Disclaimer : I do not know Robert Pattinson or any of the real people named in this story. Its all a figment of my overactive, warped sense of humour and vivid imagination. No harm is meant. I do however know Cassie, Lisa, Kelly and Emma.
T.A.R.P.A.S. : THE ACTOR ROBERT PATTINSON APPRECIATION SOCIETY
CHAPTER ONE
IN THE BEGINNING
It was a sad day.
The first time in years, we were going to be separated by more than a week or two.
Lisa was leaving to start a new life, with a new job and new home in London.
Let me introduce myself.
Hi, I'm Cassie Andrews, 24 year old graphic designer, specialising in web design.
I live on the Isle of Wight and share a house with my three best friends.
I was lucky enough to buy this house with an inheritance left to me by my grandad.
It wasn't a vast fortune, just enough to buy the 4-bedroomed, detached property and a few bits of furniture.
I loved the house from the moment I saw it. Four great sized double bedrooms, the master with ensuite.
A large family bathroom with walk-in shower. Downstairs, open plan, kitchen, dining area and huge living area.
The main reason however, the one thing that stood out from all the other houses I had checked out, was the view.
Sat on top the highest hill in Newport. The landscape below gave a 180 degree view. From Parkhurst Forest to the left, over to the Medina river and beyond to the right.
We had the added bonus of being able to watch the last night firework display at the end of Cowes week, the Red Arrows fly over and fireworks after the Isle of Wight Music Festival, all without moving from the lounge window.
My housemates, my girls, were all old friends.
Lisa, Kelly and I had met and become firm friends in high school.
We went to college together although Kelly decided her vocation was Nursing.
Lisa had all secretarial skills down pat, shorthand, typing, audio typing but she didn't want to end up in some office.
Her ambition was to be a Personal Assistant.
She didn't care who to. Bank manager, record producer, movie star.
She wasn't fussed.
She was a born organiser.
She joined a management agency and spent most of her time travelling around the country to work.
I knew the day would come when she'd leave for good.
As usual when she rang the four of us chatted on speaker.
'I've got an interview tomorrow for a permanent position.' She said, when she called with her daily update.
'That's great Lis. Who, where, what, why and when?'
'Well the who? I'm not sure. I'm being interviewed by someone's management, so I don't know who it is. Where? Here in London, the Marriott Hotel no less. Why? PA to some big wig, it's what I want. When? Not sure.'
'Bit obscure Lis.' I said bewildered.
'I know babe but I can tell you more tomorrow.'
'Well good luck then.'
'Maybe its our guy?' Kelly laughed.
We sighed.
'Oh joy.' Lisa chuckled.
The fourth member of our gang, Emma, primary school teacher extraordinaire laughed.
'You know if is our guy. We'll all be moving to London, as personal assistants, to his personal assistant.'
We laughed.
I had a vision of the four of us, dressed in business suits. Carrying clip boards, following our guy around everywhere.
Anyway, I digress.
That was three weeks ago. Lisa got her job as PA to Graham Norton, comedian and chat show host.
Not our guy but them's the breaks.
Today she was leaving.
We all drove with her to the ferry. Kelly in Lisa's car and Emma in mine.
Lisa parked up ready to drive onto the ferry, while I parked in the waiting zone.
We had half an hour before she left, so we all wandered into the Wheatsheaf Inn, in Yarmouth for a farewell cola.
Em the big softy started crying.
'Hey none of that. You'll still see me when I visit and once I get settled, you can come and stay with me.'
Emma may have started it but pretty soon we were all bawling our eyes out.
'The four musketeers become three.' Kelly sniffed.
'All for one and one's gone south.' I grimaced.
We hugged one last hug before Lisa had to leave, to begin her glamorous new life.
As we watched the ferry pull away, Lisa on the top deck waving madly, wiping her tears.
We felt a great sense of loss.
Just the three of us but for how long?
Emma had been seeing a dishy sports teacher from the local high school for a while and it looked like it might be getting quite serious.
'Come on you two. Let's get home and break out the wine.' I suggested, when I was driving us home.
So, two bottles of Zinfandel later, we were, well merry, not quite paralytic but definitely getting there.
We'd been checking out the latest gossip on our guy.
'He's going to be at the première in London.' Emma sighed as we Googled our favourite web sites.
'And Lisa's in London.' Kelly whimpered.
'You know most of these websites are boring. I bet we could do a better job.' I announced, 'we'll start our own blog.'
We were fans. Obviously, we knew our subject. Oh okay, we knew our subject well.
We could actually say we'd met him, briefly, about 2 minutes worth but we'd met him never the less.
We were lucky enough to walk into our favourite pub to celebrate New Years and there he was in all his scruff jaw, beanie hat, black Nikes glory. Robert Pattinson, our guy.
The bonus that night, seeing the rest of the Brit pack and Kristen Stewart.
The downside, seeing our guy kiss KStew at midnight. Oh well, c'est la vie.
'Right then. What do we name this fabulous new blog?' I asked.
A few names were thrown into the pot, most of which had already been taken.
'We have to have a gimmick. Something the other sites don't have.' Kelly suggested.
'What if we ban the words Twilight and Edward Cullen. He's not our favourite character anyway.' Emma laughed.
It was true.
None of us could be called Twifans.
We were just Robert Pattinson fans.
Yes, Twilight got him where he was now, but I'm pretty damn sure after his performances in The Haunted Airman, How To Be and the Harry Potter's Cedric Diggory role. It wouldn't have been long before he was snapped up by Hollywood.
'What about a devoted to Rob the Actor site?' I said, an idea already formulating.
'That's a great idea Cass but there are loads of RP sites already.' Kelly groaned.
'Okay what about this?' I had my writing pad and pen already jotting down ideas as we chatted.
'TARPAS.' I announced triumphantly.
'Huh?' My girls asked in unison.
'The Actor Robert Pattinson Appreciation Society.' I proclaimed, 'TARPAS,' I giggled.
'That's fucking brilliant Cass.' Kelly giggled.
'Phenomenal.' Emma grinned.
'Rule No.1. No mentioning the T word.' Kelly laughed.
'Rule No2. No usage of E.C…Ever.' Emma chuckled.
'Only when BD comes out and only then to discuss his performance.'
After all BD was going to be worth the wait, wasn't it?
It took about an hour to set up our blog.
We introduced ourselves using pseudonyms. Told a little about our lives. Not giving away too much information. Set up a post where people could join us and post legitimate pictures, not papz, no E.C. or T.
We also set up a new members area, to post Rob fan fiction.
We all loved fanfic's as long as they were about our guy and in no way related to T. We were set, we logged in.
Within 10 minutes we'd had over 100 hits.
We couldn't believe it, there were other fans out there who agreed with the T and E.C. ban.
Some loved his performance as Tyler in Remember Me. Others commented on Bad Mother's Handbook or Potter.
Some couldn't wait for Water For Elephants and talked about the trailers and how exciting that he was coming to London.
I myself and a few others were looking forward to Bel Ami.
I have to say. Butt crack Rob kind of appealed to me.
After an hour we'd had over 300 hits and 104 sign ups.
Our blog was definitely up and running.
Emma and Kelly had an early morning so they went off to bed.
I had a late morning appointment.
The owner of a new pub restaurant in Sandown wanted me to design a web site for him, so I would need to take my digital camera and Dictaphone, to take pics and make notes.
I was about to switch off my lap top when a new member caught my eye, especially the comment.
'It's ridiculous banning the words Twilight and Edward fucking Cullen. That's what made him famous. That's who he's always going to known as. He's crap as anything else.'
Oh boy! Get off our blog you unbeliever. There's no place here for you arsehole.
That's what I should have posted back, instead I wrote.
'You're obviously a very young fan who only see's Robert as E.C. He's far more than that. He's an intelligent, excellent actor. Who characterizes any role into his own. Negative comments about him will not be tolerated. Find another blog dedicated only to T movies and if you really are a male, Thomas Dupea. Might I suggest you find a nice gay T site.' I signed off, TARPAS site owner.
I waited a few minutes to see if the jerk had the nerve to reply, sure enough, there it was.
TARPAS site owner. I am male and most definitely not in need of a gay fan site. I am merely of the opinion that without Twilight or Edward Cullen this actor, would actually have been a no-body, possibly a total bum. My opinion only. Am I not allowed an opinion? I thought this was a free country. My mistake it seems. Regards Thomas Dupea.
He did not just say that. I read it again. Yes he fucking did.
My blood was boiling.
Play nice Cassie, he maybe web police.
Not a joke, there were people out there who surfed the web looking for derogatory statements or slanderous comments in order to shut a site down.
I replied.
Thomas Dupea. You are allowed an opinion but as this site is dedicated, in my opinion to a fine actor and as I own this site I have rules. Numbers 1 and 2 being no mention of the T word or E.C. words. If you cannot comprehend that these words are banned, then you should not be on this site. As for Mr Pattinson being a no-body. I would imagine he would be extremely grateful if that were so, it would make his life a lot less complicated. As for him being a bum? Personally, I think he looks especially sexy as a bearded, scruffy bum. My opinion you understand. He looks nice dressed up but best as Hobo Rob. No regards. TARPAS site owner.
Ha, take that dickwad!
Dear TARPAS site owner. Do you have Skype? I should like to see the face of the person who is reprimanding me so vehemently. Best regards. Thomas Dupea.
Oh this just gets better and better.
Thomas Dupea. Yes I have Skype but no I won't allow you to view me. The whole point of this web site is for genuine Robert Pattinson fans to discuss his acting abilities, his roles, his characters, end of. If you can't accept that then you have no business here. Hopefully you'll take this as a refusal to become a member and ….FUCK OFF! Sorry my verbalisation filter and digits have a mind of their own. TARPAS site owner.
Dear TARPAS site owner. I haven't laughed so much in an age. You are a joy. I will no longer mention T or E.C. I will abide by your rules. Can I please join your club? Ha Ha. I've decided to let you view me, don't block it. 10 seconds only okay? Thomas Dupea
My Skype view box popped up on screen.
Holy shit.
My finger hovered over yes or no.
I was tempted to view the arsehole that had given me so much hassle.
On the other hand.
If it was really a little girly T fan, I might lose my rag.
To hell with it.
I pressed yes for view.
Well it was definitely a man.
A very familiar man, his hand running through his hair, a frown on his face.
'Hi.' He said, then the screen went blank.
I sat open mouthed, still staring at the blankness.
'Holy fucking shit!' I whispered. 'Thomas Dupea is Robert Pattinson.'
