A/N: At the rate I'm going, this will be finished way before Christmas. Angst aplenty here, duh.
Disclaimer: Original names, characters and places don't belong to me. I don't own anything except the general ridiculous plot-less plot and OC(s), if any. Yadablah.
-scence.
It was either to make or to break.
Evanescence
Oshitari Yuushi had escorted Atobe's cousin to the event, she being the acting hostess of the evening. It was more of her using this event to find someone to flirt with. And she had selected that someone to be him. Atobe had of course chosen to risk Oshitari rather than his own hide.
When she boldly upped the stakes and flirted a bit too much, he had been surprised; and even more so when he found them in a compromising position, to quote those extremely trashy romance novels he liked reading – much to the embarrassment and dismay of his partner.
It wasn't so much the position, but the feeling he felt, like someone was watching him. The only person he had developed such sensitivity was Gakuto: he had eventually developed a way to read his partner's moods through the many glares he sent around when he was upset. It was honed to such a point that he just knew when his partner was looking at him.
As of the current moment, it certainly felt like he was being stared at in shock.
That sensation had to be wrong, as no one had seen Gakuto since the end of junior high.
He broke away, scanning the crowd. He caught Gakuto's eyes, seeing in them everything unveiled, before his ex-doubles partner broke away and bounded up the stairs like death itself was chasing him. The last glimpse he had was red hair around the bend. Atobe had flawlessly cut in then, taking over the conversation and subtly near-ordering Oshitari to shift his sorry ass to hurt down his ex-doubles partner before... well, Yuushi was sure he was going to be threatened but he had taken the opening and therefore, there was no threat given.
Nothing mattered more than wiping away that look.
Not even finding out the reasons behind his sudden years-long absence.
Gakuto found himself frozen when he saw Yuushi making out with some girl he did not recognize. For that moment, he could feel nothing but pain, betrayal and resignation.
He didn't think that it could be any worse.
But it could, and it was.
It was infinitely worse when his eyes met Yuushi's indigo. It was as though the tensai could see through him, see everything he had no doubt. And the worst of it was he couldn't pull away.
He was frozen.
"Sheesh, dude, you didn't know?" He heard Shishido's approaching voice. "Popular rumor has it that he's being going out with that girl…"
He never heard the end of Shishido's words.
It was as though hearing it snapped the feeling back into his body. He leapt up the stairs as though the hounds of hell were after him, rounding the sharp bend on the stairs, headed for the single place in the large mansion that he could find some peace.
Yuushi stalked the corridors of the mansion, eloquently cursing Atobes and their perchance for grandness. Why did the bloody mansion have to be so damn big anyway? He had checked everywhere he could think of.
He stopped in one of the glorified rooms that the Atobes called a parlor or salon – used for entertaining small groups of people. The frames on the mantel were typical: of the family, for small talk topics.
Of course, there would be one of them all. School involvements weighed heavily in the maternal side of discussions. And it did boost paternal egos.
The one that caught his eye was one that had been taken in the very same mansion he currently stood in. At the foot of the grand stair, they stood in tiered rows. Ohtori dragging Shishido into smiling in the last row, flanked at the other side by Kabaji who looked the same as ever. Hiyoshi and he flanked Atobe and Jirou in the center row. Gakuto himself was sprawled on the lowest step, a peace sign and grin as always.
But the point wasn't quite the picture.
No, it was what they were talking about the day they took the picture.
"Ne, Yuushi, as much as I hate Atobe's extravagance, this is one bit I don't mind." Gakuto had taken his silence as heed to continue. "I don't mind because I get to come up here at night, whenever we're here. It's so peaceful and comforting. No matter how terrible the day, it is as though this place can erase everything."
He had laughed at the notion of erasing everything before saying. "So you're saying it's your sanctuary?"
Gakuto had never replied: the acrobat had fallen asleep.
He had been extremely hard to wake up for Atobe's sudden need for photo taking later that evening.
Sanctuary, why hadn't it occurred to him earlier.
Cursing Atobes and their need for having too many corridors and too much room, he tried to recall exactly where that sanctuary was.
And so, he ran along the many corridors of the mansion, trying to ignore the feeling in his gut that he might very well be too late.
It was as though his body remembered the steps; even though his mind was clouded in a fog of agony and he hadn't stepped into the mansion in years, he flawlessly found his way to that room in a daze.
Upon reaching the open-aired end of the room, he sank to the ground, unable to hold himself up, the tears back, any longer.
Some would expect him to be bawling, wailing, and making any sorrowful noise to the highest pitch.
That might have been what he'd have done years ago.
Now, he simply stared at the moon – beautifully full but clouded over – letting the tears cascade down without a heed for that.
He'd probably have to cover up later, his logical side of mind considered; before the illogical ditched that and said he could just go home. Or maybe hide in one of the very many rooms in some isolated wing of the house.
He'd imagined this would happen eventually. He had even prepared himself for this eventuality. But he hadn't imagined it would hurt so much.
I'm stupid. He reprimanded himself. It was for this precise reason that he had opted to study privately after junior high and vanished to his friends.
All that work gone to hell. He ruefully thought.
He still remembered that vague dream he had once, shortly before he disappeared. It was here. He'd fallen asleep while talking. He'd almost thought he was awake then.
Yuushi's hand moved, brushing away stray strands of his hair that had been bugging him for a while already. He'd guess for the angle that his head was, as usual, cushioned by his partner's shoulder.
He felt himself being shifted slightly. Then a soft, "Oyasumi nasai, Gaku-chan."
He knew he was dreaming then. Yuushi would never call him that.
A peck on his cheek.
Yuushi would definitely never do that.
He woke up, head still pillowed on Yuushi's shoulder, shaken awake for Atobe's stupid photo taking.
Gakuto was hard-pressed to behave normally after that. It had taken almost everything in him not to wake up weeping.
But now, there was no one here, he could weep alone. No one would find him here anyway.
He gave a short mirthless laugh.
He knew this would happen eventually. For that, he had left. Save himself some heartache, he'd thought. He'd hoped that by the time he was found out and came back, it would be over. Feelings would have faded and so on.
Fade, his ass.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." He never thought he'd be agreeing with some mushy statement Yuushi spouted once; quoted from some trashy romance novel, probably.
And as he let the tears freely cascade, released from a dam after so many years, he softly repeated the mental mantra he knew so well.
Yuushi was way above him. Even if he did swing that way, he'd never be spared a second glance. They were partners, and that was the end of it. If he even thought of him as a partner after he'd bailed out of him before senior high that is.
No, now they were just old schoolmates, acquaintances. People who barely knew each other. He won't ruin someone who matter so deeply to him, Gakuto decided, even as pain stabbed him through every thought.
I won't burden him with this. But the tears flowed faster at the thought. I'd disappear again. It would be as though this day never happened.
My good bye present.
But nothing could stop the tears from flowing, the pain from stabbing at him.
He stared at the luminous moon. This, this was just an eclipse. They'd have a new moon soon, and it will forever be a new moon, frozen in eternity.
For that, he cried.
Yuushi stopped in the doorway, slowing and quieting just in case Gakuto was inside and could hear him. He scanned the room quickly. The many seats were empty in the sheltered end of the room.
Frustration rife, he crossed to the other end rapidly.
But the sight there was one he was unprepared for, his breath catching.
Gakuto had curled himself up, head tilted to see the sky. Tears trailing down.
Then he turned, and Yuushi had to stop even if he didn't want to. That look was too painful.
Pain and soft determination.
He'd seen it once and the next thing he knew, Gakuto had disappeared. He'd be damned if he let it happen again. But he couldn't help but wonder
What if I've already lost him?
Gakuto heard a soft step behind him. Whoever it was seriously sucked at being sneaky. He turned and felt everything in him freeze in confusion.
"Yuushi?"
A/N: The moon bits may be a bit over dramatic and it sounds way too much like the titles of the Twilight saga. I think I've been thinking about the series too much - can't help it the movie's coming out soon! But anyway, please R&R. I'm considering saving the last bit till Christmas before I post it. But that seems so far away! -iirse
Editted: 17 February 2011
