'Straighten your suit. Brush and gel your hair. Shine your teeth. Double check your progress.' Brian finished his primping and emerged from his trailer, onto the compound where the show was to take place. It took a glance at his watch to make him realize that he would have to run in order to make his appointment on time. The first competitor was to arrive momentarily. So Brian ran. And made it with seconds to spare. He barely had time to spiffy up before the prompters were cued and the cameras began filming. He mustered up his most genuine smile that glimmered a freakish white in the late morning sun.
"Hello, America," he said to the camera. "You favorite host on television, Brian Peafest, here, and welcome to the new season of Survivor. This year's show takes place in an undisclosed location and manages to exploit children! Woo! Woowoo! Yay! Exploitation!"
The director was than forced to recall Brian away from his overly enthusiastic, slightly psychotic cheering and back to cue cards.
A gurgling sound filled the air waves as he cleared his throat and got back on track. "Ahem. Let's meet our first player, Choji Akamichi."
Choji was . . . confused. "Where're the matsu balls?"
Brian gave a formulated chuckle. "Matsu balls? Haha, you're quite the character. So, Choji, tell me about yourself," Brian requested, shoving the microphone in his interview's face.
He frowned at the object being held beneath his nose than locked eyes with the man holding it. "Who're you?
This time around, Brian's smile was still fake, but more forced than before. He repeated the question aloud, and attempted to keep his near flawless smile in place. "Who am I?" He stifled a cough. "Who am I?" he said again while clearing his throat. This was followed up by the only way for him to cover up his obvious distress. He gave Choji a playful slap on the back, although he hit him a tad harder than was necessary. "You really are a funny one, and you'll certainly make things interesting. How do you feel about your chances in this competition?"
"Competition?" Choji's hand unconsciously moved to the pocket strapped to his leg and retrieved a bag of chips. "I didn't enter any competition. You're crazy."
Brian did his best to hide it, but his eye still gave an involuntary twitch. "Well," he began begrudgingly, "good luck, and . . . those are against the rules." He finished by snatching the chip from Choji's hands.
Choji yelped. People rarely challenged his eating habits. Once he overcame his initial shock, a growl emanated from deep in his throat. "Give . . . those . . . back!" he rumbled, trying to restrain his rage.
Brian didn't allow himself to acknowledge the fact that the ground had trembled when Choji had roared. "No," he said, sticking out his tongue in a gruesome manner. "I won't have you breaking the rules. It's not fair to the others."
Choji balled his hands into fists. He really didn't want to hurt the guy, but Peafest had crossed the line. No one touched the food. "HUMAN BOULDER!" he screamed.
At first, Brian just watched as Choji's torso and lower body expanded to monstrous proportions. It wasn't until his form began rolling forward did Brian realize that he was in potential danger. He began running. He was in good shape. He had to be. It was in his job description. But no amount of leg muscle nor measure of speed attainable by a normal human being could have saved him from Choji's mass.
"Cut to commercial! Cut to commercial!" Ed and Tim (the director) ordered the cameraman in unison. They were both now greatly regretting electing to do this season's Survivor on a live feed.
The cameraman did what was requested of him.
Winlock, Washington
Dave hated the show Survivor almost as much as he hated its new host. It seemed like Brian Peafest was literally everywhere. But his wife loved it and Dave loved his wife. So, he watched it. She was especially psyched about the fact that their location was 'undisclosed.' Very exciting.
"Good luck," Brian said falsely. "And . . . those are against the rules." He collected the bag of chips.
Now they're picking on fat kids? This is an all-time low. Dave frowned. The kid looked very distressed. He must have been a stress eater.
"Give . . . those . . . back!"
The camera shook. Dave was officially interested. It looked like Peafest and Choji were about to have a smack down.
"No. I won't have you breaking the rules. It wouldn't be fair to the others," Brian declared cattily and stuck out his tongue.
Dave leaned forward in his seat as Choji clenched his fists. Two words cut across the silence that had captured the room.
"HUMAN BOULDER!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Dave's wife pondered than quickly followed it with an "Oh!" as the boy's body grew.
"Cut to commercial!" two voices called at the same time from off-camera.
Brian's high-pitched scream filled the air. Static ran across the television screen and replaced Brian's scream which had actually turned into a long string of presumptive profanities (all words were censored).
The married couple stared at each other, their mouths hanging open. Best Week Ever would have something to say about this. The static came to an abrupt stop and in its stead stood Cole McMale and Stephan Colbear.
The Compound
Cole's smile was perhaps bigger than it should have been, but if you had seen Brian's terrified countenance you would have been on the verge of laughter too. "Hey," he began, "seems Peafest won't be able to host for a while, or even move for that matter. So Stephan Colbear and I - Cole McMale - will be temporarily filling in for him. Well, that's what you get for messing with a bleep." He paused. 'Bleep?' he had just tried to say 'ninja.' "What? I can't say bleep on the air? Fine. If there's one thing that we can take away from this experience it's that Peafest screams like a girl."
"And bleeps don't like to have their chips messed with," Stephan added.
"Right! Luckily, Lady bleep donated the use of her special police force, the bleep bleep ops to deal with Choji and any other complications we may encounter."
"Don't worry, Nation! Cheaters will not be rewarded."
"Well yeah, Stephan, but he didn't technically cheat. And he isn't going to be penalized either."
"He isn't? What the bleep!?"
Choji cackled from off camera.
"Why you little son of a bleep, you mother bleeping piece of bleep bleep bleep! Don't you pound your chest at me! Don't make me come over there! Oh, it's on!" Stephan removed his blazer and began walking forward. Fortunately, Cole grabbed him and pulled him back into the frame before trouble got too close.
"We'll be meeting our next contestant, Hinata Hyuga after a short commercial break." Cole smiled and held his breath until the camera turned off, at which time he released a sigh (he hated being so professional), and the director removed Stephan from the current set. Two hosts down. Well, temporarily anyway. This show is going to be harder for the hosts to survive.
A very flustered Tim slowly approached Cole, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for keeping your head," he said apologetically. "Do you think you can handle being the full-time host for today?"
"You mean: can I handle reading a few more cue cards in front of a camera?" Cole asked with bitter cynicism. "Oh, I just don't know. But . . . I guess I could give it a shot."
Tim's eyes narrowed. "Save the sarcasm. This isn't Talk Soup."
"Yeah? Well, that's probably because there's no such thing as 'Talk Soup' anymore," Cole replied with a crooked, sardonic smile.
"You're on in two." Tim began walking away.
"I better get paid extra for this," Cole called after him, than spent the remaining time before filming, getting to know Hinata who was oddly shy, but that was probably a good thing. It meant no problems similar to Choji's. Tim waved a hand over his head to capture Cole's attention for the countdown. He held up three fingers and proceeded to count backwards lowering one finger after each number until only a single, slim digit remained. He mouthed the word 'one' than pointed his forefinger in Cole's direction and mouthed the word 'go.'
Cole's practiced smile lit up. "Once again, I'd like to welcome you back to Survivor. I'm Cole McMale and this lovely girl is the next contestant I'd like to introduce you to, Hinata." He put a friendly arm around her.
Her face blushed a deep red. "H-hello."
"Word around the compound is that you've got your eye on a certain someone. Give us the exclusive. Who is it?"
"Oh. Oh my," she faltered meekly. Her face grew more flushed and in a moment, she had passed out into Cole's arms.
Cole looked between Tim and Ed than back again with his brow raised, unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Ed's mouth formed the shape of an 'O' and he raced forward to guide an unconscious Hinata to a nearby bench. "Oh kay," Cole Continued hesitantly. "Well, next up, we have Ino Yamanaka."
Ino approached in a single confident stride. "Hello," she purred, and clasped her hands behind her back.
"It looks like you're the only contestant who holds a steady job."
She pulled the microphone toward herself. "That's right! I am currently employed at my parents' flower shop. I've become quiet the florist if I do say so myself." Her smile gleamed in the sunlight.
"So, we have a food . . . consieur, a, er, future librarian and a florist. I'm afraid that due to earlier delays, our time has been cut tragically short and we need to move forward. Is there anything else you'd like our viewers to know?"
"Hm," she began, placing her forefinger on her cheek and thumb beneath her chin. "Sasuke," she said sweetly, "will be mine and you're going down, Sakura!" Her smile had turned into a grimace by the end of the sentence.
"Very well, you heard her, folks." He placed a hand on her shoulder and pointed to the briefing area. "You'll get a full explanation over there," he explained in a hushed tone.
She flashed the camera twin peace signs with her fingers than headed to the designated area.
"Mmkay, your turn, Kiba Inuzuka."
Kiba hesitantly stepped forward. This situation smelled funny, and Cole McMale was no exception. He smelled of cologne. Kiba hated people who wore cologne and cupped both hands over his nose and mouth.
Cole was taken aback, not by Kiba's movement which could have been deemed insulting, but by the small white dog that had originally been sitting on the boy's head. It had made it's way down to the neck opening of Kiba's jacket and was now also trying to block out the smell. Cole didn't know what to ask first. "You have a dog."
Kiba nodded. Taste was 90 smell and if he opened his mouth . . . He shuddered, not wanting to think about it.
Another difficult interview. Great. "Are you okay?"
He opened his mouth as little as possible when he replied: "Do the world a favor and lay off the cologne," with a cough.
Tim and Ed began laughing hysterically, only stopping so that Ed could say: "The kid speaks the truth, McMale!"
"I'm not wearing that much," Cole yelped defensively.
Kiba gave a short, sharp laugh (which he immediately regretted due to the intake of breath it required). "Yeah and Naruto graduated top of his class at the academy! . . . He didn't really. I was making a sarcastic comparison," he clarified.
"Right. Yeah, I got that." Cole took Kiba by the shoulder and gave him a firm push in the direction of the briefing area.
The small dog released an eerily low and dangerous growl.
"Don't worry Akamaru," Kiba began softly. "We'll get him later. After all, with a smell that strong, we can easily find where he sleeps."
Now Cole was worried. He looked to Tsunade - who had been overseeing things since the Choji incident - for support. She shrugged.
"Don't worry about him. He was joking. He's harmless. He won't do anything."
"Still," Cole murmured weakly.
"I'll go talk to him," she offered.
Cole gave a gracious "Thank you!" and led out to commercial. Two hosts down. One to go.
. . .
The commercial break had come and gone. Cole was still feeling edgy and apprehensive. He could only hope that he had already encountered the worst of the contestants. There was something so beastly and animalistic about Kiba that would not allow Cole to doubt his lack of inhibitions. And Cole hadn't even said anything to offend the kid! He had been the perfect host and despite it all . . . Kiba had still felt the need to issue a threat.
"Hey," Cole said weakly to the camera. "We have a few more contestants to introduce before the end of this episode. So, welcome Naruto Uzamaki."
Naruto bounded forward. "Hey, you feelin' okay, fella? You're lookin' pale."
Cole started at Naruto's abnormally loud speaking voice.
"Is it 'cause of Kiba? I can take him down for you, if you want! I've done it before."
"YOU GOT LUCKY!"
"Maybe, but I could do it again!" he shouted to Kiba. To Cole, he said: "I took down Neji too." As though this should have meant something to him. "And he was supposed to be so tough. I'm a tricky one!" Naruto grinned a grin that appeared too big for his face.
"Anything else you wanna say?" Cole asked, finally coming to in a figurative sense.
"Like what?"
"Likes, dislikes, hobbies?"
"I like ramen! And I don't like . . . not ramen! And my hobbies are . . . eating ramen!"
"Oddly enough, you're probably the most normal competitor I've met so far."
"Really! Thanks, I guess."
As Naruto trotted away, Cole proceeded with the next introduction. "Next up, we have our final female contestant. Sakura Haruno, come on out."
She was at his side in an instant. "Naruto didn't do anything embarrassing, did he?" she asked abruptly.
"No, he was actually relatively normal."
"Oh, that's good." Way to go, Naru!
"I don't know if you were listening earlier, but Ino issued a challenge of sorts. Do you have anything to say regarding this?"
You bet I have something to say! "Yeah! You're no match for me, Ino-Pig!" She stuck out her tongue.
"All right. We're down to our final three contestants. Sasuke Uchiha, you're up next. Sakura, if you could just take a seat over-"
"I'm fine here."
"Kay. Sasuke, you're looking a little frightened of the competition," Cole said with no basis in reality. All he had to do was read the cure cards, after all.
"No, I don't."
"I know." He abandoned the cards. "You aren't really showing any emotion . . . at all. . . ."
"Hn."
"So, you and Sakura go back a long ways?" Cole asked, noting the fondness in Sakura's gaze.
"Not really."
Sakura looked crestfallen.
Sasuke took notice and must have had something that resembled a soft spot for her in his heart because he added: "But I guess she's the closest thing that I have to a friend."
"Oh. You're a loner. A rebel?"
"Not really. I'm an avenger."
"Hey! Sasuke!" Naruto called and pounced into the shot as well, throwing an arm around Sasuke's shoulders. "I got introduced before you! Guess that means I'm more important!"
"They're going in alphabetical order, Naruto!" Sakura declared, sounding as though she took offense to the very idea that Naruto could possibly be superior to Sasuke in any way, shape or form.
"I take it you guys are pals," Cole stated.
"Pretty much," Naruto sang.
"More or less . . . mostly less," Sasuke confessed.
Brian made a judgment right then and there. Sasuke liked these two more than he would let on. Revealing that you had friends was revealing that you had a weakness. Sasuke wanted to seem much stronger than he was. "Unfortunately, we have another segment or two left that we need to cover. So, we should probably get moving along. The final two after this short commercial break."
Naruto still had his arm around Sasuke's shoulders and Sakura pulled him into a hug while all he did was cross his arms and roll his eyes for the final shot before the 'Head On' commercial filled viewer's screens.
. . .
"And we're back, folks, with Shikamaru Nara who, despite reportedly receiving the second lowest scores in his class, has an I.Q. of over two hundred."
"Whatever. Could we speed this up?"
Cole arched an eyebrow. "We still have a few seconds to burn. . . ."
"Man," Shika groaned, "what a drag."
"Well, you don't have to stay for the whole allotted time for this interview, I guess."
"Good." He walked out of the shot without another word.
Reading cue cards was becoming tedious especially since they weren't getting a any of the desired results. "Shino Aburame," he said in a resigned voice, waving the boy over.
Shino was the epitome of collected. He was calmest out of the entire group so far. Sasuke may have won that contest, but a few disadvantages (whose name started with an 'N') kept the figurative prize out of his reach. Shino was seemingly also the most reasonable. He didn't avoid speaking, nor did he do nothing but. He said what was necessary.
"Hey, you're our last contestant. You've gotten to see everyone in interview action. How do you feel about your standing amongst the rest of the competition?"
"I'd like to answer your question honestly, but I cannot because I don't want to be over or underestimated. I'd rather be judged by my actions than by my statement."
Cole sighed. An intelligent and intriguing answer. Finally. He seriously wanted to hug Shino in that moment. Sanity . . . possible sanity. Cole wasn't about to 'count his eggs before they hatched' as some may say. "That's, uhm, a very level headed response." He smiled a toothy grin that could be interpreted a number of ways. "Don't tell the others, but you're my favorite," he confided, sounding as though he was jesting. He wasn't joking.
Shino may have smirked, but it was hard to tell due to his high collar.
"You are all from the same town. Are there any rivalries that we should know about?"
"Well," he began coolly, "as you've seen Sakura and Ino are, but other than that we are all rather civil. With Naruto being one of the exceptions. He sees everyone as a rival, but no one pays him much attention or respect. There's more sense of competition among the slightly more experienced in our village."
Tim motioned for Cole's attention.
"Next, we're going to be introducing them to our first challenge of sorts, but before that, a word from our sponsors."
As soon as the cameras were off, Shino turned to Cole. "One question, possibly a few others if your first answer doesn't suffice."
Cole shrugged. "Shoot."
"What are you expecting to come of this?"
"The show? Hopefully some kickass ratings."
"Hm," Shino replied thoughtfully.
"What?"
"Things my not work out the way you planned." His voice was quiet and even as ever.
Is that . . . a threat?
As though he could read Cole's mind, Shino shook his head. "You better have a good prize lined up for the winner because that's the first question you'll be asked and if you don't have a good response prepared you won't be able to get much from my peers."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Five Hours Later
Cole stepped through the brush into the small opening where the cast had been instructed to assemble. The cameraman sat up from the spot where he had been lounging.
"Ready to film part two?" They had been forced to air two separate thirty-minute segments live, hours a part.
Cole nodded and took a seat on a log opposite the teenagers, waiting for his cue to begin. He didn't smile this time when the signal was given. They had already filmed the introduction that they would now show at the beginning of each episode and it featured Brian (sporting a number of bandages and a D.I.Y. paper mache cast - it wasn't intentionally humorous). "Before we continue, are there any questions?"
Naruto's hand shot into the air. Before receiving any recognition, he blurted out, "Are we really on TV!?" and flashed the camera a huge grin.
"Yeah. Anything else?"
Hinata blushed and tried to hide her face.
"Is there a prize?" Kiba wondered.
Shino shot Cole a knowing glance.
He hesitated. "Besides the glory, honor and knowledge that you're the best bleep your age?"
"That's enough for me!" Naruto declared.
"Not me," Kiba scowled.
A few others murmured in agreement.
Cole recovered. "Well, of course there's a prize! But it's a surprise."
Sasuke was the first to stand without a word.
Kiba was the first to speak. "Yeah . . . that doesn't do it for me. I'm out."
"Me too," Choji muttered.
"I'm with you guys," Shikamaru concurred. "This is turning out to be a drag."
Ino and Sakura stood up at this point as well, not wanting to have anything to do with the show if Sasuke wasn't part of it.
The four boys and majority of the girls moved to leave. Ed waved his hands and mouthed at Cole to do something frantically. "Stop them!" Ed begged desperately.
He wasn't left with much of a choice. If this group left, only one-third of those originally hired would remain. "Fine, wait."
All six of the teens simultaneously turned around. "Yes," Kiba had apparently taken it upon himself to be spokesperson of the group.
"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you, but you'll get . . . one granted wish. But, y'know, it has to be within ours or your village leader's power to actually grant."
Everyone thought it over mutedly and came to the same conclusion. The offer was good enough to make them stay. Cole chuckled a little to himself. He couldn't believe it had actually worked. The makeshift seats were once again filled.
"Good. If there are no more questions, we can begin." He paused in case anyone wanted to challenge him. No one did. "Okay. You're going to be divided into three teams to begin with."
"Do we get team names?" Naruto asked eagerly.
"You can name your team if you feel you must."
"Let's do that!"
"You can, as long as you realize that these teams are very temporary. Your teams should be familiar to you. They are the same teams you were placed in shortly after graduating from the academy."
Naruto immediately jumped up and rushed to Sakura's side. The two other groups had already been sitting together, probably habitually. They all huddled together, apparently also liking the idea of team names.
"The Ramen Ruffians!" Naruto's voice stood out amongst the rest.
"No, Naruto," Sakura half screeched. "You're such a loser!"
"Team Uzamaki?" was his second offer. That option wasn't looking likely either. "Wait! I have a better one!" he yelped before Sakura could dismiss his most recent epiphany. "How 'bout The Kiba Killers!" He finished by sticking his tongue out at Kiba who hadn't even heard him. Kiba was too absorbed in teamly matters.
A commercial break passed. "'Kay guys, here's the deal: a group of teenagers, sitting in circles, talking? It's, frankly, kind of boring. So, if you are going to have team names, you're gonna have to think of them now."
Ino stood up and pointed to the sky. "Team Ino-Shika-Cho!"
"The Best Team," Kiba grinned.
Naruto folded up his legs so that he was sitting 'Indian style.' "Team Uza-"
"Shut up, Naruto," Sakura interrupted.
Out of fear that this would go on much longer, Cole spoke. "Begin submitting your bets now," he said to the camera. "Eliminations will begin two weeks from now, at which point, we will no longer be airing on a live feed." He addressed the children than. "Best Team, Team Ino-Shika-Cho, Team Uza- Shut Up Naruto, there aren't going to be any eliminations today, but you still need to create shelters and your team will be judged by how well those shelters are built. The team with the highest quality shelter will be given a choice between three rewards. Now, go."
Kiba opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut when Shino gave him a side long glare. Cole silently thanked god for Shino's cooperation.
The three teams shot off in opposite directions at inhuman speeds.
Ten Minutes Later
"Haha, we're done," Kiba barked. "Hinata, find that Joel guy."
She didn't bother correcting her comrade. "Byakugan," she muttered, performing the corresponding hand sign. Cole was easily located. She jabbed a finger in his direction and said, "He's not far."
"I'll go get him," Kiba offered, but Shino wouldn't allow it.
"Hinata," he addressed in his routinely quiet voice, "would you mind doing the honors or should I?"
"I'll go."
"I said I would," Kiba grumbled as Hinata disappeared into the forest.
"Yes, but you haven't been the most trustworthy ally lately, and I don't want you to give Cole a hard time."
"The host? Why not?"
"He and his companions will have enough on their plate without your being difficult."
"Oh. Thanks," Kiba replied with sarcastic acid.
"Don't take that attitude with me," Shino warned. He and Kiba were allies, friends even, but Kiba's increasingly obvious disdain for any kind of authority was starting to bug Shino - no pun intended.
When Hinata returned with Cole and one of the nameless cameramen, the tension dissolved. The two men who weren't from the Leaf Village could do nothing but stare in awe at the sturdy, two story bungalow that had been constructed in a little under nine minutes.
"Oh my god," Cole mouthed. It was all that he could muster given the situation. He gestured to the home. "May I?"
"May you what?" Kiba snarled.
"Go inside? Check it out?"
The three teenagers nodded, some more graciously than others. Cole stepped over the threshold. The Best Team lived up to its name, as far as he could tell. And they didn't skimp on details or furniture.
"Trained termites and Kiba's claws," Hinata's tiny, tinkling voice explained quietly. Cole wondered if he was really that transparent or if ninja were simply able to read minds.
Simply? If that were the case, it certainly wouldn't be 'simple.'
"Bedrooms are upstairs," Kiba stated. "You can go look there too, if you want," he continued, forcing himself to sound as congenial as possible. If there was one person that he didn't want to make too angry, it was Shino.
"No, no, I'm fine," Cole replied, still confused as to how so much had been achieved in so little time. "What are you, uh, gonna do about food?"
"Shino knows a lot about plant life, but, uh," Kiba leered at Cole, "if worse comes to worst . . ." He tapped his nose. "I'm a pretty good hunter."
Cole gulped. That was a threat if he had ever heard one. Why is he so determined to harm me? It was at this moment that Cole looked at Shino and Kiba standing side by side and just by looking at them, he could see the balance of power in this group. Kiba wanted to be alpha, it was who he was, but Shino was a natural leader. If you watched them from the outside, you would have thought that Kiba was, in fact, the leader, but a closer examination would reveal the truth. Kiba was the speaker of the group, but Shino was the bellwether. Cole may have feared Kiba, but Kiba had to answer to Shino and Shino was - for some inexplicable reason - determined to make this situation as easy as possible for Cole.
Shino frowned at Kiba. "Speaking of which, go hunting," he ordered suddenly.
Apparently taken aback, Kiba glanced between Shino, Cole and the camera than back again. It wasn't like Shino to give him orders in front of the present company, or any company for that matter. "What are you doing?" he growled.
"Just do it."
He didn't want to, but he obeyed.
A few minutes passed before Cole vacated the house. Shikamaru stood a few meters away. "We're finished," he said coolly, not taking his eyes off of the accurately named "Best Team"'s house. It must have been impressive, even for a ninja's doing.
Team Ino-Shika-Cho's H.Q.
When Cole said that Team Ino-Shika-Cho's creation was "impressive," he wasn't lying, but it couldn't compare to The Best Team's. Perhaps the teams were a little uneven. Each of the teams may have been equal in strength, but when it came to necessary home construction skills, it was clear who was wanting. Ino, Shikamaru and Choji had created what resembled a cabin, a one-roomed shabby cabin.
"Are you just a village of overachievers?"
"Not a chance," Ino snorted. "I mean, did you see Naruto? He gives us all a bad name."
Naruto had been one of the friendly kids, so Cole didn't say anything to encourage or discourage Ino's beliefs.
"So, what do you think of our 'humble abode?'" she chattered.
He opened his mouth to reply only to be interrupted by Shikamaru. "Don't start bragging, Ino," he groaned. "Kiba's is two stories, not including the basement."
Ino made a face. "That's a little excessive." Clearly, she was trying to defend her team's efforts.
"Basement," Cole mouthed absentmindedly.
"No fair!" Ino stamped her foot into the ground.
"At least we have food," Choji replied.
"WE? You don't share." She flopped onto her backside, her lower lip jutting out in a pout. "This sucks." She pulled her knees up to her chin.
In an effort to lift Ino's spirit and while cursing himself for being such a pushover, Cole asked to be allowed inside Team Ino-Shika-Cho's cabin. "Well, do I get the grand tour?" he questioned modestly.
A small smile crept across Ino's angelic face, and she gave a vigorous nod.
The cabin was nice. Quaint and not in a backhanded compliment way. "This is nice," he said sincerely and smiled a crooked smile.
"Stop being so polite." Shikamaru frowned.
"Yeah. We all know Kiba's is much better. Shika assured us of that," Choji stated with a scowl.
Cole followed suit. "You know, Kiba isn't the only person on that team."
"Leader gets all the credit. Why do you think Ino and I never get noticed?"
Grimacing, Ino huffed. She muttered something inaudible under her breath.
"For the last time, Ino, no one considers you the leader of our squad!"
"Shut it, fattie!" she shot back. Her brow lowered, hooding her eyes.
Choji growled. "Take it back!" He jabbed a finger at Ino.
Cole decided to take his leave before this exchange of words morphed into an all out brawl, sliding out the door as stealthily as possible.
Team Uza- Shut up Naruto's H.Q.
No matter how often the camera guy appointed to chronicle Team Uza- Shut Up Naruto's escapades told Naruto that he was not to talk directly into the camera, unless it was the camera reserved exclusively for video diaries, it didn't seem to matter. He would always address the audience watching in their living rooms directly from the main camera assigned to him. "It's not that I don't like Sasuke. I kinda consider him the closest thing that I have to a brother."
"Please don't talk to me," the cameraman begged.
"But the fact that we aren't even related probably makes our sibling rivalry stronger and less bridled," he mused. Than laughed in his obnoxious way. "See, I've never actually had a family, and -"
Sasuke furrowed his brow.
When Sakura noticed, she scolded Naruto. "Pull your own weight, Naruto!" She tossed her shoe in his direction. It bounced off of his head and then the camera before settling on the ground.
"It's almost done anyway," he grumbled, than looked back at the camera beaming. "We're so gonna win! I mean look at this place. It's like a freakin' mansion! in the middle of the forest . . . Or wherever we are."
Squad 7's cameraman, Ronnie, got a great shot of the shelter. It was the approximate image of a Victorian era home complete with a veranda and porch swing.
Naruto stared at his team's handiwork. "It's great! No one could have possibly done better!"
"I think you may be right for once," Sakura said with a pleasant smile. Cha! We rock! "I'll go get Cole!" With that, she disappeared into the surrounding woods.
Sasuke sat down on the porch and a mischievous smile appeared on Naruto's face. "Hey, Sasuke," he rumbled in a chiding voice.
"Hn?"
"Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu."
Sasuke smirked and leapt into the air, narrowly avoiding a shuriken.
. . .
Sakura rushed through the compound, searching for Cole McMale. She picked up her pace when she heard a noise that vaguely sounded like a small explosion. That can't be good. Perhaps she moved a little too swiftly because she ended up running head on into Cole's cameraman. It took her a moment to realize what had happened after she stopped a few yards away from where the cameraman lied, sprawled limply on the ground. She had ceased movement after initial contact, but the poor defenseless man had been sent flying. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I hope the camera isn't broken. . . . Maybe I could fix it, if it is."
"Don't worry about him."
The man sat up. "Excuse me! I think I may have broken something and you're telling her not to worry!?" He frowned. "And the cameras in pieces."
"I'm training to be a medical ninja. I can help you," Sakura offered.
"Don't touch me!"
Her face fell. What a jerk. "Okay. Well." She picked up a few fragments of the camera and began reassembling it.
"What are you doing?"
She held up the camera that now looked as good as new, but not before smiling into the lens, treating the viewers, who had been staring at a screen full of static while Sakura made repairs, to a shot of Sakura's beautiful pale green eyes. "It's fixed."
He reluctantly retrieved his camera from Sakura's outstretched hands. "Gee, thanks."
She clasped her hands together and bowed over slightly before recalling her purpose. "Oh. We finished the first challenge."
"I hope you did your best."
"You expected any less?"
He shrugged. "Good luck, anyway."
Cole ignored the fact that he was supposed to be the one giving well wishes. It took them about fifteen minutes to arrive at the Victorian-esque household. As they neared, they could distinctly hear a scuffle ending in a voice shouting:
"Rasengan!"
Sakura emerged into the small meadow first and was the only one to see Sasuke smoothly dodge Naruto's Rasengan in one seemingly insignificant movement. It wouldn't have mattered except that Naruto had gained too much momentum to stop and this resulted in his careening into their hard work, effectively destroying it on impact.
Cole stepped out from behind the brush just seconds too late. "This is your 'best?'" he asked, gesturing to the pile of rubble.
"No!" Sakura was half in tears. "Naruto! What did you do!?" I'm going to throttle him! "It was perfect. I swear!"
"She's right," Naruto declared with a resolute nod. "I can prove it, too. Ronnie, show them the film of what it looked like originally."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ronnie replied soft and conniving. "You must be delusional."
"You must be evil," Naruto snarled.
Deciding that it would be in everybody's best interest to avoid a fight, Cole changed the subject. "So, food!"
Sasuke seemed to be in an even worse mood than Naruto. "What about it?"
"How're you gonna deal with that?"
"We'll manage. Why do you care?"
"Look, kid, I'm the host. It's my job to be needlessly nosey and to ask pointless questions. It's why they hired me."
"If you want to keep that nose of yours, I suggest that you keep it out of our business."
Great. Another one hates me. I'm going to die on this set.
Gathering Point - Fireside
The clearing that was the officially appointed gathering point was now lit with an orange glow, emanating from the fire, lit in the center. Cole's line of vision panned across the contestants. Naruto and Sasuke were glaring furiously at Ronnie - he didn't seem to notice; either that or he didn't care. It appeared that Sakura was pouting with her chin resting on the heels of her palms and her elbows on her knees. Seated on Sakura's left was Choji. He didn't show any emotion, content with steadily whittling away his supply of processed foods. Ino's countenance was an exact replica of Sakura's. Dismal and sad. Her pout was transparently directed at Kiba. In the meantime, Shikamaru was staring at the stars, almost enviously. It was more difficult to read Hinata. She was still as ever, but slightly more evasive than before. Kiba was probably not mentally present. His eyes were glazed over, looking at something that no one else could see in a contemplative state. Cole's eyes lingered on Shino, wishing that he would take of those glasses or at least lower his collar.
"Cole, we're on in three . . . Two . . ." Tim mouthed the word 'one.'
"We're approaching the end of the official first episode of Survivor: Location Undisclosed, but before we close, we are going to announce the team that won our first unconstrained challenge and let them choose their prize." He paused. "The entire crew took a vote and by unanimous decision, the winner is . . ."
Ino cupped her face in her hands.
"The Best Team."
The expected negative reaction from the losing teams came, but the lack of any reaction from the winners was bothersome. Hinata was the first to acknowledge their success, and her acknowledgement was a forced: "Oh my! I-I'm so happy." After a moment, she took Kiba's shoulder and shook him gently.
"Huh? What? Did you say something, Joel?"
"It's Cole, and your team won the first challenge."
A cocky smile jumped onto his face. "No big deal. I knew we would. Piece of cake. Right, Shino?"
"Yes."
"Pretty generous of you to call this a competition."
"Kiba," Shino said in a cautionary voice.
"Oh, right. Overconfidence equals destruction. Got it. So, what do we get?"
"You can choose between a full three course cooked meal - you can decide what the meal consists of, and when you'll receive it - it could be weeks from now and it will be prepared by a professional chef. You could have your new home equipped with running water. Or we could give you a lot of extra blankets and sleeping bags - I don't have to tell you how cold it gets around here at night."
"Cool. We'll take the cooked mea-"
Shino's voice cut through Kiba's. "We'll take the blankets."
