." he stated.

"Yes," Gandalf agreed. "very."

He picked the little prince up and set him on his hip, grimacing slightly. I must remember to wash these clothes, he thought grimly as he strode from the kitchen with the squirming Legolas. The little prince eventually found himself a comfortable position, laying his small head on the wizard's shoulder and wrapping his small arms around his neck, and then began singing.

"Hmmm-mmm, da da." Legolas sang, provoking a small chuckle from the Istar.

Argh, where were the bathrooms again? Ah, yes. He turned into a bathroom, setting the still singing prince on a wooden chair before turning to the bath. Water. Pump. Ah, here we are. He bent and, as much as his back protested, filled the bath with water, before turning to the little prince, who was now humming and idly swinging his legs.

"Whatchoo dooin' Gandaff?" He broke off to ask the wizard curiously.

"Stand." The wizard ordered, and Legolas slid from the chair to stand in front of him.

Gandalf knelt down in front of the little prince, frowning deeply as his eyes scoured Legolas' small body. Now, how does this come off? Ah, buttons. He quickly undid them, cursing mentally at how small they were, and wondering why an all-powerful wizard, such as himself, was cursed with a body far past it's prime.

"Up." Legolas obediently raised his arms, and Gandalf pulled off the clothing to leave the little prince standing naked.

"In." Legolas tiptoed tentatively to the water-filled basin, dipping one toe inside and squealing when it came into contact with the liquid. Gandalf sighed resignedly "Come now, little Greenleaf, we haven't all day."

The little prince hopped in with a tiny splash, laughing in delight as he sat down with a 'plop' at the bottom. Gandalf inwardly groaned. I shall have to kneel again.

"Gandaff old." The little prince giggled, as the wizard descended painstakingly to his knees, but Gandalf said nothing, instead choosing to ignore the comment by dipping a sponge into the water. Thranduillion is right; this lack of action has left my bones weary.

"Gandaff!" Greenleaf protested loudly as the wizard began scrubbing at his chocolate-covered face, pouting deeply when Gandalf ignored him and moved onto his arms.

"Cleanliness is a virtue, little prince." The wizard remarked, gently tipping Legolas' nose with the sponge.

"Reawee. Gandaff?" The little prince asked curiously, and in his wide eyes there was only innocence; he seemed remarkably unaware of the fleck of soap that now adorned his nose.
It took a moment for the wizard to work out what he had said.

"Yes, really."

Gandalf finally set the soap aside with a triumphant smile; the little prince was now spotless.

"Look, I've seen none cleaner." Legolas beamed, and the wizard chuckled as he picked up a towel. "Come on now, Legolas."

Legolas stood, dripping water as Gandalf quickly wrapped his wet form in the folds of the towel, and gently lifted him from the basin to stand on the chair. The elfling began humming again as the wizard dried him, towelling his golden hair and chafing his arms. He is a true elf... they never seem to stop singing. I would have thought they never did, if I had not seen them asleep.

Finally, with another quick scrub at Legolas' face, Gandalf scoured the bathroom for clothes, and found none. You are becoming forgetful in your old age, old wizard. In the end he had to compensate by wrapping the little prince in a blanket, even using it to hold his arms by his side; all that was visible of him was his face, calves, and feet.

"There we are." Gandalf muttered to himself as he stepped back to admire his own handiwork, and Legolas looked down and giggled at his makeshift clothing. "We shall get your clothes from your room."

And with that he picked the little elfling up, balancing him on his arm and against his shoulder, and went back out to the hallway to attempt to find the crown prince's room.
Room. Room. Room. Nay, that is yet another bathroom! Room. Room. Room. Nay, that is the same kitchen you were in before. Look Lelani is still cleaning up. Room. Room. Ro- ooh. A smile crept onto his lips as he gazed into the large library, where a cushioned chair sat in front of a roaring fire. It was tempting. It was very tempting. He stood there pondering his options for a moment. I could roam the hallways only to find more and more bathrooms, or I could sit with the prince in that chair, in front of that magnificent fireplace...

Smiling to himself, he strode further into the room, soon realising the prince was once again humming over his shoulder. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as sat down heavily in the chair and pulled the prince to sit in his lap, still wrapped firmly in the blanket cocoon. Legolas' small mouth had opened into an 'o' of awe, and his big, cobalt eyes seemed to dance in the firelight, blending between shades of blue.

"Stowee!" He squealed, bouncing up and down despite his woollen restraint. Gandalf sighed; what kind of story would he tell the Crown Prince of Mirkwood? Ah, perhaps a child-proof version of the great battle.

"In-" He paused and waited as the little prince squirmed, huddling closer into him, and resting his small head on the wizard's chest. "In a land much alike our own, a great sorcerer of evil conjured three sets of rings.

"Nine went to the race of men, each great kings of their kingdom.

"Five went to the dwarves, great miners and treasurers of gold.

"And three went to the race of elves, the fairest and wisest of them all." At this he risked a glance downwards to see Legolas wearing a grin.

"But another was forged in secret, and it was for the sorcerer himself." The little prince gave a small 'eek'. "With this ring he created his own army, larger and fiercer than any other,

"and so the races of Middle-earth united together to face his villainy. An army, thousands strong, marched onto Mor- erm, Morilith." He quickly backtracked, not willing to face the Elvenqueen's wrath if she found out about this little storytelling session...

"Haoo manee?" Legolas asked with a tiny yawn. Gandalf smiled. Not long now…

"A great many, little Greenleaf." He told the young elfling, sinking further back into the armchair.

"Now where was I? Ah, yes. They marched to Morgilith, and under the shadow of it's mountain they fought long and hard,

"and then finally the sorcerer joined the battle. He was large and armoured, with a great helm of iron on his head, and none could defeat him." The little prince seemed to be leaning further and further into his chest. "And then the great king of, erm, Gonhilm fell, and hope began to fade,

"until the heir to Gonhilm, ahem, Isileum, stepped forth and wielded his father's sword, and swinging in a mighty arc, he cut the ring from the sorcerer's hand and so the sorcerer was slain."

Gandalf paused, wondering how to phrase the ending. "But in the hubbub of the aftermath, the ring and Isileum were lost, and so the ring remains thus."

Gandalf glanced down at the small prince, now fast asleep against him, his eyes half-lidded in elven dreams, and chuckled lightly.

"And so a fitful peace was made, and..." He heaved his own yawn. Did he ever think about finding Legolas' room? The thought seemed silly now; the chair seemed much too comfortable to leave. "and all... li-" Another yawn. "lived... happily..."

-
When the Elvenqueen entered the library, some two hours later, she found her young son fast asleep in the lap of a softly snoring wizard, and she smiled.


Apologies if you can't understand what Legolas is saying, pronouncing his lines out loud as they appear helps. I based his speech on my little brother (3 years old) and he isn't exactly the best talker... The constructive criticism from the last chapter was amazing, and will still be much appreciated! Review! Two more...