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October 26th, 1990 8:30PM EST
He sat on his couch with his guitar in his hands, pretending to do something. He picked at his strings, as if a song was going to write it's self right then and there. It felt as if almost nothing had had happened with her, as if they never met. It was like he was back to the way he was before her, last year, day before Christmas. But it wasn't, almost but not. This time he felt himself get eaten away from the pain of a different girl, a completely different girl then the last time. Different feelings. With her he actually really felt. He wasn't on smack, he knew it was all real. This time he took her away from him himself. He even had the chance to get her back , but he can't. It's too much.
Mark walks in on an oh to familiar scene. Roger on the couch picking at his guitar, refusing to leave, refusing to cheer up. He doesn't even feel bad for himself to have to go through this situation once again. He feels bad for his friend to actually have to feel this again.
"How are you doing?" Mark asked, trying his best to start conversation.
"Just fantastic" Roger replied bitterly, not even turning around to face him or stop playing for that matter. Hoping Mark would get the idea to leave him alone.
Mark sighed and told him he was going to his room, leaving him alone on the couch once again.
Roger just kept picking at his guitar, playing random chords. He wondered how much longer he could go without her. Without her touch, her taste, her smell, her feel. Seemed impossible. All he really wanted was her. But he couldn't let himself. No matter how dark of a state he got to be in.
An hour or so had passed. He tried to keep himself occupied. He tried to watch the news, dear god how much could he have not cared about the news. He tried to switch through channels, nothing was on so he decided to give up on the tv.
Then the thinking started. Her, all he ever thought about was her. How much he needed her, no. No he didn't need her. Oh, but he did. He never wanted to admit it but it was true. He needed her so much. Everyday without her has been the most painful expericences ever.
Was it too much to ask? Just to be able to hold her again, tell her "I love you". To kiss her. Smell her scent in his sheets.
She was running out of time. He knew it. He never let himself actually think about it though but he knew. It made it even worse. What if he finally came to it and decided to take her back, but it was too late? To even think it killed him.
He put his gutiar down and got up off the couch and went into his room. He got undressed and laid down on his bed and got under the covers. It was only 10 now but he didn't care, nothing much else to do, might as well sleep.
As he laid there, he heard it. Just the way he did every night. The sobbing coming through the floor below him. It felt like it was literally killing him. He'd pretned it was just the tv or Mark watching one of his flims but he knew. He knew it was the thin, wild latina girl downstairs and it killed him. He'd rather be dead then have to hear this every night. A horror lullaby.
The first thing he wanted to do when he heard it was to be able to go and tell her everything is okay, to kiss her and hold her, wipe her tears away. If only he could.
October 30th, 12:16AM
To Mark's surprise when he got home, Roger was still awake watching the news, or at least pretending he was. He set his stuff down and sat next to him. Roger didn't make a sound, too deep in his thoughts.
Roger realized he was there, he just didn't say anything. He didn't need to make a problem with Mark at that point.
They sat like that for 10 minutes. Then the phone started ringing. Neither of them were getting up to get it. Then all of the sudden, they heard screaming and crashing from downstairs. Roger's heart stopped.
Mark's face was filled with a horrored look, Roger looked the other way, trying his best not to show pain. Mark got off the couch and run out the door down the stairs.
Roger heard Collins voice start to speak from the answering machine, but he couldn't hear what he was saying but he knew from Mimi's screams what it was. He heard her yelling to Mark "SHE'S DEAD. SHE'S GONE. SHE'S DEAD" and then worse sobbing.
Roger started shaking his head frantically, jumping off the couch, running down the stairs. It was too much for him to handle.
He left the building, walking around the streets. Going somewhere, anywhere but home. He roamed Alephabet City for the rest of the night.
